"Hey, Zi," Tony said as he answered his cell. "How's everything going on your end?"
"Not bad," she replied. "My friend is doing better. I should be returning Monday. How is McGee?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure," he sighed. "He won't eat much; he's sleeping almost all the time; doesn't wanna talk..."
"He is grieving."
"Yeah, I'm aware, Zee-vah. I'm just...I dunno. I'm worried about him. I feel like I'm not doing anything to help. And when I do try and do something, talk to him or whatever, I feel like I'm just makin' things worse for him."
"He is simply not ready to talk about it, yet," she suggested. "Perhaps he needs some time."
"That's what Gibbs said."
"Gibbs would know better than any of us, yes?"
"Yeah...I guess. He seems a little different since this all happened; Gibbs I mean. He's been withdrawn...or maybe just...I dunno. He seems different."
"This has, no doubt, brought up some unpleasant memories for him."
"Clearly," Tony responded with a hint of frustration. "Which is why he should have some kind of idea how to get through to McGoo. But it's almost like he's avoiding him. Not completely...and maybe not even intentionally. After all, he did keep Probie at his house for a couple of days. But it's almost like he's afraid to talk to him."
"Maybe he is," Ziva replied.
"Gibbs isn't afraid of anything, Ziva."
"Yes he is," she replied flatly. "He is just braver than most."
"Like you," he retorted. "Well...I hope he knows what he's doing, then..."
11 00 11 00 11
The next day; 1200 hours...
Tony pulled up in front of Tim's apartment and cut the engine right as his cell rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he saw it was Gibbs calling. "Hey, Boss," he said as he answered.
"You hear from McGee today?" he asked. "Tried callin' him and it went straight to voice mail."
"I ran into the same problem. He probably just didn't think to charge it," he assumed. "I just pulled up to his place; picked up lunch on the way here to see if I can't get him to eat something. You want me to have him call you?"
"Just wanted to check on him," he replied. "Since you're there, guess I'll hang back and wait for an update from you."
"Right. Okay, Boss. Well, I guess I'll give you a call when I leave here..."
"Just come by, if it's all the same to you."
'Odd,' Tony thought. "Sure..." the call ended before any more could be said. Phased by the strangeness of the call, Tony shook his head and picked up the pizza box from his passenger seat and headed up toward Tim's door. He knocked softly at first. But gradually it became louder and more insistent, when he didn't answer. "C'mon, Probie, it's me!" he called. "Open up! I come bearing the food of the gods!" he grinned, listening for his partner on the other side of the door. After a few moments, however, his smile faded and was replaced with worry. But right as he reached for something to pick the lock with, the door clicked open. Unexpectedly, McGee took the box from Tony's hand and retreated toward the kitchen. Tony followed, noting the agent was still in the clothes he'd left him in the day before. They were wrinkled and his hair was a bit disheveled. "You just get up?" he asked.
McGee set the box down on the table and sat as he opened the box. "So?" he glanced up at him before grabbing a slice and biting into it.
"Just...wondering," Tony sat down across from him, narrowing his eyes as he studied the man. "I see you got your appetite back." McGee shrugged in response. Tony stood and moved around the table and toward the fridge, "Want me to grab you something to drink?"
"Sure," Tim said with a full mouth.
Tony opened the fridge, noticing its meager contents. "Okay...well, you've got beer...and beer." As difficult a choice as that was, he grabbed two of the bottles and made his way back to the table. "I can go pick a few things up if you want, later," he offered. "Gotta have more than beer to survive." He grabbed a slice of the pizza. "So, ya wanna go do somethin' today, McGoo?"
"Can't," he replied. "Actually...I've gotta go take care of a couple things."
"Need a ride?" Tony asked as he chewed a mouthful of the pizza.
Tim swallowed and looked down at the table top for a moment. "I've gotta pick up Kendra's ashes," he said quietly before meeting Tony's eyes. Slowly, they fell to the table top again. "She really liked the Potomac. Her students are gonna meet me there and we're gonna scatter her ashes there..."
Tony took a silent, deep breath, biting the inside of his cheek. "I'll go with you," he said, finally.
Tim looked up at him again, "You don't have to do that."
"I know," he replied. "But I want to. I know I didn't know her that well, but I really did like her, Tim."
Tony watched as a glimmer of a smile tugged at the corners of McGee's lips, and just as quickly slipped away. "Okay," he said. "Well, I've gotta leave here around three. And we're meeting at half-past. No one's wearing black; Kendra would hate that."
"Think I can handle that," Tony said.
11 00 11 00 11
1510...
