A/N: I remain tickled by how thoughtful the reviews have been for RH. I appreciate each and every one.

These characters are not mine.

Chapter 7: Nothing would be what it is

EPOV

I wallowed despondently in the misery of being a pour tortured soul. I'd aimlessly wandered for a century, never finding someone who piqued my interest. Finally, I found someone, and I didn't even have enough time to figure out how I felt about her.

I was obviously attracted to her. And it wasn't only to her body or her scent. Her curiosity and her boldness blew me away. Those characteristics couldn't stand on their own though. It was how they combined with intelligence and wry humor. How her strength matched her vulnerability.

One question had been posed over and over. Maybe not in so many words, but it was always implied. By Bella. By Alice. By Carlisle. By me.

Did I love her?

I wasn't sure. I didn't think I knew enough to say one way or the other. I didn't know what love was supposed to feel like. In the minds of others, it always seemed like something soft and comfortable. This felt hard and rough. Dangerous and raw. And I wanted it. Whether it was love or lust or something in between, I wasn't able to define it yet.

She said she loved me.

I didn't know what to do with that. I hated it. . . . and I liked it too much.

I should have been concerned about her and what I had done to her, but I was too caught up in my own selfish despair. I didn't leave my hotel, and I didn't make contact with anyone for several days after I talked with Bella.

I finally climbed out of my pit when the front desk people started pounding on my door to make sure I hadn't hung myself on the shower rod. If only it were that easy . . .

My phone came back to life with countless missed calls and messages. I didn't bothering listening to the messages. I had 6 choices. I picked the easiest.

Emmett picked up almost immediately.

"Dude, you have everyone here completely freaked out. Where the hell are you?"

"Minnesota."

"But you're alive."

"Obviously," I replied.

"When are you coming back?" he asked.

"I don't know that I am."

"It's getting pretty strange around here," Emmett hedged.

What do you mean?"

"Your human stopped by last night."

"What?" My shock was evident.

"Didn't you listen to any of your messages, man? She came poking around here about 2 in the morning. Alice isn't terribly tuned into her yet, so she didn't get the warning until we could already hear her truck approaching. We managed to get most of the lights off, and everyone scattered to their rooms. She walked around the place, looking in windows and shit."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. She left after about a half hour. But um, she sat down at our table at lunch today."

"Damn." It's not the kind of thing I could admit to many people, but that action probably did more to endear her to me than it should have.

"Yup. She just marched right past everyone in the lunch room and sat down next to Alice. I tell you, if everyone weren't all in a tizzy about it, it would have been kind of funny . . ." He was cut off by a loud crack, and I heard him yell, "Ow! It might not leave a mark, but it will still hurt."

I assumed Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head. It was her usual move when he said something stupid.

"What? It was. You should have seen the looks on all the faces in that room. What I wouldn't give to know what they were thinking. Anyway, she's a feisty one. Her heart was racing, and I could smell the sweat, but you would never know it from looking at her. She just looked at each of us for a minute before busting out with, 'Where is he?'"

I was impressed. It was actually a logical and normal thing to do. Why wouldn't she ask my family where I'd gone? But of course this wasn't a logical or a normal situation. And she knew that. She had to have figured out that the stakes were high.

"What did you tell her?"

"As little as we could. Then she asked if you were coming back, and Alice told her it wasn't likely. Little pistol then chimed in with 'So, are you going to tell me what you are?' I nearly bust my gut. Bella winked at me. Rose wacked me, but it was all worth it. I think I like that girl, Edward."

"I do too, Emmett."

"But the situation kind of sucks, eh?"

"That it does. What happened after that?"

"That was about it. Rose pulled me out of the room, and lunch was almost over."

"What are you all planning to do?" I assumed plans had been made. The family rarely did anything without strategy, which had been my failure from the beginning.

"Carlisle's at the hospital. You better call him. Well, scratch that. Call him after you talk to Alice. She 's standing here with her hand out, giving me the evil eye."

