Thanks so much everyone who has reviewed! This is my first story where I have reached over 100 reviews! You guys rock! Thanks so much. Also a big thank you too Raph's No. 1 Girl and Mike11.
All OC's belong to me but original TMNT don't.
This is a Raph and Don chapter so I hope you enjoy it!
"OWWW!" Raph screeched, his hands gripping the metal table edges, teeth clenched. "Dang Donnie, did ya have to hit right there?"
Don frowned. "I did not hit. I merely poked it gently to see if you still have feeling in the leg and you didn't lose the use of this leg." He began to tightly wrap the swollen limb. "That was a foolish thing you did back there; you could've been killed."
Raph gave him a smug grin through gritted teeth. "But I didn't."
Don gave an angry jerk at the last piece, causing the turtle to wince in pain. "That's not the point. You shouldn't have even left the lair. But you did and you went into battle. Man, Raph, you're in a wheelchair for heaven's sake!"
"What now? Leo's not here to lecture me so you feel the need too?" Raph rolled his eyes. "Jeez, and here I thought letting you do this was a good thing."
"It was, Raph." Don stood up, reaching for a needle and thread that rested on his desk by the metal table. "You tore some stitches and it's hard to stitch yourself up." He poked the thread through the eye of the needle. "Ya know," he started quietly as he dug the needle into Raph's skin. Raph gasped at the sudden pain, tightening all this muscles. "Leo still loves and cares for you. He was heartbroken when you left, training harder than ever I've seen him do for a while. He blamed it all on himself, and for once the blame did rest with him, but also with us." He let out a sigh and he voice softened. "With me."
"Donnie?" Raph asked. He stared hard at his brother, surprised to see tears running down his cheeks. And he wasn't even the one in pain either. "Whaddya mean, 'with me'?"
Don let out a sigh as he tied the knot firmly. Standing, he faced his confused brother. "Raph, I…I want to apologize."
Raph raised an eyebrow. "Fer what?"
Don groaned inwardly. Why couldn't life be as simple as a computer? You type in a few codes and it runs smoothly. In life, you punch in a few and you hit speed bumps, potholes, and roadblocks every step of the way. Then after you manage to get around those, there's the biggest challenge at the end that makes all the smaller ones seem like not such a big deal.
Don pulled a chair up beside the wheelchair. Sitting down in it, he put his face in his hands with a sigh. "Raph, I don't even know where to begin." He choked out.
Raph laid a comforting hand on his shell. "Well, the beginning is where most people start."
Don removed his hands, staring at the floor. "My whole life down here with you guys, I've been know as the smart one; the genius. Well, I've been thinking a lot, more than usual, and not about inventions." He paused.
"What were ya thinking about?" Raph urged.
"Our relationship as brothers." Don whispered painfully. "As a family."
Don never knew Raph to react to slowly. Usually the turtle never hesitated, just jumped into whatever with both feet, without thinking of the consequences later on. Now, his face was still in…shock maybe, with hints of confusion on the edges. But as realization started to settle in, his face turned soft with grief.
Don never usually cried around his brothers; unlike Mikey who expressed his emotions openly with no shame, or Raph who took out everything, every hurt, every grief, anger and loss of the day, on his punching bag, while Leo hid everything deep inside his heart and threw away the key. Nobody could open Leo up without hard and desperate searching for the key, the simple words, that would unlock everything.
But Don always kept his feelings bottled up. While he didn't hide them away like Leo, he once in awhile allowed his feelings to let loose, the tears, in private. On a rare occasion, Leo would catch him and Don would cry on his shoulder, always grateful beyond words at the eldest turtle that took on so many sacrifices so they could enjoy life best they could.
But Raph…Don never imagined himself telling Raph his feelings, his heart's words that were so desperately trying to be heard. He could see him telling Leo, Master Splinter, and even Mikey, but never Raph. Raph would be the one who told him to suck it up; to deal with life 'cause it wasn't going to change, no matter how long you grieved or how many tears were shed for what could have been, and what wasn't.
"Don," Raph began hesitantly, "I never…I never thought…I mean – I didn't mean for you…" the words were stressed and he babbled on, hoping that the right words would come tumbling out of his mouth.
Don put one thick finger against his brother's beak to silence him. "No Raph, I'm the one who needs to do the talking." He removed his finger as Raph quieted down, staring at him expectantly.
"Raph I've been the biggest jerk ever." He began quietly. "When you left, I was trying to push it all aside. I was thinking that you'd be back; I was always in the lab anyway, I never really noticed you except on patrols, training, dinner… anyway, I realized that I was one of the reasons you left." Tears gently rolled down his cheeks. "I never really saw you trying to spend time with me…I just saw you as another nuisance who had nothing better to do than bother me. I was so caught up in my work, my inventions, that every time you came into the room, I snapped. I never really thought that that would be a way for you to be…with me." His voice lowered.
Raph watched his brother carefully with steel eyes. He'd never seen Don this choked up about anything. Ever.
"I shoved you away…I was thoughtless, careless, and I just didn't think…and here I was supposed to be the smart one." He managed a brave smile through his tears, before staring at his brother. "I'm so sorry Raph."
