A/N- I would like to apologise for the short delay in getting this written up. I have a new job which is 5 days a week, and so it takes up a lot of my free time and I was ill. I had been half deaf for a few days – it's a really weird feeling. Enough babbling, let's get on with the show…

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS like a bitch I would know
And you always think, always speak cryptically
I should know that you're no good for me.

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no.

Hot and Cold – Katy Perry.

Bella.

"…That has to be handed in by Thursday's lesson. No exceptions." Mr Banner nodded towards the class and sauntered back to the seat behind his desk. Today, a number of students hadn't managed to hand in their homework because their 'dog ate it' or they 'left it on the kitchen table' or they 'thought it was for tomorrow'. So when he says 'no exceptions', he means it. I wonder how he'll take my news…

"Er… Mr… Mr. Banner?" I elevate my hand slowly in the air. Lowering my head and biting my lip. He notices my question and allows me to speak. "I have a scan on Thursday so I won't be here for the lesson…" The whispering coming from my fellow pupils starts almost immediately. I just make out someone telling their partner that I'm using that just as an excuse so I don't have to do the homework set.

"In that case Miss. Swan, you can hand it in before you leave. But I don't want this to happen again." I nod my head, silently thanking him for his cooperation. But inside I'm thinking 'my due date is in three weeks; I won't be having another one.'

Oh, my goodness. Three weeks and I still have so much to do! Including picking out the baby's name. Edward hinted slightly a while back that he wants to take part in that process, but he hasn't mentioned anything else about it recently. He has been really getting on my nerves recently. I mean, like, no offence to him or anything, but I would invite him to a scan and he would make up some excuse as to why he can't go. But then he would hear from Alice that we were picking out cribs and he would get all pissed at me for not informing him.

And it is because of this reason that I didn't inform Edward about my scan on Thursday. And why he cornered me at the end of the school day – scaring the crap out of me if I must say.

"When were you going to tell me about your scan?"

"How… how did you know?"

"I over-heard someone mentioning it just…" Edward sighed angrily, running his hands roughly through his hair. "…that's not the point! The point is that I know and you never wished on telling me!"

"Because whenever I have you never turn up! Why bother when I know what the answer will be."

"I could have been genuinely busy on those days."

"Oh come on, Edward – don't pull that one on me. 'I don't have any petrol; I can't drive anywhere' – that has got to be the lamest excuse I have ever heard. You said that you were going to change and would be there for me and this baby, but so far, you have done nothing to prove that. You want to know why I didn't say anything to you. Personally, I don't want you there. Why should you get the privilege in seeing your unborn child, so close to being fully developed, when you don't seem to care? Thousands of parents have longed to be at this stage in pregnancy, but haven't made it. You don't deserve to be where they wish to be. Not if you act like this."

My words had rendered Edward speechless. At least he paid attention to what I said.

"Bella! Come on! Let's go!" Alice screamed from where Jasper's car had been parked.

Edward still hadn't muttered a word. Irritated and wanting to just get out of here, I began to walk away, but a hand grabbed onto my wrist.

"Please Bella… just… listen to what I have to say…"

A car horn started breaking through the noise. Alice is getting agitated. "Edward, I have to go. But let me say this one thing. If you want to prove me wrong and act as caring and wonderful as I know you can be, then come to the Baby Shower on Saturday. Alice is holding it – it's at your house so you don't need petrol. And it is an event the father should attend. Please, do that one thing for me."

"Okay – I'll be there. And I'm sorry that I've been acting like a prick – I didn't mean to. If you find out anything at the scan, will you text me?"

I couldn't help but smile "Yeah, of course I will. I've got to go before Alice turns all 'banshee' on us, but I'll see you later?"

"See you later." We shared a rather awkward hug on departure, but it was nice.

From across the lot, a shrill voice shouted: "you're going to go into early labour sucking face like that!"

Alice has been watching 'Juno' far too often.

Saturday

Edward.

I've never been good with words.

I've never been good with English full stop.

And so I could describe this day as shit – in as many words as possible – I used my best friend; the online thesaurus. Here are the results.

So, today my day has been: crap, defecation, discharge, dung, excrement, excretion, faecal matter, faeces, feculence, flux, manure, number two, stool and waste. Or – if I were to use the definition - today, my day has been an expulsion of faeces.

Oh, you want to know why? Let's start off with Bella's appointment thing the other day. I know I've been acting like a dick recently, and to be honest, I didn't want to go to the scan to see an x-ray viewing of a baby. A baby who is mine, but I don't feel deserving of it. I don't know if Bella's doctors know if I'm in the picture or not or whether they have been asking about me, but they probably don't approve of my actions either. I don't know anyone who has taken my side through all of this. My family are all rooting for Bella and running towards her slightest needs if it concerns the child. Emmett can't wait to be an uncle – he was the one person who I would have thought would join me in not wanting much to do with it, but no. And Alice, well, we all know how she feels.

