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There characters are not mine.

Chapter 22: Then Stop

EPOV

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop. –-The King, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Human memories fade; vampire memories do not. It is, in part, a consequence of time but also of our unique biology. The things I remember prior to 1918 are fuzzy, like I am looking at them through a cloudy lens. There are fewer of them as well. The clearest are the ones I've fought to hold on to. For example, I have an old photograph of my mother. I did what I could to protect it all these years, but even with my care, film and paper were not what they are today. It has faded and creased. Years ago when technology first became available, I scanned it in. My own memories have long since turned the same sepia tone. Adobe and I have worked diligently to restore color. I spent several weeks searching for the exact shade of green for my mother's eyes. I still don't know if it's what they really were or what I would like them to have been.

My feelings when I look at the picture are complicated. There is a sadness, yes, but it is no longer about the loss of my mother exactly. She would have been gone ages ago regardless. It is more the idea that I'll never know who I would have been, who I could have been. The life we lead is better than most, but I'd often wondered what I might have been destined for as a human. Had things gone another way, what kind of difference might I have made? Would I have saved lives in war, or been killed like so many others? Would I have studied music or law or business or nothing at all?

These were not things I had pondered as much in recent years. Not since Bella. To question" what if" was pointless; to want the past would deny the present and negate the future. I had come to believe that loving her was my destiny; that everything else had been preparation for the life I was living.

This was not easy to remember, not when faced with other memories of loss, the ones so vivid they could never fade.

I would never need a archival footage to remember Emmett's laugh or the way he cut to the heart of things, simplifying everything I attempted to complicate. I would never need technology to bring to life the image of Rosalie, kneeling on the ground in the basement chamber in Volterra, her face contorted in guilt and grief, uncertain as to which emotion she should embrace. For all the time I'd spent lamenting the loss of human memory, I never realized the protection it had afforded. Time may not have healed all wounds, but it gave one enough space to find meaning or to accept when there was none.


Given how numb we all were when Marcus began to tell his tale, I should not have been able to recall facial expressions, intonations, or even mental anguish with such crisp detail. It surprised Bella too. So recently inducted to her new physiology, she was unprepared for the dichotomy of her lives. Certainly her family was on her mind, but she admitted to me that it had already become more of the notion of them than the reality. She knew that she should feel bad for them, that she should miss them, more than she actually did most of the time. But like the rest of us, every second of that day had been recorded in her mind to view again and again if she chose, and for a while, I would imagine that was what we all did.

We re-played Marcus explaining, primarily to Aro, his disgust with the way the rule of the Volturi had been bastardized.

"For far too long, dear Aro, I overlooked your greed and wrong doings, even when it was at my expense," Marcus spat.

Aro had grown fearful at that line. I heard him question whether Marcus knew an awful truth.

"Yes, brother, you would have done well to learn your own lesson about secrets. You were right. They lay in wait, a kind of hidden quicksand. When at last you step foot inside, you are bound to be pulled under, and right now, I can assure you, you're in deep."

"I don't understand, Marcus."

"Of course you do. Did you honestly think I would let it go?"

"Let what go?"

"Didyme?"

"I don't know what you mean." At that moment, though, Aro's mind filled with a vision of a beautiful woman smiling at the sight of her brother quickly shifting to an expression of horror when she saw him pull out the now familiar silver instrument. It must have shown in my expression.

"Edward, I am sure you are confused, and I will explain everything in a moment, but for now, would you do me the favor of answering a question? I have long suspected that Aro was responsible for his sister, my mate's destruction. I even confronted him on it once up on a time," he said looking over to Eleazar. "I've never had the means to confirm it, until now. You don't need to give me any details, but I would appreciate a yes or a no."

I nodded slowly in his direction.

"This is ridiculous. Why in the world would we trust him?" Caius demanded. "Marcus you've lost your mind."

Caius made a move toward Marcus, but the guards around him descended on him.

"Let me go. You have no authority here."

"I'm afraid you're wrong brother," Marcus indicated.

Caius looked around the room, for the first time noticing that a handful of guards, those who were loyal to him and Aro had been surrounded themselves. He seemed to understand in an instant that this went beyond a simple act of rebellion.

Caius reached into his robes for the weapon that had destroyed so many. Instantly, the three guards holding him had pulled the objective from his hand. The struggle happened so incredibly fast. Then he, like Demetri and Emmett before him, was gone. The same screeching metal sounds; the same smoldering pyre.

