A/N- *PLEASE READ* I've just been to see Matilda the Musical live in London, and this opening song comes from the soundtrack. The lyrics are meant to seem like it is Draco's POV, so please read the lyrics, because I think they are perfect!
Long chapter ahead. This is personally my favourite, because of how everything changes…
And when everyone shouts – they seem to like shouting -
The noise in my head is incredibly loud,
And I just wish they'd stop, my dad and my mum,
And the telly and stories would stop just for once.
I'm sorry – I'm not quite explaining it right,
But this noise becomes anger, and the anger is light,
And it's burning inside me would usually fade,
But it isn't today, and the heat and the shouting,
And my heart is pounding, and my eyes are burning,
And suddenly everything, everything is…
Quiet…
'Quiet' – Lyrics by Tim Minchin (Matilda the Musical)
Edward.
"Daddyyy…"
"Go back to bed, Draco."
It's way too early to be awake.
"Dad-dyyyyy."
It hurt to open my eyes. It hurt to focus on the tiny person next to me. It hurt to do any fucking thing that included my brain. It hurt when I noticed I was lying on top of my cover. It hurt to realise that I was still wearing my fucking Woody costume.
The fuck happened last night?
Damn Emmett and his 'we're just having a couple beers'. Yeah, well somewhere during those 'couple beers' we came across Dad's liqueur cabinet and… well, kinda helped ourselves. God knows how I got home and God knows what time at, at least I got home without causing any harm… I think.
Draco wouldn't stop calling my name and quite frankly, I couldn't hack it a second longer. I wrapped an arm around his stomach and pulled him onto the bed beside me. It didn't take him long to fall back to sleep, cuddled up to my side. I didn't stay conscious for long after that.
xxx
"Draco Dale, you stop that right – ow! No, you do not bite mummy."
I know I should get out of bed and go and help… but, to be quite honest, staying asleep sounds like the better plan. I stayed in bed for an additional thirty minutes – it was the sound of something smashing, Bella groaning and Draco screaming that finally pulled me from the comfort. I changed out of my gay cowboy outfit and into some grey sweats and a black wife beater, the thick white socks I had on had done me well for the past couple of days and they didn't smell – that badly – so I kept them on. I sprayed myself with some expensive shit that claims to have women falling from the sky, just 'cause some guy is wearing it. Well, that is what happens on the commercial, but I've never had chicks fall from the sky for me.
The scene downstairs was worse than I imagined. There was ripped up paper all over the floor, one of Draco's cups had been thrown to the ground and sticky apple juice had spread everywhere. Draco's screams became louder, "NO! NO!" I took a step back and watched in horror as Bella carried him, his back, up tight against her chest, legs swinging and kicking her without a care in the world. I could tell, just by looking at her bright red face, that whatever Draco just did had been the straw that broke the donkey's back.
I followed silently behind, like a ghost. Bella sat him down on a tiny chair in the corner of the dining room, she held onto his knee and his arm – to stop him from escaping. She kneeled down so they were eye-level with each other and spoke with earnest. "You will sit here until I come back and get you. Do not move from this spot."
We had discussed the 'naughty seat', but never had we had the need to use it. I personally thought he was too young to sit on it, but Bella thought differently. Right now he was sporting a deathly glare – I think he stole that from me. Bella stood up and shrieked when she saw me standing behind her. She shook her head, almost in disgust and tore out the room. The fuck have I done? I didn't tell him to act like a little shit, why take it out on me? For fuck sake, woman.
Draco ran before me, heading for the stairs, crying loudly. I reached him before Bella could but as I went to grab him, I heard her say: "Don't touch him. Leave him alone." Fuck that. I took Draco back to his seat, ignoring the threats coming behind me. Forty seven long minutes it took for Draco to sit until we said he could leave. But not after a hug, kiss and apologising. He played with his new toys quietly, acting like none of this had happened. Bella sat back on the couch, pinching the bridge of her nose tightly, an obvious set of teeth marks had bruised her arm badly and angry, red scratches ran down her other arm, one of the scratches had even broken the skin.
I took the spare space next to her. "Are you okay?" I stroked the evil scrapes, but she jerked away from me after the tiniest touch.
"Don't touch me." She spat, menacingly.
"Excuse me? I only wanted to know if you were alright. What have I done to make you so snappy?"
Bella laughed, "What have you done? You don't remember do you? You don't have a single clue."
Um, no. Clearly not, or else I wouldn't be this confused right now. "Have a clue about what? I don't understand what you're saying."
