A/N: Quick recap of future happenings: Bella is missing. Edward left his family to find her. He's on a plane to somewhere.

Now, we go back to the beginning. Before the beginning actually. Just before he met Bella. We lay the foundation for all the decisions that get made later on.

I don't own the characters.

Chapter One: Opening

EPOV

"Well, what do you think?" Carlisle asked.

"She's gorgeous." I had fallen in love instantly. Even her name called to me. I couldn't have envisioned anything more lovely. "Pure perfection."

"You deserve it, Edward."

I reached out my hand to touch her, sliding along her delicate curves, marveling at the way she purred. My mouth slid into an uneven smile. She may have stolen my heart, but I knew she needed me too.

"You were so right, Carlisle. I do feel better already."

In 1920, I bought my first car, a Rolls Royce Silver Ghost. Technically, Carlisle bought the automobile, but she was all mine. I respected her. I took care of her. I nursed her well into her old age. She was the closest I had ever come to true love in 108 years on this planet.

I've tried. I chase that spark with each new car I buy. I seek her simplicity, her tenacity, her beauty, and even her innocence.

It was probably no great surprise that Rosalie and I were the car tinkerers in the family. Emmett knew his way around the garage, but it wasn't his passion. He just liked to see Rosalie bent over the grill, loose hair caressing the grease stains on her face, her rear end wiggling behind her as she adjusted a valve.

Apart from our devotion to the family, our love of cars was probably the only thing Rosalie and I had in common. We spent countless afternoons working silently side by side.

Considering how I described my relationship with my Silver Ghost, the appeal for Rosalie was obvious.

What else could she nurture? Vampires who fed off animals couldn't exactly keep a pet.

Esme's garden was far too delicate for Rosalie; she needed a baby who roared to life, one that took her aggression and responded in kind. Steel and leather had a longer life span than plants too. Esme always had to leave her flowers behind.

I wasn't looking for a child; I had another relationship in mind. Cars were ideal partners. They needed someone to turn the key, to press the pedals, to make them go. But in return, they gave freedom and power.

I'd never found that kind of give and take with a woman.

"You know why you like cars more than women, don't you Edward?" Emmett asked one day while we were out hunting.

"No, Emmett, but I'm sure you're going to inform me." I continued scanning the forest for signs of life, avoiding eye contact with my brother.

"Yeah well, someone's got to know more than you do. Anyway, you can't control a woman, a good woman anyway, like you can a car. You're too much of a control freak."

At that time, I rammed him up against a tree, and we had rather childish but steam relieving brawl, which drove any potential prey away.

"It's not my fault you can't control Rosalie, Emmett."

"Wouldn't want to, Edward. They're a lot more fun when they're untamed. Why do you think you like the fast cars best?"

He might have been on to something.

The Silver Ghost had been a gift of sorts, signaling the start of a new life. For a year and half, I'd been a raging newborn vampire, unable to handle the presence of humans. We'd left my hometown of Chicago for a more remote location in Northern Canada. It made the hunt was easier, and seclusion was acceptable there. Carlisle trained me, and he attempted to comfort me.

There was some strain in the early months. His guilt about changing me sometimes overwhelmed him. In the beginning, I may have cultivated it. After all, in the quietest times of day, I wished he had let me die with my parents. Incapable of predicting any possible happily ever after.

My ability to read minds was both a blessing and curse.

Knowing his mind the way I did, being able to hear the sincerity and purity of his thoughts probably saved me from destroying him when I woke from my three day journey through Hell. Which is why I began to let him off the hook, to open up to his way of living.

On the other hand, it was easy to stagnate in a relationship when there was nothing you needed to learn about the other person. It made it difficult for me to ever be an equal to anyone again.

After a year and a half, my control had improved to the point he thought me capable of human interaction. I embraced it. I thought I would finally feel normal again. I looked forward to donning suits and having women giggle as I passed. I envisioned tipping my hat toward them as they shyly looked away with their hands over their mouths.

I had just been growing into my looks as a human. I had only kissed one girl, and I couldn't even remember her name. I knew that I had no future with any of the human girls, but simply having the ability to cause a reaction that hadn't been there before was one small benefit to my new "life."

But the normalcy never really came. Unfortunately, my "gift," as Carlisle liked to call it, was difficult to control once I was in the presence of so many people.

We'd worked diligently on reigning in my bloodlust, but had completely discounted how my head would spin when bombarded with tens or hundreds of voices at one time. I would answer questions asked by people in other rooms, and I'd miss those posed directly to my face. People thought me insane. And I wasn't sure I disagreed with them.

We had to go back to the drawing board, slowly building a tolerance.