"NO!" Aro yelled still slumped against the floor. In his mind's eye, I learned that his distress had little to do with grief. The expression on his face did not hold the same kind of despair Rosalie's had. He realized the destruction of Caius meant the loss of his chance to regain control.

The room was abuzz with an odd mix of energy. Many of us crouched defensively, ready to attack Aro. The guards loyal to the Volturi fought their captors. The rest of us were frozen by losses so great we feared recovery would never come. I was caught somewhere in the middle of it. Afraid to face Bella because I refused to believe she could be part of this betrayal. Afraid to face Rosalie because we both knew what we would see in each others' eyes. What happened between us hadn't needed to be a secret. Had we been honest about it, Emmett would likely still be here. We could blame anyone else in this room; we could blame the fire itself, but it would not remove the guilt, and it wouldn't bring him back..

Marcus took the floor; his stature seemed suddenly more imposing. He smiled for the first time as he approached me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, I wish that I had been able to be more upfront with you when you were here last. I did not mean to cause so much pain in this process." He proceeded to offer his sympathy to each person in the room who had lost a loved one that day.

Marcus explained that he had been working for years to weaken the foundation of the Volturi guard. He'd been in a fog himself for centuries, unable to believe Aro had really destroyed Didyme. He wallowed in his grief. His plans began to form the year Eleazar left; he'd stood up to Aro that day, though Aro never admitted the crime, it was enough to waken Marcus. He began to see the way in which power was being abused; it was no different than the Romanians before them. And with the way Aro had built the fortress of both technological and vampire power, it would be difficult for anyone to infiltrate. Why would they? Marcus had wondered. The three of them sat holed up in this area, sending others out to do their bidding with little thought to the impact.

He'd been pulling strings in subtle ways for some time to try to bring together as many potential allies as possible. He, like everyone else, saw a potential in Bella and in her connection to us, that would make things possible. He knew it could go either way, but like Felix and Demetri, and Aro himself, Marcus realized that it was worth the risk. He approached Bella to serve as something of a double agent, making Aro believe that she was helping deliver the Cullens to his doorstep, while really setting him up for the fall.

"But how?" I asked trying to fathom when she might have contacted anyone.

"Have you checked the blog lately?" she responded.

I shook my head.

"There are coded clues there. I banked on the fact no one would be reading it anymore."

"So all this time . . .?"

She nodded back at me. "I hope you can forgive me."

"What's to forgive, Bella?" Carlisle interjected.

"I encouraged you all to come here; I knew what was waiting."

"So did we; only you had strong reason to believe that we had more help here than even we knew," he added.

"How did I not see any of this?" Alice asked. "The vision of you all coming to us was so clear."

"Yes, Alice. We made sure we stuck to the decision," Marcus assured her. "Aro was well versed in Alice's gift based on his experience touching Edward when he was last here."

These secrets had been kept for good reason. If we had all known, who could say what would have happened if Aro had touched any one of the others who'd been captured earlier. Perhaps, more would have lost their lives that day. Still, I was tired of secrets. Tired of lies.

The rest of that night and into the next day there was much talking, discussion and organization. The first order of business was Aro and his remaining loyal guards.

"What are we going to about them?" Eleazar motioned to those vampires still nervous about their fates.

"You can't cut out the poison once it's begun to spread. What options do we have but to destroy them?" Marcus asked.

"Dear brother, if I may?" Aro asked holding his hands up in surrender. He looked for any sign that he would be attacked if he stood. "I am not opposed to changes. I'm more than willing to work with you all to establish new rules."

Someone in the room snorted.

"You don't get it do you?" Garrett huffed. "You're done Aro."

"Fine, yes, I understand. But if you destroy me, how are you any better than the monsters you claim us to have been?" His new tactic was met with a more open mind.

It was fair point from a man who had never understood the concept in neither his human nor his immortal life. Unfortunately, he kept going, clinging desperately to the notion that he might still retain his lifestyle, and his precious collection. The depth of his disregard for others revealed itself at every turn. Not once did he consider the safety of his guard nor praise them for their loyalty. The more he argued, the less they trusted them. One by one, they realized they had been duped, been trained to think about things in a way that simply hadn't been true.

Aro tried to argue that our being there was a sign that he'd been right all along; that we wanted to take over the vampire world. He pointed to Bella and claimed we had used her from the beginning to achieve this exact goal.

