WARNING WARNING WARNING
If you really like Gale's character, I would not suggest reading this chapter. If you do not, or are interested to see what I mean, read on.
We're finally home from the Victory Tour. It was long, tedious, and repetitive. The Capitol provided us with boring speeches about how the Hunger Games benefit every citizen and how our love got us through. At least the latter part is true. Our first stop was District 11, and after we made our speeches and waved to the crowds, I broke down crying as soon as we were alone. It was seeing Rue and Thresh's families that made me so emotional. I instantly flashed back to my experiences with both of them. Rue saving me, hunting and allying with her, then of course her regrettable death. Then I think of Thresh. How I was sure Clove was going to slowly mutilate and kill me, but Thresh came out of nowhere and saved my life. We hadn't even spoken before then, but when he found out I'd helped Rue, he let me go. He could've killed me easily. And I know if I'd died there and then, Peeta would've died too. So, in reality, Rue and Thresh not only saved my life, but Peeta's too. We're here today because of them. And for that I will always be grateful.
As we worked our way through the Districts, from 11 all the way down to 1, Peeta and I took in how very different each one was. 7 was forested, 11 had miles and miles of fields, and 2 and 1 were a lot smaller than I thought. When we were in 4, we found some alone time, and went for a moonlit walk on the beach. Neither of us had ever seen a beach before, and we ended up running into the water and making out. Peeta made me promise to teach him how to swim. When we were later lying on the warm sand, my head on his chest, both of us stargazing, I wished that that was our life. I wished we didn't have to be Capitol's puppets. I wished we could just be two people in love creating a family, taking the time to relax and watch the stars. As amazing as the night was, I knew we had to wake up in the morning and act like the Games were the best thing in the world. I know that the Games brought us together, but they also have caused pain, hurt, and heartache. I keep reminding myself that we're doing it for the rebellion, for our baby. For posterity.
When we finally get back to 12, they have a banquet set up for us in the square. When we arrive, I look up at the giant banner hanging from the Justice Building. It read 'Welcome Home, 12's Very Own Victors, Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen!' I immediately stomp inside and burst into Mayor Undersee's office.
"Katniss!" He exclaimed when he saw me, quickly hanging up the phone he was on.
"Did you see our interview in the Capitol?" I demanded.
"Of course. It was wonderful. Congratulations on the baby," he carefully says. He can sense my anger.
"Well then you should know that my name is Katniss Mellark. You're the one who married us. I looked right at the camera and told the whole country that I want to be referred to as Mrs. Mellark, not Ms. Everdeen. I expect that banner to be altered within the hour."
I don't wait to hear his answer. Sure, he's the Mayor, but I'm a married woman, and I expect to be referred to by my legal name. It angers me greatly when people forget or just ignore it. I had to repeatedly scold announcers in the District for getting it wrong. They eventually got the hint.
I slam the door and make my way back out to Peeta.
"Where'd you storm off to?" He asks when I rejoin him.
"The Mayor's office. I told him he'd better fix that banner," I point it out to him.
"Oh. It's not that big of a deal, Kat. That was your last name when we won," he says evenly.
"Peeta, don't get me started. You of all people should understand!" My smile belies my faux anger. I just can't stay mad at him for more than a millisecond.
"Okay, okay," he throws his hands up in surrender. "I know not to anger a pregnant Katniss Mellark," he jokes.
"Don't forget that either, honey," I tease.
He nods somberly and I give him a peck on the lips.
"Good boy," I pat his cheek.
He smiles and we make our way back to Victor's Village to get ready for the banquet. I dress in one of the outfits I designed with Cinna. I braid my hair back the way Peeta likes it. I put on a very light amount of makeup, just enough to help bring out my eyes. Peeta always tells me I have beautiful, mesmerizing eyes. I always tell him it's his eyes that are beautiful.
Before we leave, Peeta takes me by the hand and leads me into his art studio.
"There's two paintings I want to show you," he explains. "You've never seen them before."
I nod in anticipation.
He brings out the first one and I'm floored. I instantly know what it is.
"This one is called 'Courage'."
It's me, of course. He's painted the Reaping. He's painted the moment I volunteered for Prim. You can see the Peacekeeper's arms trying to hold me back. I'm wearing my mother's blue dress, which was my nicest article of clothing at the time. It's my eyes that captivate me. He's perfectly captured how I felt. You can see the fear in them, the overwhelming terror that I felt for Prim and then myself. But I can also see determination, bravery. Although I was terrified at that moment, I was also resolute that I would somehow find a way back to Prim. I couldn't fail her no matter what I felt.
