Tony rubbed a hand down his face and glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight; time to pack up. He began closing up files and sticking them in their proper places in the filing cabinet. An alert sounded on his computer, letting him know he'd received an email. "That was fast," he said, assuming it was from an officer he'd attempted to contact not an hour earlier. He cocked his head at the screen when he saw it was from McGee. Tony opened the email;

Tony,

Thanks for helping me out with everything lately. I'm sorry I haven't been completely accepting about it. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for everything... You helped to make me the agent I was, and you always had my six. You've been the best friend I've ever had. I'm sorry I did this to you all.

Goodbye.

Tim.

Electric fear ran through Tony's chest. He grabbed his phone and keys and tore toward the elevator as he dialed Tim's number. Of course, it went straight to voice mail. As he boarded the elevator and slammed the button for the garage, he dialed Gibbs' number. He didn't pick up till the doors opened again and Tony was tearing toward his car.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"We've got an emergency, Boss..."

11 00 11 00 11

Tim set the sealed envelope with a letter to his family beside the computer and walked to the kitchen to pour a glass of the Jack that Tony had gotten for him earlier. He downed it in one shot and set the glass in the sink as he coughed from the burn in his throat. "Might as well get this over with," he said to himself as he made his way to his nightstand to grab his gun...

11 00 11 00 11

Tony burst through the door to McGee's apartment and frantically began to scan each room until he heard the cocking of a gun coming from the bathroom.

"I'm sorry..." he heard Tim say as he approached the door.

"Don't you dare," Tony said; his voice cracking as he caught sight of his partner in the tub.

McGee flinched, "Tony...you're not supposed to be here."

"The hell I'm not. You emailed me."

"You weren't supposed to get that till morning," he replied flatly.

Tony walked further into the bathroom and knelt down beside the tub, "Why are you doing this, Tim?" he asked in barely a whisper.

McGee pushed further away from him, up against the wall, "You need to leave. I'm not gonna do this in front of you."

"I'm not leaving."

"Well then let me rephrase," he said with a bit of anger in his voice. "I don't want to do this in front of you."

"Please gimme the gun, McGee," Tony asked calmly. "Told you to call me if you were gonna drink tonight."

"I made this decision before I had anything to drink, Tony."

"At least...at least put it down, if you're not gonna hand it over. You're scaring the hell outta me." Tim met his eyes, noticing they were welling with tears.

"You'll try to take it from me."

"I'm not gonna get into a gun-struggle with you and end up shot, McGoo."

After a few long moments, Tim slowly lowered his gun, but held it firmly in his hand in his lap and kept his eyes on it. "Ya know..." he began, "The last three times I talked to her, I didn't tell her I loved her." Tony kept a trained eye on his friend as he talked, careful not to alert him that he'd heard Gibbs enter the apartment nearly silent. "We were gonna have a baby..." he said so quietly, Tony almost didn't hear it.

Tony wasn't sure how to respond. "You never told me that."

"Didn't know...just found out tonight," he glanced over at the trash bin.

Tony followed his line of sight, seeing the evidence that had revealed the sad truth to his partner. "I'm sorry..." he said as he looked back at his friend with sympathy written clearly on his face. Tim's face remained downcast, tears silently streaming. "But this isn't how to deal with the pain."

"I don't want to deal with it anymore," his voice broke. "I want it to go away."

"This isn't how to make it go away, Tim. Let me help you...please." McGee squeezed his eyes shut. "What you said in the email," he started. "About thinkin' of me like you're best friend... I feel the same way. In fact, you're like a brother to me, McGee." Tim looked over at him then. "I can't begin to know how painful this is for you. But...godamnit, Tim...if I'd walked in here tomorrow and found you dead..." he own voice cracked then and Tim flinched. "Don't do that to me, man. Please..."

"I...I didn't wanna hurt you, Tony," he said with conflicting emotion on his face. "That's not what I was trying to do."

"You know we care about you, right?"