"You don't remember stumbling into my room after heavily drinking, crawling onto my bed, refusing to leave and scaring the living shit out of me?" Oh, Christ. "You don't remember lying on top of me, calling me a prude and saying I would want your dick soon enough, and the only thing that got you to stop was me threatening to phone my dad." Oh, my God. I'm such a fucking prick.
I rubbed my hands roughly down my face. "I'm so, so sorry. I wouldn't ever want to scare you like that and I didn't mean a word I said." I've always been told that I do crazy shit when I'm drunk, but I never would have thought I would do something like this.
"So you were lying when you said you wanted to have lots and lots of kids and a farm and a spider?"
Fuck.
I said that?
The kids part, I mean.
'Cause, I mean, I have been thinking about it. And I don't want Draco to be the only one, but it's something I've kept inside my head, and I didn't want anyone (especially Bella) to know this right now. Well shit, the cats out the bag now thanks to my fucking incapability to keep my mouth shut after a few drinks.
"I-um-well-I…"
"MUMMY!"
Saved by the bell.
Bella groaned – she needed a rest from the world for a minute. So I came up with a plan to give Bella a rest and to get myself out of the sticky situation I had been landed in.
I went to put a caring hand on her shoulder, but I pulled it back quickly – best not to push it, Cullen. "I'm going to take him out for the day; allow you to rest and forget everything that just happened, okay?"
"Are you sure? What if he throws another fit?"
"Then I'll take him to go see my parents or something, I dunno, I'll think of something."
As Bella responded with an appreciative smile, a tiny body ran into my legs, Draco smiled up at me. "Hi!"
"Hey buddy, we're going to go on a trip, you excited?"
"Mummy?"
"Mummy will stay here. Just me and you, 'kay?"
Instead of answering me, he chuckled and ran away.
He has too much energy.
Seriously, God knows how he manages to run everywhere – I'm finding it hard enough to walk.
It took me the best part of twenty minutes to get him suited and booted, half of that time was spent trying to find the little pest - I must remember under the covers on Bella's bed next time we play 'Hide and Seek'.
xxx
Okay, so I decided that whilst I'm on this outing with my son, I will get something to apologise and make Bella feel that little bit better. But the thing is I don't have any idea how to do this, how to say 'I'm sorry for being a dick, forgive me?' with an item. But I know someone who is an expert in this situation.
"This better be important, I need to take a shit."
Nice to hear from you too, Emmett. "I need to apologise to Bella, what do you do to Rosalie when you've been put in the dog house?"
Emmett guffawed loudly for a few seconds. "Ha-ha-ha! You so need to tell me what you did, brother." I told him a simplified version – not including the 'I want lots of babies' part. "The fuck? She got pissed at you for that? I do that to Rose all the time."
I didn't doubt that he did. "But your relationship with Rose is a little different than ours."
"Right, but you weren't fucking undressing her or trying to rape her."
"Well she's got a phobia about that sort of thing, so I can see why it would scare the shi-… scare her." I adjusted my choice of words, remembering who sat behind me. "Whatever, that isn't the point. What should I get her?"
"DADDY!" I turned slightly in my seat to look back at Draco, who looked more than a little agitated in having to wait for so long. He kicked his little black Adidas clad feet and slapped his knees.
"I'm just talking to Uncle Emmett, buddy. I won't be long, 'kay?"
"BAH-BAH-POH!"
"Is that my little man I hear? Drakey, how you doing dude? How's the chicks?"
"Emmett, please don't mention my son and girls."
"Ha! Who are you fucking kidding? With our genes, and if he follows in your footsteps, you'll be a granddad in fourteen years."
Emmett laughed hysterically. I almost cried hysterically.
"Sorry, that was wrong."
"Hell yes it was."
"I meant sixteen."
xxx
So I finally got an answer from Emmett, and he said that flowers are always a good place to start. Which is why I am currently parked outside a garden centre I never fucking knew excited with a son who somehow came across my black, square-rimmed, nerd glasses I wore to a party way before he was even born. Said son has been thoroughly entertaining himself by putting the glasses on, laughing, then taking them off – rinse, lather, repeat. If someone came up to me and gave me the opportunity to win one million dollars by simply naming ten types of flowers, I would fail miserably. So, for that reason alone, I Googled flowers and their meanings; knowing me, I would pick one that meant death or shit like that.
