We've been at it for six hours.
Six hours of alternating pain and remorse. During contractions, I scream my head off at Peeta. I tell him he'd better love these kids, because they're the only ones he's getting. I threaten to cut off his manhood with my skinning knife. One time, I even screamed 'why did I even get pregnant?' Peeta just looked at me, slight hurt in his eyes, and I burst into tears, apologizing profusely. When the contractions subside, and I can think clearly, I beg him to forgive me, tell him I love him and that I want to have more kids, and that I'd never cut off his manhood.
Peeta, of course, tells me he loves me and there's nothing to forgive. I disagree. I've said horrible, horrible things to him because I'm in pain and I blame him. Truthfully, we share the blame equally, and I know that. I'm just irrational.
Oh god, here comes another one.
"Peeta!" I yell.
"I'm right here, Kat," he soothes softly.
"I swear if you ever leave me I'm going to hunt you down and skin you alive!"
He chuckles and shakes his head.
"That I don't doubt, honey," he grins. I turn my head and glare at him.
"Don't patronize me," I snap.
"Never," he looks at me innocently.
"Now you're mocking me," I scowl and pout.
"Katniss, no I'm not," he pleads.
"Whatever," I huff. "I'm deadly serious though, Peeta. Don't ever even think you can walk away from me! Aaahhhh!"
He squeezes my hand as the contraction hits harder, and I grip onto it with all my strength. I can tell it hurts him, but he'd never admit it. He's too worried about me, to concerned with my pain to even think about himself.
Finally, the pain lessens considerably, and my mind clears.
"Peeta," I whisper.
"Yes, Kat?"
"I love you," I sob. "Forever."
"I love you too," he immediately responds, "always."
"I'm sorry."
"Sshh you have nothing to apologize for."
"Yes I do! I'm a horrible wife! I snap and yell at you! How can you even stand to look at me?" Now I'm crying again.
Peeta gets up off his chair and brings his face inches from mine.
"Katniss Mellark, you are not a horrible wife. You are the mother of my children, the love of my life, the reason my lungs take breath. You can do this, Kat. I know it. You're so strong." Then he erases the distance and lightly kisses me. I try to deepen it but he backs off after a few seconds and I whimper.
"Kat, your mom and sister are right there," he whispers.
"Like I care," I huff. He smirks, causing me to smile.
"Katniss," Dr. Sutherland breaks apart our moment, "a couple more hours and then we can start pushing, okay? You're doing great."
"A couple more hours?" I yell. "Are you serious?"
"Katniss, we can always give you the dru-"
"Don't even finish that word," I growl. I don't know why, but I refuse to take drugs. I know that I can do this. I know I can bring my children into this world on my own, using my own strength. I need to feel the pain. I need to know that I've overcome this last great hurdle before I become a mother for real.
She nods in resignation and leaves us for the moment.
"You're so brave," Peeta says quietly. "I don't know how you do it."
"You're the brave one. You haven't moved an inch, even after I almost broke your thumb," I smile.
"I told you I wouldn't leave, and I meant it," he says fiercely.
"Thank you," I say sincerely. "Peeta, I feel another contraction coming. Just know, whatever I say or yell, I love you with every single beat of my heart."
"I know, Kat," he nods. "I love you too."
The pain spreads throughout my body, and I scream. I scream until my lungs are empty, until my throat is scratchy. This one is lasting longer.
"Prim?" I yell.
"I'm here, Katniss," she comes to the other side of the bed.
"Go into our bedroom, go into my nightstand, and get the letter addressed to me."
"Okay," she doesn't question me, just hurries out of the room.
She's back after less than a minute, letter in hand.
"Give it to Peeta," I breathe. She hands it to him. "Read it. Out loud," I demand.
"Kat," he whispers once he realizes it's the letter he wrote when he went to the Capitol. "There's things in here I don't think you want your mom or Prim to hear."
I turn and glare at him.
"Peeta. Read. The. Damn. Letter. Now."
He nods slightly and begins reading.
As he recites the flowing, beautiful words, his voice washes over me, and I swear it helps take the edge off. The other four people in the room are mesmerized listening to Peeta pour his heart out to me, listing all the reasons he loves me. His voice wavers a little bit when he reads the parts about our sex life, but he reads them nonetheless. He knows I know the letter by heart, and I'd scream at him if skipped even one word.