I'd barely managed a semblance of control when everything turned upside down once again. In the next year, Carlisle found and turned Esme. He'd acted in the heat of the moment. While she lay writhing in pain, he explained his history with her.

"I had to, Edward." I love her. I have loved her for a long time.

And I knew. Of course, I did. I'd already heard it in his head. But he expounded anyway. Needing to justify the disruption of the relative calm we'd established.

"I first met her when I was working around Columbus. She'd broken a leg while climbing a tree. At sixteen. Who does that? It intrigued me. But it was more than that. She was so gentle, and I couldn't help but think . . . If only . . . In all of these years, I'd never really felt that way about a human, or another vampire for that matter. Certainly, there was no way for us to work. I had to leave. It was incredibly difficult to walk away . . . you can't imagine . . . but I didn't see what other choice I had. That was when I went to Chicago, as you know. "

He paused, contemplating. I wondered if he regretted what had come next. Did he wish he'd never found me, that he'd waited for Esme instead? I wasn't willing to ask the question, so I said nothing.

"I can't help but believe some sort of fate is at work here. To find her a second time, in this state. It fits. It simply has to. We were all meant to be together, Edward. Maybe there is hope for happiness in this cursed life we lead."

I smiled weakly, grateful he didn't possess my "gift." I'd been turned at seventeen, and hadn't lived enough to mature much beyond. Like a typical teenager, I couldn't see past how this affected me. All of the plans I had now that both my thirst and my mind were in check were suddenly out the window.

Once again we fled civilization to train a newborn.

For the two of them, her birth into the family signaled a completion of spirit. It made me a third wheel. I was an interrupter of intimate moments between lovers. A son instead of a brother or friend in drama we created. Decision making was no longer just between Carlisle and me. Esme now had a voice, and in time we added Rosalie and Emmett. And still later Alice and Jasper. More of us meant strength in numbers; it meant always having someone with whom to talk; it meant more laughter. But it also meant never having quiet in my head; it meant never really getting my way.

It also highlighted my solitude. The more members we added, the more alone I felt.

Too many years have passed to remember every detail.

Today, it came down to one thing. I was bored. Insufferably bored. With Forks, the town I lived in, yes. But it was more than that. People longed for immortality as much as, perhaps more than, fame and money. What they didn't know is that eventually, there was nothing new to learn. Everything repeated itself.

I go round and round on this carousel. Each pass is the same. The same faces, the same buildings, the same sounds.

The only thing that changes is the weather. And in a place like Forks, even that is consistent.

What I wouldn't give for a turn on the roller coaster instead.

We'd been here for two years, and if everyone else in my family had their way, we'd ride out this locale as long as we could. The longest we've stayed in one place was eight years.

At least in that time I was able to graduate both high school and college and even attempt work.

I liked work. I wouldn't want to do it for fifty years or anything, but it filled time.

I'd worked a few times. Over the years, I'd worked nights at a factory, taught piano at a conservatory, and played in a symphony.

I was always in the minority when it came to family decisions though. I would have preferred to move more frequently, shake things up more often. At least as long as we attempted to pass as human.

I actually argued we'd be better off secluding ourselves rather than trying to hide who we were. I typically failed to understand the point of interacting with humans if all we were destined to do was repeat the most miserable aspect of human existence. How many people would truly choose to re-live high school for eternity?

When I questioned it, my concerns were always hushed.

"Edward is brooding again," Rosalie chided. "Poor baby is bored." She always goaded me the most. We'd lived in this family together long enough to know that we'd do anything protect the other, but our relationship was . . . complicated. I knew the source of her animosity dwelled in events nearly seventy five years past, but some things you never out live.

"Now, now, Rosalie," Carlisle responded. "It's different for Edward."

They all looked at me with some sort of pity. I loathed it. Because I didn't have a mate, they felt sorry for me. They'd tried to explain to me that it gave their relationship more consistency and credibility if we were in a place for a longer period of time. They could be themselves more. There could outwardly manifest their romantic relationship. I understood that. But then, I wondered why we didn't just live in the middle of nowhere, far away from the judgmental eye of humans.

I knew the answer to that, of course. Carlisle. He was the exception. He worked. He made a difference. He had a purpose. Medicine was his calling. A vampire who gave more to society than he took. Maybe the first in history.

This was the interesting thing about most vampires; they didn't sit around and contemplate the meaning of life. There was only one purpose: the hunt.

My family and the few I knew who abstained from human blood apparently drew purpose from their relationships with each other.

The hunt and the mate. Was that it?

What was I here to do? It was as if my sole purpose was to be a part of Carlisle's family. It wasn't enough. With no mate, that left hunting, and there weren't enough mountain lions on earth to fill the void that came from not having a reason to live.