'Flowers to say sorry with' I typed into the Google search box on my iPhone. It came up with a selection of flower delivery services. I quickly deleted the words. 'flower meanings' –because my stupid, fucking brain couldn't think of that first. After clicking on a promising looking link, I read meanings like 'aspiring, dramatic, fragile'. Dear God, I'm close to just getting her chocolates. I don't even know what half these words mean.
Aah, this seems promising 'forgiveness'.
White. That's all it said, not a name of flower, just that white ones mean you're sorry.
Fuck sake.
Ooh, hang on a second. The page had a 'suitable flower for your birthday' part, and under the month of September, it said 'Aster, Forget-Me-Not'. The picture of Asters came up and they looked like large Daisies – yes, shock horror, Edward knows a type of flower! – Plus, they are white! Score. One-nil to me.
"You're looking very stylish today, buddy." I complimented my boy (as well as Bella's dressing skills) when taking him from his car seat. I think even Alice would be impressed with this outfit – a smart, white dress shirt, black waistcoat and black jeans, along with his Adidas shoes and the new addition of my glasses (which he refused to take off) he looked like a little model. A chill wind was picking up, so I helped him slip on his grey, cotton duffle coat – but left it unbuttoned so we could all see his shirt and waistcoat.
"Raaaaaaah!" He screamed whilst being placed into his push chair. "No! No Daddy! No!"
"Fine, you don't have to sit in it. But you're holding my hand the entire time."
Knowing my luck, I'll fucking lose him.
xxx
"Daddy!"
I tore myself away from the various flower beds in front of me and looked down at my son. Shit! "Draco, what the hell are you doing?" The little tear-away had pulled the heads off of a whole pot of flowers – blue petals now littered the floor. Taking him firmly by the hand, I walked away briskly before I was made to pay for the damage.
After all the time I spent on the internet, I was re-thinking the idea of white. It seems a bit, I dunno, boring as shit? Like, I remember family friends coming over and giving my mum flowers – they were always bright and colourful, that stood out and makes a place look 'pretty'. Perhaps I should follow that road. "What is mummy's favourite colour?" Like Draco was going to step up and list off a selection of colours – "mauve, mink, burgundy and turquoise' – but it was worth a shot. "Red? Does mummy like red?"
"Rrrr'd."
"Or… yellow?"
"Hello."
"Meh, that'll do." Draco was sitting on the ground by my feet, playing, once again, with my glasses. "I think I'll go for yellow… or pink? Yeah, pink looks nice. Actually no, yellow. Definitely yellow. What do you think…FUCK!"
You know how I said he was by my feet…
Yeah, he isn't anymore.
Um… anyone know where my son has gone?
Fuck. I'm dead.
"Draco… Buddy?" I looked under the tables, down the different aisles and in the toy section, but he was no-where to be found. Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, shitting shit, fuck! Bella is going to kill me. And probably cut off my balls before she does so.
I can just see it now…
'How was your trip?'
'Fine. I lost him. No big deal.'
I mean, how did I not feel him moving from my feet? And how can a toddler move that quickly? It doesn't make any sense! I have never felt so much worry and fear than I have right now. Images of the police searching under every fucking rock popped into my head. Images of Bella stabbing me to death never left my mind.
"Draco…"
Come on, this isn't funny anymore. Where the hell have you disappeared?
Shop Assistant POV.
I hear kids crying every day – 'cause no kid likes coming to a boring place like this – but it's not often I hear a cry that is sad, but full of worry and pain at the same time. The noise came from behind one of the water features outside the back of the shop near the sheds and gazeboes. Also, why would a child be behind a water feature? I decided to take a look, and near enough began to cry myself. A little boy with soft brown hair and adorable black glasses (much too large for his face) sat hunched up against the back fence bawling his eyes out with the face as red as a tomato. It's clear in an instant that he can't find his parents.
I kneeled down, trying my bed not to scare him, and placed a caring hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay, honey?"
"Da-da-da-ddy…" He spluttered out through his crying.
"Have you lost your daddy? Would you like me to help you find him?"
"Daddy…" They were the only words he spoke, and could even be the only words he knew. I helped the little one up off of the ground and brushed off any dirt that stuck to his trousers. I had a clean tissue in my pocket which I took out to wipe his tears and his snotty nose. After a bit of persuasion, he allowed me to pick him up and carried him to the customer service desk. I looked around as I walked, in case I found a very worried father running around the shop, but I didn't.
I hadn't ever used the tannoy for a 'if-you've-lost-your-child' announcement, but the basics were kind of common sense. The little boy continued to cry. "Can you tell me your name?" I ask, and then think that question could be too confusing for someone of his age. "What's your name?"