Gibbs sat at his workbench in the basement, looking through a small stack of photos, when he cell rang. Gently setting the stack down, he picked the phone up and answered, "Yeah. Gibbs."
"Hey, Boss," Tony's voice rang on the other line. "Sorry I didn't call sooner, but I've been with McGee this whole time; didn't wanna leave him alone."
"He okay?" concern washed his voice.
"Yeah. I'm in the car waiting for him to come out from picking up Kendra's ashes. Then I'll be takin' him over to the Potomac where he's meeting with her students. He's gonna scatter the ashes there."
"You stayin' with him for that, too?"
"'Course, Boss. And for as long as he'll let me."
Gibbs let out a breath, feeling overwhelmed by...perhaps pride at how Tony was handling the situation. "Wish I'd had a friend like you around when I'd needed that..."
"Boss?"
"You're doin' good by him, Tony. Call if ya need anything; anything at all," he ended the call before the lump in his throat could cause a break in his voice...
*~.~*
Tony watched as McGee walked to the car carrying a small urn. His face was void of emotion, which frightened Tony, slightly. Tim slipped into the passenger seat and glanced at Tony before slipping on his seat belt.
"You okay, Probie?" Tony asked.
"I'm fine," he replied, flatly. "We gotta get going," he told him as he looked down at the urn in his lap. He was trying to continue his disassociation toward it; trying not to think about what that urn contained. It was difficult; took all of his concentration and willpower to manage it. Nothing else existed outside of that thought...
"McGee!" Tim was pulled from the stronghold by Tony's voice and he turned his head to look at him in question.
Tony's eyes were narrowed as he look at him with concern, "We're here." McGee turned to look out the window, noticing that they were, in fact, at the Potomac. He hadn't even realized they'd driven. He looked back down at the urn in his hands, then opened his door to get out. Tony followed behind him as they made their way to the group of people waiting for them.
Surprisingly enough to Tony, Tim handed the urn to one of the girls and walked further toward the water, decidedly sitting down atop of one of the large rocks that sat near the shoreline. Tony heard a car door close behind him and he turned his head to see Gibbs as he leaned back against the hood of his car. Their eyes met for a moment and Gibbs nodded to him. Tony turned back to Tim and joined him on the rock. "Aren't you gonna go with them?" he asked as he watched the students walk up toward the water.
Tim shook his head, subtly. "I don't wanna hear what they're gonna say," he said quietly. "I can't..." Tony swallowed as he noticed what Tim was holding in his fingers; the ring. They both turned their heads toward the students as they turned the urn; ashes being carried by the wind out over the water.
Tony's eyes shifted to look at Tim, "You okay, man?"
McGee nodded and looked back down at the ring. "Can you gimme a minute?" he asked; voice cracking a bit with his words.
"Yeah, sure," Tony replied, placing a comforting hand on Tim's shoulder for a moment before he stood.
McGee stood as well, still looking at the ring that played between his fingertips. "I miss you," he said in barely a whisper as he looked out over the still water. He could hear her voice as clear as day, in his head; "I love you, Timothy McGee." He could still hear her laughter; feel her arms around him... Tim looked back down at the ring. "Goodbye, Kendra," he said before throwing it as far out into the Potomac as he possibly could. As it hit the water, he squeezed his eyes shut, allowing a few tears to trail down his cheeks before wiping them away. When he turned around, he saw Gibbs and Tony standing in the parking lot. Curiously enough, he wasn't surprised to see Gibbs there. It was actually a bit comforting in a way he couldn't quite explain. He found himself walking toward them.
"Ready to leave already?" Tony asked.
"I'm really tired," McGee replied as he stopped in front of them.
"Sure you won't let us buy you a drink or somethin'?" Gibbs offered.
McGee met his eyes briefly, "Maybe another time. I just...really need to go to bed."
Gibbs put a hand on Tim's shoulder, "You need anything, just call."
McGee nodded and gave him a small smile before moving toward the passenger side of Tony's car. Gibbs went back to his own car, sharing a glance with Tony before the senior agent got into the driver seat.
"Thanks for driving me around," Tim told Tony as he closed his door. "I appreciate it."
"Not a problem at all," he said as he started the engine and looked over at his partner. "Sure you don't wanna go for a drink? Might help you sleep better..." McGee shook his head; his eyelids drooping. "At least let me pick you up some groceries after I drop you home?"
McGee turned his head to look at him, "Why do you wanna do all this stuff for me?"
Tony furrowed his brows, "I told you before, Tim. You're my friend and I wanna help, however you'll let me."
Tim looked down at his lap. "If you wanna pick a few things up, I guess that'd be okay."
Tony grinned as they headed toward the apartment. "Anything specific you'd like?"
