A/N: Ok, yeah, it's me and I'm still alive :) Let's just say that real life is a bitch. Well, not a complete bitch, as some of things that have been keeping me from writing have been pretty incredible, including seeing the amazing Regina Spektor live (so had to get that in there- I am still jazzed up about that). But anyway, I am not going anywhere until I finish this fic (and even then I won't be going anywhere, as ideas for a new fic are starting to circulate...)

A few reviewers have queried as to where this story is going and if the rest of the story is just going to be a depressed Jacob. Yes, Jacob is down at the moment. He is going through a grieving process. He will move past that, I promise. As for the fic as a whole, I have mentioned several times that I had the whole thing planned before I started posting. I knew exactly where it was going to go. As I have written details have changed, but the ending will still be the same. There are only 4 chapters, plus an epilogue to go. We are on the home straight guys- I am not just going to be dragging this out with depressed Jacob. There is a definite conclusion to this fic so stick with me.

I appreciate your feedback so much and I hope that the above addresses any of your concerns. Just to add to that- to my reviewers: you rock my world :)

Now read on and let me know what you think (if you want to, of course)

Music: Cosmic Love- Florence and the Machine, Walking on a Dream- Kate Miller-Heidke, Running Up That Hill- Placebo


She would not go away. Each morning she was there, in the corner of his room, watching as he rose. She was there when he ate, when he left the house as soon as possible and filled his days with meaningless activity to keep him distracted.

Jacob could not be bothered keeping count of the days since the funeral. He was aware that they were amassing and it would not be long before people would be saying 'months' instead of 'weeks', but he could not bring himself to care.

He could feel her watching as he kicked the dirt under his feet. It was aimless wandering this morning. He knew that, eventually, he would end up at Sam and Emily's- his refuge of late- but for now it was nice to think that he had no plan. And it was nice to know that Leah was nearby.

He was no longer angry at her. Still she said nothing, but now he relished that. She, apart from Sam and Emily, was the only one who put no pressure on him. She never inquired as to how she was feeling and most of all, she expected nothing from him. He could talk to her, and she would not judge. She would not tell him how to go on about his days. She would just look into his eyes with hers and make him feel some sense of comfort for the briefest of seconds.

And then the crushing truth would fall upon him once more.

XXXXX

Emily felt the familiar strong arms wrap around her and smiled faintly. "I was beginning to think that you weren't going to be home in time," she said, turning around to face Sam. "Dinner is almost ready- could you please set the table?"

Sam nodded, as he leaned down and pressed his lips into hers. "Three again?"

"Yup," Emily sighed, glancing out the kitchen window. "Jake's been here the past few hours. I sent him out to chop some fire wood." She looked back at her husband. "I'm starting to get worried, Sam. Do you know that he has been talking to...her." Emily's stomach churned slightly. She could still not bring herself to utter Leah's name.

Sam brow furrowed with concern. "What? Like full conversations?"

Emily shook her head. "No, just every now and then, he'll say something and for a moment he will look like the old Jacob. But then...he'll just go back to that blank expression. He never mentions her name, but I just know that it's her. Should I be worried? Should I talk to him about it, or should I just let it go?"

Sam shrugged. "I have no idea...I have no idea how to help him at all. I was with the other guys today- that's why I was late. Do you know that he hasn't spoken to them at all? He has shut everyone out. Except us. I don't get it."

"He is looking for someone to blame," Emily said quietly, her eyes moving back to the window. "We all do it- things just seem that little bit easier if we can pass the blame onto someone else."She sighed. "He thinks that the reservation betrayed them, by forcing them apart. He is laying the blame on everyone."

"And us?"

"We fought for them. We did what we could...but it wasn't enough."

Sam stepped up behind his wife and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Now who is laying the blame?"

XXXXX

Billy lay awake in bed, waiting patiently for the sounds of his son returning home. It had become routine for the both of them. Jacob would wake first, and Billy would wait respectfully for his son to leave before rising himself. By the time Jacob returned each evening, his father was already in bed.

Billy sighed. It had been weeks since he had heard his son's voice. The silence, the lack of acknowledgment was crushing him more and more each day. He wanted more than anything for Jacob to turn and scream at him. He would jump at the chance to listen to the most awful things, if only it meant he could hear his son's voice.

If he was yelling, that meant that he was angry and still feeling something. The silence was indifferent and so much harder for Billy to take.

At last he heard the front door open and close. Jacob's heavy footsteps echoed through the house as he made his way to his bedroom. Billy heard him sniff, and then cough before entering his bedroom and shutting the door.