Alice reiterated what I already knew, but she was facing her own internal struggle. Maybe it was because she had been watching for her future and had inadvertently seen us together. Or maybe it was because whatever attracted me to Bella worked on others as well. Regardless, Alice felt some sort of empathy for Bella. She felt connected to her somehow and really wanted to reach out to her as a friend.

"Really, Edward? Now is the time to cut yourself off from civilization?"

"I'm sorry," I offered. I didn't have anything else. There was no excuse. "How is she?"

"I don't think she has anyone." Her tone revealed a longing. She wanted to be her "someone."

"Alice, the whole point of my leaving was to create distance between us and her."

"I know. That's what Carlisle said, but it doesn't seem right to let her suffer by herself."

"But you're staying away?"

"I don't have a choice now, do I?" I sensed anger. I didn't know whether it was directed at me or at Carlisle.

Alice had always longed for human friends. In the past, they had often been the ones to shun her. Now, we were forcing her to walk away from the one person who might accept her. After all, Bella had accepted me. It was another reminder of how much my actions had affected everyone around me.

"You say she she's alone. What about her human friends?"

"I think between her depression and her attempts to talk about what happened, they've kind of cut her off. I've heard the gossip twins prattling on." She didn't need to clarify. Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley were the center of all gossip at Forks High. "I think Bella confided in Jess, who pretty much laughed in her face. Told her she should have known better than to hook up with you and to be grateful she at least got something out of it. So, what else was she supposed to say? 'Hey the guy I was messing around with just dumped me, and by the way I suspect he isn't human?' I think she's really confused and lost and alone. "

"Do you think she's said anything about us to anyone?"

"No, it doesn't seem that way. Not yet anyway. We're not picking up on anything, but without you here, we're just guessing. You haven't checked your email yet have you?"

"No."

"Well, I sent you some notes. She doesn't have a clue what we are, so if she says something, we should be safe, because people will think she's crazy." It's the kind of statement that should have been funny. But nothing about it was.

I paused for a minute before asking a question that had been nagging at me.

"Do you still think she could hurt herself?"

"I don't think so," she spoke slowly indicating her uncertainty. "The visions with her are not as clear since she's human, and like you, she's had a lot of indecision, so nothing is absolute, but they haven't been leaning that way. We're still keeping an eye on her though."

It was a lot to ask of Alice to watch for someone specifically. She didn't really have control of what visions came to her. She wasn't an all knowing seer. The visions were random and sometimes disjointed, like a puzzle.

When I hung up the phone, I checked my email, looking for one from Alice with an attachment.

From: Alice Whitlock

To: Edward Cullen

Subject: Notebook

Hi Edward, I really wish you were answering your phone. Things were getting a little jittery around here, and Carlisle asked me to take a look at that notebook you mentioned. She's been carrying it around everywhere, so it wasn't easy. I had to sneak in and steal it out from under her pillow while she slept. Did you know she talks in her sleep?

Anyway, I guess the notes should make us all relax a little. It was completely full. Most of it was nonsense. There was a lot about you, of course. I didn't make copies of that. I didn't think that would be fair to her, and I wasn't sure you should read it anyway.

Based on what's here, we're going to stay put. At least for now.

Please call.

Love,

Alice.

I clicked on the attachment. It was supposed to bring relief. It did, and it didn't.

The writing was like classroom notes. Lined up evenly. Bulleted. Numbered. Lists. Ideas.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Alice Cullen

Pale skin

Cold

Exceptionally graceful

*She seems very nice. I think I would like her a lot, and sometimes I feel like she's on the verge of saying something to me, but she never does. I get the feeling she's close to Edward. And has this aura like she just knows more than everyone around here. She and Jasper are dating.

Emmett Cullen

Pale Skin

Cold

HUGE

Incredibly strong

*He's a good guy. Just a hunch. He makes me laugh, even with the expressions he sends across a room. I have a feeling he would protect me even though he doesn't know me. He's clearly linked with Rosalie. And that makes me question my hunch about him, because other than her appearance, I don't get that appeal.

