Chapter 17

Castle worked daily to maintain her hope. This was no easy task. There was some form of rehab appointment almost daily. Right now she was under the care of a physiatrist who led a team including a physical therapist, occupational therapist, recreational therapist, a nutritionist, and a psychologist.

At the individual appointments Beckett often pushed too hard and came home in pain. While she would never mention it Castle always knew. They worked on maintaining her muscle tone in her upper and lower body in hopes that one day feeling would begin to return. Despite the workouts and the nutritionist Castle soon noticed that she was losing weight. She put on a happy face but Castle saw the dark circles under her eyes. Depression and pain were a lethal combination for the Detective.

She tried, she really tried to be like Castle. But in her mind if she always expected the worst she'd never be disappointed. The problem since the explosion, is aside from Castle, her life no longer gave her anything but the worst. Without her job there were no wins. Rehabilitation had given her no noticeable improvement.

After six weeks her new gunshot wounds had healed enough that she could fully use her arms. While this made a lot of things much easier it really didn't change anything. Of course she could now get herself into and out of the wheelchair by herself. She could go to the bathroom by herself, which was a big relief. Kate realized though that this was the rest of her life. Without regaining feeling in her legs this was as good as it was ever going to get.

Noticing the signs, her doctors all suggested that she get back to work. They all wrote recommendations for her to return to desk duty. In the meeting both men saw the first smile from Detective Beckett since they had been treating her.


Her appointment had been on Friday and on Monday morning she waited nervously as the elevator opened at the 12th precinct. She wheeled herself out of the elevator and a round of applause soon erupted from the bullpen. Smiles and nods from both Ryan and Esposito reassured her that she still belonged. She shook hands and received hugs and as she made her way to her desk she noticed Gates leaning against her office door.

"Beckett my office!" Captain Gates had heard the commotion and emerged from her office not to celebrate her return but to issue orders.

"Well good to see some things haven't changed." Beckett made her way to Gate's office. As she entered and turned to close the door Gates began.

"Well I've gotten clearance from the psychologist that you've been cleared for desk duty. Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir."

"OK here are the ground rules. You'll remain here at the precinct and not at any crime scenes. You will not be reissued your service weapon unless the point arrives where you pass the fitness test again. Are those rules understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ok good to have you back." Beckett wheeled herself back out and rejoined her team.

"So did you get yelled at already?" Ryan was always worried about Gates.

"No, she just set the ground rules for this new situation. I'm not allowed at crime scenes so you guys will have to take lots of photographs."

"You got it. OK well if you're back lets jump right back in." Esposito and Ryan filled her in on the newest case they had. Within hours Beckett had already proved an integral part of their team. Calling a few assets she had gotten information on some merchandise someone was trying to move. The merchandise proved to be the jewelry stolen from the victim.

Smiles all around when Ryan and Esposito brought the suspect in and he quickly rolled over on his partner, the man who'd actually pulled the trigger. With the murderer and accomplice in custody Kate called Castle and waved goodbye. She refused to let everyone see that she still needed him to pick her up so she waited downstairs in the parking garage.

Once he pulled in she quickly opened the door and maneuvered herself into the car while he put the chair in the trunk. Castle missed the days that he had gotten to pick her up and place her in the seat but he noticed something in her eyes tonight that he hadn't seen in some time.

"How was your first day back?"

"Good."

"Just good?"

"We closed a case."

"That used to be more than just good."

"It was more than good. It felt good to be something more than a burden." Her choice of words were telling. He'd known for some time that Kate was feeling depressed. He really couldn't blame her. Going from a self-sufficient police detective to someone reliant on someone to do the simplest tasks was a huge blow.

She saw the impact of her words on him and tried make it sound better. "I know it's going to take time to get back into things. And its going to take time to get used to always being on the back lines."

"Kate it won't be like this forever. You're going to walk again." She turned and looked out the window. Sometimes she hated it when he was so positive but she couldn't imagine her life without him. Not turning from the window she reached out and took his hand.