Sorry this update took so long. I have to be in a different frame of mind for this story than for either of the other ones that I'm currently working on, because this one is just a bit...darker, I guess.

A lot of the reviews mentioned wanting to see their interactions at the loft after she goes over there. So this is where I pick up the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Castle.


Given that it was almost midnight and she was still unsure about being there, the soft knock sounded to her like there was an electric amplifier in the door. She was nervous about being there. But she didn't have time to think about it very long, because mere seconds after the last time her knuckles had come into contact with the door, said door was opened quickly to reveal a tired and weary, but smiling, Richard Castle.

He had a blanket draped around his shoulders. As he saw her, he stepped aside and ushered her dramatically in the door. "Welcome to my humble abode," he told her as she stepped past him. As soon as she entered the loft, her senses were assaulted by a delicious aroma coming from the area of the kitchen. She turned toward him as he closed the door. "What in the world do I smell?" she asked him.

The smile fell off of his face at her words. "Soup. It's almost ready. But you can have something else if you want. I guess it stunk up the house, huh? Sorry."

"Stunk? Castle, if it tastes half as good as it smells, I think I'll eat all of it."

The smile bloomed on his face again as he realized that he'd misinterpreted her question to mean that she didn't like the smell. "You can have as much as you want. I thought I needed some comfort food tonight, and some good, old fashioned soup seemed like a good thing to make."

She stared at him. "You made it? As in, not just opening up a can or something? From scratch?" She must have misunderstood.

He nodded, a bit sheepishly.

"Wow. You probably could have gotten some delivered from somewhere."

He shrugged. "I thought it would be a good, mindless way to kill some time and have a way to keep busy tonight. I stopped by the store after I left the precinct. Plus I'd have my reward when I could eat it when it was done."

He started walking into the kitchen and motioned to her to follow. On the stove, she saw a huge stock pot. She walked over to it and took look, and then couldn't help but sniff again at the aromas that were emanating from the pot. "It looks wonderful. It smells wonderful."

"Are you hungry?"

She and Josh had grabbed a quick burger on the way to her place, but it was a while ago, and it was quick. She was tired and he'd wanted to get her home... Ugh. Why did she have to think back? Why did she have to remember how they were barely inside her apartment when-

"Kate?" Castle's voice snapped her out of her unpleasant musings. She looked up at him. He was no longer smiling, and had a concerned look on his face as he gazed at her. "Kate," he said again. "What's wrong?"

She plastered a little smile on her face while she tried to get rid of the sick feeling that she got in her stomach now whenever she thought back to the earlier part of the evening. "I'm fine, Castle," she told him quickly. But when she risked a glance at him, she saw the determined look of concentration that he had on his face, and she knew that he didn't believe her. So she looked back at the soup-which truly did look wonderful-and asked him, "So do you think I could have a bowl?"

The look on his face eased a bit, but she could tell that he knew something wasn't quite right with her. But he moved over to the cupboard where he found a couple of soup bowls, along with plates to set them on. As he ladled out the soup into the bowls, Kate remarked, "Wow, that looks really good. There's so much stuff in it that it almost looks like beef stew instead of soup."

"Comfort food with extra comfort cooked right in," he quipped, but somehow his usual joking tone fell a bit flat. But she took the words for what they were, and she realized that the thought of comfort-even in the form of food-was an especially inviting emotion right now.

"Perfect." She sneaked a quick look at him, and he gave her a reassuring little grin, obviously satisfied and pleased with her response.

After he had the soup in the bowls, and had cut slices from a loaf of french bread, he handed her one of the plates and cocked his head toward the living room, silently indicating that she should follow him. She could see that he had the fireplace going, and he had a blanket spread across the couch. "Go on, sit. The blanket is a heating blanket, so it should be warm now."

He'd pulled the coffee table close to the couch, and she set her plate there when she sat down to situate herself. The warmth underneath her felt wonderful, like a heated seat in a car on a cold winter day. Then she felt a blanket being draped over her shoulders and she looked up at Castle, who was doing the draping, but had backed away as soon as the blanket was around her. Still, she was surprised and touched by the gesture. "Thanks," she told him with a small smile.

He didn't sit down though. "I'm going to get us something to drink. How does a bottle of wine sound? Or champagne, for the celebratory nature of still being alive?"

Celebratory. The word jumped out at her. She knew she should feel like that, to feel happy that she was alive. But the fact was that she didn't. She felt numb. Well, that wasn't true; she wished she would feel numb. When she thought about it, about how she felt, she had to admit that she still had those lingering feelings of being misunderstood, and used. She felt conflicted. And she felt...loss. She felt loss because all of the things she'd wanted and expected and hoped for from her relationship with Josh weren't there. She could see that now. But worse yet, because Josh had been so oblivious to her feelings, it just made her wonder if her feelings were justified at all. Was she expecting too much from him? After all, he gave up his trip for her...

