A/N:

Heyo! Welcome to chapter eight!

I am SO sorry I have taken so long with this one, and it's not even very long *shot* ^^; But life havn't been the best lately, I've been going trough a tough time and on top of the stress I encountered a very bad writers block D_D;

Dear Franzii; I havn't been able to get around to your PM, I am so very sorry! I hope you can forgive me, knowing that I never have forgotten you XD

I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter :) The title was hard coming up with, and it's only Seth and Embrys POV. I wanted Michelle (you) to move a little in the background and let you be seen trough their eyes. They were pretty close to dying as you might remember, but this is a happy story (in a twisted way I know) so of course they don't just die XD

A MILLION THANK YOU TO ALL THE REVIEWERS!

I seriously love you guys! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Enough talking! Here you go;


LETTING GO.

Is Never Easy.

Seth/Reader. Embry/Reader.

Chapter Eight:

Changing.

Seth POV.

"I'm so sorry Seth. H-how can I ever. . ."

Don't sweat it Miki.

The paper made a soft noise under the pressure of the pen, as I wrote the words that'd hopefully make her stop apologizing all the time. Michelle having a guilt trip on me was really the last thing I needed right now. It was hard enough I couldn't speak yet. Or not hard, really, more like annoying. At least I would be able to speak, sooner or later. Carlisle had assured me that much the last time he checked on me. Which was roughly two hours ago.

It'd been a clean cut, he had said. So I've been lucky, I wouldn't even have a scar once it was completely healed. Only for a few weeks, or maybe even an entire month. I didn't care. If I wanted to I could cover it up. Scarfs had been invented ages ago.

I barely remembered how it had felt when my air-pipe had been cut, just that I couldn't breath. The pain had been minimal actually. I kind of knew why anyways, you see, the real pain had been in my chest. An insane un-earthly burning flame in the pits of my heart. Even when the black curtain of unconciousness had consumed me I had felt the pain trough it. But I had desurved it, so it was a little irratating only my throat felt sore now. I wasn't the biggest masochistic out there, but I had vaguely hoped I'd suffer more, at least psyshically. Mentally it was already as bad as it could be. Almost.

I didn't remember waking up either, only that I did. I'd started to hear voices, first very distant, but then closer and closer. They'd been low, but yet so loud. Angry voices, arguing over something. My head had been hurting like crazy. A dizzy feeling spreading out trough me, making me feel sick and nauseated. And then the black had been replaced with a sudden blurry light. It's hard to explain, I didn't really see anything, but it flickered like it was moving and that made it blurry.

The voices had stopped just then, and it sounded like that, whoever it was, they stopped breathing too. Like my now barely present state was so much more important that whatever they had been discussing. I wanted to groan, but something blocked my air-pipes, even my nose felt blocked, like something had been stuffed up in my notrills. Not a nice feeling. Something grapped my hand, something very cold, but I barely had the strenght to flinch away from it and after a while it wasn't really that uncomfortable either.

One of the voices spoke again, but kinder and very soft. Like velvet and very concerned. I'd strained my ears to make sense of the words and as they became clearer I'd realized I knew exactly who this was.

"Seth. Seth can you hear me buddy?" It was Edward. Edward was here, probaly holding my hand judging from his closeness right beside me, which would explain the cold touch. It'd eased me a bit and I'd wanted to respond, but a sudden pang of pain in my throat had made me wince and I'd whimpered. Only to realize that, damn, that hurt too.

"It's okay Seth, I understand. Don't strain yourself, you need to rest now. Everything will be fine." Dang. I had almost forgotten that Edward was a mind-reader. I could have saved myself the pain had I realized that a little earlier. If my head just wasn't so. . . Ugh. Dizzy. It had never bugged me before that Edward could hear my thoughts, but this time I'd been really grateful. I had no idea why I couldn't speak, but I'd blamed whatever it was blocking my air-pipe.

I'd then tried to remember why I'd felt that way. Why my body was so heavy and sore. But I couldn't really recall anything, even the less could I ask, not that I'd have to. Edward would already know what went trough my mind. But as he didn't answer or say anything at all for a while, I'd started to wonder just what held him back. I'd partly got that answered when the other voice spoke. This time it'd been so clear and so close I'd wanted to kick myself for not realizing who this was much earlier.

"He'll be okay right?" It was more soprano than Edwards, but it'd held the same amount of concern, just with a more clear egde of panic laced to it. A females voice, and not just any female. What was Michelle doing here? I'd heard Edward whisper, probaly too low for her to hear and I'd felt his breath tickle my ear. At some point I'd wanted to gag when the fresh smell of his vampiric scent hit my nose. So I'd still been able to smell, great. (That was sarcasm.)

"She was worried about you, she refused to leave, even still do. I promise I'll explain everything later. Try to sleep now, I'll make her leave."

I'd to admit that Michelle really was the last person I had expected would be there. By my side non the less. It could surely only mean this was not just a strange dream created by my subconscious. Or maybe I had that backwards, because why would she even be by me? Hadn't she decided to leave? Not just me, but Embry too? Gasp. EMBRY!

I'd felt an odd sort of panic spread out trough me, and despite all the impossibilities my breath hitched as I'd struggled to keep my heartbeat steady. It'd been thumbing so hard in my chest I'd been certain it'd leave a permanent tattoo in its wake. I'd heard Edward sigh, a little exasperated and I'd almost been able to see him run his hand over his face as he'd tried to collect himself. Wether it'd been because of my little panic tour, or it'd been something else, I really knew not, but I'd heard him mumble low, too low for me to hear. And then he'd spoken again, higher and he'd sounded just a little annoyed.

"I have told you many times it's not good for Seth that you are here. Now he is upset." As if to make his point I'd heard him tap his fingers on a hard surface of a sort, I'd known it was him because the sound was like rock against metal. And then I'd noticed something I hadn't noticed before. The violent beeping of a high pitched tune that'd moved in tact with every beat of my heart. Fast. A monitor no doubt. So that kind of explained the tubes in my nose. I'd probaly been wired up to anything possible, knowing Edward and his family, the doctor, it hadn't been that big of a surprise. They always took precautions just in case, even though I wasn't really the same kind of breakable as any normal human.

"This is my. . . fault?" Her voice broke in the end and she'd struggled to force out the last word. I'd almost been able hear the pain filled in every word and it had just been too easy to imagine the look on her face. How she must have been sitting bend over herself, crouching and probaly hugging her legs as she'd tried to hide her face between her knees. How her eyes had pricked with tears she in the end wouldn't be able to hold back. Miki could never stop crying when it first started. Ugh. It'd been torture. I hadn't liked it. Edward had to stop making her feel that way. Non of it was Mikis fault, why would he lie like that? It really hadn't been her fault, did he have a problem with her or something?

