Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural and I am not making any profits off of this story. It all belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke so, please don't sue and please don't be offended by the language or situations the characters find themselves in.

Chapter 12

The afternoon Minnesota sun bathed Sam in it's light as he walked across the yard back to Pastor Jim's house. The Sun's light did nothing to banish the cold desolation that flowed through all the veins of his being. Sam all but ran the remaining distance between himself and the Pastor's house. He flew up the front steps and through the front door. Without pause, the thirteen year old bound up the stairs to the second floor and barreled into the guest room he and Dean always shared whenever they stayed at Pastor Jim's.

But, once he was over the threshold, Sam's thunderous movements slowed to a snail's crawl of a walk. He slowly and calmly made his way over to his designated bed and wearily lowered himself to sit over the edge of the mattress.

As he sat there alone in the silence of Pastor Jim's at the moment completely empty house, his mind immediately went to the highly charged events that had taken place not even ten minutes ago back inside Pastor Jim's Chapel.

He may have finally let the geyser loose and let his father and brother have it with his verbal tyraid but, there was no sense of peace, no weight lifting off of his teenage shoulders.

Instead, it felt like everything that was burdening him had gotten several pounds heavier.

A dull anger filled the youngest Winchester as he sat there all alone with his head bowed low.

Alone in the silence, several questions dogged the young man's mind.

Did his father and brother actually believe that they could just say the word 'sorry' and it would magically fix everything?

Did they honestly think that saying that single word would bring back the person he had been before that hellish night?

Did they think that they could earn his forgiveness that easily after all that they had done?

And the answer to all of these questions came from the blackened, ice-encased rock that was Sam Winchester's heart.

No.

HELL No.

Had it been the old Sam Winchester in this situation, the simple word 'sorry' would probably have led to the path of forgiveness for whoever wronged him.

But, everything was changed now.

There was no forgiveness to be found within Sam Winchester now.

There was boiling anger, a dark shadow over his soul, and a deep sadness.

All of which were directed at those who had shattered him, those who were responsible for turning his heart into the inhuman thing now residing within his chest.

As he sat there on his bed in the solitude of an empty house, Sam felt his angered and wounded soul roar and wail in agony and rage.

He also felt his chest burn with the fires of anguish.

It would be so much easier if he could just hate them.

But like he had said back in the chapel, it was too hard, somehow it was still the most impossible action for him to do.

He couldn't bring himself to do it.

Dean was his brother.

John was his father.

They were his family.

Somehow, within the blackened mass of ice that was now his heart, the love he had for his father and brother had remained intact.

But it lay chained and buried deep under the darkness of rage.

Sam Winchester sat alone in the silence very hurt, very angry, contemplating what the hell he was gonna do now, and finally realizing and lamenting with stark clarity that he was never going to be the same...

Ever again.

Meanwhile, back across from the house inside Pastor Jim Murphy's chapel...

Dean and John Winchester stood side by side in a shell-shocked stupor.

The air around them still hummed with the pain of their youngest one's broken heart.

The echoes of Sam words still rang within their ears, their truth and meaning resonating like bolts of thunder through out their minds.

John felt like his heart was being ripped apart by the bare hands of God himself as he recalled the worst of the words that had been thrown like daggers his way by his own child, his youngest son.

The son he had wronged so badly.

That night, I was supposed to be in a school play. Dad and Dean were supposed to be in the audience.

Dad said that a school play was meaningless and that I'd just be a public embarrassment prancing around on the stage.

My dad screamed back, he said that things would be a hell of a lot better if I was more like Dean and then he called me a Whiny little Brat who screws up left and right.

All I ever hear out of my Dad's mouth is ' Be more like Dean' or ' Why can't you do it like your brother?'. It's always Dean this Dean that, every single day it's Dean, Dean, Dean!!

I just wanted us to be together for one God-damn night that didn't involve guns or things trying to kill us.

I wasn't gonna be some public embarrassment on stage, a public embarrassment doesn't get the lead role!

He (Jared) said that my mom was probably glad that she was dead, and that she was way better off in Hell than having me for a son.

don't have her here to tell me otherwise. Dean and Dad don't talk about her, who's to say she isn't glad she's dead instead of having me for a son.

doesn't matter now, Dad and Dean proved him right, nothing that's important to me means anything to them

didn't even apologize for what they said to me

he said he was proud of me

wish I had been ripped apart by that Black Dog than hear him say that to me

proud of me for butchering something and bathing in it's blood

I was a soulless monster and he was proud of me for that

Save it Dad, for once I don't wanna hear anything outta you

go on saving your precious fucking strangers who we will never meet and who will never say thank you to us for saving their sorry ass'

They matter more to you than I ever did, they've always mattered more to you

I don't give a damn about these people

I'm only gonna be into hunting for mom, even though she's a stranger too and because I like killing things now.

