A/N - I'm really sorry for how long it took to get this uploaded, I've had a lot in the way which stopped me from getting anything written and had to sort that out before I could. But I hope it is worth the wait.
This HAS NOT been re-read, because it's already 00:12 and I need my sleep…so I apologise for any mistakes you may come across.
Something's come, feel it down in my bones,
Yeah it's been a long time gone, but ya here tonight,
Now let's not look back, ya keeping me right on track,
Feel the karma coming back, we're gonna be alright.
Change is Gonna Come – Olly Murs.
Edward.
"Hey, what the hell is… core-risso?"
"What?"
I sighed in frustration, looking back at the recipe Esme had written down for me. "One of the main ingredients - Core-risso."
"It's pronounced 'chorizo', Edward."
"Yeah whatever. What is it?"
"It's a spicy sausage; goes very well with chicken which is why I picked out this menu for you." I hope Esme realises I can't cook for shit, because if she doesn't then we'll be in a bit of trouble. "It's a fairly simple dish to make, you won't have a problem. So, tell me, what was the last thing you made?" Esme asked me this whilst we were walking down one of the many aisles at the food store. If there wasn't a sign, I couldn't tell you what at least half of these things were or how you used them. That is how shit I am when it comes to kitchen work.
"Er… oh, cereal for Draco this morning." But in saying that, Draco could probably make his own cereal and do a better job than I did.
"Right, what about the last thing you had to cook."
"I attempted a batch of cookies once, but I burnt them and I've seen dog turds that looked prettier. Please, remind me again why I've decided to do this?"
My dear mother stopped looking at the various types of rice before her and turns slightly to offer me a sympathetic look. "Because you are a loving young man who is trying to make someone feel special and appreciated. Don't worry, Edward, I know what I'm doing, I won't let you burn any of this."
You say that now…
"So! What's the next thing on the list?"
xxx
"Hey, mum?"
"Yes, Edward?"
"Can prawns have sex?"
"Um, yes."
"Really? Hmm…strange."
xxx
"Okay, these are one of the easiest dessert snacks you could make. So, we start off with the butter, is it soft?"
With one finger, I felt over the chunk of butter that sat all alone in a plastic bowl. "Er… it's quite greasy, but yeah, it's soft."
Esme groaned into her hands. "Oh, my goodness. No, I mean is it easy to beat or is it solid?"
"Oooh…" that makes so much more sense. I smacked the back of a wooden spoon against the butter, but it didn't leave a dent or any mark whatsoever. "Nope, it's solid." After being advised to microwave it for fifteen to twenty seconds, it was a lot easier to mix. I added the few ingredients that Esme pointed to and 'mixed well until smooth'.
"Spoon the mixture into the cases and shove the tray in the oven."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Fuck me. "Wow, that's like, really easily. I thought baking was all technical crap that only skilful people could manage." I'm not skilful, only in the bedroom do I know what I'm doing. Bam! You know what I mean.
My mother, being the voice of fucking wisdom, helped explain to me the technicalities of baking. "It can be very tricky and challenging – like making a soufflé for example needs expert time and patience. But something like cupcakes or chocolate cookies don't need a lot of skill at all. Children as young as three can make them by themselves, just as long as an adult handles the oven."
Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better - sarcasm. I so don't see myself as a complete fucking idiot now – sarcasm. I'm totally not rolling my eyes as I think this – sar… yeah, you get the drift.
"And Edward, I don't have to warn you about alcohol consumption, do I?"
"No mother, you don't."
"Good. And so just because I bought two bottles of pink champagne, doesn't mean you have to have all of it – you don't even have to have any of it! But once you have had a glass or two, you refuse any friend that asks for a lift somewhere…"
"…Woah, okay mum, I get the picture! I have had alcohol before, you know. And I know not to drive 'whilst under the influence'."
"Just… just look after Bella, okay?"