"I care about you all, too," he said quietly as he looked back down at his hands.

"I wish you would've called me."

"Tony, I didn't want help," he looked at him again. "I didn't wanna be talked out of this."

"Well, I'm not letting you do this," he leaned forward and Tim panicked, bring the gun up to his temple again with widened eyes. "Wait!" Tony backed up and held up his hands, horrified. "Tim, no!"

"Just leave, Tony!" he yelled.

"McGee!" Tim was startled by Gibbs sudden presence in the doorway.

"B...Boss?" the youngest agent was at a loss for what to do; embarrassed of his current position, but angered at the fact that his plans had been further interrupted. "Gibbs...you and Tony need to leave."

Gibbs shook his head and sat down on the edge of the tub, "Can't do that, Tim." Gibbs looked at the stunned senior field agent and motioned with his head for him to leave the room. Reluctantly, the agent stood, brow still furrowed and face still washed with uncertainty, and he walked out of the bathroom. Gibbs turned to look at Tim.

McGee had lowered the gun a bit, holding it securely with both hands as he searched his boss's face. "I'm not as strong as you, Boss," he said in barely a whisper.

"Yeah, you are," he replied with narrowed eyes. Tim shook his head and looked down at Gibbs' chest. "I'm gonna tell ya somethin' I've never told anyone before. And I'm tellin' ya because I know how strong you are." Tim furrowed his brow as he met Gibbs' eyes again. "After I got back home, after finding out Shannon and Kelly had been killed..." he swallowed and looked down at his lap. "I was sitting on the beach with a gun in my hands," he met Tim's eyes again. "Didn't take me long to think that was the only way out."

McGee blinked rapidly as he processed that information, surprised that Gibbs, of all people, had gotten to that point. "What made you change your mind?" he asked.

Gibbs looked at him for a long moment, "I knew it would've broken their hearts." Tim looked away, his eyes darting around in the air in front of him as the words sunk in. "I know how much it hurts. And I know it seems like this is the answer, but it's not. I didn't have anyone left to tell me there was any other way, but you do. You've got a family who loves you, and friends who love you and care about you, too. And even though the pain won't ever go away completely, it will get easier. You just gotta let us be here for you...even when it seems like everything's gone to hell." He reached a hand over to McGee's which held the gun. When Tim didn't flinch away, Gibbs took hold of the weapon, and McGee let him take it from him.

After putting the safety back on, he set it down on the sink and turned back to Tim; fresh tears streaming down the agent's cheeks. "I'm sorry, Boss," he said quietly. "You're right...I should've talked to you...to Tony..."

"Not too late for that, now," Gibbs told him and pulled the younger man into an brief hug before standing and helping him out.

"Boss, I'm sorry..."

"Sign of weakness, McGee," he told him. "Letting go of the gun shows you're not." He followed Tim out of the bathroom. Both of them were surprised to see Tony standing up against the wall in the hallway, pale as a ghost and hugging his arms around his chest. As Gibbs approached him, he realized the agent was shaking. He put his hands on his arms, "Hey."

"I- I wasn't going for the gun," he said, eyes darting around till they met his. "My foot was asleep...I was just...just shifting..."

"Tony," McGee spoke up as he moved closer. "I'm sorry." Gibbs realized Tony was in some form of shock. Having tried to talk his partner out of suicide was one thing, but almost having caused the man to prematurely pull the trigger...who knew what was running through his head in this moment. Gibbs back away from him a bit, dropping his hands and going toward the kitchen to get them all something to drink. McGee stepped in front of Tony, their eyes meeting before he continued to talk. "I'm sorry," he told him once more. "It won't happen again. I won't do it again, Tony, please believe me," his voice shook. "I...didn't think you all cared this much. I was only thinking of myself, and I never meant to hurt any of you. I won't do it again..."

Tony found himself pulling the younger agent into a tight embrace. McGee, just as surprised, found himself hugging him back, just as tightly. "I love ya, McGoo...ya know that, right?" McGee's eyes darted around the wall behind Tony. He could only respond by holding onto him even tighter.