"Oh, Peeta," I sob. I don't know what to say. He hugs me and no words are spoken. After a few minutes the embrace breaks and he goes to retrieve the second painting.
When he shows it to me, I almost faint.
It's me again. This time, it's apparently the first day he saw me. I'm wearing the red dress I wore on the first day of school. My hair is in two braids. My gray eyes are clear and inquisitive. My hand is in my father's, but you can only see up to his elbow. This is how Peeta saw me that day. This is the moment he started to fall in love with me. I wish, again, that we had met before the damn Games. How different would our lives be? I can't allow myself to go down that line of thinking, though.
"Do you like it?" He gently asks.
I nod vigorously.
"What's it called?" I ask, barely above a whisper. I'm scared if I speak any louder the painting will break and disappear.
"I just call it 'Katniss'," he tells me. "This is the first time I ever got a glimpse of you. You have no idea how much I already loved you. You're perfect, Katniss, so damn perfect."
I kiss him hard, needing him to know how thankful I am, not just for the paintings. For everything. His love, our baby, my new life, our marriage, saving me mentally and physically.
The time comes to leave and we walk hand in hand to the square, Haymitch walking beside us. We're naturally the last people to arrive, and we get a standing ovation. I can't help but feel guilty. Are they applauding because we won the Games, or because they actually like us? Do they realize that all three of us suffer from almost crippling survivor's guilt? That without Peeta, I would most likely spend my days the same way as Haymitch?
We make our way to the head table and I notice the banner now has my correct last name. I quickly lean over to the Mayor, who's seated to my left, and whisper in his ear.
"Thank you, Mayor. Sorry about yelling. It just frustrates me when people forget my last name."
"That's okay, Katniss. You were right anyways."
I smile and turn back to Peeta, who has started to dig in to the food. I grin at his appetite. Ever since the pregnancy, I've been able to out-eat Peeta. We sometimes make it a competition, and I always win. This results in me winning our bets, which almost always involve the bedroom.
Throughout the meal, various people approach our table and give us congratulations on our marriage and our baby. We thank each and every one of them sincerely. I notice Gale at one of the tables, glaring up at us. He doesn't seem to even be eating, just sitting there with barely disguised anger and disgust on his face. Great.
At one point, Sarah, the blonde from District 4, comes up. My head is turned making a comment to the Mayor. I hear her greet Peeta.
"Peeta! Don't you look handsome tonight!"
"Um, thanks, Sarah," Peeta mumbles.
"Of course. I watched all of your speeches and interviews. You were wonderful!"
Peeta doesn't say anything. I keep my head turned, but I'm listening intently at this point.
"Peeta," she begins, "I was hoping that I could start coming by the bakery. I want to learn how to bake, and I figured there's no better person to learn from than you. What do you think?"
I've heard enough. Peeta has two brothers who know how to bake, and their father. She now knows we're married and expecting a child, is she serious? Does she really think hitting on a married man in front of his pregnant wife who is known for her prowess with a bow and arrow is in any way going to work? Or end up with her breathing, for that matter?
"Actually, Sarah, I don't think that's the best idea," Peeta diplomatically tells her.
"Oh, why not?" She sounds genuinely sad.
"Because he's a happily married man," I finally butt in. "And he's going to be a father soon. Ask one of his brothers. Rye likes blondes."
I glare at her and instead of backing off, like she's done before, she glares back at me. Maybe she thinks because we're in public she's safe. Hmm.
"Can I help you with something else?" I ask.
"I just don't get it," she says.
"Get what?" Peeta inquires.
"Why you're with her," she points to me in disgust. "I'm so much prettier. She's a poor girl from 12! She probably just got knocked up to try and keep you around," she spits. "Can't you see she's using you? She's all cozy in your house, eating your food, spending your money. She'll just leave you eventually. I would never leave you, Peeta, I'm not a whore."
"Excuse me?" Peeta is angry now. Angrier than I've seen him in a long time. He stands up. I stand up quickly and grab his arm. Everyone around us has noticed what's going on and are quiet now. Even Gale seems to be watching with rapt attention.