You think I'd be doing this if that wasn't my intention?
xxx
The whole playground was in an uproar when I went to collect Draco shortly before three that afternoon. The other classes wouldn't be let out until three-fifteen, so I knew that all the brats running their teachers wild right now were all from the nursery class. You could hear crying coming from one side after one kid pushed another one over; laughter from another side, and you'd look over to see a group of toddlers running in circles and playing some sort of imaginary game they had made up. I went to the first teacher I saw on duty. I don't often get the chance to collect Draco, it's normally Bella that does this, and so I had to remind them who I was and which one was mine.
"Erm… oh, there he is." She pointed over to the far corner where Draco was spotted grabbing handfuls of soil from a flower pot, throwing it to the ground and then jumping on it. Of course, it would be my kid that ruins all the displays. At least he wasn't pissing in it, but then again, I wouldn't be too surprised to see that. We walk over together, not making much of a conversation. "Draco, daddy is here." His head perks up, the soil is forgotten about and soon he's charging his little legs down the tarmac and into my arms. His arms hug my neck tight, it's like he hadn't seen me in days, when in fact it had only been a handful of hours.
"Heya, buddy!" I chuckle happily, returning the tight embrace and kissing his chubby cheeks. "Did you have a good day?"
"Yea."
"Were you a good boy?"
"Yea." I look at the teacher with an expression that silently asked her the same question.
"He had a little crying fight before morning break, but other than that, he was as good as gold. We learnt a new song, didn't we, Draco?" I brought him round to my side so he was facing us.
"Did you, buddy? What song was that?"
He didn't answer, so the teacher put her hands up and startled wiggling her fingers, which Draco copied with a large smile. "Twinkle, Twinkle, little…"
"Tar!"
He gets his musical talent from me, I just know it.
Sadly I had to end their sing-a-long pretty sharpish, I still had so much to do before this evening. Draco took me to his peg inside their classroom, I grabbed his jacket and the 'Cars' lunchbox Bella had packed this morning. His peg was marked with a sticker that said his name and then had a picture of a cow representing his name. I'm not sure how a cow represents it, but the peg next to it had a sticker with a chicken on it, so I'm starting to think they are all farm animals.
"Can you take your jacket for daddy?" I smile politely, holding it out for Draco to take.
"Noooo…" His brows knot together in a small frown.
"And why not?" We're not allowing him to get away with being so defiant for long. It took me some time, but I soon got him to take the jacket as asked and we strolled hand in hand to my car, reminding him to look both ways when crossing a road; doing my fatherly duties and what not.
"Daddy?" He said whilst I strapped him into his car seat.
"Yeah?"
"Sat?" He pointed a finger behind me; I had to turn around before noting that he was pointing to a street lamp.
"That is a street lamp, buddy."
"Oh. Sat?" This time pointing to the house behind it.
"That's a house."
"Ow-se."
"Well done, you're really good at pronouncing words, buddy." My praise didn't go unnoticed, he smiled brightly and squirmed in glee, bringing his fists up to his mouth and lowered his head as if he was shy.
Apart from gibberish, Draco didn't say anything that I could understand until we had arrived home. "Bud… bud-bud… dyyyy." I parked the car, grasped his lunch box and jacket from the passenger seat in my right hand and opened his door with my left. "Bud… bud-bud… dyyyy." He continued to sound out the separate parts to the word. I couldn't find it in myself to interrupt, by the time we were in the house his pronunciation had developed, "Bud-d-d-yyy."
This time, I did jump in. "You are daddy's buddy."
"Daddy buddy!"
"Daddy's buddy, go and play with your toys for a minute, grandma will be coming over soon." Draco ran off without muttering a word. I was going to wait until Esme took Draco home with her before finalising my plans, so for now, I stuck with cleaning the kitchen and dining room, seeking out some candles and setting the table. A painful sounding cry caught my attention, making me drop everything and run from the room. A number of disastrous scenarios crossed my mind – did I close the stair gate? Has he toddled up and fallen down? Did I put the safety lock on the drawer? Maybe I haven't and he's slammed it on his fingers? – Oh, God, so many things could have happened. Why didn't I keep him in my sight? Fucking hell, what was I playing at?
