A/N- Woah, quick update here! WARNING: Edward's use of the f-word gets a little out of hand in this chapter, but, what can I say? Shit is getting emotional…

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by

Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

Edward

Everything fucking hurt.

I can't remember the last time I cried, and I now I can't seem to fucking stop! My eyes stung with the acid from my tears, my fingers tips hurt from the constant nail-biting I had been doing, my head hurt from stress, fear, and a thousand and one emotions I've never felt before. And, most importantly, my heart and every single cell hurt. I'm not even exaggerating – if you lose someone you love or care for with your every being, you whole body hurts with a pain almost like cramp.

I don't love Bella, that isn't what I am saying, but I care for her a lot and I certainly love my child – that will never change whether they make it or not, my feelings will never differ.

I'm such a freaking idiot. Why? Why did it take me this long to realise my feelings for my baby? Why didn't I help buy things for it? Why didn't I do the man's role and paint the nursery? Why didn't I do a fucking thing except sit on my ass and moan about how shit my life is? I have wasted the last few months and I can never retrieve them. If my biggest fear comes true, I honestly don't know what I will do.

Oh, my God.

I feel sick. Or I'm going to pass out. Or both.

I feel light-headed, the room is spinning and everything is blurry.

It's almost like that time Jasper and I smoked some weed and I felt like Alice in fucking Wonderland with the Cheshire Cat grinning and spinning around my head. Eurgh, I think… I think I need to lie down for a second…

"Edward…? Son?"

"Oh, Carlisle, what's happened to him?"

"It's okay, Esme; he's just passed out."

"Daddy…"

"Don't cry, Alice. Look, his eyes are fluttering – he'll come 'round in a second."

The hell is going on? Everything is black and I can hear voices 'round about me. Can I read minds? Are these peoples' thoughts that I'm hearing? As the voices grew louder and when I could distinguish them better, I realised they belonged to my family. Why is dad talking about my eyes fluttering? Eurgh, and why does my head hurt so much? I'm so confused. I could feel my head lolling from side to side, but I couldn't seem to stop it. These motions were making me feel really sick and queasy.

All of a sudden, my eyes slowly opened and the ceiling light practically burned through my retinas. My family sighed with relief, but I was more interested in where I was. Seriously, my mind has gone blank.

"Edward, can you tell me where you are?"

I couldn't find the words to answer dad's question, so I just shook my head slowly.

Mum gasped, "Why can't he remember? Did he hit his head? Has he got memory loss? Amnesia? Does he know who I am? Does—"

"—Esme calm down. I'm pretty sure the shock of everything that has happened caused Edward to pass out and he just has to collect his bearings. Edward? You're at the hospital, do you remember that?"

Then it was as if someone flicked a switch in my head and everything came flooding back to me.

Bella…

Shit!

I jumped up from where I had been lying – the sudden quickness of my action made me stagger a little. I stared around the room, certain that this had been the room I have been in all along (unless someone moved me) but I'm positive it is the same room. Look! That was Bella's drink! See!

"Bella…" I stood at where the bed should have been. "Where have you gone?" In the time that I had been out cold, they've moved her from the room. Why didn't anybody tell me?

I spun around to face my father. "Where's Bella? Where have they taken her?" I coughed on a sob that rippled through my chest. Please… please don't say they've taken her to a morgue…

I haven't said goodbye…

The pressure became too much, I fell to my knees, slamming my hands onto the floor and allowed the sobs to rise free and cried loudly. My back hunched as my sobs became even louder still. A gentle hand touched my back and helped my sit back in a more comfortable position. Dad is kneeling before me, making sure I'm okay before starting to talk.

"They took her to the operating room about five minutes ago."

What? Oper – wait, what? "Operating room? Why?"

"They are going to perform an emergency caesarean, with hope that the baby can still survive."

That should bring me some joy, a little bit of hope, a bright light. But it didn't. He wasn't saying that my baby will be a-okay and I don't have to worry. He said 'with hope' – there is still a high chance that my little Draco or Lily won't make it. And what about Bella? She never said she could still make it. Is that his way of letting me down gently? She's already gone; there is no way in bringing her back, and saying that is the easiest way?

"Dad… tell me, please, what are the chances of them both making a full recovery?"

I knew he wouldn't sugar-coat anything now that I've asked the absolute truth. "I'm not going to lie to you, Edward," he sighed lightly whilst gathering together his words, "both are in a critical condition. Because Bella went into a cardiac arrest, then that causes a lot of problems for the baby as well. But don't think negatively – miracles can happen, Edward."

Yeah, I'll need a fucking big one, doc.

xxx

One hour.

One hour.

ONE FUCKING HOUR!

They sure know how to keep people on their toes in this place.

We've been moved to a private waiting room. Everyone was here – Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmett and Chief Swan. I somehow found the decency to apologise for being so selfish and told him that he must be in even more of a state than me. And do you know what he did? He put on hand on my shoulder, smiled sadly and said: "You have no reason to apologise. You're young, and I know that in situations like these you tend to think about nobody else except the person in danger. We both have our babies in there; I know how it feels to be afraid."