My mind reading enhanced my solitude. No one in the family could exactly forget I had the ability to read minds because it meant they had virtually no privacy. However, over the years we'd all grown into a comfortable groove wherein I tried not to listen, and they tried not to share.

Still, my own mind went unchallenged. My boredom wasn't only about a mate. What was there to learn when you knew what people were thinking before they said it? Each day I worked the assembly line of tedium and mediocrity. No matter how many boxes I filled, the conveyor incessantly delivered more.

As I result, I rather enjoyed being the new kid. In part because I didn't already have everyone's thoughts memorized. Additionally, most high schoolers avoided the new kids. They made up rumors to keep the outsiders out. Not that we needed any help with that. No matter how we painted our story, at least three of us were always starting school together. The more of us there were, the more we intimidated the locals and the more overt their disdain for us. I never minded, but it bothered Alice to no end.

She was the only one of us who really wanted to be liked. It broke my heart when she would attempt to make friends, and the kids would call her a freak behind her back. It was inevitable. We couldn't fit in. Too beautiful. Too rich. Too smart. Too pale. Too different. Eventually, they would shun her.

She was grateful for the family, but if she could have joined the popular crowd, she would have. She desperately longed to be a cheerleader. If she didn't think her weight would pulverize the pyramid, she'd probably try out. Only Jasper was in on that secret, and he benefited greatly from the fantasy. I usually ran screaming from the house the minute pom pons popped into either of their heads.

I, on the other, took a different approach to the humans. Sometimes I toyed with them.

Once I wore all black, including a heavy layer of eyeliner and painted nails. I gave other students the evil eye during class while drawing pictures of pentagrams in my notebook. I wore a glass pendant around my neck with water I'd colored blood red. Emmett joined me on that one. He loved the irony of teens. They spent their weekends watching movies meant to scare the living daylights out of them, but were paralyzed by a peer dressed in Goth attire. America had such a fear/lust relationship with the occult.

Goth Emmett was a site to behold though. He went for the sadomasochistic look. Spikes and leather. His curly hair gelled into submission. Combined with his sheer size, it was enough to send the school kids scurrying into corners where they cowered in fright.

Rosalie blamed me for Emmett's decline to the dark side, and didn't speak to Emmett for three weeks. Except for the bedroom, of course, but that was merely to say "Right there," or "Don't you fucking stop, asshole." Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

We finally had to end our charade when Carlisle caught wind that people were avoiding his services due to his devil worshipping children.

We sat in Carlisle's office while he gave us a stern lecture on our behavior. As we walked out of the room, Em gave me a high five. I mean come on. Vampires playing devil worshippers? It was classic. We still laugh whenever we see a Goth kid at a new school.

At least I wasn't bored for once.

My toying with the humans got me in trouble at our last high school as well. My intentions were good, though by the time we left, no one in the family was happy with me.

Four of us had started high school. We were playing the typical foster family role. Rose and Jasper as twins, and Alice and I as brother and sister. Emmett basically got a bye. He was happy to play video games all day.

When the kids started in with the innuendos and the teasing and the avoiding, I watched Alice slowly deflate. Rosalie's exterior shell hardened. While Alice internalized her pain, Rose lashed out. Both wore their hurt in very different ways. I thought maybe I could humanize us a little if I guided the rumors closer to the truth.

So when people started talking, I might have let some things slip to a few select gossipers.

After all, with a little massaging, our own stories could certainly pass for reasons we'd been in foster care. Jasper had been a member of a violent gang, hadn't he? Alice and I were both orphaned. She had a history of institutionalization. And Rosalie . . . well I suppose that was the biggest mistake. Our own stories were still raw. We could pretend that decades had lessoned the pain or made us forget, but being reminded of it by children unaware of the pot they stirred was more dangerous and far stupider than I'd anticipated.

So, twice in recent memory, I'd been scolded by my "father." And I'd witnessed my "mother's" disappointment. I was always conflicted when it came to paternal discipline. Though he had centuries of experience beyond any of us, he wasn't our father. Esme wasn't our mother. And I wanted to believe that all my years had to make me an adult.

Sometimes, I wished for more of a democratic coven, but I knew that left to our own devices, the five children would likely destroy the family. From Rosalie's selfishness, to Jasper's lack of control. From Emmett's childishness to Alice's exuberance. To my . . . they might say arrogance. I say boredom. Ultimately, we just wouldn't last long.

So, why did I stay? Why did I continue to live this half life, or rather half dead, existence?

It was simple really. My family. I loved them. Yes, even Rosalie. I have tried to live without them, and I simply don't work. None of us do. All of those negative qualities balance each other out. We are only whole when we are together. Or in my case, at least not empty.