Draco was found sitting on the bottom step with his back up against the stair gate – locked and in place, I was glad to see. He had his head tilted back and large tears were rolling down his puffy, red cheeks. I kneeled by his feet and pulled him into my chest, trying my best to soothe whatever it was that had bothered him.
"Daddy's buddy, what's the matter?" He only sniffed and rubbed his snotty nose on the sleeve of my shirt. "Hey, hey, don't cry. Come on, why are you crying? Let daddy make it better."
"Mmmm-ummy gone. Mum-mummy not where."
I'm such a fucking idiot, why did I not think of this? Bella is always here when Draco gets home – she's normally the one to collect him. Of course he'd be upset and worried that he can't find her. Maybe he shouldn't stay away tonight, maybe it would be best if we get him down to sleep first, and then have our meal… No – even though it sounds harsh, we need to do this. We haven't had a night off to be ourselves since he was born. I just have to reassure him that Bella isn't far away, and that he'll see her soon, then bribe him with the exciting idea of spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa – that's got to work, surely.
xxx
"Little brother, this better be about something important."
Nice to speak to you too, Alice. I would really like to know why my siblings start our conversations with something negative. I'm not that bad, am I?
"It's about clothes, Mary Alice."
"Clothes?" She squawked like some fucking parrot. "Edward Anthony, do you actually want to talk about clothes, or are you taking the piss?" I could practically hear her heart beating rapidly. It scared me how excited someone could get over something as simple as this.
"No, Mary Alice, I am not taking the piss. I wish to have a tête-à-tête about Bella's clothes to be perfectly honest."
"Um, Edward Anthony…I know you're young and confused, and sometimes people like to experiment wearing clothes meant for the opposite sex, but I really don't think Bella's would fit you…"
Oh Christ. I should have known she would jump to the most random conclusion; always has, always will. "Jesus. Mary Alice, no! I've planned a surprise meal/evening for us tonight, and I would like your help in choosing out an outfit for her."
"Well why didn't you tell me? Don't answer that – I don't have the time. Are you in her room now? Do you have access to her clothes?" I tell her that I'm standing in front of her open closet. "Excellent. Well, a nice dress or perhaps a tight skirt with a floaty top? Edward Anthony, you do realise I can't actually see the contents of said closet, yes?"
"Really, Mary Alice? Fucking hell, I never knew that – yes; that was sarcasm. Er, there's a black dress here, it has, um, no straps and a white belt-ribbon-under-the-tits thing."
Do not imagine her tits in that. Do not imagine her tits in that. Do not imagine her tits in that…
… I imagined her tits in that.
Fuck me, what a sight.
"What sort of material is it?"
"Uh, you know those cushions Esme has… they're like, red and…a bit of purple… well it's that material."
Alice sighed. "Do you mean satin? Is it smooth and kind of shiny?"
"Yeah, that's it!"
"Right, well that sounds lovely. Edward Anthony I need to go, so I would advise you match the dress with black shoes, tights and maybe a cardigan – ladies can feel a little self-conscious with so much flesh showing especially the arms."
Flesh showing is a plus in my eyes…
"Thank you, Mary Alice. Have a good evening."
"You too, baby brother. Oh, and give Bella and Draco a hug and kiss from me!"
"Will do."
xxx
To my astonishment, I had the place ready for when Bella walked through the door a bit later that evening. It surprised me how… delectable someone could look with crusted paint in their hair, brushed over their clothes, and the paint all over her ass didn't go unnoticed as she walked up the stairs to have a bath. I'd be happy to help if you need assistance reaching … No, no, come on, Cullen, stay focused and maybe her ass will be your reward later on…
The pipes moaned and the boiler bubbled away in a sign that the bath water was running. I waited until the moaning had stopped before preparing a glass of pink champagne – dearest mother of mine advised to drop a strawberry into the alcohol to make it all aesthetically pleasing. She did, however, remind me to break the green leafy bit off the top – 'it ruins the atmosphere' – her words, not mine.