"Peeta..," I coax, grasping his arm.
"No, Kat. I can't believe she just said those things about you," Peeta tells me. I nod in resignation, knowing he has to say something.
"Look, Sarah," he starts, somehow staying relatively calm, "Katniss is my wife. She will always be my wife. I don't know how or why you would think it would be okay for you to show up here and try to flirt with me, in front of her no less, but it's not appreciated. If I ever hear you say anything remotely like that again, I promise I will not be able to control my reaction. How dare you call her a whore? I am deeply in love with her, and I am simply incapable of loving anybody else. Actually, I take that back. I will love our children just as much as I love Katniss. I've loved her since I was five years old. She;s my soul mate in every sense of the word. She's saved my life repeatedly. What have you done, besides try to steal me away from my pregnant wife and make her angry? I think you're really a nice person, just confused. But I simply will not tolerate this any more. I kept my mouth shut when you would come into the bakery because I wanted to be polite. I can't allow you to hurt my wife any longer. Now, please, just leave and let us enjoy the rest of our night in peace. Oh, and by the way, Katniss is the most beautiful woman in the world. No other woman even comes close, especially you."
Wow. Peeta just spilled his heart out in front of the entire District. Everybody is staring. After he finishes, there's just silence. Sarah looks stunned, but she doesn't move or say anything. I kind of feel bad for her, especially with some of the things Peeta said, but he was justifiably angry, as was I.
"Um, I, uh," she stutters finally.
"Don't even try," Peeta says quickly. "Just go."
She looks at the ground, thoroughly embarrassed, and turns to leave. It stays silent as people part to let her through, nobody reaching out to her. I feel bad, but then I remember she just called me a whore and tried to get my husband to think I'm somehow using him. I know Peeta would never think that. Right?
"Peeta," I say softly as we sit back down and the banquet starts back up.
"I'm sorry, Kat," he pleads. "I had to say something. I know I was harsh but I lost my head. I can't stand to hear things like that said about you. She can say all she wants about me, but not about my wife."
"It's okay, honey," I assure him with a kiss. "She stepped over the line, and you put her in her place. You were a little harsh, but she said some very nasty things. Things I didn't think people would ever believe about me."
He nods and takes my hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to kiss my ring. Then he kisses each one of my fingertips and my palm in turn, making me blush.
"Peeta," I almost whisper, "you don't ever actually think that, I'm, um, uh, that I'm-"
He interrupts me immediately.
"No, Katniss. I've never thought that. Except when you lied and told me you used me, but I got over it pretty quickly like I told you. And I know you'd never leave me."
"You're right, I can't even fathom being apart from you. I think I'd die. My baby needs its daddy, and I need my husband."
He smiles wide at my statement, the kind of smile that makes me want to ditch the rest of this celebration and drag him back to our bed.
I reach up and gently lay my hand on his cheek. I lean in, and just before our lips meet, I look him in the eyes and whisper.
"I love you, Peeta Mellark."
"I love you, Katniss Mellark," he whispers back.
Our lips meet and our eyes slide shut, blocking out the rest of the world for just a moment. It's just me and Peeta and our baby. I feel all of his love for me in his caress. Before we do something that wouldn't be appropriate in public, we pull back.
The rest of the banquet goes smoothly. Speeches are made, toasts given, and numerous demands for kisses answered. Finally, it's over, and we head home, exhausted.
I plop down on the couch while Peeta heads upstairs. He tells me he wants to paint before we head to bed in a couple hours. I decide to get some fresh air, so I head out onto the front porch and sit in one of our comfy Adirondack chairs.
I'm thinking about Peeta, and our baby, and what it's going to be like, about to drift off, when my hunter's senses alert me to the presence of somebody. Since I'm sure I didn't hear the door open, I know it's not Peeta. I crack an eye open and I am immediately furious.
"Catnip," Gale nods.
"How many times have I told you never to call me that name again?" I breathe, more tired than anything.
Without an invitation, he comes onto the porch and leans on the railing in front of me, peering down at me with rage and disgust, the same look he was giving us at the banquet.
"What do you want, Gale? I'm tired, so make it quick."
"Tell me it's not true," he snarls.
"Tell you what's not true?" I ask, even though I already know what he's talking about.
"That you…let Mellark….that you're pregnant!" He snaps.
"It's true, Gale. Peeta and I are having a baby," I say evenly.