He could only hope that Jacob returning home each night meant something. That he had not given up entirely.

XXXXX

Jacob flung himself onto his bed, exhausted. Emily had put him to work that day, and for that, sleep was going to come easily. He almost allowed himself a small smile at the thought of Emily that day, telling that him that if he was going to hang around then he had better start making himself useful. She treated as she would have any other day.

He pulled the covers up over him, as he let out a loud yawn. He might actually sleep through the night for the first time since...

"Jacob."

He groaned, letting his eyes flutter open. So much for...

His thoughts came to a screaming halt as he caught sight of the figure at the end of his bed. "What..."

Leah's eyebrows rose in amusement. "That is all I get? 'What'?" she said, moving to kneel on the edge of mattress.

Jacob gave a slow nod. "When you shock someone like that, then yeah, that is all you get."

"Well then, are you over the shock yet?" she asked slyly, reaching out and placing a hand on his ankle. "Because I would really like to get a lot more."

Jacob startled at the feel of her hand on his skin. "How are you doing that?" he asked.

"What this?" she asked, running her fingers up to his calf. "Why shouldn't I be able to?"

"Because..." Jacob shivered. "Because you're dead, Leah."

Leah's hand stilled its movement and she frowned slightly. "Did you really have to bring that up? Why couldn't you just leave that be?"

"I'm just...confused. Leah, I don't know—"

"Ssh," she cut him off. "Don't you miss me?"

Jacob paused, taking in the sight of her before him. She looked...alive. "Yes," he replied, hoarsely. "I miss you so much that it makes me feel sick."

"Then stop thinking and worrying and just let this happen, ok?" Jacob nodded mutely as she crawled up along his body slowly, before straddling his waist. She splayed her hands on his stomach, before running them up over his chest. "I missed you, too," she whispered. "But we are together now and that is all that matters." With that, she moved so that she could press her lips into his.

Jacob responded eagerly, wrapping his arms tightly around her body and holding her close. He ran his tongue over her lower lip, demanding entrance, letting out moan when she complied. Though he wanted to continue holding onto her, he let one of his hands moved along her back. It had been too long and he needed to reacquaint himself with all of her curves. Her skin was soft and warm, and he could feel bumps rising under his fingers.

"Oh god, Leah," he breathed. "Why did you leave?"

Leah brought her head up slightly, undulating her hips into his. "I didn't, I promise. I'm here, right?" She continued moving her hips and Jacob's nerves felt on edge as his body started to react. "You can feel me, can't you?"

"Y...yes," he managed to get out.

"Good," Leah said, dropping her head and running her tongue across his chest. "Because I am not leaving."

"It's good to hear that," Jacob muttered, moving both his hands to her hips. He grasped her and brought his own hips up to meet her movement. "Don't go anywhere."

She bit his nipple softly, before flinging her upper body up and pulling her t-shirt off. She looked down at him through hooded eyes. "Touch me, Jake," she said, her voice low.

Jacob took a moment to take in the sight of Leah and it left him slightly breathless. He never thought that he would ever get to see this again. He never thought...

"Stop thinking," Leah commanded, grabbing his hands and bringing them up to her breasts, "and fucking touch me."

Jacob grinned as he squeezed the flesh in his hands, eliciting a loud moan from Leah. He rolled her nipples in-between his fingers, feeling them pebble. Her breath hitched and her hips jerked slightly. Loving what effect he has having on her, he pinched harder with one hand, while trailing the other down her stomach.

"Like this?" he asked, managing to undo the button on her shorts with one hand. He dipped his fingers teasingly below the waistband, waiting for a response.

"Fuck, yes," Leah hissed. But before, he could move his fingers any lower, she stood, pulling her shorts off and flinging onto his floor. "Much better, don't you think?" She dropped to her knees, once again, grasping the top of his shorts, and pulling them down. "I like it much better with there nothing between us."

She lowered herself completely, so that she was stretched across his body. Without another word, she brought her mouth to his, her kiss laced with fire and desperation.

One of Jacob's hands made it to the back of her head and fisted her silky, dark hair. The other moved down, directing her body to move with his, making sure that the both of them were getting the friction they desired.

Jacob could not tell if time was flying or barely moving at all. All he could focus on was Leah's hot, wet heat moving against him and their ragged breaths that were growing louder and louder. "I love you, Leah," he murmured, barely breaking their kiss.

