Disclaimer; Twilight Isn't mine - but somehow I deal with it

A/N, Thanks to everybody who's alerting, reading, reviewing and making this story a favourite. Another one of my tiny chapters - how you must hate me, but part of me just can't resist doing it this way. Remember - if I'm pushing your buttons people, then please push mine ;-)

Chapter 5

Ok, there I said it - and now it seems as if the silence is ringing in my ears as I looked intently at the remarkable face opposite me. "What do you mean by, you don't need him when you have me here Bella" Carlisle said carefully. I looked at his face intently, his expression hadn't changed at all until I looked into his eye's and noticed the strain and …. doubt in them? I sighed "You don't understand, and that's fine because I'll explain it to you". I stood there thinking of so many things I wanted to tell him, that would make him understand what I was trying to explain but I couldn't seem to pick where to begin and then Carlisle did it for me. "Edward.…" he said and I took my hand from his pocket to gesture him to stop. It was only right I suppose that I should begin with Edward

"When I met Edward I was so sure he was the one" I began "But then I met you're family and I wasn't so sure anymore" because certain members made it clear I wouldn't be welcome I added silently. "And then I met you.….and Esme" I felt pain saying that name…. and not just pain but a great deal of shame, because what I was about to say would surely break her heart and very possibly mine too.

But I needed to continue, I needed to tell the truth to cleanse my soul (It's funny considering that the Cullen's disbelieve in themselves having souls when they are far better people than me. I'd say if anyone's going to hell - after this it'll be me).

"After meeting the two of you, I wanted to be part of you're family - I wanted to be special too, so I decided to gave Edward a chance". "I thought I could love him and at times I'm sure I did but his inability to treat me like I was my own person made it so I could never really love him". Do you hate me yet? I thought, Carlisle opened his mouth as if to respond and I again gestured to him to let me continue, I couldn't give up now - not when I had gotten this far. "And then there was you, kind, compassionate and always there to catch me when I fell but never judging me for it". "You gave me stability and understanding, I felt more like I was you're equal and less of the inadequate little girl I felt when I was with Edward and it made me happy". I took a breath and kept my eye's on his and said "It was then I knew I could love you, because part of me already did."