"I can't believe you," he mutters.
"What?" I ask angrily.
"You told me you'd never have children. I always thought if you did, I'd be the father, not baker boy!"
"Gale, we've been over and over this. I'm married to Peeta. I'm having his baby. There's nothing you or anyone can do to change that."
"So you actually…let Mellark…touch you like that?" I hear the rage in his tone.
"Peeta's my husband, Gale. How do you think babies are made?"
That may have been the wrong thing to say.
"I was supposed to be the one fucking you!" He yells.
"Gale!" I yell back. "You can't keep doing this," I say, calmer. "You can't keep showing up and yelling at me. It's unfair to Peeta and me. We haven't done anything to you to deserve this."
"Yes you did!"
"What did I do Gale?"
"You chose him!"
"I didn't choose him Gale, there never was a choice. I fell in love with him," I try to explain.
"No you didn't. I still don't believe you're not in love with me," he says confidently.
"Really Gale? Do you honestly believe that?" I ask standing up. I can't wrap my head around what he's saying.
"Yes! And one day you will realize that I'm the better man!"
"That will never happen, Gale," I say quietly, unwilling to provoke him further, but still needing to tell him the honest truth.
Suddenly I hear the front door click open, and Peeta walks out, wiping his hands.
"Kat, why are you yelling-"
He stops when he sees Gale.
"What are you doing here, Gale?" Peeta asks.
"Trying to talk some sense into her," Gale snaps.
"Please go," I plead.
"Yeah, Mellark, beat it," he sneers.
"Not him, idiot, you!" I scream at Gale. "Leave us the fuck alone! I never want to see your face again! Don't make me go get my bow! I promised you!"
Gale is seething. I can see his body trembling with anger. I slowly begin to back up towards Peeta, and he quickly ushers me behind him. Before either of us can make a move, Gale makes one first.
"You did this to her!" He screams, lunging at Peeta.
He tackles him around the waist, and they tumble through the doorway into the house. I'm screaming, but I have no control over my voicebox. Gale is on top of Peeta now, punching him in the face repeatedly. Peeta is trying to raise his hands to block the punches, but Gale is strong, and simply pins his hands and starts kicking his ribcage instead. I move to try to help Peeta, punching Gale as hard as I can in the kidney.
He instantly turns and backhands me hard across the face. I stumble and fall. In my haze, my only instinct is to protect our baby, so I make sure I land on my butt. Gale glares down at me. He's screaming profanities, and I'm sure he's finally snapped and lost it. I start sobbing. I can see Peeta unconscious behind him on the floor, bloody. I'm on my side trying to get up when Gale rears back. He's going to try and kick me in the stomach. I can't let that happen! He could kill the baby! No! How has it come to this!
Just as he starts to bring his foot forward, someone flies through the open doorway and tackles him, causing Gale to trip over Peeta and hit his head hard on the floor. I can see now it's Haymitch. He must have heard all the screaming and came to help. Thank god for our mentor. Haymitch reaches back and punches Gale hard in the face, rendering him unconscious.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks me gently as he leans over to look at me.
"I'm fine! Check on Peeta!" I yell frantically. He does.
"He's alive, don't worry," Haymitch assures me. "Is the baby okay?"
"Yes. You showed up just in time. He was going to kick me in the belly."
"What happened?"
"You can probably guess most of it. Gale showed up, I was on the porch, he refused to leave. When Peeta heard all the yelling he came out to see what was happening and Gale lost it," I choke out, the tears coming in full force now.
"Okay. I'm going to tie Gale up and leave him outside then we're going to get Peeta to the healer's."
"No, I'll just go get my Mom and Prim. It'll be faster," I suggest. Haymitch nods. He goes to get some rope while I haul myself to my feet. I kneel beside Peeta momentarily.
"I'm so sorry, Peeta. I love you. Everything's going to be okay," I whisper and give him a feather light kiss on the lips. He's still out. I wish I could believe my own words, but I don't know if everything's going to be okay.
I sprint out the front door running at full speed. I quickly arrive at my old house and barge through the front door. They're in the living room.
"Come! Peeta! Help!" I scream.
"Calm down, Katniss," my mom tries.
"No! You need to come with me right now!"
"What happened?" Prim asks.
"Gale snapped. He – he – Peeta! He's not moving!" I'm sobbing again.