"Oh my god," Prim says in awe when he's finished, "that was so beautiful."
"He's not done," I inform harshly.
"What do you mean?" Peeta asks, confused.
"Keep going," I demand. "With the list. I need your voice."
He contemplates for a moment, and knowing that refusal would be futile, resigns himself.
"Katniss, words just aren't enough to explain the depth of my love for you. It's like a drug, something I can't live without. I've been addicted for years. When you look at me, your gray eyes seeing right through me to my core, I feel like I'm on top of the world, like nothing can touch me. Even when you glare or scowl at me, I feel honored, because the entire country knows those looks, but I'm on the receiving end of them more than anyone."
Everyone chuckles softly. I didn't even notice my contraction subsided, but I don't tell him. I want him to keep going.
"Do you remember when you found me by that river in the Games?" I nod. "I remember thinking 'she came back for me'. I didn't believe it at first. It was too good to be true. I thought it was a hallucination from the tracker-jackers. Then you took care of me, ignoring your own fears to nurse me back to health, and I was sure I'd never been more in love with you. Now, that's how I feel every single day. I wake up and watch the sunlight dance off your face, cause your hair to glow softly, and sometimes I don't think it's real. It's just too amazing to be true. Every day with you is like every single one of my dreams has come true, Katniss, and that's all because of you."
Now I'm softly crying, and I look around the room. Prim and my mom are as well, and even the doctors have tears in their eyes. I feel another contraction starting, so I look back to Peeta.
"Please don't stop," I plead.
"I remember the moment when you asked me to marry you. I thought I'd misheard you, or my mind had just made it up. I told myself, there's no way the girl of my dreams, who I'd been in love with for years, wants to marry me. It's just not possible. Then you turned in my arms and looked at me with such determination. You told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, that I was the love of your life and your soul mate. I thought my heart would burst from joy. I thought I was dreaming, but you assured me it was very real. Then, that very night, we had our wedding and toasting. When you looked into my eyes in front of that fire, and told me you wanted to have my children, I couldn't breathe Kat. To be honest, I thought it would be years before I heard those words from you, and I was okay with that. But not you. Not my Katniss. You grew every day, changing from a girl to a woman right in front of me. You fell into the role of wife like you had a handbook telling you how. When you got pregnant, I was afraid of your reaction. You surprised me yet again. You loved our children right from the start, and you were so adamant that you wanted this as much as I do. You will never know what that truly means to me, Kat."
I grimace, the pain shooting through my limbs. Peeta is helping, but this one is especially bad.
"Aaaaahhh," I scream. "Get these babies out of me!"
"Soon, Katniss, very soon," Dr. Gaius assures me. "We're going to have you start pushing in a few minutes."
Finally, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's been almost ten hours now, and the sun is just starting to rise. It's poetic, I think, that my children are being born along with the new day. It's like the opening of a new chapter in our lives.
"Peeta!" I yell. He looks at me attentively. "Come here," I demand firmly.
He quirks an eyebrow but doesn't question me. He stands up and leans over closer to me. When he's close enough, I shoot my hand out and grab his shirt roughly, pulling him down to me and forcing his lips onto mine. It was the only thing I could think of to help with the pain. When Peeta kisses me, nothing else even registers. I forget to breathe. I forget where I am. Sometimes I forget to stand.
Peeta responds to the kiss, and I force my tongue into his mouth. He doesn't object, slipping his tongue into the warmth of my mouth. A moan escapes from the back of my throat, and I can feel Peeta's lips quirk into a smile. I snake my arm around his neck and dig my nails into the nape of his neck, probably drawing blood. He doesn't even notice. His hands, which were cupping my face, start moving downward out of sheer habit. He's almost to my breasts when I realize, and I shove him back into his seat with force. He sits there dazed, a blank expression on his face, a dumb smile gracing his lips.
I look around, and everyone is staring at us with their jaws dropped.
"What?" I ask indignantly. "He's my husband. I'm in labor. Deal with it," I wave them off.
A few minutes later, the doctors finally tell me it's time to start pushing.
If I thought the hours of contractions were painful, they were a day in the meadow compared to this.
I felt like I was trying to put a basketball through a garden hose. I was sure it was impossible.
"I can't do this!" I yell at nobody and everybody.
"Yes you can Kat," Peeta soothes, his lips close to my ear. He kisses it lightly. "You're almost there. We're going to meet Eve and Josh so soon."