Once passing Bella her glass, I hastily dressed into my suit – last time I wore this I was sixteen and attending my aunt's second wedding; surprised I could still wear it. I ran a comb (that I seldom use – I had to de-dust it) through my mess of hair, collected Bella's outfit and sat them outside the bathroom door. The timer told me I still had seventeen minutes before the dinner would be ready, the mashed potato had already been made, so that just needed to be re-heated in the microwave for four minutes, the table had been set and things were slowly falling into place.
Setting up my speakers in the front hallway, I plugged up my iPod, picked First Arabesque by Debussy and would wait until I heard Bella coming down the stairs before pressing play. It wasn't long before the sound of her bedroom door closing and soft footfalls were overheard. I switched on the music - relaxing and, dare I say it, beautiful. But nothing was as beautiful as the sight of Bella, dressed in the outfit Alice helped me chose, with her hair flowing neatly down her back and over her shoulders, smiling timidly at me. A hint of confusion also present on her face; part of the confusion lifted away once I told her where Draco was for the evening. I led us into the dining room.
"I thought I would treat you after everything you've been doing and had to go through recently. So I hope you'll take me up on my offer for dinner…?"
"I'd love to."
xxx
"Edward, did you plan all of this?" We were seated at opposite sides of the table, sipping on our champagne and taking in the mouth-watering scent of the dinner I proudly made. I relayed how I had Charlie distract her with the painting of a shed, what I spent the day doing and even Draco's new love of 'Daddy Buddy'. "I… I don't know what to say. Thank you – no-one has ever done this for me before."
Point for me…
"It's the least I could do." I shrugged nonchalantly.
Sentimental Edward rose to the situation, along with his good friend Cheesy Edward. Together, they said the followings words. "Seriously Bella, I don't make it known enough how much I appreciate everything you have done. It's because of you that I changed my mind in helping to raise Draco; I would have missed all of these moments; at first I didn't even want to be known as his father and the idea of that makes me feel physically sick. But you changed me from being the selfish asshole into a doting father. So I'll be forever grateful and this dinner is nothing like what you've done for me."
I stopped talking when I clocked on to her eyes brimming with tears. I smiled at the clear sign of how much my words affected her. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to make you cry."
She waved me away. "No, no, it's fine. I always knew you could do it; you just had to have a little faith in yourself. And just to warn you, I will be keeping your butt in line; I won't be stopping any time soon…"
"Ooh, game on, Swan." We sniggered at one another foolishly.
xxx
Okay, so I was given the instructions for how to make cupcake icing – add this, that and the next thing. Mix and make it into a spreadable consistency. I doubt wallpaper paste is the right consistency, so I used some common fucking knowledge and added more water, then it became too fucking watery, sprinkled in more icing sugar, and it went back to wallpaper paste! Fuck that shit, it could add a bit of fun, doing our best to spread this crap onto the cupcakes I put my all into making.
I balance the bowl of icing, tray of cakes and tubs of little jellied sweets to decorate over to the table. "You'll be astonished to know I made these cupcakes all by myself as well." I sound like such a child…
Bella gasped sarcastically. "Oh, my goodness, Edward, you deserve a gold star for this."
I hesitated in my step. "You know, I could have just given you a banana…"
You could give her your banana…
I'm not going to get very far with these thoughts.
The bedroom is far enough.
SHUT UP!
"Oh, Edward – I was joking; these cupcakes look amazing." We each took two cakes and a knife, debating the best way to ice these fuckers.
I shrugged with an obvious grin, "Yeah… I was going to make some outstanding, five star dessert, but, y'know, this is more fun and creative." The icing was so thick, it tore away at the top of the cakes, but once we had covered it all in various brightly coloured toppings you couldn't tell the difference. I was impressed by how amazing they tasted – the sponge was light and soft, but, yes, the icing was a challenge to bite through.
"This whole evening has been amazing – since the second I walked into the house. I never knew you could cook this well. Thank you, it makes me feel very special."
Seriously? How many times do I have to repeat myself? "That's because you are special, Bella."
She shoved off my comment with a bashful smile, heat coloured her cheeks. "You're just saying that."
