I squinted my eyes when I saw the sun rising over the horizon. I stood up but my legs were trembling under my weight. The lack of rest made me much weaker. I tried to slide down the roof onto my balcony but I fell to the ground. The impact wasn't so severe since it was only a 4-foot drop but I did receive a bit of pain. I slowly lifted myself with my arms and on my knees, I opened the door and crawled in. How weak I must seem. I stood up and sat on my bed. The others would be awake soon, except for Gaara. He doesn't sleep either.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the floor. I knew I mustn't sleep and so I forced myself awake. I then heard a knock on the door of the room I was staying in.
"Hey Nozomi! Breakfast!"
Kankuro…Using the little strength I had, I stood up and walked towards the door. I opened it and used the wall to arrive at my destination downstairs. I could see Kankuro at the dining table about 15 feet away near the kitchen and living room. As I reached the last step, I slipped and fell onto the floor. The second impact was much more painful than the first. But I didn't want to appear as weak so I stood up as quickly as I could and ignored the gritting pain in my arm, which I had broken my fall with. Kankuro stood up and looked over to me,
"Are you okay?"
I nodded and walked towards him. I sat in an empty seat and tried to smile at Kankuro.
"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you really need your rest."
Then, a voice I had never heard of spoke from the direction of the kitchen,
"Of course she does! She didn't sleep. Idiot."
I looked up at where the voice was coming from and I saw a girl a couple of years older than I was. She has blonde hair and it was styled in four ponytails. I guess she was the elder sister in this family. When she looked at me and smiled, I looked down. I felt inferior, like I didn't belong. Truth be told, I didn't. I wasn't involved in a group of friends, or in a family.
Kankuro and the blonde girl started to converse about something I wasn't interested in. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the thoughts that now leaked into my conscience from the deepest depths of my heart. I didn't want to remember about the family I once had. Mother…father…and Miho. They were my world, my life, my happiness, and my sunshine. But then mother and father died and Miho stopped caring, stopped laughing and stopped smiling. I went through a substantial amount of pain after I became an orphan. I've tried to smile and tried to keep my head up but the walls surrounding me were dark and empty.
I'll never forget what Miho said to me one night after my parents had died. She had said to me,
"Nozomi, I rather not have you around. I despise you for reminding me of them. Just by looking at you, flashbacks of that day keep appearing in my mind. I want to forget that day and everything attached to my past and that includes you."
Those words created a wound that would never close. I still felt the pain of her words stabbing me like a hot knife. I couldn't believe she was my sister, would my sister ever say something like that to me? Before my parents died, my sister loved me and I cherished every moment with her. So how could she say something like that to me? Why? I never forgave myself for that. I blamed myself for her bitterness and despair.
"Nozomi?"
I blinked and exited the thoughts of my past. The elder sister and Kankuro looked at me in a confused way. I felt ashamed and apologized,
"I'm sorry. I guess I drifted off."
The blonde girl answered back, "It's alright. You haven't slept and I don't blame you. I'm Temari, by the way."
"I'm Nozomi."
Kankuro turned to Temari and gave her a grin; "I'm hungry."
Temari served us our breakfast after scolding Kankuro. It was a simple breakfast, eggs and toast. I ate slowly and when I finished, all I did was stare at my plate.
Later that day…I was walking with Temari and Kankuro to train. I hope my lack of sleep didn't affect my physical strength too drastically. To be thought weak from Kankuro and Temari would shatter all my hopes of escaping being alone. Maybe I didn't have to be, maybe this is a chance to escape from my previous life and enter a new way of living.
It turns out I wasn't as weak as I expected, my skills roughly match Temari's and Kankuro's. While I was battling Kankuro however, my weapons had cut him slightly across his cheek. It was only a small cut and it didn't harm him in any serious way but when I saw that blood streaking down his cheek, my eyes widened.