She shouldn't worry about me either. I was strong, I would make it. If he'd just tell her that. I'd wanted to tell her myself, but I couldn't. I would do like anything if she'd just stop worrying so much.

Edward please. I'd hoped he'd hear me, but then again why shouldn't he? Edward could just pluck my thoughts out of my head like humans plucked apples from a tree. He'd sighed again, less exasperated than before, but I could hear the undertone of annoyance. So he didn't appreciate I'd been taking her side. He was. . . Angry with her? I'd heard confirmation in form of a low hissed yes and my mind had gone blank. I hadn't been able to come up with one reason why that could be. No offence, but what had been his problem? He'd sighed again and I'd heard the soft footfalls as he'd walked around the bed, closer to the sound of Mikis breathing.

"I am sorry. Will you please stop crying? I didn't mean this was entirely your fault. . . Michelle. . . It's just. I believe Seth can hear our every word and it is very distressing for him. No doubt it's confusing enough for him just that you are here. Look. You should go home and sleep." I'd been able hear the sound of her hair whooshing trough the air as she'd shaken her head, another low strangled sob left her lips. Great. Now she was too upset to speak. The beeping from the monitor that'd kept track of my heartbeat had gone crazy again. I'd really wished I could control it, but I really, really hated when Miki wasn't happy and smiling and laughing. I hadn't been able to see her, but hearing her so sad was nearly just as bad.

Still I'd had to admit I was starting to wish she would just do as Edward had said and go home. She'd sounded like one who could need some sleep too. It was so typical Michelle, she always had to blame herself for everything, even for things that really wasn't her fault at all. Wether Edward did agree with me or not, I had known her way longer than him, but maybe he'd seen something in her mind that had formed the odd dislike he seemed to hold against her. I knew not, but there was questions I'd needed answered, questions I'd known he wouldn't explain before she was out of here.

His voice took on a new kind of tune, kinder and pleading, almost persuading as he'd leaned forward. I'd heard the rustle of his clothes as the fabric had moved against his perfectly smooth and hard skin. I could imagine how he'd placed a hand on her shoulder, to make the persuading more effective.

"Must I beg? It's getting very late. Seth needs his rest, but he is straining himself to stay concious because we're here. You can see it on the monitor, his heart respond to our words. He isn't just having a nightmare. Please. Go home and sleep. Emily and Sam will be very worried. I promise I will keep you updated, all of you."

I hadn't been sure if it worked, but I'd had another thing I wondered about now. Just how late was it, how many hours had passed, hours or days? How freaked out would my Mom be? Leah? It'd been odd that she hadn't been there, but well okay. I'd been in a house full of vampires, I'd known because everything reeked. No matter how much I liked the Cullens, Vampire smell was just not something you ever got truly used to. And of course I knew how Leah still didn't like them, she was probaly staying put at home, worrying herself sick together with Mom. And she'd probalykick my ass as soon as I was healthy enough. Something I'd wierdly enough looked forward to rather than cringed away from. I'd guessed thinking of them just made me worry too much.

I heard a sigh again, but this time it hadn't been Edward. But it hadn't been Michelle either. A groan had followed and someone winced. Suddenly my heartbeat had excalated and the beeping drowned out every other sound that had been apparant in the room, but it hadn't just been the beeping from my monitor. Realization had hit me like a truck going way too fast on the highway. That was why she had been there! She hadn't just been there for me, she had been there in that room because. . . The sensation of odd joy had been flooding my senses and my heart had just went that much faster. There had been the responding beeping from the other monitor I hadn't realized had been there and man, if I could I would have cried.

Embry was there.

After that point the hours had passed momentarily peaceful. Embry had stayed unconcious for what I'd known of, but just knowing he was there, hearing the sound of his heartbeat and the beeping of the monitor only confirming it, knowing he was alive, had been more than enough to ease me completely. At some point Edward had finally convinced Michelle to leave, not after a few phone calls from Emily or Sam though, and I had felt wierd by Edward having to leave the room every time to assure them she was on the way. The third time he made true to his words as he litterally had grapped her by the elbow - kindly I'd hoped - and had dragged her out.

I'd been able to hear the complaining trough the else thick walls, but eventually she had dissapeared down the stairs where I'd been certain one of the Cullens stood patiently - or impatiently for all I'd known - waiting to drive her home. Edward had returned slightly after, sighing again, but with relief this time and before I'd been able to think about questioning him as I had planned to, the dreaded exhaustion had finally overwhelmed me and I'd been knocked back into the black unconcious sleep.

I'd awoken what I'd believed must have been the next day, but at that point I wasn't sure of anything. I'd just been very relieved when the beeping of the monitor next to mine had proved I hadn't been alone, that hearing Embry there hadn't been a dream. Just like last night I'd tried to open my eyes. My lids had felt heavy, but they'd fluttered open after a little effort. The light had been different this time, still kind of blurry, but not artificial like the sharp light prior must have been. It came from a location to my right and I'd realized it had to come from the outsite, shining trough a window or something. So it'd really been day.

"Welcome to the world of the living Seth. You look better today, how do you feel?" It'd been unexpecting to hear Doctor Carlisles Cullens voice next to me rather than Edwards and I'd bended my head just enough so I could see him. Even he'd been blurry, but slowly as I'd narrowed my eyes and really strained myself to focus, he had become a little clearer. I could even see his smile. A smile of my own had twitched in the corners of my mouth, but as I'd tried to speak, the same pang of pain I had felt yesterday sparked in my throat and I'd winced again.

Carlisles hand had been at my shoulder at once and he'd looked pretty worried, at least in my blurry vision of him, but I hadn't been sure. He'd spoken again, and like I said, he'd even sounded worried.

"My apologies. I should have realized you wouldn't be able to speak this soon. It has been a few days since I patched up your aterias and worked over your wind-pipe. It must still hurt." I'd shrugged at his words and found out that that actually hadn't hurt as much as I had been expecting, though my body had still been roughly sore various places. I'd flexed my fingers and tried to lift my legs a bit. I hadn't been immobile, that was cool.

As the seconds passed by, my vision had gotten clearer and clearer, in the end I'd seen well enough, I'd been able to make out the shapes and forms in the room. There hadn't been much else funiture than the two beds and the cupboard holding the monitors. Yet at the far end of one of the four walls there'd been a huge bookshelf of some sort, it'd given the room an odd feling of libary rather than hospital. That had been cool with me, I'd rather wanted to pretend I had been somewhere else than a hospital anyways. Though technically it had never been a hospital since it had definitely been the Cullens place.