Fine, she wants to play it that way? I'm game. Scooting back my chair, I rose steadily, not breaking eye contact. She looked at me in confusion as she watched me stalk around the table, bringing her up to stand - never letting go of her hands. "I'm not just saying that. You are beautiful, warm-hearted, funny, clever, inspiring and you put your goddamn all into every little thing. Believe me, you're very special. And even if you weren't all of these things, you are still special because you're Draco's mother; and nothing in the world can ever change that." I couldn't hold back, the tiny part of me screaming 'no - don't do this' became lost in the echo of 'yes; take the bull by the horns'. I pressed a small, tentative kiss to the side of her lips to finalise my words.
"You do know you're pretty special too, right?"
"Meh, I had an inkling."
She swatted my arm playfully. "Edward Cullen - always full of it."
You could be full of me, later…
Okay, last – fucking – chance.
xxx
Bella had something on her mind – it's the way she played with her bottom lip and gazed around the room; not keeping her eyes on anything for more than a couple seconds, which said it all. The table had been cleared, and all that was left were the glasses we were still happily drinking from. What surprised me the most is how we had only gone through half a bottle of champagne since the night began. I know it's an acquired taste and something that you take your time sipping on, but I was certain we had had more than two glasses each. Oh well, Bella's constant gnawing at the lip was starting to piss me off, so that became my main priority.
"Hey, what's twiddling your tits?"
My sudden quizzing shook her from her silent thoughts. "Um, I'm sorry?"
"What's on your mind? You've been chewing the shit out of your lips for ages."
"Oh, I… I didn't even realise I was doing it." Colour tinted her cheeks; her lip was sucked back between her teeth. Christ sake, she had no idea what that does to me.
"You're doing it again…" I smirked, she giggled. "Come on then, didn't your mother ever teach you that it's rude to keep secrets?"
"Hm… yes, I do believe she did say that at one point in my life."
I tapped my hands on the table…is she going to tell me? "So… what's the secret?"
Shit, it's worse than I originally thought. Bella frowned, undoubtedly questioning herself, working out whether it would be best to tell me or not. She chose the former. "Um…I… gah!" She ran her hands through her hair, gripping tightly at the roots. 'Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay' she chanted. "I want to talk about… that thing that you mentioned the other night… that I'm sort of, kind of, constantly debating myself over and… yeah."
For fuck sake. "You're going to have to give me a little bit more than that. I mention a lot of things on a daily basis, most of which don't make sense – even to me."
"Right - fine! I want to talk about another child and what that would involve, etc."
"Well, what it tends to involve is this little thing called sex, Bella. Sperm from a man's -."
She didn't seem too interested with my Biology lesson. "Oh har-har. I think we both know damn well what it involves physically, but I'm meaning mentally. Like, what would this mean for us? I was brought up to follow the 'get married, buy a house, get a decent job, raise a family' track, and even though I don't regret a single decision that we have made raising Draco, it isn't fair to have him sharing two homes, and I would want to be in a solid relationship before bringing anyone else into the equation. Do you get what I mean?" Her eyes held fear and anguish.
I understood what she meant, but fuck if it made any sense. I've told her, explained that this is what I want – to go through the sleepless nights and 'firsts' all over again; to give Draco a sibling to play with, argue over the games controller with and call each other names with. But Bella knows that I don't do relationships, that I can't see myself being a husband, and so if she wants to live the fucking American Dream; buying a house with a white picket fence, have two and half kids with a husband and a fucking dog, I won't be involved with that, because I don't do that. It made me fucking see red to think about Draco having a step-father, half-siblings even a fucking step-dog. Why is she doing this? Why is she putting me through this bullshit?
I thought carefully over the words I spoke – knowing my luck, I'd make the situation even worse by one single choice word. "I understand what you mean, but I don't understand what that means for me."
"It means we need to discuss where we lie. Because I know your views and how you 'don't do relationships', but from the second you took my virginity on your bed, we've been in one whether you call it that or not." Jesus, don't try and be graphic or anything… "And Edward, have you ever been in a relationship?"
"'Course I have," I've fucked plenty of chicks. "But I find a way to kill them somehow." No-one has ever used the line 'it's not you, it's me' when breaking up with me, it's always been 'It's not me, it's you.' Well, at least they're being honest.