A pain erupted in my chest that was so sudden and so exhilarating I fell onto my knees, gasped and held the place where my heart should be. Kankuro and Temari ran quickly over to my side to see what was wrong. But as Kankuro came closer, the smell strengthened. A darkness inside of me was dying to get out. I could feel it's great chakra, overflowing in my veins. I felt my chakra grow immensely and my senses sky-rocketed. My nails grew into sharp daggers, I felt fangs touch my bottom lip, I was turning into a demon. The pain subsided a little and I stood up, my mind was clouded but all I could feel was anger and hate. I looked at Kankuro and smiled at him, he and Temari had a terrified look on their faces. I laughed, no, the demon laughed. Faster than Kankuro could see, I had my hand around his throat. I had put no pressure but as my nails barely scratched his skin, he started to bleed. Kankuro couldn't speak, it seemed.
'No, this isn't right.' I thought.
'What am I doing? I don't want to hurt him! I don't want to be alone again!'The pain came back. I took my hand away from Kankuro's neck and fell to my knees. I, again, grabbed my heart. I opened my eyes and looked at my hand, it seemed I had pierced through my skin because my hand was covered in blood. This wasn't right, what was I doing? I almost…I could have…If I killed Kankuro, I would be alone again. Then everyone would hate me instead of cherish my presence. I would be a demon, just like Gaara. I didn't want to kill; I only wanted to be…no. I do not believe in love, it doesn't exist. I stopped believing in such a fairytale after my parents died and my sister disregarded me.
But wouldn't it be nice to live in a fairytale? I looked towards the floor, towards the blood; it was the color of crimson, the color of fear. Drops of water fell into the ground and mixed with the red blood.
'Please…I don't, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to kill him.'
I once gained control of my body, the pain stopped and so did the anger and hate. I looked at my hands and my nails were back to normal, but I did not stop crying. I looked up and saw their faces. Their expressions contained only fear, not concern nor sympathy, only fear…
This is what I had nightmares about. My worst nightmare is to find friends, so that I am not alone anymore only to have them ripped from within my grasp. I stood up and ran the opposite direction. I ran away from them and tried to wipe the tears that fell excessively down my cheeks. I lost my chance…I would regret battling with Kankuro for the rest of my life…
I ran away from that spot, from the blood and tears that I left there. I ran all the way to the spot where a year ago I found the boy that Gaara had murdered. The blood wasn't visible here anymore. Death, demons, hate, anger, loneliness, they all surrounded me, suffocated me. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think clearly. Where could I go? Who could I depend on?
I went to the only place I ever had, my sister's home. I walked straight through the front door and locked myself in my room. I sat there, on the cold floor, trying to contain it all inside. I was on the verge of breaking; my worst fear had come true. I would be alone for the rest of my life now. I sat there for frozen moments. Then, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro appeared in my room. I couldn't look at them in the face so I looked at the floor.
"Come with us." Gaara demanded.
I knew this had to do with what happened earlier. I couldn't hold back the tears, it came back. My sister preaching, my parents death and me, alone.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" I repeated over and over again.
Temari and Kankuro walked over and lifted me up by my arms, I kept looking at my feet and repeating,
"I'm sorry…. I'm sorry…"
I closed my eyes and let them take me wherever I was supposed to go. I felt my feet touch the ground and I was left in a jail cell. The room was dark, with only one small window that I couldn't even reach. It was damp and cold…In here, I would stay for what pleased the Kazekage. I sat down and pictured what a perfect life would consist of. Temari and Kankuro were my friends, and so was Gaara. I was an excellent ninja and the village appreciated my being here. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Why don't I have that? Why does Fate despise me so?
End! Well I had forgetton to tell you all earlier...
I'll be updating once a week on either Sunday or Monday. And I hoped you liked this chapter! But if there are many reviews saying to update, I might update quicker! It depends. I also want to thank my reviews but I'm not sure if I am allowed to do a reviewer reply in each chapter...so if you know could you tell me? Also, if you have ANY questions, don't hesitate to PM me!
