the beginning is the end is the beginning
So I said I might not be able to update for a while. I guess I lied. As much as I love my grandparents, there's not much I can do with them, which leaves me a good amount of free time. And since I have nothing better to do, I dedicate most of it to writing, hence the million new Violate stories and oneshots.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 06 - Clouds
Violet lives only in her dreams and hallucinations now.
It's not healthy, she knows that, but what does she care? None of this is healthy. Being away from Tate is not healthy.
When she sleeps, she dreams of him and how their lives would turn out if it weren't for the zombie apocalypse, five, ten, fifty years from now on.
She would go to college, and he would follow her – because she knows him well enough to know he would never consider going to another school than the one she attends, even if she pressured him – then, with a bit of luck, they would graduate and find jobs for themselves. He would rent an apartment and ask her to move in with him, then later down the road they would get engaged, get married, buy a bigger house and have kids. Grandkids. All that stuff.
Jesus, she never thought she would want those things. It was always too… normal for her. Too white-picket fence.
But she would be lying if she said she didn't like the idea of spending a lifetime with Tate, and having little carbon copies of him and her. She guesses such things like an apocalypse makes people realize what's really important to them.
When she's not asleep, she daydreams.
She images what happened to him since they last talked to each other, how he managed to survive – because he survived, there's no other option – and how they would reunite again one day.
And when she's not doing that, she's spending her time with fake-Tate, who she's grown to like after they slept together and he chased her nightmares away.
He isn't actually bad, if you're willing to overlook the fact that he's not real.
He shows up one day while they're in the car, on their way to Los Angeles. Being on the road isn't actually as dangerous as they all thought it would be, maybe because they always stay in the car, always in motion. Sometimes they stop to get food and gas, but those times they always make sure to be quick and careful, and there haven't been any accidents so far. And although Violet is still locked up, in the car this time around, she has a gun with her now, just in case, and so she finds it easier to shut her mouth and deal with it.
She's looking outside the window of the car, watching the clouds and thinking of those perfect memories when she and Tate climbed up to the roof or just laid in the grass and watched the clouds float by, trying to determine what they looked like, when her fake-Tate appears.
Suddenly he's there, sitting between her and Vivien, breathing into her ear as he shuffles closer to get a better look at the sky.
"I think that one looks like a dragon," he murmurs softly, pressing a little kiss to the spot behind her ear. It always drove her crazy when real-Tate did that, and even now she can't help the delicious shudder running down her spine.
"A dragon? More like a car," she retorts, speaking quietly so her grandparents wouldn't hear. As for her mother, well, Vivien is too out of it to notice anything out of the ordinary.
He laughs loudly. He, on the other hand, isn't in danger of being heard by anyone. "You've always been a crazy one, Vi," he teases her.
"Shut up," she scoffs, but internally she agrees with him. Who else would have a conversation with someone who isn't real on a regular basis?
They continue to watch the clouds, pointing out different and different ones and arguing about what it looks like. It's just like old times. The realization makes Violet's heart hurt but she stores it away in the back of her mind and pretends everything is okay, and this is her real Tate.
"I think that one looks like a zombie," he says once, motioning to one of the clouds, which, in Violet's opinion, looks more like a small kitten than a zombie.
"Funny," she shakes her head at him. "Don't we already have enough of those?"
"You're right," he nods, his voice suddenly quiet and somber. The mood has considerably dropped and Violet doesn't like it. She wants to enjoy those rare moments of contentment for a little while longer. But he's looking at her with a weird look in his eyes that she can't ignore – sadness. Sadness for her.
"What?"
"You know, I'll always be here for you. Even when he's not."
She takes in a sharp breath and looks back to the window. They never talked about that because it would make it so much harder to pretend and she curses him for bringing it up now. Just when she was starting to do better…
Must he have to ruin everything?
"But I want him," she says at last, still facing away from fake-Tate. The reality of the situation is hitting her hard now, that this isn't her Tate and never will be, no matter how much she wants it and pretends it. He would always be just a substitute.
But she genuinely likes him too so does it really matter?
God, what has her life come to?
Closing her eyes in the sudden exhaustion that comes over her, not because of lack of sleep, but because she's simply tired of life itself, she waits for answer but it never comes. When she looks back to where Tate… fake-Tate was sitting, she finds a now empty seat. He left.
He got hurt because of what she said and he left. He's just as sensitive, just as jealous as real Tate is, she discovers with a snort. It's almost comical.
Sighing, she rests her head on the cool glass of the window and wonders what she should do now. She doesn't want to be alone and without a Tate, whichever Tate it is. But how can she appease one Tate while still longing for the other? She doesn't know.
She falls asleep with similar thoughts on her mind and dreams of a better world where she and Tate can be happy once again.
Short and filler chapter, I know… But Tate's next chapter will be an important one so stayed tune for that :)
Kathy