"Don, I – " Raph began before Don silenced him again. Raph scowled.
"I don't want your forgiveness," he whispered painfully. "Please…Please let me earn it back. I hurt you for too long for this to be solved in a few words. Please…"
Raph heaved a sigh as he opened his arms out to his brother. Don collapsed in his arms, clutching him like a life preserver. He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his face into his brother's shoulder as he bawled. His arms wrapped tightly around him, ignoring the scrapes of his arms against Raph's rough shell.
"Shh, Don…it's okay. Everything will be okay." Raph murmured gently, rocking his brother best he could. Don just clung to him harder, muttering something unintelligible.
"What bro?"
"I said I don't want you to leave." He said softly, his voice softer than usual.
"I gotta bro, to keep everyone safe. I can't do anything to harm you guys if I'm nowhere near you. Besides, Splinter said it himself - he thinks I'm…I'm a monster." He hung his head.
Don jerked back, his teary eyes blazing. "Don't you ever say that," He hissed. "Don't ever say that. Splinter doesn't think you're a monster or a freak. He never has and he never will."
"But what he said before…" Raph objected, meeting his brother's blazing eyes with his own. "He said he created the monster; I can't go back there, Don. I just can't…"
"Raph," Don said quietly. "Do you believe it when Hun calls you a freak?"
"No." Raph frowned.
"But he believes it." Don continued. "You're only a monster if you believe it yourself. Words are empty, meaningless, unless the victim truly believes the words; then they affect you. Words are nothing but sounds that can have meaning and purpose, but only if you listen and believe that they are."
"What are ya saying Don?"
"I'm saying you're only a monster if you think you are." Don told him. "Raph, no matter what anyone says, you're you…no matter what. Only you can change you. If you believe you're a monster, then you are. But if you don't believe it…"
"Then I'm not." Raph sighed, staring at his hands. "But, Splinter said…he called me…" he choked up.
"Master Splinter can call Leo the perfect son, but he's not." Don growled. "Master Splinter can call Mikey immature, but we all know Mikey can be…um…intelligent when he chooses to be. You can call me smart, but really," he shrugged. "I know nothing compared to some people. If I let everyone tell me who I am and who I should be and how I should act, then I'm not myself." He laid a hand on Raph's shoulder.
Their eyes met.
"Raph," He said sincerely. "No matter what you choose, no matter what anyone says – you're my brother. You can be a little wild and reckless but that just makes you who you are. And I love you nonetheless. I know Mikey feels the same, as does Leo."
Raph closed his eyes. "I…I…sometimes, when I was with the others, I did think about you guys. I missed you, but I thought what I was doing was for the best – for everyone."
"See Raph?" Don chuckled. "Even though you were mad, when you went away you did it because of the family."
Raph's eyes lit up as he processed the new information. Don stared at his brother, his brain scrambling for an answer. He looked somewhat nervous and…relieved? Don wasn't sure what was going through the turtle's mind…there was too much pain and happiness, guilt and remorse all at the same time. Was it possible to feel all those emotions all at once?
"Raph, please stay." Don begged. Raph didn't move. "I n-need you bro; all my life I've taken our relationship as brothers for granted. But now – now that it all might be taken away – I realize how much we need you." He voice got quiet again. "I need you."
Raph looked away. His voice was broken. "I can't." he admitted finally. "I-I just need to be away – to be on my own with people I'd never hurt."
"You'd never hurt us Raph." Don protested.
"Mikey and the pipe; Leo and Winter's tower with the monster, I got him captured that day. And if it hadn't been for Leo's quick reactions, I could've killed Mikey, Don!" he spun around, eyes flashing. "Do you know how hard that is?" he hissed through his tears. "To be around people that every time you look at them, you're reminded that you could've killed them! Do you have any idea how hard it was to talk to, let alone fight Mikey, after I almost clobbered him with that pipe!" Raph was nearly screaming now, his voice rough and hoarse. "Do you?"
"No Raph, I don't see it that way." Don rested a hand on his angered brother's shoulder. "But think about everything I've created that could've killed you guys."
"What?"
"Your motorcycle, Raph," Don started out. "One mistake, one thing too loose, and you could wind up in an accident and in a lab within an hour. The hover-board Mikey loves; I could've miscalculated it all - the second it started up, it could've blown up! All the electricity in the house, every hook-up, everything in that department could be a bomb. One flick of the switch and boom! Do you know how hard that is?"
Raph turned away. "Don, but those would have been accidents; something that you never could have known would happen. I'm a loose cannon, a bomb. I explode at the simplest things and…and every time I do, I always regret it afterwards. You see Don, what you do helps us; what does my gift have?" he let out a sigh. "You'll never understand Donnie, never."
"I know." Don replied simply. "But I want to help you through them. You've always been the black sheep, the wild heart if you will. It seemed that anything we tried to do, we'd get shoved away more. You've always been so tough, I feel so stupid to just realize it now."
"Sometimes it's too late to change stuff like that Don." Raph whispered, unlocking his wheels and starting to wheel away. "I'm too much of a threat to you guys…I'm…I'm sorry."
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