She felt a hand on her shoulder and glanced up, ending her mental deviation into the land of self-doubt, as she refocused on Castle's face. His concerned face, with his brows knitted together as he studied her. "Kate? That's the second time in the last five minutes that you've just...left. You're somewhere else." He looked at her, waiting for her to say something.

She could only repeat her words from earlier. "I'm fine, Castle." And then, remembering his question, she finally answered him. "How about some wine? I'm not really in a champagne mood tonight."

He looked at her quizzically again, but he left the room to get the wine. After a few minutes he came back with two glasses and the opened bottle. He sat down on the couch next to her, but not too close, and poured some wine in a glass before handing it to her. She took a sip, found it to be really good, and then took another. She wasn't normally one to drink when things got tough, especially because of what had happened with her own father, but right now she wanted something to deaden her senses a little bit, make her mind a little more loose so for a little while, so she could let her thoughts drift away from the earlier part of the evening. Not thinking about the earlier part of the evening, about Josh, was so inviting that she tipped back her glass and drained it. Then she bent down to lean over the soup bowl, and took her first bite of the soup.

She closed her eyes as the rich flavor of the soup washed over her tastebuds. Even with the first bite, she felt a little bit warmer. "Castle, this is really good," she complimented him, finally looking back to his face. She expected to see the quirky little smile that he usually got when she paid him a compliment or said something nice. But what she saw there wasn't what she expected; his brows were still furrowed, and he was studying her intently. She expected him to make some grand statement, but after several seconds of studying her, he just said, "I'm glad you like it. More wine?" as he held out the bottle again. She responded by picking up her glass and holding it out to him so he could refill it.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, just eating their soup and nibbling on the french bread. If Castle noticed that she was hitting the wine more heavily than she might have normally, he didn't say anything. When her bowl was empty, he took it from her and walked into the kitchen, refilling it with more soup without even being asked. She raised an eyebrow at him when he came back, having expect that he was just taking the bowls to the sink instead of refilling them. By way of an explanation, he told her, "I know how much you ate today, or rather how much you did not eat today. So eat up. A belly full of warm food is a good thing." And he smiled at her and dug into his own portion.

Looking at the steaming bowl, she realized he was right. The soup was so good that she knew she could easily eat another bowl. The warmth was seeping into her bones, and for the first time in hours, she could say that she was feeling a bit better. She was able to keep the thoughts of Josh, of her failures, of everything at bay and was just able to sit here, on a warm couch, in front of a blazing fire, blanket over her shoulders, eating a wonderful comfort-food meal with a...good friend.

He was a good friend. He knew something was not...right...with her tonight, but he wasn't pushing. He just fed her. He kept her warm. At one point when she was eating, she had reached for her wine glass and the blanket had fallen off her shoulder. Before she could even pull it up, he was right there, tucking it around her shoulders again.

Finally, the bowls were taken out into the kitchen and put into the sink, for real this time. He came back and sat next to her on the couch, but not too close; he was still a foot away from her. he took his blanket and wrapped it around himself again. He leaned back into the couch and put his legs and feet up on the coffee table, motioning to Beckett to do the same. She held up one foot, showing him her boots. He held out one thumb and crooked it to the side, silently telling her to lose the boots. She raised an eyebrow at him in question, and he gave her a gaze as if to say 'duh, of course'. So she pulled off her boots and dropped them by the end of the couch, putting her feet up just had Castle had done. But then he surprised her by thowing out a blanket and letting it drape over the both of them. She gave him a small smile of thanks and burrowed a little bit more into the warm couch as she leaned back.

After getting them situated, he leaned back into the cushions and turned to her. She gazed sideways at him for a second, and it was at that point that she realized their their entire conversation just then had happened entirely without uttering a single word. On one hand, she was surprised, but on the other hand, it was par for the course for them. They often communicated by just looks, instinctively knowing what the other was talking about. She felt a small smile lift the corners of her lips.

And then, unbidden, her mind went to Josh, and even though she wasn't aware of it, that small smile immediately left her face, so quickly as though it was attached to a switch and someone had cut the power. She thought of how she had tried to communicate to him that she just wanted comfort, wanted to be held. Then when that didn't work, she...no, she didn't want to go there. But afterwards, well, after the first time anyway, she did use words to tell him. And he hadn't listened. The looks hadn't mattered. The words hadn't even mattered. She felt like she hadn't mattered.

How could she have been so wrong? When she'd woken up after the freezer, and Josh was there and told her that he'd stayed, she'd been so hopeful. But now, as she thought back, she was still tense, even when he was there. She wanted to be with him. No. She had wanted to be with him, before. She realized with a jolt that she didn't now, not anymore. She'd been feeling that sense of loss for the last few hours, but she realized now that it wasn't so much for the man, as for the idea of him. Of having someone that she could count on who would be there for her. She realized now that wasn't Josh. And that incredible hope that she felt when she'd woken up in the ambulance early that morning and had seen that he'd stayed was now just...gone. Like a puff of smoke on a windy day.

