Chapter 11

I had just enough money to buy a coffee from Starbucks, I was starting to freeze & so I bought a steaming cup of coffee with the only money I had left in the entire world just to hold it & keep warm. Another guy homeless like me except he was a panhandler stole my coat from me with a knife held to my throat. I should have just begged him to kill me it has been a few weeks since I last saw Bella but only a minute since I've thought of her. I could only hope the pain I've caused us both will have been worth it in the end…for her. I missed her so much but it was a moot point now there was no way back I know she must hate me for everything I said to her, God… I told her I didn't love her.

I was currently living in various alleyways surrounding pike place market if I was lucky enough sometimes at the end of the working Day some of the traders might give me some fruit or bread. Others would turn their nose & pretend not to see me, it didn't bother me anymore it was a life I had become accustomed to.

There was a restaurant nearby called Esme's, tonight I'd decided to sleep in the back alley there, sometimes you could feel the heat & smell the aroma of Italian food coming from the Kitchen. I was just getting ready to try sleep when a big Burly guy came out back with the garbage.

I thought he was gonna beat the shit out of me when he spotted me or tell me to sleep somewhere else but he went back inside & brought me out a paper plate with a helping of dinner.

''Here Dude, Never can go too long without eating myself can't imagine what it's like for you'' I took the plate gratefully telling him thanks the minute he went inside I devoured every crumb, it was delicious, the last Hot meal I'd had was….was with Bella. I prayed she was okay & that either in this life or the next that she could forgive me. I wished I could see her again, even from afar but then I knew if I did I'd want more & more & eventually I wouldn't be able to stay away from her.

She had her job hopefully & her life back I wasn't going to bring my fucked up good for nothing life back down on her, she deserved more than my Demon's & Darkness.