Prim comes over to hug me, and my mom silently leaves the room to go get her medical supplies. She returns and we rush back to my house.
Haymitch has hog-tied Gale and left him in the middle of the road. If I weren't so distraught and angry, I'd think it was funny. He's awake now, glaring at me, but Haymitch tied a gag in his mouth so it jut comes out muffled. He's squirming, trying to get out of his bonds, but it's not use. Haymitch did a good job tying him up.
Peeta is no longer on the floor. There's just a pool of blood where he was lying.
"Haymitch?" I call out.
"Up here sweetheart," he yells from upstairs. "In your bedroom."
We go up the stairs quickly and hustle back to the bedroom. Prim and my mom enter first. When I finally muster up the courage, I walk through the door. I look up from the floor and see Peeta. My husband, the love of my life, the father of my child. He's almost unrecognizable. His face is swollen and bloody. His hair is matted with dried blood to the point where you almost can't tell he's blonde. His shirt is in tatters. I can see his chest underneath, and the multiple bruises shatter my heart into a million pieces.
I collapse. I can't take it.
I feel arms around me, but I don't open my eyes. I assume it's Haymitch. He picks me up in his arms and takes me out of the room. I try to protest but he won't listen. He gently lays me down in the guest bedroom.
"Stay here," he orders. "We'll come get you."
I nod in resignation and let the sobs rack through my body. I've never cried so hard in my life. I'm terrified for Peeta.
It could have been an hour, or it could have been a day. I have no idea. Prim silently comes into the room and sits on the bed next to me. She takes my hand and rubs the back of it slowly.
"How is he?" I manage to get out.
"He's in pretty bad shape," she admits somberly. "But he's going to be okay, Mom's taking good care of him."
"When can I see him?" I ask.
"Not yet," she gently says. "Mom is still cleaning his wounds up and assessing the damage. You don't want to go in there yet, Katniss, trust me."
This just makes me cry harder thinking about my husband going through this horrendous ordeal. It's all my fault. Gale was my friend, not his. I should have dealt with it better. But what could I have done differently? I stayed calm as long as I could. In the beginning, I gave Gale so many chances. He refused to listen.
This whole situation is so fucked up. It makes me flashback to the cave. I was so helpless. I had no idea how to save Peeta. It was a miracle that I did. I remember being terrified when I felt his fever and when I realized he had blood poisoning. This is almost as bad. The only consolation I have is that at least now, Peeta knows how I feel about him. Hopefully that gives him some sort of comfort.
A little while later, my mom comes in and stands in front of me.
"You can go see him now. He should wake up in a little while, and we think yours should be the first face he sees."
"Thanks mom," I say honestly. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without Peeta…."
"Katniss, listen to me. He's going to be okay. You're going to have to help him a lot, and he's going to be in pain. Prim, Haymitch and I will help as much as we can. We know it'll be hard with the pregnancy."
I nod, unable to speak. I slowly rise off the bed and, on a whim, hug my mom tightly. I need my mother now. I don't care what she's done in the past. She was here, now, helping my love.
"Shh, Katniss," she whispers, "everything's going to fine."
"How bad is it?" I whimper. She sighs heavily.
"His face is pretty swollen. He has two major gashes on his cheeks. Gale slammed his head against the floor, so we stitched up a gash on the back of his head. He has four broken ribs. They're really going to hurt him. His left shoulder came out of the socket and Prim put it back in. It'll be sore for a few days. Gale tried to choke him, so his voicebox might hurt, and there are pretty bad marks from Gale's hands on his neck."
I stare straight ahead, trying to comprehend what my mother has told me. I don't remember Gale choking him. He must have done that after he hit me. I'm thankful again that Haymitch intervened when he did. If he hadn't, Peeta and my baby would most likely be dead, leaving me with nothing. If that had happened, I'm sure I wouldn't even last a day. I'd have nothing to live for. My world would have literally ended.
"Can you see where Gale hit me?" I ask after remembering the slap. I don't want Peeta to worry.
"No. It was red before but it's gone away now," she tells me as she strokes my cheek.
"I just can't believe he did that, mom. He's changed so much. He's not the Gale I grew up with."
"I know, baby, I know. The Peacekeepers came and took him away. Haymitch explained everything to them. I've never seen Cray that angry before."
"Good. I hope he rots in hell," I spit. And I mean it.