Sure, I could get into more trouble, have more fun, even gain a little more pleasure on my own, but there is one thing I'd learned in over a century on this earth. Without someone to love, none of it mattered.

Boredom, then, was a burden I would bear.

Although, some days it was harder to hide than others.

"Edward, may I come in?" Alice asked as she stood outside my door.

"You don't have to ask, do you?" I teased.

"Silly, I don't know until you decide."

"Yes, but you know I heard you in the hall before you knocked and had already granted you access before you even asked."

"Well, true, but sometimes I like to pretend we're normal, don't you?"

I was still laughing as she danced her way into my room and sat down on the couch. It caused me to glance at the clock. Six thirty in the morning. About the time humans were getting a start on the day. They meandered in a groggy state to coffee or a shower, hoping to take the edge off a bad dream or lose themselves back into a good one. Mostly dreading what was to come. Work, school, taking care of babies, bills to pay, and asses to kiss. Never knowing how truly lucky they were to live this life cycle.

"How are you, Edward?"

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Okay, yes, I already know you're in a funk. I caught a glimpse of you leaving the other day. And then you were doing some pretty stupid things to try to shake things up. To be honest, the indecision and emotional state are kind of killing Jasper and me here."

"Figuratively, of course."

She slapped my arm playfully.

"Please don't go."

"We'll see."

"You would hate being a nomad again."

"Maybe, I could still pretend to live a life, but on my own, the story wouldn't be so convoluted."

"What would you gain?"

"Something different?"

"You already know different isn't necessarily better."

I shrugged. She was right, but it was still nagging at me.

"You've considered Alaska. That would be better than wandering I think." I was a little embarrassed by what she must have seen when I wrestled with that decision. There was only one reason to consider Alaska.

"It's just so complicated."

"Not really. She's single. You're single. Why can't you just be happy together, even if it's not forever?"

"I don't love her, Alice." I heard what she was going to say next, while she appeared to silently contemplate it, and I groaned in pre-response.

"I know. " She looked down at her hands. "And I realize it's hard to be around all of us, but you also know you don't have to mate with her to . . . have fun."

"Yes, I do." I'd been there; done that. It was fine for a release, but honestly, it didn't solve the longing. In some ways it made it worse.

We'd known the Denali Coven a long time before anything happened between Tanya and me. Her beauty was undeniable. Her seduction irresistible. Literally.

But I remained conflicted about the whole thing. I'd always planned to save myself for marriage believing, assuming marriage was only a couple of years away. Nothing about my life followed that plan though. When the prospect of forever was in front of me, my staunch opinions about love and sex managed to muddy. And now though I've had sex with two women, I had yet to fall in love.

For a long time, Tanya and I developed an understanding of sorts, but when it became clear that her feelings had grown, I decided it was unfair and misleading to continue our arrangement.

I missed it. I missed her. I thought of her fondly. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall in love with her.

"You're probably right." But her thoughts confirmed my suspicions. Everyone, including Tanya, still held out hope that someday, my feelings would change.

I've been on this earth a very long time, and I had yet to meet a woman, human or vampire who made me believe I could have what everyone else in my family had.

Round and round that stupid merry go round. The same faces. I wanted the anticipation of the slow climb to the top. The rush that took over in that split second between knowing you were about to go over the edge and entering the freefall. Up and Down. Around the loop. Corkscrews and caves.

Emotions slamming you from one side of the car to the other. Fear to joy.

Fuck the merry go round.

"I wish they would too, Alice. It would make things so much easier."

She sighed.

"I don't want you to go."

"I know, but I have no idea why t it matters."

"We love you, silly."

"You know you're the only one who ever calls me silly."

"That's because I know you best."

I didn't argue. It was true.

"I don't know what to do, Alice. I need change. I don't think I'm actually going anywhere, but right now.

"I don't think you are either . . . yet." She whispered the last word.

"Well, I suppose it's time for my daily torture," I replied, changing the subject.

"Oh come on. Maybe something exciting will happen today. You could get lucky and Jessica Stanley will hit on you again." She stood up and floated back out of my room.

"Yes, and perhaps, tomorrow true love will come knocking on my door." I said to no one in particular. Alice was halfway down the hall, but she answered back.

"Be careful what you wish for, Edward."

E/N: Okay, so now you've "met" Edward. Poor bored Edward. He has no idea that his whole world is going be thrown into a tailspin when he meets Bella Swan in the next chapter.

The women on the twilighted thread have been sharing their goth and other strange outfit stories. Feel free to drop by.

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Question of the day: What was your first car?