It had been a long day and so by the time he pulled up to the house Luke was already looking forward to hitting the sheets. In fact, he was so focused on just getting inside and going to bed that he almost didn't see the figure sitting in the darkness of the front porch.
Luke reached for the door into the house before stopping abruptly, registering that he wasn't alone and looking over with wide eyes. The porch light wasn't on but the kitchen light glowed through the window just enough to illuminate his company's face.
Reid.
For a moment Luke was sure he was dreaming and felt his breath catch. He'd been imagining that Reid was there all day, picturing him at his side, seeing him in the faces of other drives as he made his way to and from the various venues of the day, even imagining this very moment, an unreal 'what if Reid was here?' that he was sure would not happen. And yet, there he was,
standing up slowly and walking over, looking just as uncertain as Luke felt.
"What did I tell you about depriving your brain of oxygen?" Reid said evenly when he realized Luke was holding his breath. It took Luke a moment to register his words before finally inhaling sharply.
"What are you… how did you get here?" Luke asked in a high pitched voice, rushing and stumbling through his words.
"Lucinda."
Luke's eyes fell shut and he shook his head. "Why does that not surprise me?" he said, a mock laugh falling from his lips. He looked up to see Reid was smiling cheekily.
"Apparently whatever Lucinda Walsh wants, Lucinda Walsh gets," he began, sounding amused. "Sounds familiar," he said, pretending to contemplate. Luke actually laughed.
After a moment of awkward silence Luke fumbled over his words to invite Reid inside, making them tea and bringing the mugs over tonthe table. He kept eying Reid carefully, as if afraid he might vanish if he so much as blinked.
"I was supposed to be here for your party this afternoon, but there was bad weather in Dallas so my flight was delayed. I just got in about an hour ago," Reid explained.
"That explains why Grandmother was so adamant about keeping me there," he sighed with a soft laugh, running a hand over his hair. "She wanted to make sure you had time to get here before me."
Reid just nodded.
"I pulled up just before your family did."
"Did they seem surprised?"
"Not in the least."
Luke sighed again, though actually sounding slightly annoyed this time.
"So it seems everyone knew you were coming except for me," he frowned.
"Is that a bad thing?" asked Reid, gripping his mug a little tighter. Luke looked up, his face weary.
"I don't know."
They sat in silence, just watching each other, eyes tracing the other's faces as if expecting to find that something had changed since they'd last seen each other.
"Did you get my message?" Reid asked quietly, afraid to break the silence.
Luke nodded, unable to keep the smile from his face. "Yeah, I did. Thank you."
Reid smiled, too.
"So… how long are you here?" Luke asked, shifting his weight nervously.
"That depends," he said with a shrug. Luke tilted his head.
"On what?"
"On you." Luke felt his face instantly turn red. "I have the week off," he clarified.
"How long have you been planning this?" Luke asked instantly, suspicious that Reid could have gotten an week off so easily last minute.
"About two weeks," he answered honestly. "Lucinda called me and pretty much told me I had no choice. I fought her on it for a while, but I don't need to tell you how persuasive your grandmother can be."
Luke tried to imagine that phone call and, amazingly, he could picture it pretty well. The idea of Reid and Lucinda Walsh conversing made him laugh a little.
"How did you manage to get the whole week off?" asked Luke. Reid just pursed his lips and tilted his head. Luke laughed, nodding. "Grandmother. Of course."
"I've got to say, speaking with Lucinda has certainly given me some insight," said Reid, sipping his tea.
"Oh, really?" asked Luke, curiously amused.
"Yes. I now understand a bit more clearly why it is you always seem to get what you want," Reid teased with a smile. Luke's initial reaction was to smile as well, but it quickly faded.
"Not always," he said sadly, frowning at Reid and averting his eyes. Reid could feel any happiness in the room disappear and found himself frowning as well.
"Luke," he began, not quite sure what he was about to say but feeling the need to say something. His hand twitched, he wanted to reach for Luke, but he resisted. "I'm here now and that's what counts."
"No, it's not," said Luke, his eyes finding Reid's and making the older man's heart skip, though not in a good way. "I haven't seen you in almost two months. We barely talk anymore, and I know it's my fault."
"This isn't your fault, Luke, you can't blame yourself for this," said Reid defensively, this time giving in and reaching for Luke's hand, gripping it tightly.
"Yes, it is." Luke's tone was final. "I let my anxieties about us get the better of me, even when I knew there was nothing to worry about. I had every reason to believe that things were going to work and I wanted them to, but I still gave up, even if I didn't mean to."
"Luke, what are you talking about?"
Luke sighed, his breath shaky and Reid could feel the blonde's hand was shaking as well. He held it tighter.
"When you heard me telling my dad that I didn't want to plan ahead, that I didn't know where this was going, it wasn't because I didn't have faith in you," Luke explained. Reid looked confused. "The truth is, I didn't have faith in myself."
Luke paused, but when Reid gave no response, he decided to continue, but only after taking a deep breath.
"I heard you, talking to my dad that day after we ran into Noah," he began. Reid's eyes widened and he tensed. "I heard everything, Reid. And a part of me was ecstatic and uncontrollably happy."
"But not all of you," said Reid, his lips forming a dangerously thin line and he nearly pulled away from Luke, but Luke held his hand tighter, refusing to let him go.
"No, not all of me, but not because I didn't feel the same way. I hadn't realized how committed you were to this, to us. I haven't been in that place for so long, and after seeing Noah, I was just so confused and filled with too many emotions to keep them straight. I panicked, Reid. I started questioning if I had the strength to keep up with the distance, if it was fair to you, if I was good enough."
Reid shook his head and let out an angry sigh, interrupting Luke.
"You really need to work on the self confidence thing, Luke," he said firmly. "Do you really think I would have bothered, that I would have put up with how messy our entire situation was if you weren't worth it to me?"
Luke flinched a bit at the anger in Reid's voice, and especially at the past tense of his words.
"I know, I get that now," Luke said quietly, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. "And I'm sorry I didn't understand that before. I'm sorry that I gave up."
Reid wasn't looking at him, hell he wasn't really looking at anything in particular, his eyes out of focus and his face turned away from Luke.
Luke could feel his tired eyes beginning to water more and more with each passing moment that was filled with silence. He willed them to stop and he was able to at least keep any from falling, blinking them away as best he could.
After a few moments Reid finally looked up, his face unreadable as always.
"You should get some sleep, you look like hell," said Reid. Luke didn't have the strength to protest, just nodding. Reid stood up abruptly, and Luke followed suit.
"Are you staying here tonight?" Luke asked.
"My things are already in the guest room."
Luke nodded and turned toward the stairs. He stopped, hand on the door handle and turned back. Reid was still just standing there, hands in his pockets. Luke wanted to say something but wasn't sure what was appropriate, so instead he forced a smile and turned away quickly, disappearing up the stairs.
Running a hand through his thick hair and sighing for the sake of steadying his shaking limbs, Reid paced the small kitchen for a while longer before sitting down at the table with a thud. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but his tea was cold by the time he poured it out and headed to the guest room, trying not to think about the blond on the other side of the wall.
