Disclaimer; Once again Twilight doesn't belong to me - I only wish it did.
A/N Thanks for reading, reviewing and basically making me feel loved.
Chapter 19
Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea I thought as I approached the house. I had told Carlisle that I wanted to do this on my own and that it was what I wanted, but I was seriously regretting that now. I walked slowly towards the front door and then stopped. I took a deep breath, then another and raised my hand to knock on the door - but before I could it opened and there stood Esme Cullen.
All the nervous feelings I had suddenly tripled as I stood there and stared at her. What would she say to me, would she hate me now? I just froze and then she hugged me. I didn't know what to do, so I just wrapped my arms around her and squeezed for all it was worth. "There Bella, shh - it's okay" she whispered to me as she rubbed my back. I buried my face into the crook of her neck as I began to cry and my chest started to heave. I felt her arms tighten around me slightly as she whispered soothing things to me and waited for my crying to subside.
I'm not sure how long it took, if it was minutes or even hours - but I eventually started to calm down and my breathing became less laboured. I lifted my head off her shoulder to look at her and said "I'm so sorry about everything Esme, I swear I never meant to hurt you." Her face was creased in concern "Bella" she said softly "We can't help who we fall in love with, I love you and I want you to be happy this doesn't change that." "It doesn't" I asked her as hope started to bloom in my chest. "No" she answered giving me a soft smile "Now come in the house before you catch cold." It was only then when she let go of me and lead me into the house that I noticed how cold I felt and I gave a small shiver.
Within minutes of entering the house she had me sitting in the kitchen with a hot drink in my hands "Do you feel any better now" she asked me. I nodded my head slightly and muttered a quiet "Thank you." "Bella" she said as she came to sit by me "There is nothing to forgive." I lifted my head slightly so I could see her better "And what about the others" I asked her "Do they feel the same way….Rosalie, Emmett…..and Edward?" She frowned slightly "Ah so I'll take that as a no then shall I?" I said. "They just don't understand yet" she said placing her cool hand over mine "But they don't hate you?" My mind briefly flicked to Rosalie as I said "I wouldn't be to sure about that." She gave me another smile and said "Even Rosalie loves you in her own way." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at that and instead settled for a small snort.
We were silent for a few minutes and I used that time to look around me. The normally spotless kitchen was scattered with boxes, most of which were ready to go and the rest almost full. "I'm looking forward to returning to Alaska" Esme said quietly. I looked at her and asked "What about Edward is he looking forward to it too?" She let out a small sigh "He's being difficult and decided that he doesn't want to return to Alaska with us and instead wants to travel, when what he really means is that he wants to sit in a hovel somewhere and brood" she said. I let out a groan as the guilt began again "Bella honey, don't you feel guilty for wanting to be happy, its just Edward being his usual melodramatic self" she told me.
"Can I see him?" I asked her. She looked at me carefully and asked "Do you want to?" I thought about it "Yes I do. I want to see him, I need to know that he's going to be okay" I told her. She nodded her head slightly as if agreeing with me "He's in his room" she told me. I got up from the chair and made my way out of the room, but just before I left, I turned around and looked at Esme. She was still sitting at the table, her head bowed, she looked as if she was thinking very deeply about something. "Esme" I said, she lifted her gaze to meet my own "Thank you" I told her "For still loving me" then I turned and left the room.
Reviews x