After a few moments, Gibbs returned in the hallway with a few bottles of water in his hands. "Both of you are comin' to my place," he told them. They pulled away from each other and looked at him in slight confusion. "We did it your way for a while, Tim. But now we're doin' it my way. Don't argue with me."

Tim shook his head, "Okay. I- I just have to fix some things..." he went to his computer and turned on the screen.

"Do it in the morning," Gibbs suggested.

"I can't wait till then," Tim said. "I don't know how Tony's email got sent already, but I'm not gonna have anyone else read these and freak out." One by one, McGee deleted the messages, then picked up the envelope and stuck it into the shredder.

"What was that?" Tony inquired.

"Letter to my family," he replied then looked up at him before standing.

"Wow. You really had this all...planned out," Tony's brow furrowed.

Tim's eyes flicked back and forth between Tony and Gibbs. "That's...kinda how I function. Why should this have been any different?"

11 00 11 00 11

The ride to Gibbs' house had been quiet. Tim had taken the guest room and passed out fairly quickly. Tony took the couch, doing the same after having a glass of bourbon with Gibbs. Gibbs, however, remained awake; keeping silent vigil over his agents as he sat at the kitchen table. A cold-case file kept him company, and he had no intent on going to bed until he could call Ducky in the morning to come over...

*~.~*

"I'm sorry..." McGee's voice sounded from the bathroom.

Tony quickly made his way toward it, "Don't-"

*BANG*

Tim's blood sprayed over the tile wall as his body went limb. "NO!" Tony scrambled toward him, scooping him up out of the tub and into his lap. Frantically, he applied pressure to the agent's bleeding wounds.

"Tony?" Gibbs appeared moments later in the doorway.

Tony looked up at him, feeling the hot tears streaming down the cold skin on his face, "I was too late...too late, Boss..." he cried, holding McGee against his chest.

"DiNozzo..."

"I couldn't save him..."

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shook his senior field agent by the shoulders, causing him to wake up, finally.

"Boss..." his voice cracked and his face was wet with tears. "Couldn't save him."

"You were just dreamin'," Gibbs told him, realizing his friend was still in some halfway state of consciousness.

Tony blinked a few times before pushing to sit up. "Is it morning?" he asked as he ran a hand down his face.

"Just about. Ducky's on his way here to check McGee over."

"He still sleeping?" he asked. Gibbs nodded. "I just need to...check on him," he stood and made his way to the stairs.

Gibbs made his way to the kitchen and rifled through the contents of the refrigerator in search for something to make for breakfast. He decided on home fries, sausage and toast. As he gathered the items he'd need onto the counter, Tony returned. "Want some help?" he asked as he approached Gibbs.

"Won't fight ya," he replied as he slid the package of sausages over to him. "I take it he's still asleep?"

"Yeah," he put a frying pan on the stove and turned on the burner.

"You wanna talk about what had you yellin' in your sleep?" he asked as Tony put the sausage into the pan.

Tony took a breath as he pushed the links around with a spatula. "Just uh...something I couldn't get outta my head after last night," he explained. Gibbs waited patiently for him to continue. "If I'd been...three seconds later," he said quietly. "It would've been too late, Boss," he glanced at him.

"But you weren't," Gibbs reminded him, narrowing his eyes. "You saved him, Tony."

"Not really," he shook his head as he continued cooking. "I slowed him down; almost made him jump the gun again...no pun intended."

"Tony..."

"If you hadn't stepped in, I would've screwed it all up," he glanced briefly back at his boss and quickly back down at the pan, but Gibbs didn't miss the fact that the agent was near tears.

"Hey," he approached closely to him and smacked the back of his head, causing Tony to straighten a little. "I wouldn't have known to be there if you hadn't called me," he reminded him. "And you don't know what would've happened. He just got scared. I'm sure you could've talked him out of it... I only stepped in because I wanted to talk to him; let him understand that I knew what he was goin' through." Tony looked at him then. "I wouldn't have had that chance, if you hadn't figured out what was happening when ya did."