I don't think anyone really knew what to say after that. I think the last time he spoke to me, he had called me a 'restless punk' (and that was only a couple weeks ago) so going from that to this, is a scary leap.

But now it has been an hour since Bella went to that operation room and we haven't heard a thing.

I began to pace the room. "Why have we not heard anything? What is taking them so long?"

"They will come through when it is appropriate." Dad said, motioning the seat I had just stood from with his hand. "Come and sit down."

"Fuck sitting down! I want some answers!"

"Calm down, Edward. We will get answers when they are ready to give some to us."

"But it's obvious something is wrong, so why don't they just tell us? Come on, pops, it doesn't take a fucking hour to perform a C-section, so why have they not said anything?"

"All in good time."

xxx

Approximately twenty minutes later, a knock was heard at the door and a nurse stepped into the room. "Edward Cullen?"

I jumped up almost as if Emmett had shoved a fire cracker in my ass. "Yes?"

"We are delighted to tell you the caesarean has been a success and that you have a healthy baby boy."

A collection of gasps all rose at once from around me. I looked at everyone in the room and they all had the same expression. Our smiles wavered, it didn't go unnoticed that the nurse never said anything about Bella.

Although my heart tore at the chest, thinking that I now had a purpose and something that Bella would have wanted, calmed me ever so slightly. I promise her, right now, that I will be there for Draco through every step of his childhood and thereafter. I promise to be the best father I can be and I promise to raise him right, to teach him the rights and wrongs, to get him a brilliant education and, most of all, I promise to tell him and to make sure that he knows just how amazing his mother had been, and that she loves him very much and always will.

Draco will be loved and cherished and never will he doubt that.

"And what about Bella?" Emmett asked the question we were all pondering.

"She is still with the doctors at the moment." That is a very guarded question, she isn't giving away an answer that is set in stone, she just said she's with doctors. The nurse looked back at me. "Would you like to see your son?"

What the fuck am I still doing here?

Let's go!

"Lead the way."

xxx

All babies look the same. I thought we would walk into the nursery and I would be able to spot Draco immediately, but I have been proven wrong. If it wasn't for the fact that each crib had the baby's identification on it, then you could quite easily walk off with the wrong child. The nurse led me through a maze of cribs – I looked at each baby as I walked past them and smiled at their innocence. She came to a halt towards the end of the back row and stepped to the side whilst using her hand to tell me which one is my son.

My breathing caught in my throat as I peered over and had the first glimpse of my future. He had been wrapped up in a light blue blanket and looked as peaceful as can be as he slept. Draco had a light layer of brown hair smoothed out of the top of his head, a tiny button nose and little pink lips that kept pursing and straightening slightly. I couldn't pick out any of my obvious features (or Bella's for that matter) but they will form in time. I hadn't seen anything more beautiful in my life.

Oh, Bella. Look what we made… you would have been so proud…

I know I am.

Draco hadn't been planned, but he will never be seen as a mistake. Something this beautiful couldn't possibly be a mistake. Just looking at him I had this overwhelming rush of love and protection. Apart from my family, I've never loved anybody else, but this love that I feel for my son is something I can't even find the words to describe. You hear parents say 'I would do anything for them' but it is so much more than that. It scares me; his life is now in my hands. If he does anything wrong as he grows older, I know I will feel the blame.

Hesitantly looking away from Draco, I peer at the nurse who couldn't fight the smile on her face. "He's… he's fine and healthy? There will be no complications now?"

"Due to the situation in which he was born in, we are quite surprised that he fought through it. I think you will have a tough little kid in your care. But to answer your question, no – there are no complications or any sort of problems which we should be worried about."

I desperately wanted to ask what she meant by that, it sound as if he will face some hiccups. But I knew the answer already, we all catch illnesses – it's just a way of life – and obviously babies will be more susceptible due to their size. So I kept my mouth shut.

"Thank you."

"It is our pleasure. Bella had a little surprise for you for when he was born…" my brow furrowed as the nurse stepped towards Draco and began to loosen the blanket from around him. "She had brought in a baby grow and asked for us to dress him in this as a surprise for you."

Again, my breathing caught. My eyes welled up with tears as the blanket was brought away and I was left looking at what Draco was wearing. A white baby grow with the words 'I Love My Daddy' written on the front. Each letter was a different piece of coloured patchwork and it all fit neatly around his chest and tummy.

Bella thank you.

I miss you.

Come back to me, baby.

"Would you like to hold him?"

"I… er… I…"

"You're scared, I know. Don't worry; I'll help you hold him properly."

"But what if I drop him?"

She laughed lightly, "You won't drop him. Your parental instincts will kick in and wouldn't allow you to drop him."

She reached over and gently brought Draco out. He started to cry softly from being disturbed. That sound is so beautiful, yet painful at the same time.