She felt a light touch on her blanket-draped shoulder and realized that she was now staring into the flames of the fire. And she realized that the fire was blurrier than it used to be, and it was only then that she became aware of the tears that were in her eyes. She heard Castle's voice say her name once, then again more urgently. Still not looking at him, she just uttered what had almost become her mantra since she'd walked in the door: "I'm fine, Castle."

"No, you're not." The words, and moreso the stern tone in which they were spoken, reluctantly drew her eyes to his. "You're not fine," he repeated, for emphasis. And then, more softly, he said, "Kate, tell me what's wrong. Let me help you."

His simple declaration of her emotional state, followed by his simple plea was just about her undoing. She felt her eyes begin to swim again, so she forced herself to take a deep breath, and then another. She swiped her hands at the moisture that was beginning to overflow from her eyes as she glanced back to the fire, not able to hold his gaze any longer. The unbridled concern for her emanating from his eyes was more than she could bear to look at. Why couldn't Josh have looked at her like that?

He continued in a soft voice. "Kate, I know you're upset about Josh. But his hospital emergency won't last forever, right? And then I'm sure he'll be right back with you. I'm sure he'll get back to you as quickly as he can, and he can be there for you. I know you needed Josh tonight and I know I'm not a very good stand-in for him, but if I can do anything for you, you know I will. "

The thought of Josh coming back to her place when he was done at the hospital filled her with a sense of dread, and she realized that she didn't want to-couldn't-face him anytime soon. She was still too raw from everything, and these realizations that she'd had about their relationship were still too fresh for her to be able to handle seeing him now. And almost involuntarily from Castle's first sentence, her head started shaking from side to side, as if to drive away the idea of having to see Josh again anytime soon. 'No,' the movements of her head were saying, even if her voice wasn't.

She saw the puzzled look on Castle's face at her non-verbal protest. She tried to find words, because she knew she needed to say something, not just for him, but for her too. "Castle, have you ever had the feeling that something that you counted on, a big part of your life, was really just a mirage or something? Like it was never really there at all, but you thought it was?"

She could see he was still somewhat puzzled, but he nodded. "And then you fully realize that it was never there, and it really hits you like a ton of bricks?"

She nodded.

"Does this have to do with the terrorism, or..." he closed his eyes briefly, and she could see that he was struggling with what he had to say, "or with...Josh?"

Suddenly, she became aware of what Castle had said about Josh coming back to her after he was done at the hospital, and she realized with a jolt that she didn't want to deal with that. And she had a strong suspicion that Castle was right-he would show up at her place. And the thought of that, of going back home... She looked up at Castle again, who was still waiting for an answer to his question. She knew that, but instead of answering, she said, "Ummm...do you think I could hang out here for a while?" She hated that even though she spoke softly and aimed for a casual tone, her voice still came out sounding just a little bit desperate.

"Of course," he answered without hesitation, though his eyes conveyed that he'd heard the change in her tone. "But...will Josh know you're here, when he's done?"

She gazed at him with big watery eyes, telling him simply, "No." And she saw the moment when he understood. She didn't want him to know where she was. She wanted to escape. She wanted to be off the grid, at least for him.

"You're welcome here for as long as you want to be here. Know that, and believe that. And that's not a mirage," he told her, patting the hand that was laying on her lap.

But she surprised him when she turned her hand around and grasped his hand with hers. "Thank you," she told him softly, telegraphing with her eyes just how sincere she was.

Again, with no hesitation, he responded with a word she'd heard him use before: "Always."

And she gave him the most brief of smiles before they settled back into the cushions and watched the flames dance in the fireplace, with their hands still clasped together lightly, and once again, words were not needed.


Most of my other stories have always been written using the POVs of both of them. I started out this story using only Beckett's POV, and then as I introduced Castle in this chapter, I realized that I would have to keep that singular POV to keep the story true to how it began. So really, I was itching to put some Castle thoughts in there, but I'm not going to, and I guess I'm just looking at it now as kind of a learning experience for me. Gotta branch out and try new things, right?

I do want to say that I know I'm jumping around a little bit with her emotions in this chapter. But I think in that situation (the way I've set it up), her emotions would be jumping around. Loss, avoidance, sadness, fear at seeing him, etc. If I continue with this, then anger will probably play into it at some point.

As I was writing the soup part of the story, in my more goofball moments, I was getting images of Castle interspersed with the 'Soup Nazi' episode of Seinfeld. My older, more vintage readers (reference to Blizzard) may know what I'm talking about. And then I think about him saying 'No soup for you!' in the voice he used to imitate the Johnny Vong voice in Sucker Punch ('And now I own a boat!'). OK, so I was also drinking a margarita then. I admit it. But it's still a really funny visual.

So, aside from all of that, what did you think of this chapter?

Really, when this story has reached it's natural end, let me know. Because lately, I think I could go on and on and on about pretty much anything, and I just may need someone to do a virtual slap up side the head and say 'enough, already!'

And one more thing...that spoiler from AM himself about the finale? My goodness, how will I survive the summer? I'm tempted to download it on iTunes and not watch it until September so I won't have to put myself through the cliffhanger and wait!