She walked over and spat at him, a last vestige of my human Bella. "That was for Riley." She could have done more damage, but she'd always considered herself ineffectual.

This simple act served to communicate so much. No one had ever stood up to Aro before; it became an invitation for others to join in the defiance.

To his disappointment, the evidence never supported Aro's arguments, though, and in the end, he talked himself into a corner or rather, he was never able to talk himself out of the very one Emmett had thrown him into. Alice had a vision then, probably a combination of decisions made by both Marcus and Aro. The man who had been drunk on his own power would crash hard. When people no longer responded for him he would shrivel into a meaningless existence. He was his own punishment.

At some point, he gave up. He stopped speaking long before his mind gave in, but eventually that too went blank, and he realized he had nothing left. That's when the talk of others shifted.

"What now?" Garrett asked.

"A very good question, indeed," Felix said. Alice and Esme had replaced him in supporting Rosalie. "I think we all need some time to grieve, to hunt, to process. Then, we re-organize. I'm sure we've all had ideas about how we can make things better. We can work together to find the best solutions."

Ultimately, that proved much easier said than done. There those who wanted nothing to do with the politics of it all, though we all agreed to stay in Volterra, at least until a rudimentary plan could be put in place. It was one part respect, one part distrust. I didn't really care about the particulars of a vampire government, but I also wanted to be sure I could live with whatever system others planned.

There were so many things to consider. There was no good starting point, and no easy answers.

"I think all vampires should know that it is possible to live on animal blood," Carlisle indicated. Eleazar nodded thoughtfully, though a couple hisses could be heard throughout the room.

"I'm not saying we should force it or that it would have to be a law. But perhaps, with this information, more would choose a different kind of life."

"I don't think that would be a problem, though it might take some doing to figure out the particulars of that," Eleazar added.

"So I guess the first question is, should it still be a crime to reveal our identities? If you think more of us would choose to drink from animals, it would seem likely that more humans would be interacting with vampires. It would open up a whole new can of worms anyway," Felix said.

Immediately many voices argued that it was clear humans and vampires could co-exist. Just as many felt certain that it was a bad idea to come out so to speak. In the midst of the heated argument, Bella raised her hand.

"May I say something?"

Silence blanketed the room.

"You all know that I believed humans should know about vampires, about us. I realize this is going to seem ironic coming from me, but I don't think I believe that anymore. The world is full of people with bad intentions: greed, hate, anger. The desire for immortality is strong, and as I've heard you all discuss, there are those among you already who use that to their advantage. Perhaps, it really is best if humans don't know. I've come to realize that sometimes we don't need to know everything, any of us. I see now what kind of problems might arise. I don't think any of us need more regrets."

She looked at me briefly. She closed her eyes. "I will never regret you," she thought. I jerked at the sound, but once again just as quickly as it came, her internal voice was gone.

Bella was concerned about vampires like James; Jasper thought of Maria. Their kind would always be out there, and we would need a means to deal with them; if they had free reign to say whatever they wanted to humans, it could be dangerous.

There was no way to hammer out all of the details in one day, but much progress was made. The things everyone agreed on became the foundation. Vampires didn't have to hunt humans; they had a right to know what they are capable of, how they became what they are, and a chance to retain some of their humanity. I would have expected that to be a greater bone of contention, but then thinking of both Felix and Demetri on the plane ride the first time I left Volterra told me that it was never has far from the their minds as I'd expected. Even those who had been turned a millennium ago still wanted the simplest thing. And the hardest at the same time. We all wanted love; not everyone interpreted the emotion the same way, but it was a kind of belonging that called to us all. For many of the guard, it was what had kept them rooted here for so long. Though Chelsea had influenced the bond, real or not, it made them long for the connection.

It was time to branch out though. The idea came forth from something that Demetri and Felix had suggested back in Forks—government, not exactly a democracy, but representative in its own way. There was still order to be maintained. Over hunting in any area remained a punishable offense. The laws about turning were still in development. It was hard to define what would constitute a good reason for turning another, but we all knew it was a component of any social order we might achieve.

I did not offer many opinions, but I stayed in the thick of the discussion. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know I was avoiding. The what or who was more difficult to pinpoint. If you forced me to answer, I would have said, everyone, and it was probably true. Most of all though, I was avoiding myself. I didn't want to deal with my emotions.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Carlisle didn't let me hide for long.

"Hunt with me?" Though he said it as a question, I didn't feel I could decline.