"Now, decide which side you would like to hold him on," I waved my left hand, "okay, and it's very important to support his head – he isn't strong enough to support it himself yet. Rest his head in the crook of your arm," I bent my arm slightly and she put Draco's head just where it needed to be. "Now this arm will wrap around and sit on his legs, and the other hand will support his bottom." I followed her directions and when she took a step back, I noticed how I was holding him all on my own. He was still whimpering a little bit, so I bounced my arms ever so slightly to calm him down.

"This position is perfect for his spine and the way that his head is sitting, allows him to move it around and to look at his surroundings. I know it feels weird the first time you do it, but before you know it, you will be picking him up and holding him safely without even realising."

"And what if I want to touch his face or something? Which hand would I use for that?"

"You would use the one that's under his bottom. But right now, I would suggest that you sit down so your knees can add to his protection, just whilst you get used to it."

"Would it be okay if you brought my family over to see him?"

I knew they would all be itching to see him – Alice in particular.

"Absolutely. Will you be okay by yourself whilst I'm gone?"

"I should be fine, thank you."

Once she had gone, I took her advice in sitting down, so I found a spare seat at the end of the row I'm standing in and made myself comfortable before using the tip of a finger to stroke Draco's delicate features. His eyes opened, probably from my touching his face, and he just stared at me with large dark eyes.

"Hello Draco," I cooed, "I am your daddy, and I love you very, very much. I know you don't understand a word I'm saying right now, but believe me, you'll hear these words a lot and you'll know what they mean in time. I'm not going to allow you to turn out like I did; you will be well mannered, you won't drink a sip of alcohol until you're twenty-one, and if I hear you mutter a certain word that begins with 'f' and rhymes with 'duck', you'll be in big trouble."

I wonder what this sounded like to him. I know he can hear me, but he doesn't understand a word I'm saying. It's probably like when you hear foreign people talking to one another and you don't know what they're saying because you don't speak that language.

Maybe…

"You have a large family that loves you. Yeah, we're crazy, but which families aren't? And if anybody picks on you at school, you tell them that your dad and Uncle Emmett will happily beat them up for you. Got it? And if the worst happens, and Be–mummy doesn't make it… don't be upset. I can learn to be both parents, and she will still love you just as much as I do…"

Someone knocked on the viewing glass which interrupted my little speech. I glanced over to see the whole gang watching me in awe. Esme had her hands up to her face – she's probably crying. And Alice gripped on tight to Carlisle's arm, to stop her from bouncing around with excitement. I rose from my seat, making sure Draco was safe in my arms before walking back through the maze of cribs and out to the corridor.

"I would like to introduce to you all, Draco Dale Cullen." Esme and Carlisle shared a gasp at my decision on the middle name and looked at each other lovingly.

"Draco? As in Draco Malfoy? Arch enemy of Harry Potter and hot-shot Tom Felton?"

"Actually Alice, Voldemort is arch enemy."

"Shut up, Emmett, you know what I mean."

I butted into their argument before it got out of hand. "Yes Alice, as in Draco Malfoy. Bella chose it and I think it fits perfectly."

"It's a lovely name, sweetie. And such a beautiful little boy, you must be so proud."

"I am."

For the next ten minutes, we passed him around, kissing his forehead and introducing ourselves. Emmett promised Draco that he will be his Call of Duty partner and that he will teach him how to play strip poker. (I put a stop to that last one) And Alice couldn't have been more excited when she burst out with giddiness, saying how he'll be a little heart breaker and that he'll be the most stylish kid in school. I wouldn't put it past her.

A nurse apologised for breaking up our family bonds but asked if she could speak to me for a second. My body filled with fear. She said she had to take me somewhere and after making sure Draco was safe in my mothers' arms, I followed her.

"Where are we going?" I asked for the tenth time since we started walking.

"Just up here," she replied.

Come on, woman. Just fucking tell me.

We finally came to a room and she walked inside, holding the door so I could follow her.

I nearly asked her again what the hell we were doing here, but then I noticed why.

Bella.

She sat in bed with an odd expression on her face. It almost looked like she was guilty of something.

It took me no time at all to run over and pull her into the biggest hug I could manage.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bella I was so worried. I thought I had lost you."

We were both crying, but mostly with happiness. "I… I'm so sorry, Edward."

"What the hell are you apologising for?"

She rubbed her eyes with the corner of a blanket, "I made everybody so worried, and I'm sorry."

I pushed the strands of hair away from her face and kissed her forehead sweetly. "Don't apologise. Just promise me that you'll never do that to me again. I don't know what I would have done had I lost you, and I don't know what Draco would have done either."

Bella's eyes widened. "Draco? A boy? How is he? Have you seen him?"

"I have, and he's perfect. He's so beautiful, Bella you'll be so proud of him."

As was I.

So proud and so thankful.

Everything could have gone tits up this evening, but for some reason, it all came back my way.

To be honest, I don't want to know what happened.

All I care about is my family.

My new family.

xxx

A/N- Do you think I would have killed them both off? Hell, the story is only just starting! What do you think of Draco? I've known what his name was going to be for weeks, and I'm so excited to finally write it… DRACO, DRACO, DRACO!