He knows that by saying the kids' names, he's playing unfairly, but I don't really mind. It helps. I'm reminded why I'm enduring this pain. I restore my belief in myself, and am determined to succeed.
"That's it, Katniss," Dr. Gaius tells me. "He's almost here."
Josh is coming out first. Peeta was happy when they told us, and when I asked him why, he said because that means he'd always protect his little sister. I smiled, then turned to Prim who was beaming.
"He's crowning," I hear Dr. Gaius say, "Peeta, would you like to see?"
Peeta looks downright terrified. He hasn't left my side once, and I'm pretty certain he's looked at me for every single minute of it. He turns to the doctor and shakes his head slightly.
"I'm not leaving Katniss," he informs them dryly.
"Peeta, it's a couple steps," I try to tell him.
"No!" He snaps. "I'm not leaving your side, Kat. Ever."
I can't argue with that, so I nod.
"One more push," Dr. Gaius eggs me on. "One more push and you can meet your son."
I look to Peeta and he's smiling softly, nodding in encouragement. He takes my hand that's in both of his and gently kisses my wedding ring. I reach back into my heart and, with all the strength I never knew I had, push. After a few second of excruciating pain, I suddenly feel a weight lifted.
A couple seconds later, I hear the words I've waited nine months to hear.
"It's a healthy baby boy," Dr. Sutherland confirms. I beam. Peeta quickly cuts the cord. She shows him to us briefly before she brings him over to the table to clean and wrap up in blankets.
Suddenly I'm reminded I have to that again.
"We are NEVER having twins again, Peeta!"
He just grins.
"What's so funny?" I yell.
"Before you said we're never having kids, now you're saying we're not having any more twins. At least we'll have more children," he shrugs.
I glare at him, my eyes burning through him.
"Shut up. You're not the one sitting here feeling like you're about to die."
He doesn't really have an answer to that, so he just leans up and gives me a peck on the lips, and whispers how much he loves me.
"I love you too," I growl decidedly un-lovingly. He smiles.
"There's my girl on fire," he says proudly.
"Don't call me that," I snarl.
"Sorry," he says sheepishly.
"Okay, Katniss, it's time to meet your daughter," Dr. Gaius says. I sigh, knowing what's about to happen.
The second time around is just as bad, if not worse. I only got about a ten minute break before Eve decided to join her big brother. Peeta stays with me, and I'm sure I'm about to break every bone in his hand, but he doesn't say a word. He just encourages me with soft, loving words, even as I hurl every insult I can think his way.
"Aarrrgghhh," I groan in pain. "Prim, go get me my skinning knife!" I yell. She looks at me funny.
"Why?" She asks, my son cradled in her arms. He's been surprisingly quiet.
"So I can cut it off," I yell.
"Cut what off?" She teases.
I look over to Peeta, then down to his pants.
"That," I snarl.
He just smirks and brings his lips close to my ear.
"Then we can't do what we did last night ever again. And if I remember correctly, you were the one who demanded rounds four five and six."
"Shut it, Mellark," I growl. "You're lucky I love you as much as I do."
"Believe me, I know," he grins and gives me a peck on the cheek.
"Okay, Katniss, time to push. She's almost here," Dr. Gaius tells me gently.
I push with everything I have, knowing that once this is over, I get to meet my children and hold them for the first time.
Soon, she's crowning, and I know I'm almost there.
"One more push, Katniss," the doctors say.
"Hear that? One more push and we meet our daughter," Peeta tells me happily.
Once again, I reach inside me and find every ounce of strength I have left. I honestly don't know where I'm getting it from after over fourteen hours of labor. I push and push and push, screaming throughout, and, finally, a huge weight is lifted.
I've delivered my children safely.
"It's a beautiful, healthy baby girl," Dr. Gaius smiles. She hands her to Dr. Sutherland while she deals with the afterbirth. Peeta cuts the cord.
"You did it, honey," Peeta smiles wide as he comes back to me. He kisses me thoroughly, and, despite how tired I am, I kiss him back. "I love you so much," he whispers against my lips. "Thank you for this. Thank you for our children. Thank you for my life."
I beam up at him and I'm sure I've never loved him more than in this very moment.
"I love you so much, Peeta," I whisper. "We're parents. I can't believe it. You and me. I love you. Thank you so much, for everything Peeta. For marrying me, for believing in me, for showing me this life."
