A/N: Ok, yes I am alive, and yes, I am feeling incredibly guilty about how long I have been AWOL for (espeically given the way that I ended the last chapter). Things were crazy at the end of the school year- even more so than normal. Which meant that I had to wait until after school finished to get organised for Christmas and then after Christmas I went away. When I got back I really struggled to get writing, having been away from the story for some time. I didn't want to just churn out some crap (well, something crappier than my normal writing) for the sake of updating, so I had to wait until some inspiration hit. I know that this does not excuse the absence, and I am truly, truly sorry for keeping you waiting.
On the note of the last chapter, I want to thank everybody for their support. I was so nervous posting, given the direction I had decided to take the story in, knowing that you would not be impressed, but your reviews, as usual, gave me the warm and fuzzies. Thank you- I do not deserve you and I certainly hope that I have not lost you after this long delay. On the note of the direction of the story, I will state again that there is still a lot of story to tell, so don't abandon us just yet.
In respsone to some of the reviews- no, I do not hate Jacob. Orignally when this story was just a little thought bubble in my head, I had planned on Jake imprinting, but then I really liked the idea of the Leah twist. But, I will say again- whole lotta story to tell :)
ItsCuzOfTheFame: I do like your theory about the surnames that Edward chose for Jake and Leah, but they actually came from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are Buffy and Faith's surnames, and it was Edward's little in joke about slayer's and werewolves killing vampires etc. My little Joss Whedon nerd brain thought it funny.
Ok, enough from me. Onto Masking the Void...
Music: River- Kate Miller- Heidke, Creep- Radiohead, Hyperballad- Whitley, Breathe Me- Sia
Leah zipped her bag shut and then placed it back in her wardrobe. The last thing she wanted was for Sue to come home early and see the luggage sitting on her bed. That would raise some questions Leah did not want to be answering.
Unsure of what to do with herself, Leah wandered out of her bedroom. She was completely organised, ready to go, but there was still hours until she and Jacob would be leaving. She knew all too well that those hours would be longest of her life and desperately needed a distraction. Unfortunately her stomach was a bundle of nerves which cancelled out eating something. She didn't think that she could be able to concentrate on a book. There was no way that she could sit through a movie. Housework, maybe? She could help her mother out before she left. She was sure that she had seen a pile of washing ready to be hung out on the washing line. Yup, she would do that and...
Leah's thoughts trailed off as she heard a knock on the front door. Glancing at her watch, she deduced that it was probably the plumber. She smiled, figuring that he would be as good a distraction as any, and made her way to the door.
"Hi," she said as she flung the door open. "Come in..."
The man standing on the other side of the door had been glancing down at the mobile in his hand. As Leah spoke, he looked up and met her eyes. Leah's stomach clenched as she felt a glowing heat spread slowly through her limbs. For a moment she felt as if her whole being had come apart, broken in a tiny million pieces. Everything that made her up as a person was disappearing. But then the world started to right itself. She felt herself connecting again, but differently. She was being put back together, but there was something extra. A link, a need, a want...and it drew her straight to the man standing in front of her.
The man who was not Jacob.
"Uh...ahem..." he cleared his throat, holding out a hand towards Leah. "I'm Doyle." He trailed off as the expression on his face transformed in a matter of seconds. No longer was he wearing the welcoming smile of a tradesperson, he was staring at Leah as if she were all his Christmases come at once.
Leah took a step back, one of her hands shaking at her chest as she fought the urge to grasp his hand. She couldn't, even though she wanted to feel his skin on hers desperately. But, somehow, she knew that the moment she touched him, there would be no turning back. She would have no choices.
'You are thinking as if you might actually have a choice...' she told herself. 'And you don't. It's done. You are over.'
Leah squeezed her eyes shut, feeling her chest constrict. Her body wanted so much for her to touch him. But she couldn't. She did not want to give in so easily. Her stomach was churning with the knowledge of what had just happened. To her, of all people.
"Uh..." Doyle cleared his throat. "Is everything ok? Have I got the right house?"
Leah gave a short nod. "This is the right place."
"Well..." he made to move forward and she automatically took a step back. "Could I come in then? You know, to fix the problem?"
"The kitchen is this way," Leah replied shortly. She didn't want to get into any sort of conversation with this man. In any way that she could fight this, she would. She glanced back briefly as she led him down the hallway and regretted it instantly. The second her eyes fell on him she felt an urgent pull from deep within.
'Just fall,' it told her. 'Just give in and let it happen. You will be happy. Your life will be content. Your worries will be minimal. He will spend the rest of his days making you feel complete. Just let yourself fall.'
But at what cost? Her trusty voice of reason was still able to break through. Was still able to make itself heard, loud and clear.
Leah stopped in the kitchen. "Here," she said. "Did mum tell you what the problem was?"
Doyle nodded, his gaze never breaking from hers. Leah recognised the look and swallowed hard. She had seen it several times before. In Quil's eyes, in Embry's, Seth's and Sam's. In Clare's, Kim's and Emily's. At one point all she had wanted was to have somebody who looked at her that way. But now that it was happening, she could not stand it.
