I don't own these characters. As always, remember the blogs go in reverse chronology.
Bella's Bloodsucking Blog
September 8, 2008
Do you ever miss school? I guess I miss it twice a year. June and September. The end and the beginning. I can't say I ever really liked school. It was fine, I suppose. I was never the best or the worst student. When my mom went to parent/teacher conferences, they were always short because there wasn't much to say about me. You might describe me as extraordinarily average. I was always something of a social misfit. Of course, everyone says that. How many people do you know who say. "Yeah, I was really popular and enjoyed it?" I'm sure they're out there, but then they're probably miserable now. It seems to me if you loved high school, life must be a disappointment.
I had friends, but I didn't have a crowd if that makes sense. Growing up, my mom and I moved around enough that I didn't usually find a niche until it was time to move on. The closest I guess I came was when I moved to my dad's. As a new kid when I was little, people had always looked at me like leper; sometimes classmates literally sneered, but in the small town my dad lived in, people were so bored that they all wanted to be my friend. It was actually disconcerting at first. I didn't enjoy being the center of attention. When I went crazy, that changed, but still . . .
When I think back, my time with the werewolf pack was also sort of comfortable, for a while anyway. At least I had fond memories of it. I don't think I've been away from them long enough to reflect on it objectively yet. I know I was still an outsider with them. Culturally, biologically, and in the end ideologically, we were different. But for a brief time, I thought maybe I could blend in. I laughed more there than anywhere I can remember in my whole life. I don't blame them for wanting me out. They had to choose my ex when we broke up; they really don't want him talking to me anymore, and I understand that too. I still think they are all good people; they've just been conditioned to think one way, and I don't agree. It left us at an impasse.
Anyway, my love of the start of a school year has nothing to do with school itself; it's about fresh starts. I have been thinking I should start a new job every fall just to end the monotony that always settles in. In the beginning, you are trying to figure out the culture of the place—who is the asshole, the bitch, the kiss up, the dork, all in hopes of finding the one relatively normal person. I'm usually the loner, by the way. I don't mind it. Honestly, I've been embracing it more and more. Ultimately, how can a woman who encounters vampires and werewolves be anything but? I'm not sad about it, but it's really difficult to talk about boyfriends and babies and concerts and celebrities when you're wondering what it would feel like to have a vampire's fangs sink into your skin.
I've read several books where they describe it as a sharp sting that eventually becomes pleasurable. Huh. Sound like something else you know?
Of course, that was before I discovered vampires don't have fangs. I wasn't really pleased with that realization. Fangs were comforting I guess. Don't you get the image in your head like needle pricks that would only let out a slow trickle of blood at a time? The dual puncture wounds seem so containable. The idea of a full on bite with all teeth, it's more barbaric to me. I have a hard time believing that kind of sharp sting being as all consuming as popular culture would have us believe.
Yes, there is a point to all of this. This was a very long lead in to the topic of feeding. Vampire feeding that is. My contact and I have talked about this on several occasions. We've had to piece some things together based on what he knows and what I've learned. Common mythology says that vampires drink human blood and may take small amounts at a time. In most movies and books, it is considered a highly sexualized act, akin to seduction.
From what we've put together, it's not like that. Feeding is completely instinctual, and something primal seems to take over for most vampires. Apparently, once you pop, you can't stop so to speak. So those pretty little puncture wounds? Walking around hiding your scar with a turtleneck? Not happening. Vampire feeds on you. You die. This raises a serious question then, about how one becomes a vampire since it's clearly NOT a "get bitten three times" type of thing. My contact is either unwilling to share or uncertain about the process himself. Anyway, this subject has been completely off limits.
But here's the deal. Vampires do not have to drink from humans. Apparently, they can be sustained by animal blood. The call of human blood is greater, and it makes one feel stronger, but it is possible to be fairly well satisfied on animal blood. My contact thinks it's probably rare for most vampires to try it because well . . . why would they? They're vampires. He had a traumatic experience and eventually he sort of fell into what he considers a less barbaric lifestyle. He didn't want to prey on humans because he didn't see himself as that different from us. When he discovered animal blood would keep him alive, he made the choice to continue on that path.
I am now convinced that my first vampire and those he referred to as family also drank from animals. Based on everything I've learned, I can't believe they could handle being so close to humans if they fed from them. Plus, there was no rash of missing or dead people in the area, and I absolutely would have known about that. Finally, my current contact says there is something that changes in the eyes, but he didn't to go into any more detail. He is giving out information at such a slow trickle. It's driving me nuts, but I'm also grateful for anything I can get. Anyway, his eyes are very similar to my first vampire's. In color anyway. You know how they say eyes are the window. Well, they are both very different souls. Good souls I believe, just different.
I wish I knew more about the feeding process, particularly in relationship to whether people can become vampires, but unfortunately, that remains a mystery. I'm learning a ton though and still trying to put all the pieces together. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to talk with an actual vampire, especially after my time with the werewolves. I almost started to believe all the conditioning that said they were all evil, murdering creatures. That's obviously not true. Maybe more vampires than not drink from animals. Maybe those who do feed from humans could be taught. Or maybe they could drink donated blood or something.
Anyway, I'm so hopeful that we can have a more productive relationship. I get excited about the possibility. It feels new, like the start of the school year. The possibilities are endless.
So until next time, Happy Hunting!
E/N: Getting more background on where Bella's head was at with all of this.
We saw the return of the Cullens last chapter, who do you think we see in the next one? Things are going to start happening pretty fast now. They are very worried about time.
Thanks to H as always! And I love all of you who are sticking with the story. We're moving forward now, so you get the rewards.