I'm trying my best here. It's not easy to become a father in a few short months. Which is another reason why my day has been so utterly shit: I can't seem to make up my mind. One minute I'll be annoyed that I wasn't at the appointment and thinking things like: 'what if this is the only child you have and you didn't take part in anything'. But then a mini devil version of me would pop onto my shoulder and fight back, saying: 'she kept you in the fucking dark for months. You've missed most of it anyway. Why bother now?'

Then Bella is getting all up in my shit, demanding for us to sit down and think of baby names. It's not as easy as you think, you know. This child is going to be stuck with their name for the rest of their life (unless they have it legally changed, but that just shows what a shit choice it had been in the first place.) We have to make sure to pick a good name that we won't regret in the future. Like that actress women who named her daughter Apple. The fuck? When that poor child gets married, the Vicar guy will be like 'Will you, Apple Banana Pear Paltrow' – or whatever the fuck her name is. Gwyneth Paltrow has even said she doesn't like the name now. Tough luck.

So, that can't be us either. We have to pick a decent name that suits the child for the rest of its life. It has to be kind of… up to date. I don't hate my name, but it's pretty old fashioned – even when I was born, you don't hear a lot of 'Edward's nowadays. And 'Emmett' is even more uncommon. I would want our child's name to be unique, but not old fashioned either. Like, you wouldn't really call a girl Marjorie in this day and age – no offence to anyone with that name though.

Name choosing isn't a simple pick-the-name-out-of-a-hat decision.

It has to suit the surname as well.

That reminds me. Will the kid's surname be Cullen or Swan? It's odd, I think, deep down, I know that I would feel sad that they would be a Swan – almost like I was just a sperm donor and nothing else. But I have to put everything into consideration. What have I done to deserve my surname being taken down a generation? Yes, I'm the father and nothing is ever going to change that, but Bella is the mother and she has been outstanding through the whole thing. It's only fair that we choose her surname.

I still want Bella to think it through, so I grab my phone from beside me and start typing the first text I've ever sent her.

will the kid be a cullen or swan

Alice despises the way I text. She goes at me saying how I never use punctuation or capitals. But who gives a shit? It's only a text.

I half expected Bella to moan at me too – being the English geek and all – but it didn't seem like she cared.

Hello. That is something we will have to really think about. I don't want them to take your name and then you never make an appearance – admit it, Edward, it could happen. Are you thinking of names now?

I hate receiving really long text messages, 'cause I feel like I have to reply with the same length. But for those who text me often, they know I never go over two lines. Or add them shitty animation things. Or kisses – they're just for sappy kiss-asses.

cool. yeh. not got anything though.

As long as the receiver understands what I'm saying, why should it be grammatically correct?

Ok, we can talk about it later :) you are coming to the Baby Shower later, yeah?

Fuck sake, had I not answered that already?

I said I was didn't I

Yes, but we all know your track record ;) I'm really happy you are; you don't know how much this means to me. Thanks.

nb. meeting jasper at 8 will it be over by then

I didn't mean to piss her off, but her reply shows that I had.

Seriously? It starts at 7:30. If you're only going to stay for 30mins don't even bother coming.

k.

My whole house had been taken over with this Baby Shower shite. Alice had been up since seven this morning baking cookies and buns as well as decorating the place, yet she still ran on as much energy as everyone else. I gradually walked down the stairs and she zoomed past me like a fire cracker.

"I NEED PRINTER INK!" She screamed over and over as she ran from room to room. Emmett and Rosalie – who has joined us for the weekend – were sitting in the kitchen watching Alice sweep through the place, checking every available cupboard and drawer for printer ink.

Emmett picked up the crust of his sandwich and threw it at Alice's head. It did the job – she stopped running for a second. "Calm the fuck down, Al'." He rolled his eyes stole one of Rosalie's chips.

"Excuse me, Emmett, but I need printer ink! Oh!" Before we even knew what was happening, she grabbed the phone off its cradle and imputed a number quicker than I thought possible. "Mum? Hey, where are you right now? Yay! Can you get me some black printer ink please? It's for a game for later. Thank you!"

"Can you relax now?" I asked.

Alice shot me a look that screamed 'are you insane?' "Of course I can't, Edward! I still have so much to do and it starts in two hours. Gah! Why did you have to get her pregnant, then I wouldn't be in so much stress!"

