Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural and I am not making any profits off of this story. It all belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke so, please don't sue and please don't be offended by the language or situations the characters find themselves in.

Chapter 13

Pastor Jim found himself all but running across his property from his chapel to his house with only one thought, one person paramount in his mind.

Sam Winchester.

Pastor Jim picked up the pace when he reached his house and all but dove through the front door.

Once he'd all but crashed though the door, the priest made a scrambling B-line for the staircase that led to the second floor of his house.

He made his way up in record time, frantic with worry and desperate to find the thirteen year old boy.

As he made his way to the guest room where both Dean and Sam always stayed, Pastor Jim felt terrified that he'd find only a room filled only with Dean's belongings.

And no Sam.

Pastor Jim was terrified that in the short amount of time that had passed by the youngest Winchester had run off to God only knows where.

God knows the boy was a Winchester after all.

He would have been fully capable of pulling of a Houdini Act like that one.

The Pastor could fully understand what with everything that had happened, that leaving would probably not be an unattractive an idea to the quietly furious young man.

He just hoped that Sam hadn't thought of it and carried it out.

When he reached the threshold to the guest room, Pastor Jim nearly collapsed out of relief when his eyes fell on the thin, slightly haunched over figure with a mop of brown hair sitting over the edge of the bed nearest the window with his back to the door.

The Pastor opened his mouth to speak out the youngest Winchester's name but it was like his voice had simply ceased to work when he tried to use it.

So instead the Priest simply stepped over the threshold into the room and silently made his way towards the young man.

Sam did not turned around at the slow almost hesitant approach of the Winchester family's long time family friend.

Pastor Jim swallowed thickly in an effort to keep the lump threatening to lodge in his throat at bay as he finally reached the queen sized mattress and stood at it's foot.

Using every ounce of will he had in him to get his own raging emotions under some semblance of control before he stepped around the corner of the bed a slowly sank down onto the mattress.

Sitting over the edge of the bed like Sam was.

Pastor and boy sat side by side with mere inches separating them.

They may as well have been sitting on the North and South poles of the earth itself.

Silence.

Thick like a wool blanket and tough as a painter's canvas reigned over the both of them.

It was Sam who finally broke the silent impasse.

" Where's Dean and my Dad?" He asked with his voice devoid of all emotion and his eyes still staring straight ahead.

Flat and hollow.

No longer filled with rage like it had been back at Pastor Jim's chapel just minutes ago.

" They're back in the chapel. I told them not to set foot in my house. Like I would let them after... After everything they did." Replied Pastor Jim quietly while mirroring Sam in staring straight ahead.

Sam gave a very small almost imperceptive nod of his head whilst his hollow eyes never broke their unseeing gaze out the window.

Not really sure as to what he should do, Pastor Jim decided to just go with what his instinct was telling him to do.

Slowly and carefully, the Pastor reached out a hesitant hand towards the youngest Winchester.

Sam gave no reaction as he felt Pastor Jim's arm wrap around his shoulders and lightly pull him sideways til he pressed side to side to the Pastor.

" I am so sorry Sam. Oh God I'm so sorry." Whispered Pastor Jim as he held the boy close.

That finally got Sam to turn his gaze away from the window.

" Why are you saying that Pastor Jim. You didn't do anything. It's not you who should be saying that." Said Sam softly.

" I know Sam, I know it's not supposed to be me saying it. But I said it, and I meant it. I'm sorry, I just am Sammy." Whispered the Pastor as a single tear escaped the priest's eyes.

Sam eyed this and felt a part of his dead heart crack just a little more.

" You're gonna have to cry for us both Pastor Jim, after everything my Dad and my brother called me, I promised myself I'd never cry again. Ever. You can cry til you got nothing left Pastor Jim but me, my tears already dried up. I won't cry anymore, I can't anymore." Said Sam with his voice devoid of... anything.

These were the words that did it.

These were the words that finally shattered Pastor's Jim's heart.

" Oh Sam." Breathed Pastor Jim as he tightened his hold around the thirteen year old and allowed himself to softly weep into the dark chestnut locks at the top of Sam's head.

Staying stone-cold silent now, Sam slowly reached up with his arm and wrapped it around the Pastor's black-shirt covered back in an act of being comforting to his would be comforter.

The light from outside the window formed their silhouette, of two figured huddled together.

The silhouette of the old one mourning in despair for the loss of the young ones innocence.

A good two and a half hours later...