"Go see your husband," she tells me.
I nod and slowly walk out of the room. I stop at the closed door to our bedroom and collect my thoughts. I wipe the tears of my face and try, in vain, to reign in my hair. I take a deep breath and turn the knob.
I can't look at him yet, so I look at my feet instead.
"I'll leave you with him," Haymitch says softly. "I'm going to stay in the guest bedroom. Holler if you need anything."
"Thank you Haymitch," I say as I hug him. "Thank you for everything."
"You just make sure that boy gets better," he demands. "And, Katniss, I was wrong before. You do deserve him. You deserve each other."
Despite the situation, I can't help but smile at his words. Haymitch has built himself a niche in both mine and Peeta's hearts, and his opinion matters to both of us.
Haymitch quietly exits and I'm left alone with my beaten and battered husband. He's still asleep, and I can hear him lightly breathing. That alone raises my spirits a little.
They pulled up a chair next to the bed for me, and I gingerly take a seat. I look at Peeta for the first time since entering the room. He's shirtless, from my mom and Prim working on him. I choke on my tears and start crying again. His chest looks so bad. There's almost no skin not covered in a bruise. Thankfully they wrapped up the broken ribs tightly. I pray it helps some. His neck is even worse. I can see the outline of where Gale's fingers tried to end my husband's life. I see the gashes on his face, stitched up, most likely by my sister.
This is horrible. I can't believe this is how our night turned out. First, there was the confrontation with Sarah at the banquet. Then, the yelling match with Gale was bad enough, but then he went crazy and tried to kill us. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around everything. It seems like a dream, like I was watching it instead of living it.
"Oh, Peeta," I sob. "I'm so sorry."
I cautiously take his left hand, remembering that his shoulder was out of its socket. I bend down and lay a light kiss on his wedding ring. I need to reassure myself that he's actually still here, alive, with me.
With my other hand, I rub my belly, thinking about our baby. How close we came to losing her, if Haymitch hadn't appeared when he did. I still can't believe Gale knowingly tried to kill my child. It's tough to come to terms with.
"Daddy's going to be okay," I whisper to our baby. "He loves us. He'll never leave us."
"Always," I hear from the bed.
"Peeta!" I yell. I look up and I see a magnificent sight. His blue eyes piercing my soul, repairing my heart by the second. He grips my hand hard.
"What happened?" He quietly asks.
"Do you really want to know right now?" I ask him. I don't want him to go through any more pain, physical or emotional, right now.
He nods.
I sigh.
"Gale beat you pretty bad. You have four broken ribs, two gashes on your cheeks and one on the back of your head. All three needed stitches. Your left arm came out of the socket and Prim popped it back in. He – he – he tried to kill you, Peeta. He strangled you. The marks are still on your neck." By the end I'm sobbing again.
"Kat, don't cry. Please don't cry, you know what that does to me," he pleads. I can't help it though. "Are you okay?" He asks.
"Me?" I question. "I'm not the one in the bed beaten to a pulp Peeta!"
"Are you okay?" He asks more forcefully. I sigh.
"Yeah. He slapped me pretty hard though. I fell, but I made sure I landed on my butt," I explain. He looks a little relieved at the last part, knowing I would protect the baby at all costs.
"The baby?" He asks, frightened.
"The baby is fine," I assure him. I debate whether to tell him or not about what Gale tried to do. I decide that I can't keep anything from him, not now, not ever. "Peeta, Gale….he was going to kick me in the stomach. I looked in his eyes and all I saw was hate. He tried to kill my husband and my baby."
Peeta looks horrified. A tear escapes his eye. I reach over and gently wipe it off with my thumb.
"What happened?" He croaks out.
"Just as he was about to kick me, Haymitch showed up and tackled him. Peeta…if Haymitch hadn't showed up….I don't know what I would have done. My life would have been over."
"Thank god for Haymitch then," he mutters. "Kat, I need you to promise me something."
"Anything."
"If something happens to me, you have to live on. I need to know you will be happy. That's all I care about."
"NO PEETA!" I scream. "YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER LEAVE ME!"
"I know, and I won't unless it's out of my control. But Katniss, please promise me this." He's begging me now. It's breaking down my walls. "I love you with all my heart, and I can't bear to think of you wallowing over my death."