I'm starting to think the same thing myself. "But, then you wouldn't be an auntie in a few weeks…"

"Okay fine! Maybe you did put your dick to some sort of use." Alice ran from the room then, we thought we were free from her rampage, but spoke too soon. She soon returned with a large cardboard box in hands. She threw it up onto one of the counters and pulled out a flimsy packet and threw it towards me. "Blow." She ordered.

"*cough* that's what he said *cough*"

Alice whipped her head round and narrowed her eyes towards Emmett who was trying his best to bite back the smirk running across his lips. "You are so immature."

I took a glance at the balloons in my hand and read the writing printed on each. "Alice? Why do these say 'It's A Girl', when we don't know the sex?"

She shoved her tiny hand into the box, rummaged around for a second, then brought out a packet identical to the one in my hand. "I have 'It's A Boy' ones too; the shop ran out of baby shower ones."

Within twenty minutes or so, I had all the balloons blown up and bouncing softly on the living room carpet. Alice allowed me to leave once I had strung up some bunting – she couldn't reach the ceiling…

I took this spare time to have a smoke (I'm desperate.) I noticed my phone flashing with a notification, but I waited to light up before checking. I had two missed calls and two text messages all from Bella. Jesus, someone was eager.

What does 'k' mean? Okay you're going to see Jasper or okay you're going to join us?

And the other read:

Ring me back when you get the message please. I need to talk to you.

Thank fuck I have some nicotine with me. I will need it for my call with Bella. Especially if she is as pissed as she sounds.

I must have been waiting for at least ten seconds before she answered. Ha! She said "Hello?" when answering. Ha! With my name on the screen, who else would it be? Ha!... ha-ha-ha!

"You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes. I want to know what you're up to."

I inhaled, waited a second, and then blew out slowly. "Right now, I'm having a smoke on my balcony. What are you up to? Or do I not want to know? You dirty thing."

"Urgh, you're disgusting. I mean, I want to know if you're going or staying for the party."

"Haven't decided yet."

My cigarette is coming to an end. I stubbed it out on the side then flicked it over the edge.

"Right, well this if your last chance – if you don't turn up, game over. I can't cope with you letting me down all the time. If you don't turn up this evening, there is no doubt over whose surname the baby takes, I will decide their name and you can piss off and do your own thing like you wanted to."

"The hell? You're fucking with me, right?"

"No – I am being deadly serious."

"So you're giving me this shitty ultimatum – come to some party or never see my child? Pretty steep is it not?"

"No, Edward, it is not. You can let me down – I don't care and you have many a time before – but I am not allowing you to let this baby down. When he or she is older, and make plans to see you, I can't even think about the pain they will feel when you don't turn up. And I cannot risk that."

Shit. That puts things into perspective.

Again, I'm thinking positives and negatives.

"But you said yourself that you can't stop me from seeing them."

"Yes, but they will be in my care, and lawfully it will be my decision whether I allow you access or not. And after all the let downs these past few months, I will have more rights than you."

Now, I am only thinking negatives.

I am mad. Very mad.

"Well you know what, Bella? Maybe if you hadn't kept your fucking mouth shut, and told me about that fucking baby at the beginning, I wouldn't have been so dismissive!"

She can try and pull this shit on me. But I'm not weak – she can't break me.

We were both quiet for a while; Bella's voice – small and feeble – broke the silence. "Well my words still stand. It's up to you what you decide." She then hung up before allowing me to mutter a syllable.

Shit. And now I just feel awful from how hurt she sounded.

What is going on with me?

I just don't understand.

xxx

Bella arrived with Charlie just after quarter past seven. I had heard that Charlie didn't really want to come along, but Alice had forced him, saying that all grandparents have to attend if they can – adding that last bit in because of Bella's mother. He seemed to ease up a little bit when Carlisle started a conversation and the two got lost in whatever it was they were talking about.

No-one had come up to start a conversation with me. Especially not Bella – she hung around Alice like a bad smell. I grabbed a seat in the living room and stared glumly at the various balloons and colourful banners that decorated the place. Emmett and Rose soon joined me but they had their own conversation and never asked me on my view of the topic.

As more people arrived, the table behind the sofa I am now sitting on, slowly began to fill with parcels all different shapes and sizes. I wonder whether they wrote 'to Bella' on the gift card, or 'to Bella and Edward'.

xxx

"Okay everybody," Alice announced, clapping her hands excitedly. "It's time for the first game!"

Aah sweet merciful Jesus. Please, no games.

"We're all going to get into groups of two and each group shall receive a magazine, some card, scissors and some glue. In your pair you have to choose pictures from the magazine to make a picture of what you think the baby will look like. You will have five minutes, and after those five minutes, Bella and Edward will decide on the winner!"

