Chapter 5

Returning to the camp the next day was a little tense to say the least. Braska smirked at as, and shook his head a little. Jecht on the other hand was looking even more depressed than usual.

"I'm sorry if I caused you any worry, I..."

"She was overwhelmed." Auron stated quietly.

"Ha! With all the noise last night its not suprising. I'd say you worked out the majority of her problems." Jecht snickered, but I saw the pain beneath the surface.

"I won't be quite so..."

Auron tsked and took off to preform his guardian duties. He scouted around and motioned that it was safe to continue. Braska nodded, they had already packed up their cluttered camp.

I shouldered some of the bags, and we began the long journey to Djose Temple. I began secluded from the group, I starred at every tree and every plant memorizing each piece of the Moonflow perfectly. It was painful, because each time I blinked I half expected to see Sin destroying the beautiful area. My heart hurt, and I began to notice subtle changes in my body. My veins were starting to show small changes, small bluish veins began to appear more defined.

I thought nothing of it. I was so exhausted most of the time I figured it had to do with the fact that I was constantly tired. Every step I took, I felt something inside of me crying out in pain. I became depressed. I fought my fiends with no longer the passion I had experienced from before. I talked little, and the others began to notice. Braska was especially worried, but I would only snap at them. And Auron...my Auron...surely he thought me a cruel woman.

He had taken my virginity, and surely he thought I had used him. He tried to comfort me, talk to me, and I would refuse his advances.

Soon enough, we arrived at the temple, and while the others turned to go to road to the lightning rock, I stood at the edge of the cliffs and looked down into the dark waters. I saw my bitter reflection and reflected on how it looke so like looking into the Farplane doors...If I jumped, I would surely die. We would all die any way, one way another.

I felt the tears well up inside of me, and I saw a vision. Shiva pointed above me and I saw a debris of sorts fall upon me. I cried out and she did not attempt to save me. I saw my body become crushed and a mass of blood expand from out below it. Shiva took my hands, and showed me the world in ruin. Children were crying, people dying and starving.

"You are the destroyer. If you die, so many more. You must take the chance that you will succeed. Must take the chance that he will die."

I awoke and swayed from the cliff and began to fall. I cried out in suprise, this is not would I wanted! I did not want to fall...I did not want to fail. I saw precious life everywhere, and realized that the death of one for many was acceptable, if the sacrifice was out of love.

I felt a pang of guilt for Braska and Auron as I fell into the icy water. I understood why Jecht was a drunk, out of fear. Out of remorse. His time for changing things was long over, or so I thought.

I felt the darkness grab a hold of me. Literally, something was in the water with me. I unsheathed my sword and tried to keep consciousness. If I passed out, I would drownd. I kicked my way from the beast and swam up towards the light. I gasped for some air, and dodged a tentacle.

"Sinspawn!" I cursed. The toxin must have been affecting my mood! And the vision was an effect. I took a gasp of air, and plunged into the deeps after the beast.

I didn't have to look far, the beast was trying to size me up for how to devour me. Its twisted and gnarled mouth tried to take ahold of my leg and I sliced as well as I could at the beast. One of its tentacles wrapped around my waist and began to squeeze me to death. I squirmed as best I could and tried to do what I could to get the beast off of me. Energy channeled through my hands as I began to cast a spell I had seen once, and I did not know what would happen.

Energy rippled from my hands and exploded the beast into a pulp. Water + Thundara = Big Boom. I felt some of the resulting energy in the current be absorbed back into me, but I felt the rest began to burn my body. I rushed up towards the surface of the water and managed to climb out of the water onto a small beach. I passed out as soon as I felt the cold cruelty of the reality that loomed before me. I had to become stronger. Damn these emotions inside of me.

What should a fews suffering be to the whole world? Who cared about us, after all. An orphan, a ex warrior monk, a infidel, and a drunk was the crust of scab to picked and thrown away. I..would live.

I would live to the fullest, remember every song of the birds, how every whisper in the wind sounds, and every word spoke by those closest to me.

I would rather die than let them suffer.