All I can say is that writer's block sucks!
EPOV
The only thing I could think of as Bella lay broken and hurt was how to kill myself. I couldn't go the Volturi because Aro would read my mind and find out about Bella. He'd kill not only my family, but the Denali's as well. I couldn't do that to them. Emmet and Jasper would never help me, no matter how depressed I would become over the loss of Bella. I don't know what I would do without her. Heck, I have no idea how I survived for over a hundred years without Bella in my life. She is a splash of neon green paint on a pure white canvas. She adds excitement, love, hope, happiness, energy, and joy to all our lives, mine especially.
Yet despite my fears, I had a feeling in my deep consciousness that she would be all right. I don't know why, but I feel as if someone is telling me that she will wake up, and that she'll be okay. Maybe it's just my dreams and hopes affecting how I see things.
I'm so confused and lost right now, but only Bella waking up can assuage my fears. I look at her peaceful face again. She was pretty beaten up when we first brought her home, and it broke my heart to see her so fragile, innocent, and broken looking. It was all I could do to keep from crying out and falling to the ground in anguish. Carlisle was able to fix her up though, and found that while she does have a broken leg, both arms broken, a fractured skull, and a few broken and cracked ribs, we found out she heals fast, like those mutts down at La Push. Carlisle was shocked to find that the giant gashes all over her had healed up almost completely by the time he began to examine her. I almost collapsed to the floor in relief but Emmet was there to catch me thankfully.
Broken out of my musings, my ears picked up the sound of the most beautiful sound in the world: Bella taking in a sharp breathe. I searched her face for any sign that she would wake up, but Bella stayed as quiet and unresponsive as she had been for the past couple hours. I leaned back in my seat and had to fight back the sobs threatening to burst out. For a small second I had thought that my angel was awake, but it was too good to be true. Without warning, I remembered that I have easy access to the future: Alice. "Alice, could you come here for a minute?" I heard the whoosh of air as Alice flew up the steps to Carlisle's office. She was at my side within seconds. Edward, I know what your going to ask. I can't see if Bella's going to wake up. The only thing I see is at constant change in her state. Sometimes I see her waking up, and sometimes I see her staying asleep. It's fuzzy. I sighed. "Thank you Alice. I know you tried your hardest, and that's all I can ask from you." Giving me a sad but hopeful look, she walked slowly out of the room.
Life and Death are two of the hardest things to deal with. With Life, I get to enjoy Bella, but I also have to deal with the ever constant worry that she will be killed, especially with her rare abilities. With Death, I never have to deal with losing someone. There will be just, nothingness. Bella insists that there is a God and a heaven, but I refuse to believe that a killer like me can possible go on to heaven. But if I do kill myself to not deal with losing Bella, I'll leave behind so many people who will have to deal with the loss of me. Am I so selfish that I would put other people through the pain of losing someone just so that I can no feel that same loss? I remembered the words spoken by Bella so long ago when we spoke about living without each other.
"Edward, I promise not to, but only on one condition. YOU have to promise that if something happens to me that you won't go off on yourself." "Bella, that's different. I have no soul. I am cursed to walk this earth. But you, you have a soul, and you deserve to live." "Edward." I could tell she was getting angry now by the hard look in her eyes. "Promise me this, and I will promise to not kill myself. I will not agree to a one-sided bargain that has to do with our lives," Bella growled. Bella literally growled at me. I sighed. There's no way around this, and Bella's the most stubborn person I know. "Alright. I promise." "Good, I promise too," she said, and went back to being her usual happy, go-lucky self.
I smiled at the memory. Bella truly is the most stubborn person I know. If she dies and I kill myself, Bella will probably just kick my butt back to here. She won't let me go off myself if she dies. Stroking her face I look at the peaceful calm aura that seems to surround her. I truly hope she wakes up soon. If she wakes up. NO! I mentally yell at myself. I can't think like that. Alice didn't see that she will definitely die. The future could change at any time.
Thinking about Life and Death was making me depressed so I listened to the sounds of the house around me. Alice and Jasper were curled up on the couch, reading books I think. I tuned into their thoughts to give myself a distraction. This is a compilation of the official records of the union and confederate armies. The reports contained in this document were written by officers and principal commands who recorded the records in some cases several months after the events occurred. It is best to read several accounts of a battle or campaign to gain a full picture of the actual event. Jasper was reading a book on the civil war from actual militia reports. Like he doesn't know enough about the civil war. OOOOO! Polka dots are in again! I can finally wear that cu-ute dress I got last year! Ew. Fashion magazines. Maybe Emmet and Rosalie will be more exciting, though I'm a little apprehensive to listen in. Stupid Mario. I moved you right! Not left! Ugh. Being a vampire and playing with a Wii can have its drawbacks. Emmet has been trying for weeks to beat the New Super Mario Brothers on Wii. Our movements as vampires are too quick for the insignificant game console's technology. I couldn't tune in on Rosalie's thoughts so I guess she's hunting. She was looking a little dark. The Denali's left as soon as they had made sure that Bella was okay because Tanya was having a difficult time comprehending what she had done. I suppose it was for the best. When Bella woke up, she wouldn't be to happy to Tanya, that is to say, Bella doesn't know that Tanya was tricked. Darnit! I can't keep thinking of Bella. It's just making me feel worse.