"Peeta, I can't. I'm sorry. I can't make that promise. What would happen if I died? Would you be able to move on, be happy?"
He thinks for a minute and shakes his head sadly.
"Exactly. I feel the same way you do. You're my life, Peeta, you and our baby. You're my world. I'll never stop loving you, ever, no matter what happens," I sob.
I'm absolutely spent. I collapse my head onto the bed. I can feel Peeta's hand in my hair, stroking softly.
"Okay, Kat, I understand," he whispers.
I still can't believe this is happening. I wish I could fall asleep, and when I wake up, this day will have been a horrid nightmare. I know that's not going to happen though. This is real.
"Kat," Peeta whispers again.
I raise my head and look at him.
"Come here," he pleads.
"I don't want to hurt you," I protest.
"Please. It's hurting me more not having you with me."
"Okay. But you tell me right away if I'm hurting you," I point my finger at him in a threatening manner. But it's futile, and I know it. He'd never admit it to me if I were hurting him.
I get up and move to the other side of the bed, unwilling to try and crawl over Peeta. I slowly climb into the bed. Peeta stretches his right arm out, and I can see the grimace on his face. I scoot over and rest on my side, my head lightly on his bicep. Our bodies are in contact, but ever so gently.
"Kat?" He questions.
"Hmm?"
"Kiss me?"
I nod and adjust my body so I'm hovering over him, careful to not touch his chest. I lean down and our lips meet softly. We both need this kiss. We've both been through hell in the last few hours. Him, a physical hell. Me, an emotional hell. Both of us are mentally exhausted. After we kiss for a few seconds, I pull back, unwilling to hurt him. He whimpers, but I'm firm in my decision. I resume my previous position.
"Thank you," he whispers.
"Peeta, is it hurting you to talk?" I ask, remembering what my mom said about his voice.
"A little," he admits. "But I'd rather hurt and talk to you then sit here in silence."
"Oh, Peeta," I manage. "I'm so, so, so sorry. This is all my fault."
"What? No it's not. This is Gale's fault."
"It's mine too. He was my friend. I brought him into our lives. I couldn't handle him. I let it get to this point, and now you're hurt so badly. I just want to kill him, Peeta. I don't know who he is anymore."
"Shh, Kat," he coaxes. "It's not your fault at all. I don't blame you, and I never will. You dealt with him the way you knew how, and he couldn't accept it. You didn't force him to keep coming around. You never led him on or gave him hints that you even remotely felt the same way he does. You're not at fault, Katniss. Stop blaming yourself. It will get you nowhere."
"Okay, Peeta, I'll try," I tell him honestly. "But I still feel so guilty. If it wasn't for me, Gale would have never hurt you like this."
"Don't worry about that," he says. "It's in the past now. Let's think about our baby instead. How happy he or she will make us."
"The baby already makes me happy," I admit softly.
"Me too," he smiles.
"I love you so much." I've never meant it more than at this moment.
"I love you too," he answers instantly.
We talk about the baby for a long time, trying to forget what happened. Every time I look at Peeta's face the shame and guilt comes rushing back, but he won't let me fester in it.
Eventually, we drift off to sleep. I'm careful that I don't sleep in a position to hurt Peeta. I pray that I don't move my head to his chest in my sleep, as I'm prone to do.
As I get pulled into my slumber, hoping we're not going to be plagued by nightmares, I can only wish that tomorrow will be a better day.
A/N: Okay, there's chapter 11. I'm happy I wrote two chapters today. I had so many ideas and I wanted to get them out on paper before I forgot any of them. I hope you liked this chapter. I know it's more depressing than my other chapters have been, but there has to be some angst and hurdles for them to get over. Their love needs to be tested. I know that Gale snapping like this has been done numerous times, but the way he'd been acting, I didn't see any other route for his character to take. He couldn't take it anymore. His anger took over. The fire in him controlled his actions. Did you guys think he was going to kill the baby? I'd never do that, wayyyy too depressing. Somebody pleaded with me in the reviews to not have Gale cause a miscarriage, but I wanted to make it dramatic. I hope you liked it.
I want to thank Ripe for the idea about the painting. I was talking to him, and he suggested the one of five-year-old Katniss. It was an excellent idea, and I hope I did it proper justice.
Please keep reviewing, reading, and letting me know about your ideas. I appreciate any and all feedback. Keep enjoying, and I'll keep writing!