They clean her up and wrap her in a pink blanket, putting a little knit pink hat on her head to keep her warm. I can't take my eyes off my kids.
After a minute, Prim walks over to me and gently transfers Josh into my arms. I'm nervous, but only for a second. As soon as I feel his weight against my chest, and feel the beat of his heart, I know. I know I've never loved someone like this. It's a different kind of love, a fierce, protective, instinctual love. I'm spellbound. I inspect every inch of him. He looks like Peeta, just like I dreamt. I take his hat off, just for a moment, and am ecstatic to see a few blonde hairs.
A few seconds later, Dr. Gaius walks over and places Eve in my arms as well. Now I have both my children, one in each arm. Peeta wraps an arm around my shoulders and we both gaze down at our children in sheer awe. Eve looks like me, according to Peeta. She has my brow and my nose and my ears. Peeta peeks under her hat and almost squeals like a girl when he sees the dark hair. I know he's especially happy about that.
"Welcome to the world, Joshua Haymitch Mellark and Eve Rue Mellark," I whisper. "I'm your mommy and I love you so much. This is your daddy and he loves us more than I can say."
Peeta places a soft kiss on my temple. I turn to him and see tears streaming down his face, matching mine. Our lips meet and it is the most emotional kiss we've ever shared.
We look down at our children, sleeping peacefully, and I know I made the right decision more than ten months ago to get up off my bed, get over my fears, and tell Peeta how I really feel.
Dr. Sutherland and Dr. Gaius talk to us about various things like breastfeeding, sleep schedules, changing diapers, bathing, and how to deal with them when they're crying. I hope Peeta is listening more intently than I am, because I refuse to take my eyes off of the twins. I eventually, reluctantly, let Peeta hold them, but my arms feel empty and I start to panic. He gives them back with a smile.
"Well, everything is looking great," Dr. Sutherland confirms. "The twins are healthy and you came through the labor wonderfully. We'll stay the day and tonight to monitor the three of you, but I have almost no worries."
"Thank you, doctors," I tell them sincerely. "Thank you for everything."
They nod, and quietly exit the room. I then notice my mom and Prim have also left, leaving me and Peeta and the twins.
"Look at them," he whispers. "Can you believe it?"
"I know," I say in wonder. "They're so perfect."
"They take after their mother."
I snort softly.
"Let's hope not," I mutter.
"I hope so," Peeta says. "I'd love to have another Katniss."
"What? Why on earth?"
He looks at me incredulously.
"Really, Kat? Because I love you. I love you with everything I am. I love you when you're happy, I love you when you're so pissed you won't talk to me, I even loved you when you lied to me and broke my heart."
I feel the tears coming back, and I'm sure nothing I can say can ever compare to his words.
"I love you," I whisper. It's all I can give him, but to him, that's all he ever needs. He smiles and softly kisses me, then kisses each twin on the forehead gently.
"Ah, so the mini loaves have arrived," Johanna smirks from the doorway. "I guess they're not so ugly," she observes.
I roll my eyes.
"You say one word about my children, you'll be in the stew tomorrow for dinner," I warn.
"Calm down, Mrs. Mellark," she teases. "They're beautiful. Can I hold one?"
I glare at her, but soften when I see the pleading in her eyes. I motion to Eve, who's closer to her, and Johanna slowly picks her up. I tell her how to cradle her head, and she does. She looks down at her in silence, and Peeta and I are both stunned by the look of love in her eyes. After a few second, she starts quietly sobbing.
"Are you actually crying, Aunt Jo?" I tease.
She glares at me, but can't hold it for long.
"Shut up," she says quietly. "Don't you dare tell anyone. Got that?"
"Like anyone would believe me," I joke.
Finnick and Annie come in soon after, and each hold one of the twins for a few minutes, then switch, meeting their niece and nephew. Even though we're not blood related, they're as much an aunt and uncle as anybody.
They all quietly leave us after about twenty minutes, giving us some more time as a family.
There's a knock at the door, and Peeta softly calls out for them to come in. It's my mom, Prim, and Haymitch.
"Come meet your godchildren," I say to Prim and Haymitch. "Mom, come meet your grandchildren."
Prim and my mom, obviously, cry as they hold the twins, and I've never seen Haymitch look so vulnerable.