'Because he has no control over what is happening...and you already found someone who made the decision to look at you that way...'
Leah felt the ground shift underneath her. Oh god. Jacob. She glanced up. Doyle's eyes were boring into hers and she knew that she had to get out of there.
"Um, well, I just remembered that I had something really important to do," Leah stammered, stepping towards the back door. "You should be fine- my mum won't be long. If there are any major concerns, the next door neighbour will be able to help." She gripped the door handle and swung it open.
"Wait," Doyle stepped forward. "I didn't catch your name."
Leah looked at him for a few moments, before turning and sprinting out the door.
XXXXX
Leah ran, as fast as she could in human form, hoping that she could out sprint everything. Hoping that when she finally stopped everything would be as it had been that morning. Hoping that Doyle would be nothing more than a distant memory and she could start her new life with Jacob.
But when she slowed down at the edge of the water at La Push, it was all still there. The urge to turn around and run right back to the stranger in her house. Deep down she knew that he would make her happy, that she would be loved for the rest of her life.
"No!" she yelled out at the waves, shaking her head violently. She did not need to be thinking about that. She had Jacob. He was all she needed. He made her happy. He made her feel complete. He loved her and that was all that mattered, right?
"I fought it, you know. For several weeks."
Sam's deep voice seeped through her memories and she blanched, remembering everything about that conversation.
"I had loved you and in some way I still did...like a sister, almost. I knew that it would hurt you and so I tried to ignore it. I couldn't bear the thought that I would hurt you...I didn't want to be that person."
No. That may have been the case for him, but it wasn't going to be like that for her. She was supposed to be different, being the fucking female wolf and all. This wasn't supposed to happen to her. Hell, she didn't even want it happening to her, unlike most of the pack.
She had been fighting everything and everyone for so long now. Surely she could fight this as well. She had to be able to, right? The thought of living without Jacob made her feel sick. All the plans that they had made, the lives that they wanted to live- she could not just give up on those, could she?
She had to fight. And she would beat it. Because if she didn't...
She would do to Jacob what Sam had done to her. There was no way she could lead a happy and complete life if she had to witness the results of her selfishness. This whole situation was not just about her- he was a part of her now and she would make damn sure that it would stay that way.
Whirling around, Leah ran. Not in the direction of Doyle, but in the direction of Jacob's house. She would see him and love him and prove to herself once and for all that this imprinting had not really happened. She would fight it until she won.
She picked up the speed, ignoring the lingering voices in her head.
"But in the end you couldn't fight anymore," Leah said.
Sam nodded slowly. "I was lying to you and I was lying to myself. It wasn't right."
XXXXX
Jacob closed the zip on his bag, unable to keep the smile off his face. Everything was packed up and ready to go. In a few short hours he and Leah would be on their way to the airport, leaving all the shit on the reservation behind.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, glancing around the room. It would be strange to leave everything behind, but it was right. Even given the speed with which he and Leah's decision to leave had been made, he knew that it would be the most important decision if his life. They would be awesome together and he could not wait to see what paths were laid out in front of them.
The shrill ring of the telephone broke into his thoughts, forcing him up and out of his bedroom.
"Hello," he said brusquely, hoping that whoever it was was not in the mood for a long conversation.
"Jake?" Billy's voice sounded tinny through the line.
"Hey dad."
"Just wanted to let you know that I'm staying at Charlie's for dinner tonight again. Probably won't be back until late."
"Ok. See you then..." Jacob trailed off, as he realised that he would not be seeing father then- he would be long gone at that time. In fact, this would probably be the last time he would speak to his father in a long time.
"You ok, Jake?" Billy asked.
"Um, yeah. I'm fine," he replied. "Just zoned out for a moment."
"Right," Billy chuckled. "Well, it's good to know that I can keep you focused for at least a minute. Now, I'll see you later tonight, ok?"
"Yeah," Jacob murmured. "Goodbye dad."
There was a pause on Billy's end before he replied. "See ya, Jake."
Jacob heard the click indicating that his father had hung up. He went to do the same thing when he heard a loud thud coming from his bedroom. He turned and ran in that direction, leaving the phone hanging by its own cord.
XXXXX
As Leah hoisted herself through Jacob's window, her foot caught on the sill and she fell straight to the floor with a loud thud. With a groan she pulled herself up into a sitting position just as Jacob appeared in his doorway.
He stopped short. "Leah?"
She stood up. "Yup. Were you expecting anyone else?"
He shook his head slowly. "What are you doing here? Is there something wrong?"
Leah hesitated before answering. If he only knew. But instead, she gave him the answer that he wanted to hear. "No," she said quietly, taking a step towards him. "I just wanted to see you."
Jacob's eyebrows rose slightly. "Well, I hate to break it to you, Leah, but you are going to be seeing me a hell of lot in a few short hours," he replied with a grin.
His joyous expression almost broke Leah. And that was why she was going to fight this and win. Because there was no way in hell that she would be the reason behind that look being ripped from his face.