I'd moved my head around a bit, it had been too boring to stare at the ceiling all the time. Carlisle had still been there, but he had been at Embrys bed. Taking his pulse, removing the old bandages, replacing them with new ones. My eyes had followed his every move, he had been blocking most of my view and I had yet to actually see Embry, so there had still been some part inside of me all panicky about what if it was not him. Of course it had been though, who else could it have been? Or had I gone on a rampage and stumbled over innocent humans I had brought down with me as well? . . . What a silly thought. Of course not. That breathing, just the sound of it. It had to be Embry.

The sound of the door sliding open had me twist my head in the other direction and naturally I'd winced again when the movement brought back pain in my throat. I had to remember my throat was an important part of my neck, it was only natural it would hurt when I strained it. As I'd closed my eyes when the pain hit, Edward had moved soundless and was now beside me. Regardless how nauseating sweet all the scents of the vampires smelled, there was still a difference in them that made out the inviduals, so it'd been easy enough for me to guess which of them it had been.

Just like the day before he'd take my hand, not in a gooey way, he'd just hold it and I'd been oddly grateful for his presence. As I had watched the doctor work over Embry, I had wondered if he'd been awake yet, or if his wounds had been so severe there wasn't much hope he would make it out over that bed. The thought had made me cringe and I'd wished I could stop being so negative. A squeeze of my hand had brought my attention to Edwards face and I'd been relieved to see his expression hadn't been filled with the same amount of concern as yesterday. Today there was a little more hope.

"He'll be fine Seth. I told you. Everything will be fine." He'd smiled then, and I'd smiled back, finally able to despite the tubes that where stuck down my nose and throat. I'd run trough some of the most important questions in my mind, not wasting time and knowing the doctor wouldn't be surprised that Edward talked with me like I actually could answer him. The first, most important one was how many days there had really passed. Carlisle had mentioned a few, but that had been since he had fixed me, right?

"Yes. It has been exactly 4 days now since we found you in the meadow. Carlisle worked on you for almost 24 hours to stitch everything up neatly. You had already started to heal, but the most of your important veins were disconnected. You were lucky it had been a clean cut. That was Carlisles exact words actually." He'd smiled again, adding the part with Carlisle like he himself had no idea about medical stuff, but I'd known that hadn't been true. Edward was like. . . All-knowing. He'd laughed of my thoughts and I'd choked out a half laughter myself, but had to bite it back just after.

"Thank you, but I don't know everything. I do know the answers to your other questions though. You don't have to repeat them." Of course I didn't. Wasn't a vampire mind like the mind of an Elephant? They never forgot anything either right? He'd chuckled again, but nodded his head in agreement and squeezed my hand in a soft way again. There had been even less concern in his face now, maybe because I'd been able to joke he figured I'd definitely be alright. Despite that is what he had been telling me from the start, maybe he hadn't believed his own words, or maybe he just hated seeing me in pain. He'd nodded again and his face grew more serious.

"Yes of course. It was. . . very reckless of you, both of you, what you did. I can't say I fully understand, but in ways I do understand it too well. I wont scold you, since I know your mother have enough of that when you're healthy enough to go home." Ugh. Dang. But of course, I'd already known that much. Mom was worrying herself sick, and it was all my fault. Even though Edward had said "both of you" it was still entirely my fault. I'd seen Edward shake is head, but I'd ignored it, he could say what he wanted, it was my fault. If Edward truly understood the principles of imprinting he'd know that as soon as Embry imprinted on Michelle, I should just have backed off completely. I shouldn't have snapped and I shouldn't have left to find him. He had been waiting for me I remembered, but if I hadn't been the one to seek him out this wouldn't have happened.

"You want to know why I believe Embry will make it too? He has not opened his eyes yet like you, though his wounds isn't as severe as yours, but heis. . . Dreaming, I guess you could call it. It is thoughts and images, all mixed together, but they more or less focus on one person. Michelle." Yes of course. Michelle. She was alive, she was healthy and sound. Maybe heart crushed, but she was still here. Though I couldn't be sure of it, he must have heard her too, even in an unconsious state it was possible to hear voices right? Or feel the presences of someone very important? I just knew that as long as she existed there was no way Embry would just let himself die without fighting. Edward was right, he would make it.

I'd sighed in relief and closed my eyes again. No matter how happy and relieved I did feel, I'd still felt oddly sad. No it wasn't odd. Of course I was sad. I loved Michelle too. Much more than I should, and some part of me still wished she would pick me despite anything. It was sick, but true and I couldn't help it. I just had to develop this stronger sense of what was right and wrong, because I knew how wrong it was to want the girl that wasn't yours. I had been in this pack for a very long time now. Embry was my brother, my friend. He was family. He desurved happiness just as much as I did. And mine was out there. Could be she wasn't born yet, but she was definitely out there.

She just wasn't and never would be Miki.

Edward had answered the restof my questions then and he had been nice enough to keep his opinions of my self-sacrificing thoughts to himself. I'd been very grateful for that. So after he'd left I sat alone in my bed, looking at Embry. Both Edward and Carlisle had left around the same time, Carlisle had asked me to call - but he'd soon corrected it to making a loud sound or banging of a sort, it was fun how he kept forgetting I couldn't speak - if Embry made any sign to wake up. That had been what I would be waiting for, a sign. So far he'd only breathed. He hadn't been wired up as much as me, there was the IV and the strings to the monitor. His heartbeat had been more even and low, but his eyes had still been closed.

As I'd examined him from a distance, I could barely make out faint scars from our fight. There was a few, but they already looked weeks old. He was covered to the waist, so I had only been able to see a bit of the bandages wrapped around him. I'd felt so bad whenever my eyes found the approximate place under all his cover where I'd known a huge scar must be. After all I would probaly never be able to forget how I had grapped a huge pole with my last strenght and pierced it right trough his middle. I'd winced at the thought. I'd have to stop doing this to myself. Tormenting myself didn't help the situation.

I'd sighed again as I'd closed my eyes and leaned back, focusing on the last conversation I'd had with Edward instead, on all the information I had given him. Going over the exact questions and the exact answers. From beginning to end.

Why is Michelle still here? - Because she had second thoughts.

Second thoughts. Edward had explained to details what he knew. After they had found us in the meadow and brought us here, Jacob had left for Emilys place. He had found Michelle there and he'd talked to her. Apparantly up till that point she had still been dertermined it would be best for all parts if she left and she had written a letter she would leave behind. Edward had read the words in Jacobs mind as he returned, he had told me it had been all Jacob had been thinking of for a while. I hadn't wanted to hear the exact words, so he'd spared me from it. Tt would just be too painful, so instead he'd went on with what I really wanted to know. Like how she had these second thoughts, because she had realized what she really wanted.