"A bottle of Jack," he smirked.
Tony's grin grew a bit as he glanced at him, "That won't be a problem, but only if you let me stay and have a drink with ya."
"When I'm ready to do that, I'll let you know. Right now, though, I just wanna go to bed..."
11 00 11 00 11
Tony let himself back into Tim's apartment after having made his trip to a couple of stores. He was careful to be quiet, knowing the agent was probably sleeping by now. He set the bags on the counter before walking around the shelves to confirm it. McGee was curled on his right side, clutching a pillow to his chest. His heart ached for his friend; the pain he must be feeling.
Tony turned to go back to the kitchen to put away the groceries, then checked on Tim once more before leaving and locking the door behind him. He made his way to his car as he pulled out his cell and dialed Gibbs...
*~.~*
Gibbs poured a cup of coffee in his kitchen right as he cell began to ring. He saw it was DiNozzo on the ID before answering, "Gibbs."
"Hey, Boss. Just...giving you an update, I guess. McGee's sleepin' again. He let me get him some groceries."
"You tuck him in, too?" he smirked.
"Funny, Boss. I'm just tryin' to make sure he's okay..."
"Yeah, I know. So what're ya doin' the rest of the day?" he asked as he made his way down the basement steps.
"Might grab a bite to eat, somewhere. Maybe a beer. Guess I'll play it by ear after that."
"You should take Abby with you," he suggested.
"She been callin' a lot?"
"She's worried about McGee, yeah. Might be helpful to hear somethin' from you about how he's doin'. She knows you've had his six this past week an' a half."
"It'd probably be better if McGee would let her in," he said with a sigh. "She just wants to help make him feel better, but he's pretty adamant about not being cheered up."
"I get that," Gibbs replied as he set down his mug on the workbench. "He'll come around, eventually."
"Yeah, you've said that before."
"And you don't believe me?" he said as his brows shot up.
"Not that I don't believe ya, Boss. Maybe I'm just having extreme empathy or something, but my gut's tellin' me to stay alert."
"Your gut tellin' you why?" Gibbs narrowed his eyes.
"Does your gut ever give specifics, Boss?" the smirk could be heard through the phone. "It's more like a spidey-sense."
"Spidey-sense?"
"Nothin', Boss. Never mind. I'll give Abs a call."
11 00 11 00 11
After having dinner and a long conversation with Abby, easing her mind to an acceptable extent and convincing her to be patient about seeing him, Tony headed to the office to busy his mind with cold cases. It worked for a while, but he kept finding himself glancing at McGee's desk, remembering how happy the guy had been; telling him about his plans to propose... Just being more happy than he'd probably ever seen Tim in a long time.
McGee always had the worst luck with women, but this was different. This wasn't something that simply didn't work out; wasn't a con or someone using him for kicks or espionage. Tim and Kendra were the real deal, and she'd been ripped from his hands without warning.
Tony thought of Jeanne. Sure, he'd lost her, but it was something he'd know would happen. Of course, she didn't die...she was simply gone. The entire relationship was based on lies and built on false presumptions. He'd know from the start that the undercover mission would end in heartbreak, at least for Jeanne. He'd allowed himself to fall in love with her, despite always knowing in the back of his mind that it would end.
McGee, however, had no idea what'd hit him. Tony wasn't even sure it had fully hit him yet. That's, perhaps, what scared him the most. Tim had been escaping into sleep for the better part of the past week and a half. Tony had tried to get him to talk, without being forceful about it in any way; tried to be around in case his probie had a lucid moment and decided he wanted someone to let it out to. But it seemed, as Gibbs said, that they'd have to give him more time. He just hoped it would be soon...
11 00 11 00 11
It was dark out when Tim was pulled from his sleep by an overwhelming flooding of nausea. Rolling out of bed, he quickly made a b-line for the bathroom and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet before retching into it. It was a good, or rather horrifying, five minutes before his body stopped heaving. He slammed the lid down and flushed the handle before resting his head on the closed toilet to catch his breath.
Something caught his eye in the trash bin beside the sink. He reached over to pull the can closer and pulled out the item. "Pregnancy test?" he questioned as he looked at the box in confusion. Dropping it to the floor, he dug through the contents of the can to find the test stick. The read-out caused something inside of him to snap and break. His chest tightened, making him feel like he couldn't breathe, and his eyes burned along with the pounding that had already taken residence in his head.
The darkness that had clouded his mind since seeing Kendra's dead body, had suddenly consumed every part of him that had any glimmer of hope left for the pain to ever go away. As he sat there on the floor staring at his discovery, he knew what he would have to do now...
11 00 11 00 11
tbc...