"I love you, too," she replied, her breath steamy on his face. "And I want you so much." Her hand snaked down between their two bodies, the movement eased because of their slicked skin. She wrapped her hand around his cock. "And by the feel of it, you want me too," she said, moving her hand up and down a few times.

Jacob threw his head back, his body arching slightly. "Yes..."

Leah pushed her body up, leaning on one hand, while the other continued its ministrations. "How much do you want me?"

Jacob shook his head slightly. "Words...can't..." was all that he could manage to get out.

Leah removed her hand for a moment, slipping it into her own wet folds, before returning to his aching cock. "Do you feel how much I want you right now?" she whispered. "Do you feel how ready I am for you?"

"Yes...ugh..." his breath caught in his throat as she rubbed her thumb over his tip.

"Do you want to be inside of me? Do you want feel me around you?"

He nodded fervently, struggling to talk. If she continued this way, he wasn't going to be able to make it that far.

"Tell me," she demanded, her hand stopping. "Tell me you want to be inside of me."

"I...I want to feel you," Jacob managed. "I want to be inside you."

The moment he said that, she raised her body slightly, adjusting so that his tip sat at her entrance. "I want to feel you, too," she said, before pushing down and enveloping him all at once. She leant forward slightly, pressing her palms into his chest as she began to move.

Part of Jacob want to wrap his arms around her and pull their bodies close, but the other just wanted to relish in the sight of the perfection moving above him. Leah's head was thrown back, her skin glistening with the sheen of sweat. Sighs and moans punctuated each downward movement as her speed and force accentuated, as if she were trying to get him deeper and deeper.

Jacob's hands moved to her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh. He had almost forgotten what this felt like- to have her pulsating heat surrounding him. And while he wanted to savour the moment, it had been a while. He could feel those familiar waves of pleasure start to coil and build up. Clenching his teeth, he focused on increasing his movements to match hers. He wanted this to last.

"Stop thinking," Leah gasped, as if reading his mind. "Let go."

"But...ugh..." She was rotating her hips, bringing him even closer to the edge.

"I'm not leaving," she said. "We have all the time in the world."

She brought her body forward, pressing her lips into his. The change in her position was all it took, and Jacob let out a guttural moan as he released inside her. "I love you, Leah."

"I love you, too."

Jacob's eyes flew open. All he could see was the pitch black of his room and all he could hear was his own heavy breathing. It had felt so real. His body was reacting as if it had been real. He couldn't...

At that moment, he felt his hand under the covers, wrapped around himself and covered in a sticky mess. His stomach rolled at the thought of what he had just done. He jerked up, off the bed and ran to the bathroom, throwing himself in front of the toilet as he heaved.

XXXXX

Sue made her way down the dark hallway. Sleep was still not coming easily and she had discovered that doing all the odd jobs around the house after nightfall tired her out to the point where she did not have to force herself to close her eyes.

And like every other night, Sue walked past her own bedroom door and paused at the one further down the hallway. Closing her eyes, she pressed her palm against the cool, brown wood. This door had remained closed for weeks and try as she might, Sue could not bring herself to open it.

And so, with a sigh, she turned and made her way back to her own room, knowing that the next night she would be doing this once again.

XXXXX

Jacob slumped down against the wall, the contents of his stomach well and truly emptied. He could not stop shaking and he still felt nauseous. What sort of sick fuck gets themselves off with a fantasy of their dead girlfriend?

His stomach rolled threateningly, but he did not bother moving. He knew that there was no more to come up. If only he could get rid of the memory of what he had just done so easily.

"Such a fucking loser," he muttered, throwing his head back against the wall. It was then that he saw her, standing in the corner, watching him. "What?"

But, as usual, she did not respond. Jacob's eyes narrowed. "Why did you leave me behind, hey? Why the fuck did you leave me? Turn me into some twisted fucked-up version of myself? It should have been me! Why was I left behind to deal with all of this? I wish that it could have been me. I want for you to be alive, ok? I want to have to stop feeling like this!"

The selfishness of his words hit him like a tonne of bricks. If it had been him, then Leah would be the one going through this. How could he possibly wish that on the person that he loved? What would even posses him to consider that.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He looked at her, taking in the familiar eyes. He wanted so much to reach out and touch her. To have her touch him back. He made to move, but stopped himself. He was clutching onto something that no longer existed. He needed to stop.

"I..." he dropped his head into his hands. "I need you to go, please," he whispered. "I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here, with me, forever. But it's not really you. I need you to go...please."

Jacob was not sure how long he sat there, but when he finally raised his head, the bathroom was empty.