Jasper Hale

Pale skin

Cold

Pained

Quiet

*Jasper confuses me. He seems to struggle the most to be around me, though I think it has little do with the Edward situation. He hasn't spoken once. It just seems like he's in pain or something. Like he's hearing or seeing something I don't. His facial expressions react to things in a room, but nothing seems to be happening. I can't pinpoint it though. He and Rosalie are supposed to be twins. I'm not sure what they are, but maybe there is some connection there because they both seem more distant, they don't reveal as much in terms of facial expression.

Rosalie Hale

Pale Skin

Cold

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Chip on her shoulder

*Classic bitch. I've caught her looking me up and down a few times, and she obviously doesn't think I'm good enough for her brother. Of course she's right, so I don't blame her. I wouldn't have thought Emmett was shallow enough to be into someone just for their looks, so I think there must be more to her. I don't know any of this for sure. I just get a feeling. Maybe she and Jasper have more troubles with humans or haven't quite figured out all the nuances yet, and it's all unintentional. I don't know.

Unknown

Carlisle Cullen

Doctor

Well respected

Edward says he's highly compassionate.

*have yet to meet

Esme Cullen

Edward once said she liked to decorate.

Claimed she is very loving.

*have yet to meet

Family life

*Carlisle and Esme are foster parents to 5 teenage children. Heard rumors that they are quite young.

*Esme stays home.

*Jasper and Rosalie are siblings. They look alike, so that makes sense. Close in age. Are they twins?

*Need to check for any news stories about this unique family situation.

*How likely is it that 5 children would go to the same family? 5 teenage children.

*No one seems to question the romantic linking of them. Wouldn't that get reported to social services at some point? At least to make sure there was no sex in the house? I'm no expert, but the way Rosalie and Emmett touch, I'm guessing they been around the bed a few times.

*What about the fact that they all look alike? Not exactly, but the same eyes. And the same skin tone. And they are just so inhumanly beautiful. All of them. Why doesn't anyone else notice this?

*School absences are fairly frequent and accepted without much ado. Would I get away with that? What if Charlie wanted to take me fishing every time it was nice? Must be connected to whatever I saw that day with Edward. What was that?

*Went to their house but didn't see anything unusual. They have money or access to it. Very large house. Couldn't see in the windows. Edward drove a nice car, and now they're bringing a rather expensive looking Jeep to school. Carlisle is a doctor, but how much does the Forks hospital pay?

Food

*They don't eat. Not one bite.

*They don't drink.

Conclusion

Not human. Has to be. Family structure is contrived. Why don't other people see this? Why do people stay away? Maybe they emit some sort of vibe to keep people away or to fool them? Mind contortion of some sort? So, why am I immune? Could my brain be on a different frequency or something?

Possible explanations

Alien

-Right now this is my leading contender. Everything seems to fit. "Family structure" almost fits but just off enough to be kind of like a Third Rock from the Sun scenario. They don't quite get it right. Romantic partners posing as siblings.

-Not eating.

-Having some ability to influence those around them.

-Possible motivation? Human domination. Curiosity? I'm thinking it's some kind of research or something.

-Wonder if their fake skin melts in the sun. Could that be what I saw on Edward? It was so fast, but I swear he was shimmering for a second there.

Superhero

-Haven't ruled this out, but I'm not as inclined.

-At first I thought they were gone a lot doing good deeds, but it doesn't explain why it's always on sunny days. Now, I know that might be connected to whatever reaction Edward had to the sun.

-I haven't seen any special abilities manifest themselves, other than Edward being fast in the meadow. And that whole sparkly thing, but I don't know if that's an ability or what. I can't imagine any purpose sparkling would serve.

-And they are sort of too conspicuous really.

Robots

-This one seems crazy, but I suppose it's possible. Of course, aliens is pretty crazy too. The mere fact that I am so certain they aren't human is insane in and of itself.

-What if someone planted them? Like Terminator. Are they out to get someone? Could it be me? If I'm the only one who sees through? Was Edward supposed to get close to me?

-No idea why he would leave then.