Pastor Jim bit back the urge to go break something to pieces with as much violence as he could muster and he stood before the stained-glass doors of his chapel.

Most of him wanted to go back inside and be with the young man he'd left there in the kitchen with a small cup of milk tea but, he knew that he had to deal with his two remaining guests.

The ones truly responsible for the horrifying mess of a situation the Pastor found himself smack in the middle of.

Taking in a deep and very rattling breath through his nostrils, Pastor Jim somehow fought back the chaos of emotions swirling around inside his own heart and reached out to lay his lam against one of the stained-glass doors. With great internal urging he pushed it open.

The Pastor clenched his jaw tight enough to feel his teeth grinding deeply into each other the second his eyes fell on the two haunched over figures residing inside the chapel.

One figure, dark hair in disarray, with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, and with the light glinting off the simple silver wedding ring donning his left hand, was leaning heavily against the back of the first row of pews. The other and younger figure with his skin far too pale and head bowed low was sitting in the same pew's seat that was closest to the red-carpeted aisle.

Pastor Jim stepped over the threshold and into his chapel, the stain-glass panel door swinging shut behind him with a dull thud that echoed deeply through the eerily silent chapel.

Two pairs of heavily red-rimmed and tearful eyes looked up upon his entrance.

The eyes of John and Dean Winchester.

Father and oldest son looked utterly wrecked in their misery and guilt as Dean shot up from his seat and got to his feet, coming to stand beside his father. The two of them stared at .

But Pastor Jim was not moved by this in the least.

He stepped forward and moved with purpose, eyes hard and unforgiving as he made his way across to the two Winchesters.

When he'd come to stand about to steps away from the two older Winchesters, Jim felt the flimsy dam holding back his fury start to crumble under the influx of emotion as he began to speak.

" How dare you call yourselves that child's family." He gritted out as his eye bore holes into both John and Dean.

" Jim please, please just tell me he's still here, that he didn't run away, please just tell me how he is?" Said John desperately with his voice barely above a whisper.

" How hell do you think that boy is John? I was shocked beyond words that he didn't run away, that I found him sitting on his bed in the guest room. He isn't alright John, not by a long shot and it's all because of the both of you." Growled Jim.

" Pastor Jim we know that. I-" Dean began before the Pastor rightly cut him off.

" You know that Dean? You Know? Pity you and your dad here didn't take the time to realize something was wrong after you both said such horrible things to Sam. Pity neither of you failed to notice how horribly that poor child was being bullied in school, especially you dean. Pity you both didn't realize that something was seriously wrong before Sam butchered that Black Dog all by himself. Pity you both couldn't bring yourselves to care about how badly you've hurt that boy until he downright said it to your faces. You know. Ha! Don't insult my intelligence cause you two idiots don't know a damn thing!" Scoffed Pastor Jim with a withering glare before he continued.

" He won't leave you. You heard him yourselves, somehow after all of this he still loves you both. Even though you both have clearly shown how undeserving you truly are of it." Hissed Pastor Jim as he leveled a deep glare on the elder Winchesters.

Both John and Dean felt their eyes well with tears of utter shame, they couldn't even look the seething pastor in the eye and simply hung their heads where they stood side by side.

It was Dean who finally spoke.

" Please Pastor Jim, we have to see him. We both gotta tell him that he's wrong, he's not just something to us, but everything." Choked out Dean as he felt the tears spill down his cheeks. Beside him John stood with his lip quivering and his own eyes brimming as he nodded at his oldest words and looked at the Pastor with desperate, beseeching eyes as he too spoke.

" Please Jim, he's my boy, my baby. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me but I have to at least ask him to."

Despite his anger at these two, Pastor Jim felt his own heart shatter all that more. This was an entire family on the brink of total destruction, already ripped at the delicate seams that held it together, one more tug and it would be ruined. He couldn't let that happen, these three needed each other. These three needed to be healed, especially the youngest who had been hurt so badly by those closest to him.

With a deep sigh, the Pastor deflated somewhat in his anger but not before letting fly another barb at John and Dean.

" That boy is no longer the innocent child any of us knew, you saw to that with how you treated him. I warned you many times not to be so hard on Sam, I told you time and time again that he wasn't meant to be a carbon copy of yourself or Dean. But did you listen? No. And now look what has become of it. That boy is broken John, your baby is broken. He won't even cry about what happened. He's locked himself away because what happened, so that neither of you can hurt him again like you did with your cruel words. And I don't think he will ever be the same Sam we all know and love ever again John. When he butchered that Black Dog, I think he murdered a part of himself, the innocence that should never have been lost."