Suddenly, I heard Bella's heartbeat race suddenly. Her breathing became erratic, and a miracle happened. Bella's eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me. If I didn't know any better, I could've sworn that my heart beat again. I felt worry at her not being okay, panic that she is still in pain, and relief. Joyous relief that my angel is once again with me. "Edward," Bella sighed as she placed her hand gently on my face. Imitating her with the same hand gesture, I said to her "Bella, I was so worried! I thought I would never see you again to tell you that I love you and that I'm so sorry an-" Broken out of my ramblings, my lips joined with hers as she brought her face to mine. I lifted her up so she was sitting and hitched her legs around my waist. I pulled away from her and placed my forehead against hers. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" I was apprehensive if she blamed in part for the whole Tanya thing. Bella pecked me on the lips before pulling back with a small smile on her face. "Yes, I think it does."
"So let me get this straight. Your birth was foretold in a prophecy thousands of years before you were born, your whole life is planned out in it, yet you could still die and the prophecy would be junk, you have to gather an army of mythical creatures, defeat the Volturi, and if you fail the fate of the world is lost? Dang, and I thought my life was hard." "Thank you for that, eh, wonderful paraphrase Emmet. You really got my life down to a point." Once everybody had hugged Bella after she woke up, we had all congregated to the living room, with me carrying Bella since her bones hadn't completely healed yet. While Bella laid on the couch, I sat with her head in my lap and Alice, Rosalie, and Esme sitting in their soul mates' laps on the floor on the edge of the couch. Bella had just told us that there was a prophecy about her and that she had to save the world. I was not happy with the life-threatening adventure has to go on, but I guess I can deal with it as long as I'm with her every step of the way. I still don't understand how Bella can be so carefree and light about all of this. "Bella, you do know that no matter what, we will be with you every step of the way." "YA! I've been dying to see those stupid Volturi be defeated! Plus, if their out of the way, Edward, Alice, and I won't be constantly worrying that Aro will act upon his wish to recruit us into his guard." Jasper locked his hands around Alice like a cage. Bella sat up a little higher and her pointed faerie ears perked up slightly. "What's this I hear about the Volturi wanting you guys? You're telling me that they've been trying to get you into their guard and could attack at any time! Oh, now their going down." "I'm with ya sister! They mess with one of us, they mess with all of us!" Emmet reached his hand out to Bella's with a knuckle touch that she slowly but fiercely returned. "I agree with all of you, but for know, I think Bella needs more rest. Edward, you can move her to you guys' room. Bella, I'm sure you'd be much more comfortable in there." I nodded at Carlisle and swooped Bella into my arms bridal style and ran up the stairs with her.
I kept fussing over Bella, but I think I'm getting on her nerves. "Are you okay? You need anything? Water, food, medicine? I-" "Edward, if you don't shut up right now, I swear I'm gonna stick this pillow where the sun don't shine." She glared at me in mock anger but her façade faded and she began to giggle uncontrollably. "Well, ya know what they say, laughter is the best medicine. If I keep laughing, I'll be ready to kill those Volturi in no time!" I laughed along with her and crawled into the bed to sit next to her.
After a few more moments of joyous mirth, I suddenly turned serious. I had to talk to Bella about my seemingly betrayal. "Bella," I began, not knowing how to put this lightly, "I want to talk to you about the whole Tanya thing. I'm so sorry. I had no-" By placing her fingers on my lips, she silenced me. "Edward, I know that Tanya was being influenced by one of Victoria's henchmen. I don't blame her, though I am pretty ticked off that she didn't tell anyone about her seduction power. I don't like her, and don't think I ever will, unless she gets a mate, but that's beside the point. I don't blame her for seducing you, but I still don't like nor trust her with that seduction power thingy of hers." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you Bella. I don't like the fact that Tanya hid her power from everybody, but she is still like a cousin to me and I know she wouldn't do anything to harm any of us." We stared at each other for a few more moments before I leaned foreword and kissed her softly and tucked her in for the night. She smiled at me once more before turning herself in toward the center of the bed and drifting off to sleep. I stared at her for a few more minutes. I wanted to remember her face so that whenever I was away from her, I could always see her face clearly. After almost losing her today, I never want to deal with that loss again. I understand that she will get hurt in the battle that is to come, but I can't help that. All I can do is hope that she survives. I have a feeling she will. Bella's just to darn stubborn to die in a war. I lean down and kiss her chastely on the lips before pulling back and running my knuckles down her cheek. I backed out the door still looking at her. If I could look at her face forever, I would. "Goodnight sweet Bella, I love you." I closed the door slowly behind me, and ran out to hunt.
Even with the war looming that is destined to come, I know I can handle anything, with my destiny, my angel, my Bella, at my side.
YAY! Belgh. I hate writers block. I really do. Review if you hate writers block! Lol jk. Okay, I'm sad cause I have only one more actual chapter left, but I still have a chapter for the prophecy, and for the playlist for this story. The link for the civil war bit is below…
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