I wasn't particularly thirsty, nor did I assume he was either. I hesitated though, glancing back at the room, fixing my attention on Bella. We hadn't had a conversation, but I hadn't let her out of my sight.

"She'll be fine," he insisted. I knew that was true. Besides, we hadn't actually spoken yet anyway. It felt weird leaving the scene of the destruction. Somehow I could believe he was still coming back if I pretended nothing existed outside of that room.

I followed Carlisle solemnly. We had missed the sunlight entirely for a day. We came out of the tunnel at twilight, a time that had come to signify rebirth for me, but tonight it felt more like an end than a vampire's dawn.

We ran a few miles out of town. The Tuscan region left something to be desired in the wild game department, but neither of us were seeking a challenging prey anyway. We came across a few rabbits and foxes, but we let them go, waiting for something a little larger.

"I know you," Carlisle began. "You feel responsible."

"So do you."

"Yes," he admitted. "I suppose we all do."

"Emmett didn't deserve that. I deserved it more."

"No one deserved that, Edward, and you know it."

There was no sense in arguing; we would never convince each other, nor was it a fight worth winning.

"Everyone in that room feels guilt; I don't need your gift to know that. We all take responsibility for what happened. Do you blame us? Do you blame Bella?"

"No," I answered defensively. "Of course not."

"Don't hold yourself to a different standard, then. I am not trying to discount your grief." Carlisle paused there, taking a moment to push away his own. It kept creeping into his voice, threatening to cut him off. Afraid of his voice failing him, he let his thoughts speak for him.

"Don't leave us again."

That made sense. I didn't blame him for thinking that. If I was honest, I'd considered it. I'd considered many options at that point, but I'd spent enough years believing that I was better off on my own, and I think I finally accepted than isolation wasn't good for any of us. "I'm not."

"Good. The family needs you." I couldn't take it.

I nodded. We sat in silence for a while. He was thinking about the plans everyone was making, relatively pleased that so much had been accomplished so quickly. The close proximity, the intimacy of that time gave me the strength to show weakness.

"I'm scared, Dad." I so rarely used that title with him that it caught him off guard.

His head turned, assessing my face. He reached his hand over and placed it on my knee. "Yes," he said, letting me continue to develop the exact fears.

"Rosalie," I breathed. I didn't know what else to say after that.

Carlisle exhaled. Scattered thoughts, an image of Emmett's face the moment he woke after his transition, looking expectantly for the face that had been his salvation.

"Why did you two hide it?" he asked.

"I'm not sure anymore. It was so long ago, and I think we both wanted to pretend it didn't happen."

"Do you . . . have feelings for her?"

"No, I mean, not like that. It's never been like that for either of us. It was just a moment, something that happened." I struggled not wanting to give away a story that wasn't entirely mind to tell, but our lives had already been turned inside out by secrets and lies, and the pointlessness of it all hit me suddenly. "It was the night she killed Royce and the others."

His mouth opened, but then he decided it was enough for the moment.

Within a couple of days, our numbers began dwindling. Members of the guard broke off in small groups. A few were anxious to look for family or friends who they'd been torn away from. A few said they were interested in our lifestyle and would stop by if they were ever in the States. All of them were willing to spread the word so to speak. It wasn't enough. In this day of technology, we knew we could organize and reach each out faster with other means; we even bantered about the idea of a website or blog of our own—it was quickly shot down.

The time was coming for decisions. My family's decisions. My own. I still didn't know where things stood with Bella either. I had always assumed that if we left here, we'd do so together; now I didn't know where she saw herself.

"I'm not coming with you all," Rose said slowly one evening when we'd gathered to discuss it. She had been surprisingly interested in the planning and the formation of the new order or whatever we were going to call it.

Esme's expression contorted. "Rosalie, you don't have to . . ."

"I know. Listen, I'm not saying forever; it's just hard to imagine going back. I mean, I can't go back to what it was. And this is as good a distraction as any. I think I can be of use here. Tanya is thinking of staying too. We could be quite a pair, don't you think?" She couldn't deliver the line with as much conviction as she wanted. I already knew the plan, of course, but it still hit me to hear her commit to it. Alice had also had time to get used to it. She'd known it was coming too.

"You sure will," she said encouraging Rosalie. "I can't imagine a more persuasive duo."

Rosalie smiled at her weakly. "Emmett would have loved that huh? I'm pretty sure he would have liked that fantasy. Me and Tanya?"