Us both, happy.

I had sighed then, because of the naivity that was so like her. Of course she wanted us both happy, but she couldn't really split herself in half so we could share her. It shouldn't be necessarry. Michelle belonged with Embry, they were perfect for each other, and he was the only one in the world that would be able to make her truly happy. Even I could admit that. Regardless how much it hurt.

I'd moved on to the next question as soon as I could, I knew there was more Edward hadn't told me about her "second thoughts", I'd seen it in his face, but I could guess the rest. I still remembered the conversation with Leah, where I had lost my self-control and she'd kicked me across the lane. Because of the information she had given me. I could still feel the anger, but it wasn't as dominating as it had been once, back then. The moments she had had with Embry, there was no doubt in my mind they had a lot to do with her second thoughts. It didn't matter and I wouldn't let myself think more about it.

How bad with Mom and Leah? I had thought then and Edward had actually smiled, a bit sympathy mixed in with amusement. I grimaced.

That bad? And he'd laughed.

The questions after that hadn't been as important as these main ones. I had asked a little about the rest of the pack. Sam and Emily, about the rest of the Cullens. They were just as much my friends as my pack was, so I wanted to know how they felt about this. I hadn't been surprised to know Esme had my back, and Carlisle. Edward too of course, we had both laughed a bit of that. It was just natural for the two of us. Bella wasn't really supportive to any, but she was very understanding towards me. And much to my surprise so was Jacob. Even though he was beyond happy now, having Renesmee and all, he still remembered how it had been when he loved Bella, but couldn't have her. So even though Embry was his best friend, he understood my position enough to not really pity me, but support me instead.

That was odd, but not unwelcome. And anyways, Jacob had already had his happy ending. His decision definitely had something to do with the fact that he knew mine wouldn't end the same way. Michelle wasn't going to be pregnant with another Renesmee I could imprint on. It's not what I wanted either. I wanted her. But I couldn't have her. It was as simple as that, and I had to live with it.

I'd opened my eyes again when I'd heard a sound come from outsite the door. My lids felt heavy again and my head a little groggy. I'd realized I had fallen asleep, but I'd probaly only been out for a few moments, maybe half an hour max. The nub on the door turned and I'd strained my ears to hear just who it was. I already knew it wasn't one of the Cullens, they moved completely soundless, I wouldn't have realized they were there before the door was already open, so this was definitive a human. Oh no. Please let it be Leah, or Emily. Or anyone, just not. . . The door went up and I'd groaned mentally. Michelle. Of course.

I'd noticed she had been carrying a small bag in her right hand as she came further into the room, she hadn't seen me yet as she focused on closing the door after her, but then as she turned around and catched my eyes, she froze on the spot and dropped whatever she had been holding. Her silent gasp was louder than any scream to me and I'd forced myself to smile a bit. Under other circumstances I would have been dying to see her, but knowing she no longer wanted me alone, I just couldn't tame the violent pain that wrenched my heart.

"Seth!" Her eyes were wide and worry mixed in with relief filled her face as she rushed to my side, her hand reaching out for me, but she stopped herself just in time and her eyes averted from mine. I'd felt a pang of guilt for not have being wanting to see her, she looked absolutely hideous, probaly because of me and Embry. No not probaly, it was definitely because of us. Her hand fell slowly and she began to take it back, but I grasped it before it fell to her side and her surprised gaze met mine. It'd been easier to smile then, though I'd felt a little nervous and sad, I knew better than to show her. So I'd blown her a grin, loving how her face lit up more and eventually the tears run down her cheeks and she wiped them away with her free hand.

Hey Miki. My greeting was silent and I'd grapped her chin and lifted her face to meet mine again. But I was good and kept the distance, no matter how much I'd wanted to kiss her, I knew it would just make it harder and more complicated than it already was. I'd still smiled and as she returned it, I'd reached for the pen and paper Edward had left for me. He had probaly known this moment would come and it was cool to have a way to communicate. I'd moved the pen over the paper, forming the same words I had just thought before I held the sheet up, watching her read it and I'd been absolutely delighted when she laughed a bit. Just at the end of "Hey Miki" I had added; I hope you feel better than you look.

She'd rubbed the remaining tears away before she responded, she seemed to have gotten the worst out and already then she looked a tad better than she had when she came in trough the door. Maybe because she hadn't stopped smiling and I liked that.

"Do I really look that horrible?" I'd made a face before I chuckled low, ignoring the burning in my air-pipe and short after she'd joined me, shrugging then as she mouted a low 'I guess I do'.

We had chatted casually for a bit, or well she did the chatting and I'd abused the sheets of papers I had to my disposal. Not that it made much difference, it just gave me a little time to really think over the words before I jutted them down and handed her the sheet. At some point the whole conversation took a turn and not really for the better. Now and then her eyes would drift to Embry, where he laid completely motionless in his bed and instead of looking guilty and sad, like how she looked the most of the time looking at me, there was this certain tint of longing in her eyes. Her lips would part a bit, a sigh would slip out and she would drift off into more distant thoughts. It was even worse to watch her look at him like that than it was to accept the endless sadness she expressed towards me.

She would end up gasping and look back at me, with a pathetic look of guilt, but I would shrug it off and pretend like it didn't touch me at all. Of course it did. It was torture knowing the biggest part of her already had moved on to him. That with time she would forget what we'd had. I shouldn't feel miserable about it, I really shouldn't. But I couldn't help it. And then just to make it even worse she'd started to apologize out of thin air, bombading me with how sorry she was and how horrible and jab, jab, jab. She just wouldn't stop again.

So now we're back to the beginning. I just finished writing my sentence and handed it to her, hoping she would keep it down. She really shouldn't sweat it. I felt bad enough as it was and I would rather we could pretend being the best friends ever just like it had been before we moved unto the more intimiate areas. She seemed to understand, though she still looked as sad about it as she'd done since she arrived. I sighed with exasperation and jutted down a few more words, it was tiring that I had to reassure her this much.

I'm fine. Really. What shall I do to convince you? Jump out of bed and dance Levan Polka? Once again my messy handwritten words made her laugh, this time a little louder and a little more true as she shook her head and clutched to the paper. I smiled at the sight, feeling good about it. This was how I wanted it, to just see her smile and laugh and have a good time, despite how awful I really felt on the inside. I loved her enough to let her go. I knew I did. But if I loved her enough to be able to stick around when she and Embry started to. . . Well, I'd know when that time came. Because the time would definitely come.