-Edward didn't feel very much like a robot. If they are trying to pass, other than the temperature of skin, everything appears to be in working order.

Edward.

~How much was real?

~He told me stories, but were they true? Does he really like classical music? Does he love the smell of freesia? Is his favorite color blue?

~He had body fluids. I felt it on his tongue.

~He had an orgasm. I don't think he faked it. The body shake was too involuntary. I didn't see his semen though.

Things to do

1. See them in the sun.

2. Google unique foster families/Cullen name.

3. Watch for signs of super human speed, agility, x-ray vision, etc.

4. Figure out what sustains them. Gas? Electricity? What do aliens eat?

I wish I knew what the heck my role is in all of this. Why do I care? What do I want to do with whatever I find out? If they are trying to infiltrate humans, I suppose I should be afraid, but they don't scare me for some reason. I wish I could talk to someone about this, but I can't think of anyone who wouldn't send me away to the nut house. I just know they aren't human though. Someone else out there must see this too. Unless I have some special ability myself. Maybe I'm like the alien hunter or something. That really is crazy. I just wish he hadn't left. I didn't feel crazy when I was with him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

She thought I was an alien. I wanted to laugh. A fucking alien. She equated our family to a sitcom.

But the humor evaded me. While I was grateful she hadn't even mentioned a single theory that might lead her to vampires, it was also incredibly sad. To an outsider, these notes would lead anyone to believe she was insane. She approached it all with such a matter of fact tone. She didn't even seem surprised by the fact that we weren't human. It almost made me wonder if there was something wrong with her brain. Maybe that was why I couldn't hear her thoughts.

It didn't matter. It wouldn't really change how I felt. She was lost. And she questioned everything about me. Struggled with what was real to her. That tore me apart. Someone could have set fire to the tattered pieces of me and destroyed me at that moment.

But it was for the best that she didn't know the truth. Better even in many ways that she was isolated from others. It worked to our advantage. This was all meant to keep her safe. She was better thinking we came from another planet than knowing the truth.

My family maintained a watchful eye. It was as much to protect her, as much as my leaving was. It was almost meant to protect us. We were still concerned about her occasional suicidal plans, but we also weren't sure how far her curiosity would take her. She didn't know anything as far as we could tell, and I couldn't imagine how she could ascertain the truth from any of the information she had gleaned.

So I went back to wandering. Checking in daily with someone from the family. I'd had to promise not to shut my phone off again and to be prepared to return, should my gift become necessary.

As often as possible, I avoided Alice. She was in an awkward position. For whatever reason, she had developed her own feelings for Bella. She wanted to protect her almost as much as I did, but in a different way. I wanted to keep her alive; Alice wanted her to be happy. I knew the two things might not co-exist as far as I was concerned. And that only added to my own depression.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months.

I stayed in my crappy hotels. I reveled in the quiet.

And I came to hate it almost as much.

I didn't call her again. It couldn't be good for either of us.

I got two jobs to pass the time. I worked nights in a warehouse, because it involved lifting and monotony. During the day I worked as delivery driver, because it required speed and precision in driving. When I wasn't working, I ran.

None of it helped ease my frustration.

Alice was less and less useful at discerning anything, because for some reason, the few visions she was getting of Bella were becoming more and more difficult to read, almost fuzzy. We all thought it was odd, but since I couldn't read her mind, we assumed it had something to do with Bella.

Things went well in Forks for while.

It didn't last long.

E/N: A huge thank you to Random Acts of Rob for the pimpage. http://robert-pattinson (dot) ca/2009/07/19/twiporn-spotlight-its-a-3-way-today-wink-the-twigasm-podcast/

Thanks to hmonster4 who despite being insanely busy with Indies stuff (did you vote) still managed to listen to me ramble on and on. And special love to jackbauer/staceygirl for helping me with so many things this week, including a final edit.

Now, I know. I hate Edward wallowing too (but I admit I like writing it a lot). He's not quite out of it yet. He's got some things to figure out first. I have to know your reactions to the alien theory! Let me know in your review, and I'll toss you a teaser back.