A/N: THANK YOU! To everyone who reviewed my little prologue. I am tickled people liked the premise. I hope you remain intrigued.
The blog chapters will always be shorter.
These characters belong to someone else.
Bella's Bloodsucking Blog
April 8th, 2009
I'm sorry this entry is late. Things have been a little crazy lately. More than crazy really. I don't know. Everything has sort of spiraled out of my control.
I shouldn't be here right now, but I have a few things I need to say. If I seem out of sorts today, just bear with me. I haven't slept in a while.
When I started this blog, I didn't really think anyone would read it beyond the five people I talk to at conferences, and maybe a few derelicts who managed to come across it in a search engine. I have a soft spot for the internet freaks. I am one of you. I just hope sharing with you all wasn't a mistake. I now know there is such a thing as being too curious.
In the beginning, I know I said that my goal was to create awareness, to really open up the vampire world. And it was . . . is. But if I'm being honest with myself I always wondered if maybe it would be a way to reach out into the vampire community. I was kind of tired of hanging around dark alleys hoping to find one.
Of course, I knew that the one I wanted to find would never be there anyway. I've talked about him a lot, but I never admitted the hold he had on me. It doesn't really matter anymore though because what I'm dealing with is so far removed from my initial purpose.
So, I'll shut up on that subject, except to say my life was fucked from the minute I met him. Delusional and naïve, I jumped into the pool before noticing there was no water. I've been paralyzed ever since, unable to walk away. Though I couldn't move forward, I didn't stay immobile. Unfortunately, the only place I went was down.
But things are different now, and I wish I had heeded the advice others gave me years ago because I fear that someone else may now end up in my position, and trust me. You do not want to be here.
I spent a lot of years with people thinking I was crazy. Literally. Even family members. I had all the proof I needed, but I was never able to offer them anything concrete. And I suppose it would be insane to anyone else, so I don't know how I got so lucky to have so many of you here believing me, but thank you. You've meant a great deal to me in the past six months especially.
I can't say how much longer I'll be writing, so I wanted to take a minute to address a few things.
Many of you have been writing into tell me you suspect others around you are vampires. Please remember the following for your own safety:
(1) Most vampires do not attempt to develop relationships with humans, as the bloodlust would be too strong unless they were used to abstinence. There are some exceptions to this. I have heard rumors of succubus and even incubus who are able to engage in sexual intercourse with their victims. In the end, most of these encounters end in death. Whether that is to ease the pain of the victim, part of the excitement of the predator, or because they are simply overcome in the moment, I don't know.
In any case, lots of people may have cold hands and pale skin. So you could just be dealing with someone who has poor circulation. You never know. Try not to overreact to every person you meet. Because human/vampire relationships are so rare, it's really quite unlikely that you actually know a vampire. Be grateful for that.
(2) If you really do suspect a vampire, be careful. I think maybe I haven't been strong enough in warning you all. It is so easy to forget. I do it all the time. You don't know their motivation. I suppose because the first vampires I met were unique, I may not have understood the danger myself.
My eyes are wide open now. There really are only two motivations for a vampire to initiate or engage in human interaction.
Predatory vampires can and will kill instantly. Honestly, if you are a target, I doubt you have any hope for survival. It is little solace, but though clearly painful, the process is apparently quick.
It's been my understanding for some time that changing a human to a vampire is not an easy task for a blood thirsty vampire, but it's possible that could be a motivation as well.
Your best bet is to avoid contact. There is very little to be gained from a relationship with vampires. What are the potential outcomes?
Death?
Befriending someone who wants nothing more than to kill you?
Growing old next to a lover who will never age?
Being changed into a vampire and living forever?
I'm not a relational expert, but the first two seem like awfully bad foundations. I might have once been willing to believe that the other two were acceptable.
Everything I used to believe is crumbling now
I dreamed of living forever. I wanted it, but only because it meant being with him for eternity. Others might be attracted to the potential power, attaining immeasurable beauty, or simply avoiding death. I understand the draw. I really do, and I don't know how to tell you those things aren't worth it. Go back and read my entries about immortality. I know I've talked about this before. If you've believed anything I've written here, just trust this too. I have this song playing over and over in my head. "Save your soul before you're too far gone."
I wish I had.
I can't wish you happy hunting anymore, so I'll end with this:
Enjoy life.
XXX
Edward—Present Day
The mix of desperation, fear, anger, and loss reached out from the computer screen and punched me in the face. I hadn't experienced much physical pain in the past eighty odd years, but this was more than the sting of a light slap. The hit was jarring.
It was all my fault. I accepted the blame easily, but it didn't change anything. I'd read every entry countless times searching for hidden information; each just as fruitless as the last, but I would try again. I would start with the first, looking for any clues, any subtle hints. I doubted many others who read that blog had inferred as much meaning. Maybe they started to second guess it when they didn't have an update in a couple of weeks. No responses to their comments, no links, pictures, or additional entries. Perhaps, the day they clicked on the link in their "favorites" only to discover the site no longer existed, they began to take her warning seriously. No goodbye. She was just gone.
I had saved the entire blog to my hard drive, fearing it would eventually be deleted.
After I left my family, I'd returned to her apartment. The argument was fresh on my mind, but in the end, it had solidified my position. Each of them would choose love. Now that I realized what I felt for Bella, I would too.
I thought perhaps a pass through her things would yield more information, more clues, more of anything to tell me how to find her. I'd only been inside one other time, when I'd issued my unsuccessful warning. But I'd missed nothing.
At this point, there was only one place I could get answers, so I settled into my seat on the plane. Normally, flights revolted me. Too many people in too packed a space. Between the scents and the thoughts, I preferred to run or drive. I didn't have time to swim the ocean though.
I only had three things left: the blog archive, a tattered notebook I'd salvaged from her apartment, and my own memories.
Despite being intimately familiar with each blog entry I had nowhere else to turn, so I would try one more time to read between the lines.
As I clicked on the inaugural entry in her blog, I let myself remember an earlier beginning. Our beginning. I never believed in regret before. If I could go back, it would be so simple. I wouldn't fight it this time. I thought I was doing the right thing. I wondered what would have happened if I'd just given in. After all the waiting and wanting, what if I'd just let myself fall?
E/N: My dear Lucette21 started a Twilighted thread for Rabbit Hole, and the link is on my profile, so come chat if you'd like. Thanks as always to hmonster4. And once again to JAusten as this was part of her sneak peek package.
Now, we will see entries of Bella's Blog every couple of chapters, but they will not follow a particular chronology, they will be thematic. This was her last entry before the prologue. We now go backward in time to learn all about Edward and to follow the story chronologically. He is one very bored vampire.
So, any suspicions yet? How did Bella learn what she has about vampires? Where did she disappear to? It's going to be a long time until we get those answers, but enjoy the speculation. Leave a review, and I'm happy to drop you a tease.