"Dra-Drah-co."
Damn, why couldn't his name be something simple like… Tom, or Ben…
What if I get his name wrong in the tanoy and the dad doesn't understand I'm talking about his son?
I repeat my question.
I get the same response.
Then again, how many customers in here right now have lost their son? If they hear a call for a child being found, they'd come looking anyway, right? And if I say the name like he pronounces it, surely, the dad would be used to hearing it being said that way anyway. Whatever, I can't stand this boy looking so scared.
I clear my throat before pressing the button on the speaker. "This is a customer announcement. Could Drah-co's father please come to the Customer Service desk where his son is waiting for him."
"Don't worry little one, your daddy knows where you are now."
Not five minutes after my announcement went live a guy came into my view. He looked…well, basically he looked like shit. Full of worry and his hair resembled Einstein's. This has got to be 'daddy'. Or, he's 'big brother', 'cause he looked young enough to be. He sprinted up to the desk, out of breath and mumbled something about 'where's my son?'
Edward POV
The lady behind the desk smiled happily as she bent down and brought Draco up onto the surface between us. I could have cried. Oh, my God what a nightmare. I can't remember ever hugging him as tight as I did at that moment. "Oh, my God Draco, don't ever do that to me again. I love you too much, buddy." I then remembered we had an audience. I spoke directly to the lady who, literally, saved my balls. "I cannot thank you enough… I just… thank you."
Her eyes had glazed over slightly. "It's my pleasure, I'm just happy to help."
He's never leaving my sight again.
xxx
"Ooh, look at that one!" We were looking at the brightly coloured fish in the pet shop part of the store. Draco was very interested in a large, fat goldfish with white bulging eyes and a long, flimsy tail. "His tail is cool, isn't it?" He followed the direction in which the fish swam with his finger, not taking any interest in anything I was saying.
"Daddy, daddy! Look at this one, daddy! Can I have this one, please?" I looked over at the little girl in a pink ballerina outfit with long, flowing blonde hair, dragging her dad over to the hamsters and mice. I couldn't help but smile, picturing myself in that situation. A bouncing, happy girl calling me daddy. Looking at a baby and thinking: 'you're my daughter, you're not going to kiss a boy until you get married'. Perhaps Draco and his sister going to the same school, he'll be the protective big brother who knee's a boy in the nads for simply looking at his baby sister.
Or what about another boy? Taking Draco and his brother to Little League soccer on Saturday mornings – maybe teaching the class and making sure my sons have the best position on the pitch. Bella could be sitting in the stalls with a sign she hand painted the night before say 'Go Draco, Go *insert other name here*'. Breaking up their arguments over not sharing the games console controller as they play a game Bella would not approve of.
Or what if we had another boy and a girl? Bella could take our daughter out shopping and come home – daughter balanced on her hip – to find me play wrestling in the back garden with our sons. We could have barbeques during the warm summer evenings; daughter sitting like a polite little angel, drinking her juice sweetly whilst her older brothers throw food at one another and call each other names…
Fuck, these thoughts aren't doing me any good.
"Come on buddy, time to go home."
I balance Draco and the flower I bought Bella (something yellow that smelt nice) out of the store.
I didn't let Draco out of my sight until he was safely home and running off to play with his toys.
Bella didn't find out about my… misplacing of our son, and she fucking loved the flowers.
Two-nil to Edward.
xxx
Bella POV
Draco prodded my stomach with a finger. "Babyyy!" He squealed with an over-excited face. Edward, who had been happily watching our interaction, now did a double-take and gawked at my middle. Of course, Draco didn't take in the reaction from his father and continued to speak his new saying: "Momma baby."
"The f-ck? You're pregnant?" At first, Edward had a hint of excitement in his eyes, but then the expression changed and his face fell slightly. We've only slept with each other once, and result of that is still prodding my stomach, so if I was pregnant, it obviously wouldn't be his child. I never knew someone could literally look 'as white as a ghost' until now.
"No of course I'm not. His friend's mum just had a baby, so the nursery talked to them all about it."
Edward blew out a sigh of relief. I thought it wold have calmed him down, but I was wrong again. "He's two! What fucking retard is teaching my son about sex and the consequences when he doesn't even know what a dick is!"
Seriously? "I think the idiot here if you, Edward. They didn't tell him how babies are made, just that they come from the mummy's tummy. We've got another ten years before he learns about the scientific stuff."
