A List of Things I'm NOT Allowed to Do (with reasons!)
Miguel "Florida" Jones-Rivers
6. Scream Cuban analogies and sayings at Dad.
My dad, as we all know, is not very fond of Cuba and me, being Florida, have a shitload of Cubans on my land so I'm pretty familiar with their analogies and sayings. I decided to yell some at him (resulting in Cuba laughing so hard he fell out of his chair and got a concussion. o.o).
"Oye, aqui se acaba el cookie! Te pregunte por un cookie con chocolate chip y me das mierda!" (1)
"Que vola con tu cake, acere?" (2)
"Mira, shoo-shoo poo-poo, aqui no pintas ni mierda!" (3)
"Esto no me da ni papa! Ni papita me da! Mueve te las nalgas, broder!" (4)
7. Converse loudly about Russia's escapades with a Mexican woman named Chola.
Basically, I made up a wonderful little story about Russia being a cheap whore for 20 bucks and a ride in an AMC Pacer from some Mexican lady named Chola that had more facial hair than he did.
-manually rolls down window-
"Hey, babe, I've got half-a-tank and twenty bucks, wanna come get a Happy Meal with me?"
-car starts bouncing-
"You gots hydrolics on dis?"
"Nope, the suspensions just shot."
The gossip was so worth the ass-whooping I got.
8. Run around in circles screaming "AHH I'M GETTING RAPED BY CUBA!"
Throw Dad in the mix and watch the explosion.
9. Initiate a game of "The Floor is Lava!" and jump on Belarus.
Well, the thing was that I was deathly bored and so I thought a game of "The Floor is Lava!" would be a good solution to end it. So I yelled: "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" And jumped on Belarus. She turned to me with creepy "I'm gonna kill you then marry Ivan." look. Russia ended up having to disarm an entire kitchen cutlery set from her, and make sure she didn't stab me.
10. Get Alaska to help tag the side of the Summit building.
Alaska and I decided to tag the side of the Summit building with a rather... nice message.
(It was an arrow pointing to the door announcing: GAY BAR THIS WAY!)
1. Hey, the cookie ends here! I asked for a cookie with chocolate chip and you give me crap!
2. What up with your cake, dude?
3. Look, fancy pants, you don't paint shit here.
4. This don't give me potatoes! Not even french fries this gives me! Move your ass, bro!
