Sorry for the cliffy, but I like anticipation.

The characters are not mine.

Bella's Bloodsucking Blog

December 16th, 2008

Hey all! I know I'm late . . . again, but I was gone to that conference in California, and of course, it's mid December, which means all the typical holiday crap is in full swing. I'm not a big fan of the holidays, so I'm in denial about that.

I'm in too good a mood right now anyway. I had such a great time at this last conference. It's always nice to hook up with my friends who I don't get to see often. I think maybe I enjoy it most because I don't have to do any pretending when I'm with them. I don't know about you all, but I'm really tired of pretending.

In the beginning, way back when I met my first vampires, it would have been easy to really go off the deep end. I knew these "people" I met weren't human, but how do you tell anyone that without them shipping you off to a shrink? The answer was pretty simple. You don't. I tried . . . for about a minute and a half, but then I realized it wasn't going to get me anywhere. Except shipped back to my mom or off to the pharmacy for medication. It didn't take me long to realize it was just something I had to keep to myself in mixed company.

It was pretty hard in the beginning. I was just so consumed with the need to know more, but I had to get up every day and pretend that everything was normal, that I was okay. It's kind of funny because I didn't even talk about it with the wolves in the beginning. I didn't know what they were or anything, so I guess it made sense, but there I was with the only other people that were going to confirm my suspicions that non humans existed, and I still had to suck it all in.

Even when I learned what the wolves were, and was able to talk a bit more about it with them, they were so closed off to the topic. It became a pretty big rift between us. They never wanted me to know in the first place, and then they were so anti-vampire that it was uncomfortable. I guess it makes sense. I suppose if you were created simply as a reaction to another being—to protect an entire species from that being—you'd probably harbor a lot of ill will toward them too. Still, I didn't really think the vampires I met were bad, even after I found out what they were. Somehow, I just knew they were special, and I got a little defensive thinking about them as killers. I know that was probably stupid, but it's just how I felt at the time.

Anyway, when I go to the conferences, I know that we don't all see eye to eye, and quite honestly, it can get heated when we discuss the "real" characteristics of vampires, but at least I'm able to say what I really think.

I've grown very good at hiding it all IRL. People often expect me to dress goth or to stand out in some way, but if you saw me walking down the street, you wouldn't even notice me. I blend in very well. I never talk about vampires. I don't even admit to watching movies about them. I suppose it's why I hate the holidays—pretty much of any of them. More social activities with people I'd rather not see. More pretending.

It's been one of the great things about this blog—being able to talk more than a few times a year, being able to connect with people all over the world. I feel more like I belong to something than I ever have in my life.

Anyway, let me summarize the big events of the conference.

1. Lovinthatvampofmine brought homemade wine, and I drank too much. I never get drunk, so I was a total dork. I did not get sick though. I think I might have played a game of truth or dare though, but I'm not sure what the outcome was. I'm hoping I didn't embarrass myself too much. I've been told no clothes came off, which is an improvement from last year.

2. My panel was very well attended. The audience seemed to know what to expect, and everyone appeared to be genuinely curious to hear what I had to say. I can't tell you how good that felt.

3. I heard some fascinating research on the current state of vampires in popular culture. Really intriguing stuff about the trend to de-mystify and humanize. One person had an interesting theory about vampires in high places controlling public perception. He had a list of possible motivations. I wasn't convinced personally, but the ideas behind it were good. Despite everything, I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist though. I'll post some links for you if you are interested.

4. The Ball was funny as always. I don't dance, but I enjoy watching the costumes people come up with. This year, I was so tickled because someone who's been reading my blog came dressed as a vampire with GLITTER! I died laughing. I actually ended up hanging out with him and his friends most of the night. They were a blast. I'm trying to convince him to let me put up a picture, so maybe if you all do some sweet talking in the comments sections, he'll cave.

5. There was some fangirling about a few of the actors for the latest vampire movie. I didn't attend any of those sessions, but it made for a kind of fun energy.

Alright, I'm stalling. I have big news. I'm so excited. I have a new contact! He actually sought me out. He's got some reasons for wanting to work with me, which I can't share, but we seem to share a similar philosophy. He promises to shed light on some elements I've been missing. It will be so nice to have someone to ask questions of again. There have been so many questions coming to which I don't have answers, and it's been a while since I had anyone to ask.

Before you ask. No, I can't introduce you.

So start asking the tough questions again because my first interview with him is coming up in a week. He does feed from humans; he claims to have good control. He travels frequently though so we may have Skype in between meetings.

I'm not doing much for Christmas this year, so I'll be around here and there if you pm me. I'll try to put some pics up from the conference later today too. And I'll be back as soon as I can with more information from my contact.

Until then . . .

Happy Hunting!

XXXX

EPOV

Present Day

I had completely missed important points in this entry. I had only learned about Bella's blog fairly recently, and had played a pretty massive game of catch up. This one had seemed innocuous really. I probably just skimmed it when I first read it. I didn't really much care for her conference updates. That whole world seemed rather odd to me.

And I didn't fully understand Bella's relationship to it. Most of the freaks and weirdos who went were complete frauds. Anyone claiming to be a real vampire was likely trying to suck the life out of someone another way—financially. So what had she hoped to gain by attending theseis events? She claimed it was about fitting in, but really that world didn't believe her that much more than the general population.

She had quite a few haters in the comments and questions. Obviously, there hadn't been a mass public reveal of our true vampire nature, so she wasn't getting anywhere really. Except noticed.

The idea that someone sought her out wasn't all that unusual at first. Maybe I wrote it off because I didn't expect it to have been a real vampire. But it was so clear now. She had been used.

I had tried to walk through the possibilities, and none of them were good.

I wasn't entirely sure why the Volturi had let her blog and her speculations carry on so long, but I was sure it was they who stepped in at the end. When the truly controversial information was out on the table, it had simply been time. They couldn't hold back any longer. Maybe they had been giving her just enough rope to hang herself, or her contact. Probably both.

But what did the contact hope to get?

She claimed they were on the same page, had mentioned things about them both wanting there to be truth. She was so naïve. She really believed that some good could come from human/vampire interaction. That interspecies relationships could happen and would somehow make the world a better place.

The realizations that came each time I read her blog were both sobering and humiliating. My intentions were worthy. I still believed that. But they had caused so much needless pain. If I found her . . . if she were still alive, was there any hope for her to believe that no matter how wrong I was, all I'd ever wanted was for her to be safe?

Did intentions count for anything?

I had to hope so because while I might not believe humans and vampires would someday live side by side in suburban neighborhoods, mowing laws and serving on PTO's, maybe there was for this one vampire and my one human.

After all, love conquers all, right?

E/N: First off, check out my rec of The Best Woman, .com/?zx=827217b36834b1d7

Second, Hmonster4 and I have something new coming very soon. There's already a Twilighted thread, so it won't be much longer until The Fates debuts.

So, what did you learn this chapter? Bella has had more than one contact based on her descriptions, and Edward gives more away about his thoughts.

Phone call is up next, and then we're getting pretty close to his warning and the prologue actually if you've been wondering how far we are from present time. We're on the verge.

Finally, I don't think it can happen based on typical blog chapter reviews, but I am going to be dangerously close to the 1K mark on this chapter, so if you have a few moments, I would especially appreciate it you could hit the review button. I would be so overjoyed.

Big question: since Bella claims more than one contact, does that change your guess?