I won't whine

I won't fight you

I won't be a brat... I won't whine... I won't fight you... I won't be a brat... I won't whine... I won't fight you...

Over and over again these words screeched against John's eardrums as all consuming guilt and anguish crashed down on him.

From where he stood, Dean was numb and no better than his father as he too was mercilessly assaulted by the echoes of the little brother he had hurt so badly.

he told me that Dad was right, that the hunt was more important, that my play didn't mean jack and then, he called me a Selfish Little Freak.

Jared and some other guys had been bullying me for months.

he said that I was a freak and that... He said that my mom was probably glad that she was dead, and that she was way better off in Hell than having me for a son.

It doesn't matter now, Dad and Dean proved him right

They didn't even apologize for what they said to me.

Dean he... Dean used to make me feel great whenever I felt down about things or had an argument Dad

Now he's just like Dad, someone else who tells me that I'm not good enough.

He even thinks that I'm a freak too.

Pastor Jim, stop trying to tell me that they didn't mean it.

They wouldn't have said those things to me if deep down, they didn't feel that way

doesn't matter to me anymore.

Shut up Dean, I don't believe you

You're just like Dad now

you forgot everything you said to me that night

You thought that I was being selfish for wanting us to be together as a family

I won't be that selfish ever again

I won't ever ask you or dad for anything from now on

I won't argue with Dad anymore so you won't get caught in the middle so be happy

But from this day on, you're not my Jerk anymore, you're just Dean

You're not my Jerk anymore... Not my jerk anymore... Not my jerk anymore... Not my jerk anymore...

These last words blared at full volume in Dean's vapor locked mind in a chaotic crescendo.

His brother had all but screamed these words at him.

Dean felt his heart lurch painfully as his mind finally processed the meaning of Sammy's words.

When the ability to breathe finally returned to him somewhat, the first lung full of air was utilized to do the first thing that came to his mind.

" SAMMY!" Came an anguished wail before Dean moved to run after his baby brother as fast as he could.

The wail snapped John out of his trance as well and he too began to follow.

Between the two of them they only got a few steps before out of no where, Pastor Jim Murphy materialized before them out of nowhere and barred their way through the chapel doors.

Now normally, Dean and John would have simply plowed right through the man but, the look that Pastor Jim was giving them both had them both coming to a dead-halt.

In all the years they had known him, never before had John and Dean Winchester seen such cold fury written across the face of Pastor James Murphy.

" The both of you have got something else coming to you if you think I'm letting you anywhere near that child, especially right after everything we all just heard and everything you have done to him, Oh my God what you have both done to him." Said Pastor Jim, his voice a seething growl as he all out glared at John and Dean Winchester.

The two responsible for the state Sam Winchester was now in.

" Now see here Jim, Sam is my son and I-" John began with urgency that came out sounding more like stubborn defiance, but these words served only to intensify the fury written across Pastor Jim's face. John and Dean could literally see the way the Pastor's face contorted in rage as he cut John off with a booming roar.

" AND YOU WERE A HEARTLESS BASTARD TO THAT BOY AND TOGETHER WITH THAT EQUALLY HEARTLESS CARBON COPY OF YOURSELF STANDING BESIDE YOU, WHERE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR HIM AND GIVING HIM THE LOVE AND SUPPORT HE ALWAYS DESERVED LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE, INSTEAD YOU BOTH DESTROYED HIM!"

Pastor Jim's words echoed through the Chapel and may very well have rattled the very foundations of the place, such was the volume of Jim Murphy's voice.

It effectively silenced John Winchester and had both him and Dean more or less bolted to the floor.

To be quiet honest, both John and Dean found themselves actually feeling afraid because this was a rage fueled by disbelief and disgust, all directed at them.

Shame and guilt were fast crashing down on the two older Winchesters with the force of multiple tsunamis.

Then, Pastor Jim began to speak again, his voice no longer booming, but hard and quiet, almost deadly.

" The both of you are staying right here in this Chapel for the time being, you are not to set foot in my house and you are not going anywhere near Sam, you've caused enough damage as it is. That boy made it quiet clear that he's had just about as much as he can take from the both of you. And quiet frankly my own eyes cannot bare the mere sight of the you both and it is taking all the strength that I got in me not to carry out what I would really like to do to you both for what you have done. But, there has been enough blasphemy here today on this holy ground from a child's mouth no less and I will not contribute anything further but rest assured that later I will be telling you both what's on my mind."

Then shooting one final glare full of fury and fiery disgust, Pastor Jim whirled around, turning his back on the two pitiful excuses for a father and an older brother and stomped away through, slamming the door shut behind him with a resounding crash that actually cracked a corner of the stained glass panel the door held near it's top.

But where the glass merely cracked, the two men standing there transfixed found themselves being the ones who were shattering completely.

And in the silence that followed after the echoes of fury, they knew that they both deserved to feel this devastation too, for all the sins that they had committed against their own flesh and blood.