"We both know Levan Polka is a song and not a dance Seth." She spoke out between muffled giggles, and I swooned in the sweet musical sound, yanked the paper back and wrote some more, handed it back and shrugged when she looked at me again, watching her roll her eyes. Yes. This was definitely better, I could already feel the pain decreasing. It wouldnt dissapear, I wasn't as optimistic to believe it would, but if I could keep it down like this, could I then ask for more?

"Whatever." She said and laughed a bit again. I realized that it was much easier to watch her being happy than when she was sad and depressed. Somehow I had to make her understand that we could still be friends, so that she wouldn't start to look at me with the same sad, guilty eyes everytime she saw me. I would really hate that. Iwasn't Leah, I wouldn't blame her for my misery, just like I wouldn't blame Embry. I was just so relieved he was okay. When he'd sliced my throat, I for a second there had lost all hope, and with that I lost all will to live. The only thing I could think about back then in that situation was taking him with me. If I had to die, so did he.

Now I knew how stupid a thought that had been, if I had just let him finish me, I could have saved myself for this misery. No. Ugh. What am I thinking? Embry shouldn't have to live with such guilt for the rest of his life. I would rather live with this pain than- Abruptly my silent debate with myself was cut off as Embrys monitor started into an insane beeping. Miki was frozen beside me as both our eyes flashed to him. He was still motionless in the bed, but in the way the beeping sounded, loud and frantic, like a panicked rythm, there had to be something wrong.

Suddenly his back ached, lifting him a good ten inches off the bed in the middle of his back, his hands were fists at his sides and his brows squinted. A few seconds after the beeping reduced and he fell back to the bed with a thud. My own heart raced, though not as fast as his had, but definitely faster than Embrys did now and it kept falling. For a moment there I had absolutely no idea what was going on and by the look of her, neither did Michelle. Our eyes met for a short moment and I was sure the expression on my face was an echo of her own confused horror.

My eyes returned to Embry as quickly I could allow. It was like nothing had happened at all. He didn't move at all and his before clenched hands were now as lax and unwined as they had been before. I considered wether to call for Edward or Carlisle when I realized I could do neither. Dang it, but maybe I was lucky enough that Edward was close and could hear my thoughts? No. Or he would have been here already. I grapped for my paper, I would make Miki go get someone, I just had to ask her, but then she gasped and I dropped the pen.

"Embry!" It had been the same sound of relief she had used when she came into the room and saw me, yet back then her voice hadn't been filled with so much hope, so much. . . devotion. Ugh. I didn't get it. I really didn't. She'd known me for. . . How long? Half her life? Probaly longer and it wasn't even a week ago since she told me she loved me. Before I could control it my temper spiked and my hands started to tremble. She didn't notice of course as she was already bolting from her seat and rushing over to Embrys bed.

I had known this much. Maybe I had wished she wouldn't be here when this happened, maybe that had been why I felt so exasperated when she'd opened that door and I saw her for the first time in four days. No matter how many maybe's I ran trough my head, it was not going to change anything, so I could as well safe myself the effort. It was just not that easy to control the anger already pumping in my veins, making me see red for a moment there. The wall crunched and broke when I punched it, not caring for breaking anything right now, not caring about wether it startled Michelle or not. I couldn't use my voice, so I had to find another way to express my discomfort, it just had the effect that both Carlisle and Edward came rushing into the room, trailed by Alice and Bella.

"Seth?" Edwards eyes ran over my form once before they settled on my face. Carlisle had already moved around him and was now by Embrys bed just like Miki. Bella and Alice stayed close to Edward though, by me. His eyes followed mine as I looked in the same way the other Cullens did. All I saw was the back of Carlisle and Michelle, I couldn't see Embry, but I was pretty sure I didn't want to either. Not now at least. I looked away again and I felt Edwards cold hand on my shoulder. With little effort I looked up, I didn't even move my head who hang a bit now, just my eyes and I was sure they were as empty as I felt.

"Seth. . ." He spoke my name again, this time in a sad sigh and he looked like he had more to say, but just then my hands started to tremble again and I shook my head furiously. Don't start. I couldn't growl, but I was sure my mental voice expressed my teeth clenching agony well enough. Of course this wasn't fair to him, he was genuinely worried about me, I knew that without being a mindreader. I liked Edward a lot, he was friendly and it'd been so cool the first time I had fought alongside him. It was a time I never would forget and I tried to make myself think on exactly how it had been, just to focus on something less now, something less painful.

"Embry, can you hear me?" It was Carlisle who spoke, his voice was as professional as it could be when he was examing his patients and part of me felt really great about that he never spoke to me like that, even though I was injured. I was not a patient to him, I was family. I should just hold on to that. No matter how miserable and alone I felt, I would never be truly alone. I had my friends and I had my family. And even Miki could be part of that, no matter what happened. It would never be the same, true, but I wasn't going to waste what I had used years to build up. I wasn't my sister, I wasn't bitter. Sorry Leah, but I was going to set a good example, suck it up and be brave.

Edward squeezed my shoulder and when I looked up he smiled to me. I tried to smile back and not focus on what went on in the other side of the room anymore. Bella came to my other side and sat down, for a moment I wondered where Renesmee was, but then I figured she was either downstairs with Rosalie and the others, or in the small Cottage in the woods. Or with Jacob. Edward nodded to me and sat down on the chair beside where he stood. I met Alices gaze for a moment and then she nodded once and left, closing the door behind her.

I closed my eyes and started to chant the Levan Polka inside my head, anything to keep me busy. It made it easier.

And then Edward chuckled low.

Embry POV.

As feathery the feeling of the invinsible cloud-like blankets I was covered in felt, I knew this wasn't real, that I, somehow, was dreaming. A very empty, black and mind numbing dream. There was nothing here than touch. I could only feel, not see, not hear, not scent, not speak and not taste. Only feel.

Slowly and veryunprecise a soft dimming whiteness fell in over me in my blind state, just around the egdes at first, but soon colours joined and an image flashed. It was familiar, a face. Not just any face, a face that had been hunting me since the first time I'd laid my eyes on it. The face of a person, a girl I'd never be able to forget, no matter how hard I tried. And it was simple, because I didn't want to either. She was smiling to me, cute dimples showing and her teeth flashed white. Her deep burgundy eyes glimmered with love and her soft dark hair fell over her shoulders in wavy curls. I wanted to smile back, but I couldn't. She was so unbelieveable beautiful and I found how my other senses slowly returned.