"You did good, sweetheart," he quietly tells me. He looks back down at Eve sleeping in his arms. "You did really good."
After they spend a while talking to us and fawning over the twins, they leave us, as I start to yawn every couple minutes. I know Peeta's tired too, but he won't admit it.
Just as I'm about to suggest a nap, Eve starts wailing in my arms.
"Oh god, Peeta," I panic. "What do we do?"
"Well does she need a change?" He asks. I lift her up and smell her.
"No," I say worriedly.
"Maybe she's hungry," Peeta says gently.
"Um, okay," I stutter.
To be honest, I wanted to breastfeed my children, but that doesn't mean I still wasn't nervous about it. Peeta helps move the hospital gown around and I see him smirk as he readjusts my bra.
"Really, Peeta?" I ask.
"Sorry," he shrugs. He doesn't really look sorry. "Can't help it."
I roll my eyes, and hold my arms out for our daughter. He hands her to me while he holds on to Josh, who somehow has slept through his sister's fit.
I bring her down to my breast and it takes her a few seconds, but she latches on. It feels weird at first, but it's not a bad feeling, and it doesn't hurt. She's soon getting her fill.
"Aw, look at her," Peeta swoons. "She looks like Haymitch."
I giggle and agree, she does look like our mentor with a bottle.
When Eve is full, I pull my gown back up, and cradle her in my arms close to my chest, feeling her weight against my body. The warmth of her tiny body reassures me.
"Peeta, lets take a nap," I suggest. "Get in here with us."
I scoot over to make room, and he hands me Josh so he can climb up onto the bed. When he's situated, we put the twins on the bed between us and both lie on our sides facing each other. Our hands meet in between us, resting protectively over our children. I drift off to sleep, knowing I won't have any nightmares, because I've never been this content and blissful.
A few short hours later, we're woken up by the doctors who just want to check up on us. They're still happy with everything, and Peeta and I let out sighs of relief.
"Um, Dr. Gaius?" I ask shyly.
"Yes, Katniss?" She looks to me.
"I was wondering, when can I start, you know, resuming my normal activities?"
"Well, that's really up to you. When you feel up to it, I guess. You're obviously going to be tired for the next few days from the delivery, but you will recover quickly. You're very healthy and you have a strong immune system. You should be able to go hunting in a couple weeks I'd say."
"Oh okay," I nod. "What about, um, uh, Peeta and I, um uh-"
"When can you and Peeta start having sex again?" She asks bluntly with a laugh.
I nod shyly. Peeta blushes next to me.
"I'd say a week. We want to give your body a rest and time to recuperate, but as long as your husband promises to be gentle, a week should be sufficient."
"This is so awkward," Peeta mutters.
"Oh, that reminds me." She pulls a bottle out of the pocket of her white coat. "These are the birth control pills you wanted. Take one every month on the same day. They're as close to 100% effective as we can get. If and when you decide to try and conceive again, just stop taking them and give your system about two weeks to flush the chemicals out."
"Thank you," I say gratefully as she puts the bottle on the stand next to the bed. "When can we go back to our bedroom?" I ask.
"Right now, if you want. If we need to do any more tests, we can just bring you or the twins back in here. I assume you want them with you?" I nod. She smiles.
I call Prim in to help me get up.
Peeta gets up first and takes the twins. I slowly get out of bed, Prim putting her arm around me to help me walk. It takes a few minutes, but I make it to our bed and collapse onto it. Peeta's already there staring at the twins.
"You know," he whispers, "this really isn't fair."
"What's not fair?"
"This. You gave me two beautiful, healthy, perfect children. Now I owe you for the rest of my life. You literally can get me to do anything now," he explains.
"And that's different from any other day how?" I tease.
"You, Mrs. Mellark, are a piece of work."
"But I'm your piece of work," I grin.
"Always," he smiles.
"Forever," I reply.
A/N: HOORAY! The twins are here! Josh and Eve have joined the world of Panem and the Hunger Games. How will this change Katniss and Peeta? Will they go soft, or will they fight harder to protect their children? How overprotective will they be? All this, and more, in the upcoming chapters.
Finnick and Annie's wedding is fast approaching, as is the Quell and, inevitably, the start of the Rebellion. The story is going to start picking up in terms of pace and action, but you know I'll keep the fluff there. It's too hard not to.
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, and all your kind words.
Keep reviewing and reading. TGIF.