Tony seemed as if he was going to respond, when they heard Ducky come through the front door. "Something certainly smells inviting," the doctor said as he made his way to the kitchen.

"You're more than welcome to join us, Duck," Gibbs told him. "Thanks for coming."

"Not a problem, Jethro. Good morning, Anthony. Where's young Timothy?"

"Still in bed," Gibbs told him as he put the potatoes into another pan.

"I know you called to have me come check him over, but you didn't elaborate on why. Is he ill?" he asked as he sat at the table.

Tony glanced at Gibbs. "Not sick," Gibbs told him. "Just wanna make sure he's okay. He had a rough night. If you could just...be observant when he comes down, I'd appreciate it."

Ducky got a curious look on his face. "Did something happen that I should be made aware of?" he asked. He watched as Tony ducked his head a bit, though his face was out of view. He looked to Gibbs. "Jethro?"

"Somethin' he'll have to tell you himself, if he decides to," Gibbs told him.

Ducky met Gibbs' glare, "No offense, but how do you expect me to make observations without some bit of knowledge pertaining to what I'm supposed to be looking for?"

They heard the water turn on for the upstairs shower and Tony turned to look at Gibbs. "He's right, Boss. McGee probably won't be up for rehashing. And I'm pretty sure Ducky won't go blabbing about it."Gibbs swiped a hand down his face and sighed. Then he told Ducky what all had happened; what Tim had discovered and what means he'd gone through in preparation to end his life.

For a few long moments, the doctor was at a loss for words. "Well...quite disturbing, what young Timothy has been through. Not altogether unsurprising that he came to such a conclusion...and had it been any other person, I'd find the thorough planning quite worrisome. However, it would seem that you both not only came to his rescue, but helped him to realize that he is, in fact, not alone. I'm afraid, though, that my presence this morning may raise questions in his trust in your faith in him."

"Don't you think he should talk about this, though?" Tony asked.

"Yes, I do," Ducky replied. "But he should choose to approach someone with it; not have it forced upon him."

"What do we do in the meantime?"

"What you've been doing; stay with him. Be there for him. Keep a steady watch on him, but don't make it obvious. If you see a sudden dramatic change in behavior, regardless what direction it may seem to go, then you'll need to keep on high alert. I'll be around if he should choose to talk to me about what he's going through, but until then, he needs his friends to remain his friends and not his investigators."

The agents remained silent as the pondered the doctor's suggestions. "You may want to pay better attention to breakfast," Ducky said as he smelled the slight burning of the sausage. Tony whipped back around to the pan and remedied the situation. "That said, I'll take my leave," Ducky stood from the table. "And a raincheck on breakfast," he winked. Gibbs walked Ducky to the door, thanking him for coming by, then returned to the kitchen.

After breakfast was ready, Tim showed up in the kitchen looking much better than he had the night before. "Perfect timing," Tony told him with a small smile. "And don't tell me you're not hungry. You're practically wasting away."

"I'm a little hungry," McGee replied as he eyed the food and slipped into one of the chairs.

Gibbs sat as well, coffee in hand, allowing Tony to do the doting instead of both of them bombarding the agent with hospitality that might be interpreted as something else. Tony grinned at Tim's willingness to eat, plopping a plate down in front of him before grabbing his own and sitting as well. "Sleep okay?" he asked.

"Actually, yeah," Tim replied as he examined the items on his plate by pushing them around with his fork. "I've been sleeping a lot, lately. But I think I actually rested this time."

Tony nodded with a smile playing on his lips, which he expertly hid by shoving a large forkful of potatoes into his mouth. Gibbs was about to say something, when his cell rang. Wiping his hands on a napkin, he pulled the phone from his pocket and answered, "Yeah. Gibbs." Tony glanced up at him from his plate, noting a flash of concern, but also one of amusement. "What happened?" he asked the person on the other line as he stood. "Alright. I'll be right there." The call ended and he met Tony's eyes for a moment.