Suddenly I could smell her, the strong yet sweet scent of wild cherries greeted my sensitive nose as a soft breeze flew by her and let it to me. Now it wasn't just her face, but her body, lithe and absolutely perfect. The narrow bare shoulders, the long slender legs, the well formed curves of a goddess. She wore a white summer dress with dusty pink petals spread in a random pattern across the fabric, it looked soft, cotton. The light colour was complimenting her tanned soft skin and for a moment I could swear she was glowing golden in the dim light surrounding her.

A sigh fell from my lips, my chest were slightly swollen, my heart skipping uneven beats and suddenly I could smile. I could imagine how goofy I looked, dazed, because that was how I felt. My sheepish smile only grew when her musical laughter danced from her lips and around me. I tried to reach out, to grap her, wanting to hold her close, hear her speak my name or just touch me, but then she started to fade. Horror filled me as she got more and more transculent until she was so see-trough she looked like a ghost.

And then she was gone.

My heart wrenched instantly, the stabs of pain shooting trough me, I stood there, on legs I couldn't feel and waited for the pain to dissapear, just like she had. But it didn't stop, in fact it got worse. I tried to lift my hands to press against my chest, in a weak attempt to press the stabbing pain back, as if I could grap it and yank it from me, but I had no arms to move and vaguely I realized I missed all my limps. The only thing I had left was my torso and my head. Suddenly I wished the darkness would swoop back over me and swallow me raw, because the pain that had started in my heart was now located only one place; My stomach area. It was so agonizing horrible I felt like being stroken by thunder over and over.

I had no way to find out what was wrong, all I could do was scream, until I realized no sound came out. All my senses where gone again just as fast as they came, but I could still.. feel... I tried to shake my head, my mouth opening again and again in soundless cries and screams. The worst part was the sudden bolt that ended it all, and then I was numb.

The scenery changed again as the black was replaced with a blinding light. Just when I had opened my eyes I couldn't recall, until I realized this wasn't real. How could it be when everything I saw was so clear? I was staring straight into the sky, an unfamiliar sky. There was no clouds as far as my eyes could reach, only the perfect blue with the sun right in the middle. The grass was soft under my hands, moist but fresh and the looked so alluring, beaming with life. I looked around. I was in a clear area, no trees for miles, just an unendless field filled with blooming flowers in all the rainbow colours.

Far, far down, barely illuminated in the sharp shine of the warm sun, there was a gate. It was pure gold and stretched far into the sky. I didn't feel myself raise from the ground, I only knew I was walking because the green and the flowers passed me as I went. Even though everything looked the same, I only got closer and closer to the impressive gold of the iron gate. I was so close I could almost touch it when it suddenly opened. There was no sound, only the same silence, there wasn't even a breeze.

An airy cloud of scentless smoke swept out over the field as the gate slowly went up, it hadn't even opened all the way when I moved again, but this time I backed away. Something about this seemed wrong. How could here be so quiet? My first thought had been that I was dead, that I had found my way to heaven, but wasnt heaven supposed to be perfect? There was nothing perfect about this place. It looked perfect, but it missed the most important thing, despite how lively and pure everything looked; It missed life. Was that really how it was? That in dead everything was dead? I couldn't believe it. But even if this was heaven, I couldn't just up and leave yet. I couldn't die. I simply couldn't. There was so much I still had to live for, even if it did all seem endless and impossible. She was still alive and as long as she was alive, I would stay alive.

As soon as I realized, everything dissapeared, but the blackness that swept over me this time wasn't exactly the same. It didn't steal my senses, I could still breathe, scent, hear, taste and feel. It was only the seeing that came hard, since there was nothing to see, just unendless black. The pain came suddenly and unexpected. I felt my back ache automatically and my hands clenched into fists at my side. It was overwhelming and I couldn't help but wince, though no sound came out.

A loud ringing sound, more like beeping filled the empty space all around me. For a while it was all I could hear, alwhile I struggled to cry out in my uncomfortable state. And then it was gone. Just as soon as it came the pain was just gone. Quiet relief settled in my body as my heartbeat slowed, it wasn't until now I noticed how fast it was beating and in tact with the beeping. It didn't seem important and slipped my mind easily enough, because there was something else that catched my attention.

I wasn't alone in this black pit. I could hear breathing, besides my own. Low, but it was definitely close. The same beeping I had heard before reached my ears again, this time doubled up and the one was going faster than the other. Just where was I, and what was this? At once I could feel every muscle in my body. I could feel my sore legs, my swollen arms and this unbelieveable burning in my midsection, in my stomach. I could feel my eyelids, heavy and definitely closed. I concentrated on them, willing them silently to open. After a few tries they did and I closed them again immediately as the light hit and it stung. After a few seconds I tried again, this time slower and I blinked a lot, but I started to get more used to the light even though it shone me right in the face. It was warm and despite my sore limps and the pain in my stomach, I felt alive.

A gasp tore trough the silence, just as I could make out the first shapes as I stared straight up, realizing I was laying down, on something soft. Probaly a bed if I wasn't mistaken. I wanted to turn my head, but I couldn't find the strenght to move any part beside my eyelids, I couldn't even move my lips or my tounge. The same voice that had gasped spoke my name, it was filled with so many emotions, the more dominant ones was definitely hope and relief, but a soft tingle ran down my spine as I realized the devotion laced in that single word. Not just a word. It was my name.

Then everything became blurry again and I closed my eyes not to strain them. I felt a hand on mine, a soft warm hand and I heard a distant sound, like crunching. No like something hitting something hard. I didn't worry too much about it, because this hand on mine occupied me completely. In a flash I could hear something open, the sound of a door, it was sweeping and quirking almost soundlessly, just the way the gate in my vision should have sounded. Soft footfalls told me more people had come and I felt another presence beside me in the same instant the hand left mine.

No. I wanted to say. I wanted to yell at the other person that had made the first person remove her hand. I knew it was a her, the feeling had been so soft, the form delicate and much, much smaller than mine. It could only have been a females hand. My heartbeat rose again. Maybe it was her! I tried to recall the voice again. From when she gasped and spoke my name, but I could barely focus on it before the other person spoke. A male, his voice oddly beautiful for a man, but it sounded unfamiliar in a a proffessional way, yet I knew this voice very well. It could only be that leech. Doctor Carlisle Cullen.

The sweet scent so close inwaded my nose and I nearly gagged. So I was in the bloodsuckers house, that explained the beeping. No doubt I was monitored or something. There was much I didn't know about the doctor, but I had been there when he took care of Jacob, he had nearly brought half his hospital with him just to examine Jake when he'd broken the most of his bones in his left site. It had been insane, expecially how it took up the place in Billys small house. Of course it didn't help we had been seven full grown shapeshifters in there either.