It was here the Pastor sighed in sadness and shook his head before he leveled a cool look at Dean and John. To his grim satisfaction, his words seemed to have the shame and the heavy guilt already written on both Dean and John's faces increasing ten-fold.

Then with a sad sigh Pastor Jim spoke.

" C'mon, you better try and talk to that boy of your, try and make him see that what he thinks is not true."

Then the Pastor turned smartly on his heels and walked out of the chapel, John and Dean scurrying after him.

The walk across the yard back to Pastor Jim's house was by far the longest and the shortest journey John and Dean had every had to go one. They wanted to reach Sam as fast as they could but at the same time they both felt completely helpless and lost as to what to say or what to do. A simple ' I'm sorry Sammy' wasn't going to cut it.

Then all too soon they were entering Jim Murphy's house.

John and Dean followed Pastor Jim as he led them to the kitchen, they both paused at the threshold however when they caught sight of Sam where he still sat with and empty tea cup loosely held in his hand.

Gone was the fiery rage of before, now there was only despair, the quite hurt that was ten-times worse than all of the anger that Sam had fired at them hours ago.

Sam looked up and gazed at his unsure and tearful looking father and brother with cold, hollow eyes as he spoke.

" What do you want now?" He asked flatly.

" Sam we-" John began when Sam cut them off.

" I don't care much for what you want Dad. Just tell me how long we're gonna be staying here before we get to the next job." Said Sam.

" Sam, we don't have any jobs lined up. We came here just to rest up for a while." Said Dean.

" Well I don't want to rest, ever since that night a month ago all I've been wanting to do get to the next job and slaughter something else. I thought that would make you both happy, that is what you wanted right?" Asked Sam coldly.

If it were possible, John and Dean found themselves die inside just a little more at these words from their youngest.

Not being able to stand it any longer, Dean bound forward and seized Sam by his face and started shouting.

" NO! NO THAT IS NOT WHAT EITHER OF US WANTED SAMMY!!!! OH GOD SAMMY PLEASE, I'M SO SORRY... I'M SO SORRY. YOU AREN'T A SELFISH LITTLE FREAK, YOU'RE NOT... YOU'RE MY BABY BROTHER, YOU'RE MY BROTHER. I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME AND I'M SO SORRY I MADE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WEREN'T. I'M SO SORRY!"

Then he quieted down some and continued.

" I just got so tired of being caught in the middle, so sick of having to break up all the fights you an dad kept having that I just couldn't stand it any more. I said those things to you, I wish I could take them back. I don't mean them Sammy, you have to know that I don't think of you like that." Said Dean desperately, unchecked tears cascading down his face.

" What Dean just said goes for me too son, I am so sorry for what I said and what I did to you. I should've just had us all go to that school play, it was important to you, it mattered to you, it should've mattered to me too. That black dog wasn't going anywhere. And Sammy you are not a killer, you just aren't like that. I'm so sorry I keep comparing you to Dean, I should've just seen you for you, not tried to make you into Dean. Please Sammy, I'm so sorry I hurt you Baby Boy. I love you Sammy, you and Dean are everything to me too." Said John tearful and he stood before his youngest son with a pleading look on his guilty face and sobs threatening to consume him.

Even Pastor Jim had tears coursing down his face as he stared at the three Winchesters inside his kitchen.

Sam was silent.

Dead silent.

It was like that for what seemed an eternity.

John and Dean looking desperately at Sam and Sam staring back at them blankly.

Then with a small sigh Sam shook off Dean's hands from his face and wordlessly stood up.

With his eyes now looking not so hollow but not happy at all as he stared at his father and brother Sam spoke.

" I haven't felt like a human being since that night and it's because of the both of you dragging me off to do that job. You both hurt me so bad, and you were both too busy to see that Jared Rollins and the others were already making my life a living Hell, they even insulted our mom for God's sake. I'm not the same anymore and I don't think I ever will be again. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future but for right now, like you guys couldn't give me just one simple thing as just being there for me when I really wanted you guys to, I can't give you want you really want now. I can't give your forgiveness, I can't give you anything." Said Sam softly before he all but ran out of the kitchen before either John, Dean, or Pastor Jim could stop him.

He ran up the stairs and disappeared to the second floor.

Not being able to hold their already threadbare composure for a second longer.

John and Dean shattered to pieces.

Their youngest had shattered them just like they had shattered him.