"I know," she murmured, standing so that their bodies were flush. "But I just needed you..." she leaned up and pressed her lips into his. "Things will be crazy for a while and I just wanted you- here," she gestured around the room. "Who knows when we will be able to come back? I just want to make one more memory before we go."
With that, Leah threw her arms around Jacob's neck and kissed him with all that she had. She could do this; prove that she could still feel the same way about him. She knew that when she was surrounded by him, nothing else would matter. All that she would need to focus on would be the two of them and what they felt for one another.
Jacob responded eagerly, kissing her back with just as much fervour. "I think that is a fucking great idea," he murmured against her lips.
The back of Leah's mind was telling her that this was not working. That Jacob's lips did not have the same effect on her anymore. She pushed them aside, instead telling herself that she just needed more. She needed it all and then she would forget. "Well then," she replied, reaching for the fly of Jacob's shorts, "we had better not waste any fucking time."
Jacob grinned. So Leah was in that type of mood. For a moment he released her lips, allowing her to undo and pull down his shorts and underwear at the same time. He stepped out of them, pulling his t-shirt off at the same time, before picking her up and throwing her down on the bed.
Leah watched as he crawled over her, undoing her pants, and waited. She waited for that delicious anticipation, for the electric sparks that would normally be igniting her skin. But as Jacob moved up her body, removing her shirt as he did, she realised that it didn't feel right. Oh, he was having an effect all right. Any hot blooded woman would respond in that way. But it was different. The intensity was gone, as was the desperation. As she felt Jacob's tongue descend upon her nipples she knew, without a doubt, that if he were to get up and leave at that point, she would not get upset.
Leah let out a cry, wanting to drown the sound of those thoughts. 'Ignore them, ignore them, ignore them...' Jacob, taking that her outburst was for a completely different reason, moved up her body so that he could press his lips into hers.
"Leah," he groaned, as he settled in between her legs. She spread wider as he started to grind himself into her. It felt good and her body responded, but not her mind.
"Jacob," she whimpered, lifting her hips up to meet his. "I need you." And she did, desperately. She needed him. She needed for her to want him. "Please, don't make me wait."
With that, he pushed himself into her, letting out a guttural moan. "You feel so fucking good," he said, trailing his lips down to her neck, as he thrusted into her.
Leah desperately bought her hips up to meet each of his thrusts. "More," she begged, moving her hands down his back and grasping his arse. She spread her legs even wider, wanting him even deeper. Wanting to feel more. She guided his movements with her hands. "Harder," she gasped. "More...harder."
Jacob complied, increasing the rhythm and intensity of his movement. "Fuck," he groaned. Leah could see a light sheen of sweat forming on his skin and knew that he was totally worked up. Feeling exactly how she wanted to be feeling right now.
Moving her hands up, she gripped around his shoulders, before wrapping her legs around him. She dug her feet into him, trying desperately to drive him in further; hoping that is would make her feel more. "Jacob," she said, closing her eyes, unable to look at him. "Jake...more...please..."
His head bowed down so that his lips were pressed against her ear. "I love you," he whispered breathlessly. "I'm so close...so close...are you?"
Leah did not respond verbally, instead squeezed her legs tighter and arching her hips up even more. She could not deny that he felt good, but it was as if he could have been anybody, not the person she had been planning to live her life with. Not the person she was more than willing to leave everything behind for. Not the person she had truly loved.
She felt Jacob's muscles tense even more under hands and at that moment, he threw his head back as he released inside her. "Oh...fuck!" he let out, collapsing on top of her.
Leah had always loved the sensation of his body on hers. It had made her feel safe and content. But now it was only claustrophobic.
As if he could read her mind, Jacob rolled off her, lying on his side beside her. Propping his head up with one hand, he let the other trail down her body and in between her thighs. "Better make sure that your last memory was as good as mine," he said, as his finger started to circle her clit.
Leah forced a smile on her face and looked into his eyes. "I don't need that," she said, pushing his hand away and kissing him softly on his mouth. "All I want is you."
And that was the truth. She wanted to want him so much. She had come here, determined to prove something. Determined to prove that she was stronger, that her fate was in her own hands. But instead, it was Sam's words that had been proven true. Everything was different. She loved Jacob, she did not doubt that, but it was different. It wasn't a love that could keep them strong and together, forever. It was a kind of love that had the ability to break a person's heart.
Just as hers had been broken.
Leah squeezed her eyes shut. She was such an epic screw-up. It had to be her that went and fucking ruined everything, didn't it? It was she who had changed, not Jacob. It was she who had imprinted, not Jacob. And it was her feelings that would not be enough to keep them happy.
She considered her options. She could leave with him, as they had planned. Surely she could pretend that nothing had happened. She could so do that, she could make Jacob happy. She didn't matter. This was her monumental fuck-up, she would just have to live with the consequences.
"I knew that it would hurt you and so I tried to ignore it. I couldn't bear the thought that I would hurt you...I didn't want to be that person...I was lying to you and I was lying to myself. It wasn't right."
Whatever she and Jacob had, it was now gone. The only question was, what was she going to do about it?