He asked me something, but I couldn't answer, I didn't really want to answer him either, but I couldn't just pretend like I hadn't heard him, so with a little effort I opened my eyes again and this time I found I could look around. Even though everything still was partly blurry. At once he covered my vision and by his expression he looked genuinely pleased. I wasn't really sure, but I guess he saw something in the way I starred at him - not something I could guess without a hint - but something.

He pulled out some medical instruments I didn't knew the names for and started to examine me. Looked into my eyes with some flashlight, which actually made me flinch a bit, so he apologized and took my pulse instead. He asked me a few more things, like how I was feeling or how many fingers he held up. I felt like a kindergarten kid getting the regular treatment once a week. He was really into his job, huh. But I guess I should just be grateful and let him, even though I still refused to answer him; I just didn't feel like speaking at all.

I vaguely remembered what had brought me in my current condition, I knew it involved Seth and. . . My heart suddenly just went beserk as I started to take deeper more heavy loaded breaths, constantly reminding myself to exhale too. It wasnt just because I was just about to think her name, but my mind was focused on the images I had had in my mind just before waking. When I'd seen her in my dreamlike state, when she'd dissapeared, the horror I had felt and then the meadow with the flowers and big golden gate I'd been in short after. The silent heaven like place. I shuddered.

What had brought me out of that had been her, when I had realized she was the most important thing to me, even in death. And then there was this moment now. Just before, when the kind hand had been holding mine, a females hand, she'd been the one who came to my mind. Naturally. My hand still tingled where she'd touched. Ugh, even trough the horrible vampire stench I was certain I could scent her - too easy to recognize - wild cherry eaudor. Never in my life had I stumbled upon any female with such a seductive scent. And it wasn't just all shampoo, it rooted deeper. She could use peach scented soap for all I cared, her eaudor would still be mindblowing and overwhelming. I focused on that scent alone.

And I could smell it now, right beside me.

If possible my heart beat just increased, the beeping on the monitor went wild and I heard the gasp that made my head snap to my right side. And when I saw her, oh, when I saw her; Her hand half stretched out, reaching for me, her eyes filled with mild panic as she stared at the monitor for a brief second and as they returned to me, when our gazes locked, time just stopped.

A million thoughts ran trough my head at the same time, it was mildly impossible to focus on one at a time. Most of these thoughts were sprouting from my confusement, questions I couldn't help came all at once, but the relief behind them all, the relief that flooded trough me was so strong it knocked everything out of the way in the end. And I allowed myself to think the words over and over, chanting them like a mantra in my head;

She is still here, she is still here, she is still . . .

It didn't stop before her hand - the same she'd been reaching out towards me with, until now - flew to her mouth and she sounded like she choked on another gasp. Hot tears swelled in her eyes and soft panic cut in the egdes of my heart as I watched how they spilled. My forehead creased in worry for a moment, but then she shocked me as she laughed. My heart stopped.

She flung herself at me with such fevor I'd never expected from her, expecially not after what I had done to her. The pain of the sweet memory filled me, the pain of the realizations afterwards, of her crying back then, of her decision. Yet I had to repeat the same words I'd chanted just moments before; She was still here. And she is hugging me!

I was so happy. No, I was beyond happy. I couldn't think of a moment more perfect than this. Regardless of the pain still throbbing in my midsection, the sore spots on my arms and legs. It was nothing. Her presence was unmatchable and more important to me than anything else could ever possible be. Nothing else mattered. So when she started to pull away I felt devastated, my heart skipped painfully and I felt a whimper build in my throat, but that was also when I noticed - as she blushed a few shades and started to look obviously self-concious - that we wasn't alone.

My eyes didn't leave her form before I catched a movement to my left and I watched the leech doctor move to the end of the bed I was perched upon. A smile on his face though he mostly looked like someone who wanted to clear his throat. Great, my already fragile tolerance towards the bloodsuckers was running low. Not only were they now the reason why my. . . My Miki, felt flustered, but it had ruined the moment.

A laughing voice sounded - definitely not a response to my hostile thoughts, not one expected - came from my left, from right behind Michelle and instantanously my eyes fell on Edward, but they didn't linger even half a second when I saw the figure beside him on the other bed in the room, peaceful and quiet with closed eyes.

"Seth. . ." His name left my lips in a hoarse whisper, this was why I had refused to speak, my tounge was completely dry. But upon seeing him an odd wave of reluctance and melancholy washed in over me, not to mention the piercing memories. Agony speared me and I shut my eyes as I grapped my head, flinching back from the far too vivid images flashing before my minds eye. It was horrible, it felt like it'd just been yesterday I had all but ripped his throat out in my anger and hatred. (I couldn't even be certain it hadn't been just yesterday, but I was pretty sure I'd been out for a while.) I'd been blinded, completely blinded. A monster.

I winced again as one of my hands moved and found the spot I'd been deadly wounded myself. I couldn't even hate him for it, there was nothing there even close to wanting to, but I could hate myself. Regardless of my reason, there was just no way I could ever justify what I had done, what I had almost done. Michelles hand found my still raised arm and I opened my eyes at once, finding hers. The concern in her face equalled the sad understanding, but it felt like there missed an emotion, an emotion that felt necesarry, almost important;

There was no blame.

Despite the shock of the realization that she'd apparantly forgiven me (again) for being so horrendous, the contact of her skin on mine eased some of the pain and I was able to sigh as I let my arms fall and took a few deep breaths. As soon as I had recovered - reliefed she held my hand now - I looked back to Seth, he was facing me now, unexplainable emotions crossing his face until it settled on discomfort and sadness. His eyes averted again, for just a moment, and I was surprised when his eyes locked with mine again and he smiled. He had only needed the half second to wheel his emotions in and pretend like nothing had happened between us. My stomach turned, but not in nauseation; It turned in guilt.

How could he be so much stronger than me? Iwould probaly never find out, but it just made me feel so much more terrible with myself. There was no way in the world I would give Miki up - unless she wanted me to, really wanted me to - but he had done nothing wrong either. I couldn't blame Seth anymore, couldn't blame him for falling in love with her (it was understandable, hell, she was the most perfect girl I'd ever met), couldn't blame him for wanting to keep her, couldn't blame him for fighting for her. Neither of us had really started this. It had just been uninventable.

He was a good kid. He had always been a good kid, hell I should know, not just me, but the rest of the pack too. Even Edward Cullen knew. Everyone who could share his mind would know just how pure hearted, kind and modest that kid was. More than that, you could always trust him, he was never half hearted about anything. He either liked something, and I mean really like or he just absolutely hated it, but he never judged anyone. Like back then with the Cullens. Just like the rest of us, Seth had disliked the Vampires, but as soon as he got to know Edward Cullen, it'd been abruptly replaced with pure adoration of the kind that competed head on with the same adoration he had always had towards Jacob. And soon enough Seth found a soft spot for every single one of the leeches, even that sour looking blond what-was-her-name?