"Oh come on, you can't be that bad."
Ha! "Bella, you know too well what I'm like – yeah, I am that bad. But it is fine, I don't mind; girlfriends just cause trouble." Then everything fell into place – her words started to make sense with me. "Wait, so you mean to say that Draco is going to have half-siblings and we'll need to share him with someone else if you want another child? I don't think I like that idea."
"No, that's not what I mean, I mean -."
"It fucking well is." I didn't care about interrupting; I was getting pissed off here. "You want to be in a solid relationship and married to someone before popping another one out, and that won't be me, so that child won't be mine and you'd be living this happy-go-lucky, fucking, world of wonder with some guy, your spawn and Draco, and he'll only be seeing me on the weekends and the only relationship I'll be having is with a bottle of Jack Daniels."
That stung more than I cared to admit.
"Edward, for the love of God, that isn't what I'm saying!"
"Then what are you saying? Do enlighten me."
Just like before, Bella grabbed her hair at the root, this time groaning silently; finding the courage to say what she wanted to say. "I mean… you could try… you're-you're older and more responsible now… you can make something work if you want it to…" I had the urge to ask for an explanation, but I kept quiet. "W-we could… y'know… try…"
"We could try?"
"Yeah… we could…gah! Come on, Bella, just say it… We could try and… be a couple… I haven't been in a relationship before, you don't 'do' them – we'll learn off each other and both get what we want…"
Holy shit, she just said that, didn't she?
"You want that with me?" I think I've had more champagne that originally thought. "You want to look at me and think 'that's my boyfriend'?"
Actually, when you put it that way… the offer doesn't sound too bad.
She counted on her fingers, "we've already had a child, we live together, we've kissed on more than one occasion; it seems like the next step… And don't think your jealousy towards Jacob has gone unnoticed…"
That dick head…
"Right. Fine."
"Fine? You… you want to give it a go?"
I shrugged. "Why not? But, we have rules to stick by."
Bella looked hesitant. Oh, she should be. "Okay…"
"Rule number one: I get to kiss you whenever I goddamn want. Number two… well, that's actually the only one – I never had time to think of others, but they will come, so, be warned."
"Ooft, they're some tough rules to stick by…" Bella grinned, winked, and leant across the table, resting her torso on her arms.
I'd be a fool to give up this opportunity. "I think we should start the rules now."
She didn't object. Our mouths collided in a kiss far more meaningful than before, ebbing and flowing, getting lost in the moment. She didn't even stop me when my hands snaked their way through her hair, holding her head closer to mine as the kiss increased. My subconscious began performing some crap rendition of the Carlton dance.
xxx
That passionate kiss was as far as we went last night, but I'm planning on getting us a little bit further. What? I'm a guy. We finished off that one bottle of champagne, hardly felt any side effects, and went off to separate beds shortly after one in the morning. It's now nine-thirty, Bella is in the shower and we'll be heading off to collect Draco when she's ready. I couldn't wait to bring him into my arms and enjoy his company; I just hope he's been well behaved for my parents.
The shrill ring of a telephone interrupted my thoughts. I swallowed down the last gulp of black coffee, picked the phone up off its cradle and noticed the words 'Charlie Home' before pressing the green button. "Morning, Charlie." I tried to sound as eager as possible, when, honestly, I think I peed a little. I bet you it is concerning last night and whether I touched his daughter inappropriately.
"Good morning Edward, how was the evening?"
Shit, shit, I knew it!
"It was very good; thank you again for the distraction."
"Good, I'm glad. Is Bella about?"
"She's just in the shower at the moment, but I could pass on a message?"
"That would be great. Tell her that someone is her to see her."
"Okay, um, do you mind me asking who it is? Just so I can say it in the message."
"Her mother."
xxx
Ooh, shiiit. What does Renee want? You'll just have to wait and see ;) btw, if you don't know what The Carlton Dance is, YouTube it – now. Seriously, best thing in existence.
Next update will be in the next couple weeks.
Thoughts? Leave me your views.
RosieRathbone xx