Alice tip-toed around the pairs, dropping off the materials needed and then joined her partner on the floor. "Ready? Go!"

I sat back in my seat and watched in amusement. Rosalie seemed to have taken over the role of cutting out the pictures – you don't trust Emmett with anything sharp. She elbowed him out the way a few times, but couldn't stop laughing at the things he said and pointed at. Bella had snatched the empty seat beside me and kept an eye on the timer as well as the group before us.

"Are you staying till the end?" She whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

"Yeah. I told Jasper I wasn't going to meet up with him."

It must have been at least thirty seconds to a minute before she replied.

"Thank you. Is it because of what I said earlier?"

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "I dunno. I guess it was partly that. But my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place today, so I probably would have stayed anyway."

"Thank you, it means a lot. And I'm sorry for making you angry earlier – I didn't mean to."

"Bella, I was being a dick; which I am very sorry for. Shall we just forget it happened and enjoy the evening?"

When she smiled at my words, I realised something.

I like it when she smiles.

I'll have to make her smile again soon.

xxx

The winners of that game had been Jessica and Angela – they had actually chosen decent pictures to represent my baby. I couldn't say that for Emmett and Rosalie though, they picked Justin Bieber's head – that is an automatic fail in my eyes.

Alice allowed us to grab a refill of drinks then went straight back into the entertaining. This time, she handed the pairs a piece of paper which had been split into tree columns. One said 'Attributes', one said 'Mummy' and the other said 'Daddy'. Bellow 'Attributes' there were nine rows all with a different heading. These words were:

Eyes

Ears

Nose

Legs

Hair

Smile

Intelligence

Humour

Other

They had to put a cross under whose attributes they would want the baby to inherit.

I knew Emmett would ridicule me, which he did, not seconds after he heard the instructions. "Intelligence won't be hard to decide – Edward is thicker than a tree trunk." As well as: "Hair? Well unless you want the kid to be ginger, you should go for Bella."

My hair is not ginger! It is bronze. There is a difference I have you know.

The average results looked like this.

Mummy – Ears, nose, legs, intelligence.

Daddy – Eyes, hair, smile, humour.

Nobody seemed to put 'other' done for anything – because we didn't have a clue what that meant.

The games went on for nearly an hour, and I must admit, I was really enjoying myself. The last game had to be my ultimate favourite. Everyone had a piece of paper; on it were thirteen lines from a well-known nursery rhyme with some key words missing from each. All you had to do was fill in the blanks. The room erupted into laughter as Emmett's was read out.

1, Mary had a little lamb, its SHIT was white as snow.

2, Baa, baa, black sheep have you any WEED.

3, Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub, how do you think they SUCKED EACH OTHER OFF.

4, Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake MAKE ME SOME FOOD.

5, Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner, eating his GIRLFRIEND'S pie.

6, Peter Piper picked a peck of MASSIVE TITS.

7, One, two, buckle my shoe, three four AAH SHIT WHO'S at the door.

8, Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater, had a wife but couldn't BEAT her.

9, Old Mother Hubbard went to the STRIP CLUB.

10, There was an old lady who lived in a CONDOM.

11, Jack Sprat could eat not fat, his wife could eat no LAAARD.

12, Hey diddle, diddle, the WILLY and the fiddle.

13, Rock-a-bye baby, on the JERRY SPRINGER SHOW. SORRY MATE, YOUR PARENTS ARE CRACK-HEADS.

xxx

As the party came to an end, we opened the presents and thanked everyone for their generosity and for taking part in the event. We received some lovely things from them all. Including: some unisex onesies, socks, hats, diapers, bottles and bottle brushes, a baby bouncer, and a t-shirt from Emmett which read "Sorry, I can't change my father." I think he meant it as a joke… but you never can be too sure.

Before Charlie could whisk her away, Bella came over to talk to me.

"I… I was wondering when you wanted to discuss names."

This Baby Shower had won me over – I am now quite excited for the baby to be born.

"I could… er… come over tomorrow? Say, one o'clock?"

For the second time that evening, I had said something which made Bella smile.

"Brilliant. I'll see you then."

We exchanged another semi-awkward hug and parted ways.

I just hope I'm not going to change emotions again.

I like how I feel right now.

Like I finally belong in this tiny family we have started.

xxx

A/N—Rosie is going to go and die now. Writing that last bit at 2am is not a smart idea.

I cannot tell you how excited I am for the next couple chapters. So I really hope I have the time to write them soon.

I hoped you liked that and laughed at some parts.

Review?

RosieRathbone

xx