Disclaimer: Castle still belongs to someone else.

Chapter 8

A nurse led Jim down a hallway to the ICU unit. As they entered the door Jim experienced deja vu. Just over a year ago he'd been in almost the same position. Walking into a room where his daughter lay clinging to life. This time ventilator didn't catch him off guard. Nor did the pale color of her skin. This time the doctors thought survival wasn't the question, now it was exactly what type of life would she live.

"She has significant swelling in the lumbar region of her spine. The good news is there doesn't seem to be any damage to the spinal cord itself. Now that said, pressure can cause just as much damage as a traumatic injury. We've started medication to reduce the swelling, but for now we wait. We won't be able to diagnosis the extent of the injury until she wakes up and we can actually ask her what she can feel and what she can move." The doctor's words were still ringing in his ears. Jim knew paralysis would devastate his daughter. His stubborn independent daughter.

Once the sun broke through the windows of his room Castle was ready to pester whoever walked through the door first. He'd slept off and on through the night thanks to whatever concoction of pills Nurse Marie had given him, but now it was time to know the truth.

Pressing the call button for the hundredth time someone finally came. "Marie said you were a difficult one."

"Did she tell you that all I want is to know about my partner, Detective Kate Beckett?"

"She did. Detective Beckett made it through surgery and she is in ICU."

"OK, now when can I go see her?"

"We will have to talk to the doctor. The visits to patients in ICU are very restricted." The nurse watched Castle's face drop.

"Mr. Castle the doctor will be coming by in an hour or so to check on you. Why don't you try to eat something before he gets here." He looked at the plate of food she sat in front of him. He acted as though he would eat until she left. Instead he reached into the drawer beside his bed and grabbed the phone.

"Esposito how is she?"

"Castle man you sound better this morning."

"Esposito it doesn't matter how is Beckett?"

"She's hanging in. They've got her in ICU. So far only her father has been allowed to visit. Hey Ryan and I are on our way back to the hospital we'll be there in about ten minutes." Castle quickly ate the fruit and a little of the biscuit they had brought him.

Ryan and Esposito walked in as he finished drinking his apple juice. They both smiled as they looked at him. "Wow, after seeing you come out of that garage I'm amazed that your even here." Ryan had tears in his eyes. The more sensitive of the team, the past 24 hours had been difficult on him.

"I though I was a goner too. How's Beckett?" Castle sensed that there was something they weren't telling him.

Esposito decided to lay it out for him. "Listen you need to make a decision right now whether your in or out. Lately you've been acting like a..."

"Jackass" Ryan quickly finished Javi's thought.

"Yes, a jackass for the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure what's going on between you two but do you realize what waltzing through the precinct, her precinct, with a different girl on your arm every day does to her? No you don't, because whatever's up you're just concerned with yourself. Now you need to decide right now whether you're done or if you're going to stick by and support her."

Castle was slightly shocked by the way Javier had handled him, but he knew no matter how close they had grown over the past couple of years, they were her boys. She was like their big sister and no matter what they were there to protect her. Even if it was Castle they were protecting her from.

"I'm sorry. You know she remembered what happened the day she was shot and she never told me. She lied to me about it. I told her I loved her and rather than tell me she didn't feel the same she lied about it."

"Dude, that's what this is all about?" Esposito pulled a chair up beside the bed. "Man that woman is so in love with you it practically oozes out her eyes. I've known her a while now and I've never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you. There are a thousand reasons why she may have lied about remembering but not loving you is not one of them."

Ryan added, "Castle that theory is even crazier than your ninja assassin ones." That brought a small smile.

"So I'm an idiot. Now that we've established that will you please tell me if Beckett's OK?"

"The doctor doesn't know. There is swelling around her spinal cord and they aren't sure if the damage is permanent."

"How could she be paralyzed she was walking around after the blast?"

"The metal put pressure on it. It's too early to tell how bad it is. She's still out and they won't know until she wakes up." Just as he was beginning to get some information out of them the doctor walked in.

"Castle we'll come back and see you later." With that his only line to Beckett walked out of the room.

"Well Mr. Castle you are looking fantastic for a man that had a three foot piece of rebar removed from him yesterday."

"Sir am I in good enough shape to go visit another patient?"

"The detective?"

"Yes sir."

"I think we can arrange something. When I finish up I'll call her doctor and see if that would be OK." After a lot of poking and prodding the doctor left. His stomach hurt but his heart hurt more. He'd been such an ass over the past few weeks. Seeing the pain in Beckett's eyes when he pulled up with the flight attendant only made him push harder. Now he regretted every little dig he had tried to get in on her. Despite everything he'd done she had sacrificed herself to save him. He had no doubt that she would have been in much better shape if she'd gone out first, but she wouldn't even let the EMT's look at her until he was gone.

The nurse poked her head in the door "Mr. Castle, I will be back in about an hour and you can go upstairs and visit Detective Beckett."