"Something wrong, Boss?" he asked.

"Ziva just got out to the parking lot at the airport; her car was towed. I'm gonna go pick her up. I'll be back," he said as he grabbed his keys and headed out.

Tony glanced over at McGee who was eating faster than he probably should. "Slow down there, Probie," he told him. "Ya don't want that comin' back up on ya."

"Sorry," he said as he slowed. "Guess I really am hungry after all. And this is good."

"Glad you like it," Tony said as he looked back down at his own plate.

McGee looked over at him, noting that Tony looked like he hadn't slept quite as well. He was suddenly washed with a feeling of guilt. "Hey, Tony?" Tony looked at him again. "I'm sorry...about what happened." Tony shook his head. "No, really. You shouldn't have had to walk in on that. I shouldn't have let myself get to that point, especially since you tried so hard to help me."

"You don't need to explain yourself, McGee," he replied flatly.

"That's not what I'm trying to do," he retorted. "I was being selfish. It wasn't about missing her anymore... It was about what I'd be missing out on from that point on. That wasn't fair to any of you. I was so busy focusing on things that could never be, that I'd set aside the fact that there's still a life for me here." Tony listened quietly; intently. "When I sat down to write those emails, part of me was screaming...things I couldn't hear because I was too clouded and overrun with the need for it all to just go away. But now I know what it was saying; I didn't wanna say goodbye. Didn't wanna leave. I'd said my goodbyes to Kendra. She isn't coming back," his voice cracked. "And I do miss her... But she wouldn't want me to be miserable," he looked down at his plate. "And I wouldn't have wanted to do that to all of you, either." He felt a hand on his shoulder, and realized Tony had moved into the chair next to him. "She made me a better person," he continued, then met Tony's eyes. "But so have you."

Tony narrowed his eyes, "You aren't gonna kiss me, are ya, McRomeo?"

McGee's face broke out in a wide grin as he shoved his partner for the comment. Tony's eyes widened as he lost his balance and went tumbling to the floor. "Shit!" Tim stood, "I'm sorry!" he held a hand out to help him up, but Tony was laughing; possibly at himself for having fallen. McGee couldn't help but to laugh along with him as Tony grabbed his hand and pulled himself up.

They stood there for a moment as the laughter died down, and Tony clenched his jaw. "Ya know...I'm really glad your computer decided to malfunction."

Tim squinted, "Actually, I'm not sure why it did. I sent the emails out as a group; every one but yours did what it was supposed to. If it'd been anyone else's that decided to be sent, besides yours, they wouldn't have seen it till it was too late." He watched as Tony swallowed a lump in his throat. "It's almost like it was...divine intervention. Like Gibbs said-"

"Gibbs suggested divine intervention?" Tony interrupted.

Tim shook his head with a smirk, "He said it would've broken her heart."

Tony stood there a moment, contemplating what had been said. Then he grinned and headed for the freezer, "You want some ice cream?"

"What?" Tim furrowed a brow. "It's six in the morning. And I thought we were voting against me throwing up."

"C'mooooon. Ya threw nearly 4k into the Potomac yesterday, and you're scoffing ice cream for breakfast? Live a little!"

Tim shook his head with a smile playing on his face. Tony turned around with the pint in one hand and an ice cream scooper in the other. Tim rolled his eyes, "Okay. Maybe one scoop." Tony made a sound of victory as he reached for bowls in the cupboard. McGee sank back down in his chair as he thought about what could've almost been. He was glad he'd been stopped. He didn't want to leave his life; his friends. He loved them, and he was fairly certain they loved him too.

Though it would be a difficult road ahead, Tim knew he'd have his friends around to help him through it. And, by God, he'd do his best to get there. He wouldn't let his team down again...

~Fin~

11 00 11 00 11

A/N: I've got a really messed up alternate ending in mind, if you want me to do it, posting as another chapter, let me know!