A slow ripple of slightly uncomfortable chuckles followed.

"I never once questioned that I was the center of his universe, but that didn't stop him from appreciating another hot chick."

Esme snorted.

"What?"

"Oh I was just remembering the time he came home from school and said I wasn't allowed to come to parent's night or homecoming. When I asked him why he said, 'well you see Esme, you're what they call a MILF.'" Giggles wracked through her as she thought about the way he always made her laugh; the sound was something between a laugh and a cry.

"What's a MILF?" Carlisle asked seriously. It devolved quickly after that. We laughed, and we shared stories. It reminded me of an Irish wake, without the toasts or the whiskey.

"So, what about you all?" Rosalie asked finally. "Where will you go?"

"Thoughts?" Carlisle asked.

"We can't go back to the Washington house can we?" Alice asked. We could have, but she was right, but it seemed almost too close now to the wolves and to Bella's dad. The risk was greater thought it was hours away. I didn't want to say anything.

"I don't plan to start high school again for a while," I stated, and Jasper nodded knowingly.

"I think we could all use a break from that," Alice added. "We could help, in our own way. Maybe we could have a place where others could come learn about what we do, be more open."

Esme smiled. "Oh I think I like that." She always enjoyed entertaining.

We all liked the idea. Carlisle still wanted to find a hospital, so we decided to let him do some poking around for a location, and we'd go where he went.

"Is there room for one more?" Bella's voice drifted into the room. We all turned to face her. She was leaned against an archway. She'd been nearly silent for days.

Rosalie looked down at her feet. She'd spent enough time considering every angle that she no longer placed blame squarely on Bella. She saved plenty for me, for herself, and most appropriately for Aro and Caius. Still, she wasn't ready to hold hands and sing Kumbaya with her either.

"I'm going to get back in there. Tanya and I are working on some details, bossing people around." Rosalie stood and walked toward the door.

She paused when she got to Bella.

"I'm sorry," Bella breathed softly.

"I know," Rosalie nodded. She swallowed out of habit, and then added only for me, "Be good to each other" before heading out of the room.

Bella didn't move the spot, uncertain of how we would react, of how I would react. Everyone looked at me as I looked at Bella.

"You mean it?" I asked. She took a few steps in our direction.

Her eyes met mine. "If you still want me."

I stood up, and met her half way.

"I didn't know if you'd want to come with us."

"Where else would I want to be?"

I held out my hand, palm up. She placed hers on top, and I closed my fingers around hers. Both our eyes went wide from the contact. We'd come to crave it, though we'd never actually gotten used to what it felt like.

It amazed me that when we touched I could almost forget about everything that happened between us. In theory, an ocean of lies and mistakes should have separated us, but somehow we'd floated back to each other.

The day we met, we followed each other down the rabbit hole, through twists and turns no one would have believed possible. We had not come out unscathed by any stretch of the imagination. Parts of us had changed forever, but in that moment, in that simple gesture of holding hands, we committed to try.

We owed it to everyone here, to those who we'd lost, and those who lived with grief on our behalf.

After all, this was how it started. A touch. A spark.

I didn't know how it would end, but I was curious. Very curious, indeed.


E/N: Whew, we have come to the end of the story. My first order of business to offer my undying gratitude to all of you who made it this far. The story has been full of twists and turns, and particularly in this format of reading one chapter at a time, it was a lot to take in. You really have been amazingly perceptive and wonderful. I know lot of people didn't make it this far, so give yourselves a hug from me in appreciation. Thanks to everyone who participated in RH threads or rec'd the story.

Some wonder why Em? In my head it was always him. It was set up from the beginning that their stories were all so tightly wound together. But it hurts me to think about it too.

Hmonster04 (are you reading the dark and delicious I Know You) deserves a ton of kudos for her help on this. She is currently in emotional rehab, devastated by the loss of Em. Send Good Emmett recs her way! I'm thinking a Tanya/Rosalie outtake down the road in Em's honor may be in order.

Staceygirl aka jackbauer (you must read Controlled Burn) and Daisy3853 (She's continuing Underexposed) have been such great sports, pre-reading chapters and listening to me whine about my frustrations with the story.

H and I will be finishing up Fates relatively soon, and this is probably my last full length fic for a good long while. I have a few one shots in my head though, so I'll be around. Just This Once is in the story queue for Anything Goes Under the Mistletoe, so keep your eye out for voting in January.