I knew all this and I knew why he'd wiped the sadness, the betrayal and all the other heart wrenching emotions from his face before I could really get to see them, I knew why he smiled at me. Because. . . He rather wanted to suffer alone than having me suffer with him. He was trying his everything to make me forget the resentment, so that we could go back to how it was. Even with Miki there. Even if it meant he had to give up, he was already prepared for that. No. He had already given up, at least he had already decided to.

Suddenly I felt anger build up as my blood began pumping trough my veins. The rage was hot and tingled on my skin, I pulled my hand away from Michelles instantly in order not to accidently clench my fists and break her fingers, I would never be able to forgive myself. But right now I couldn't forgive Seth. I couldn't forgive him for smiling at me like that, couldn't forgive him for just giving up, trowing everything away, trowing Michelle away. I knew my logic might be twisted and stupid, but it seriously pissed me off he had to be the typical two-goody-shoe who throtted trough painful experiences while he pretends and pictures everything will be great in the end.

Maybe it was just because of who he was or maybe it was all because of his sister. It was not a lie to say Seth had to be the exact opposite of Leah. It was like they had grown up in a different home altogether, if not their difference was because he knew her better than anyone else and didn't wish, from the bottom of his heart, to end up like her. Not to make her mistakes. I groaned as I tried to control the trembling that had started just moments ago, the heat was still washing over me in waves, but I was better at my selfcontrol than Paul at least. Everyone was better than Paul on that area.

When I was sure I weren't about to snap and launch trough the room at him, I reopened my eyes, not even remembering that I closed them and took long steady breaths - as steady as I could manage. I kept my eyes low, staring at everything else than people, I stared at the carpeted floor, the light brown colour mixed in with darker spots was oddly pretty, I'd give them that much, the Cullens had taste. Somehow in the midst of my concentration I remembered Quil and with Quil I remembered Jacob. I wasn't really bothered that they weren't here, it was pretty light outsite, around midday or so, they were probaly in the middle of other activities. It could be as it was, I could still hear the steady breathing of my imprint and it was soothing, enough that my tember decreased until it was completely replaced with an odd calm.

I took the chance and looked up again, meeting Seths gaze for the second time, his smile hadn't changed much, for all that mattered it was purer, like he'd used my weakness to perfect his little pretence. I was prepared for new anger to wash trough me, but it never came. My eyebrows squinted then as my forhead creased and I groaned in annoyance, shaking my head a bit from site to site. My hand moved by itself until I found the soft smaller one of Mikis that met me half way, right away I twined our fingers and sighed deep, feeling my still dry tounge in my mouth and tried to wet it enough to speak. It wasn't painful, just damn irratating. When my voice finally came out, I stopped mid-letter and cleared my throat, before trying again.

"Gee, Seth. Did the near death experience kill your brain cells or are you really that happy to see me?" I tried to keep my tone joking, but I realized it was harder than it looked and in the end my words came out harsher than I'd planned. It didn't seem to bother him much as he apparantly had found it funny anyways, or he just had very bad humor. Yet his low laughter - mixed with the hoarse throaty sound, whining and higher than his usual sopran - made my heart skip, it was good to hear again and I smiled a bit even. I was surprised that he instead of answering grapped a piece of paper and a pen and started to jut down letters and words. As soon as he was done, he moved to the end of his bed, trew his feets out, tested the floor and his balance, before he jumped lightly to his feet and wobbled over towards me. I noticed he took a rather wide berth around Michelle before he handed me the paper, still grinning widely.

I had no idea why I felt so wary, maybe it was the sudden spark in his eyes that made me take precautions as I hesitantly, and very slow might I add, reached out and slid the paper with a quick yank towards myself, my eyes never leaving his form all the while. I noticed Miki stretch her neck as to see what he'd written and per automatic I lowered the paper to make it easier for her, not really thinking about if Seth would mind it or not, it just felt so natural to let her have her way, no matter what she wanted. I wasn't even grossed out by the thoughts of obeying her tiniest wink, no rather; It made me oddly excited.

The words written across the paper in a skewed line in Seths messy handwriting had me ache a brow in disbelief as I ran my eyes over the same words again and again, not quite sure if I could compeherend what he meant. I even turned the paper on the head and around against the light, it was still the same nonsense and I found myself unable to decipher his gibberish no matter how much I tried. Beside me Michelle giggled, a sound that made me oddly tingly, but I tried to ignore it for now even though I most of all wanted to sigh in contentment and have her laugh some more. The sound was pure music. I almost shook my head to focus as I stared harder on the words, hoping that miraculously they'd move around by themself and make sense. They never did. Even Seth chuckled low now and I noticed they had almost the same expression as they shared a look. Pfft, so Miki was in on it, well thanks for including me.

It wasn't just Seth and Michelle though, Edward Cullen who'd heard all our thoughts seemed to find this amusing and joined in their low muffled laughter gig, just great. In times like this I wished I was a mindreader. The more I stared at the words, the more they seemed to glare back at me, so in order to get an answer one way or another, I spoke out the sentence in my own confused question, staring strict at Seth with a frown building on my face.

"I wish. At least I got my Cs and my GLs?" When he nodded and made no other move to explain himself I wanted to punch him, a vein popping out on my forehead and I took another deep breath to calm myself. Before I could ask again though, Michelles beautiful voice gave me just what I needed, but I found that even that didn't make me understand.

"Charms and Good Looks." She laughed a bit as she spoke and I stared at her, blinking a few times repeating the words in my head. Charms and Good Looks. If he'd lost his brain cells, how could charm and good looks then matter? - They were still laughing and I seriously felt like an idiot for not understanding, even Bella and the leech doctor laughed with them. Gee. I frowned and balled the paper up and trew it across the room. With a thud it hit the wall before it fell down and I humphed. I had to admit the atmosphere was definitely better and it was nice to see Seth laugh without it looking strained. And Michelle. Just the fact she looked so happy - still holding my hand - was all I needed and in the end I couldn't help smiling myself as I laughed along with them.

They were idiots, but it felt really good.

End of Chapter Eight.

A/N: Thanks for reading Chapter Eight of Letting Go. I know it was rather short this time, but I just entered this stupid phase of writers block, as I mentioned. I tried to wait it out, but nothing came D: Hope you enjoyed this though :) Please leave a review and make my day!

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