"Ha!" Edward boomed a short laugh. "Don't you think it's funny how he knows that you're, like, his mum and you have them and all, and then he knows that I'm his dad, but he doesn't know I hold the main ingredients."
He lost me after 'don't you think it's funny'. "What?"
After a quick roll of the eyes, he tried again. "He thinks babies just appear, right?"
"Right."
"And he has no idea that the 'daddy' has any involvement in the process. So, its kinda funny to think that you females just pick some random fool off the street to help them with their miracle baby. Funny, eh?"
I still didn't get it. "Yeah! That one's a… that's funny."
"You still don't get it, do you?" Damn, why must I be so transparent?
"Um… no."
Edward shook his head with a heavy sigh. "Hey buddy!" Draco perked his head like a meerkat. Edward dropped to his knees and held out his arms. "Gimme some lovin'?" Our boy ran across the floor with his favourite toy elephant in, straight into his daddy's embrace. "Who is this?" Edward shook the elephants paw.
"Mine!"
"Does he have a name?"
Draco peered at his elephant in thought, grabbing the trunk in his fist and shaking it around vigorously. "Drah-co!"
"Draco? Draco the elephant?"
"Yea!"
"Is this your favourite toy?"
"Yea."
"Do you love him?"
"Yea."
"Do you love… me?"
"Yea."
"Do you love… mummy?"
A sheepish smile crossed Draco's features. "Momma baby…"
"Mummy isn't having another baby, buddy."
He didn't seem to understand. "Baby…"
"Would you want mummy to have another baby?"
"Yea."
Edward gave me a knowing grin. I didn't like the look of this. "You would be a big brother."
"Drah-co."
"Yeah, Draco would be a big brother. We should name the next one Crabbe or Goyle."
This is when I cut in. "Hold on a second, Edward. I'm not having another baby. Please don't fill his head with things that won't come true."
"I'm not, and how do you know they won't come true?" What is it with him and wanting a second child all of a sudden? Who has been putting these ideas in his head? "We all know you're fooling yourself."
He's just like a child himself. So persuasive. "Edward, I'm not having another baby. Please, stop going on about it."
"Aw come on, what would be so bad about it? You know we can afford it."
For Christ's sake. "We're nineteen! We are still kids ourselves and the locals would think that we were never taught about condoms or other forms of birth control."
"Who gives a fuck what they think? I honestly think we could do this. I want to be a daddy again; I want two munchkins running to me after work. I want Draco to be the older, protective big brother; I don't want to wait and leave a large age gap between them."
Traitor tears pooled in my eyes. "I'm scared…" I spoke honestly, my voice breaking slightly as the tears dropped. Edward jumped to his feet and took my hand in his.
"What are you scared about? You think I'd leave you and run? I know I was an ass before, but I've changed now. I wouldn't do that to you, Bella. I never could."
This is the first time anyone would have heard my biggest fear. "I'm scared that I'll… that it'll happen again…" more tears fell.
"That what'll happen again?" He soon got it. "Oh Bella, you can't let that stop you from getting what you want. It's very rare for that thing to happen in the first place. I fully understand how traumatic it is/was and how scared you are, but if that is truly the only reason you don't want another baby, then you could have a C-Section. Imagine it Bella, me teaching Draco how to ride a bike whilst you stand and watch with a chubby thing in your arms. Or taking them on holiday; splashing each other at the pools or racing one another down the water slides."
I did imagine that – all too clearly. For some reason, I saw myself holding a girl with large, wide brown eyes, brown hair that sat to her ears and curled at the ends and a big smile with half her tongue sticking out. The image seemed glued to my mind. I couldn't rub it away.
I want that girl.
"What?"
Shit, I said that out-loud, didn't I?
"Yes, you did." Edward smirked.
Gahh!
Just repeat it, you've already said them aloud anyway.
*Deep breath*
1…2…3
No! No, I can't do it.
Yes, I can.
Okay, come on. Four words. Say those four words and that's it.
Inhale…
…Exhale.
"I…"
Oh! So close!
"You what Bella?"
"..I… I want… I want another baby."
xxx
A/N—Who 'aww'ed? Who laughed? Who cried?
Funny story, I was thinking if (IF) they had a girl what I would call her, and I thought 'aww… I like the name Harriet', but then realised their kids would be called Draco and Harri. HA-HA-HA, complete coincidence, I laughed for about 20 minutes straight…
Thoughts?
RosieRathbone
xx
