A/N: Shorter chapter tonight, friends. I wanted to get something out, so this is mostly fluff, but also some plot development about the Quell. Enjoy!
"Wake up sleepyhead."
"Ugh leave me alone."
"You know I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Um…because I lack the ability to produce breast milk?"
"Fine."
I glance at the lock and realize it's three in the morning. It was Peeta's turn, but he came back after a couple minutes to wake up me up so I could go feed both the twins.
"If I have to go sit in the nursery, you have to come with me," I tell him as I get out of bed.
"I'm okay with that," he smiles as he takes my hand and leads me to the nursery while I yawn.
He sits me down in one of the rocking chairs and hands me Eve. I lift up my shirt and she latches on. I gave up wearing a bra to bed. Peeta is standing over Josh's crib, just watching him sleep.
"Did you ever think you'd have kids?" He asks quietly without taking his eyes off our son.
I snort and Eve turns her big blue eyes to me. The moment she opened them, I couldn't help a gasp escaping. It was just like my dream – she has my hair and Peeta's eyes.
"No," I shake my head. "Honestly, before you, I thought I'd always be alone."
"What? Why?"
I shrug, still looking at Eve.
"It was never a priority. I was focused on keeping Prim and my mom alive, trying not to get caught for poaching, and worrying about the Reapings. Love, family, marriage – it just didn't make sense to me. This world is cruel, Peeta. Human life has no meaning to the Capitol."
He nods somberly.
"I know," he says barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I feel guilty for making you do this," he says sadly.
"Peeta," I sigh. I don't really know what to say. I think for a few moments, while Peeta just stays silent.
"I'm sorry Katniss that was a very inconsiderate thing to say," he immediately apologizes when I don't speak.
"No, Peeta, don't be sorry," I tell him honestly. "Look, the truth is, a year ago, I never wanted children. I didn't want to love someone this much knowing that in twelve years, they could be ripped from my grasp and there wasn't a thing I could do about it."
"We're going to stop the Games, Kat."
"I know," I nod. "But it isn't even about that anymore," I explain.
"What do you mean?"
"It's about you, Peeta. You and me."
He turns to me and gives me a questioning look. He can't keep it up for long and breaks out into a smile at the sight of our daughter feeding. I chuckle softly. He gently lifts Josh out of his crib and sits in front of the rocking chair I am, folding his legs under him.
"It's hard for me to explain, I guess. I don't really fully understand it. That night that I came over to your house, and I admitted that I lied, something changed in me. Something so monumental, so life altering, that my entire perspective on the world and life changed. It's almost like you broke through a wall, a barrier, surrounding my heart. And once I let your love in, once I accepted that you love me and I love you, I started to question everything I thought I believed in."
"Katniss, I never meant to change who you are. I love you. I just want you to be a better person."
"I know that, Peeta," I assure him. "It's not that you changed who I am. Yes, I'll admit, my personality has changed, but I'm still the same person. My priorities changed. Now, I don't have to struggle to put food on the table every night. When we started dating, my life shifted from survival to, well, living."
"What do you mean, living?"
I sigh. This is harder to explain than I thought.
"I don't really know. Before you, I was just going day to day, doing the same thing, talking to the same people, thinking the same thoughts. You changed me. The Games changed me too, but not like you. Peeta, sometimes I don't think you understand how much you truly mean to me. And that's my fault for not expressing it to you. Sometimes, when I kiss you, I forget where I am. When you smile at me, I literally can't see anything or anybody else. I used to wake up in the morning with an empty stomach, wondering if we'd make it to that night. Now I wake up in the morning, look at you, and I know, I just know, this is where I'm supposed to be. This is my home, where I'm happy. I mean, look at me now, I have a husband and two beautiful children. They're my life now. A year ago, a month before Prim got reaped and I volunteered, if you had told me I'd be here in a year, I probably would have shot you with an arrow."
He chuckles softly and I smile.
"Honey, Eve's finished. Let's trade."
I hand him Eve, whose eyes are already drooping, and he passes me Josh. It's been a week since their birth, and Peeta and I have mastered this dance of babies. I switch breasts, and Josh latches on, so I look back up to Peeta to continue.
"I don't want you to misunderstand me, Peeta. When I told you, at our toasting, that I wanted to give you children, that wasn't because I knew it was what you wanted. That was because I knew it would make us happy. Both of us. I knew that with the two of us as their parents, we would protect these kids from anything. But it's not really about that, either. It's tough for me to put it into words, honey. It's not that I felt the urge to get pregnant right away, but something inside my heart shifted. There was a hole there that could only be filled by you and I bringing children into our lives. I don't know where it came from but I'm sure glad it did, because I will never ever regret our kids, Peeta."
"You really mean that?" He asks quietly.
"With every beat of my heart," I say sincerely. "So please, don't feel guilty, don't feel like you put me up to anything. I can see how you would get there, after all I wasn't shy about people knowing the way I used to feel. But I'm not Katniss Everdeen anymore. I'm Katniss Mellark. A wife and a mother."
"I love you," he says with a look of awe. I giggle.
"I love you too," I tell him. "But your son here is really giving my nipple a hard time right now."
He laughs softly.
"He's definitely your son, Kat. With those gray eyes that see right through me."
"He's got your blonde hair, though. I just want to run my fingers through it all day."
"We could go back and forth like this for hours, honey," he smiles.
"I know," I smile. "It still doesn't seem real all the time, Peeta. They're two perfect little representations of you and me."
"They are perfect, aren't they?"
I nod looking down at Josh in my arms.
"Thank you, Peeta."
"For what?"
"For this. For everything. I know I've said this before but I just feel so grateful. I don't know where or who I would be without you. You're my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner in every sense of the word."
"You never have to thank me, Kat. You know I would do or give anything for you, including my life."
He says it so casually, so easily, that I believe him. I know he'd lay down his life for me and our children without a second thought, and as safe as that makes me feel, it also scares me to my core.
"I know that. When Gale attacked us and you didn't even care what happened to you, I think I finally truly understood what it means to love someone more than yourself. When I saw you lying on that floor unconscious, I felt like my heart was shattering. I felt like if you had died on that floor that night, there wasn't a chance in the world that I wasn't going to join you. I know how that sounds, Peeta, especially because I was pregnant, but I'm just being truthful."
We both have tears in our eyes. Josh finished feeding a while ago and is fast asleep in my arms.
"Let's put them to bed," Peeta whispers. I nod. He stands up slowly, then helps me up. We go over to Josh's crib first and I lie him down. I place a kiss on his forehead, then Peeta does the same. We move over to Eve's crib and repeat.
We stand at the door, arms around each other, and just watch over them for a few minutes, listening to soft exhales of their breaths. As a mother, it is the most comforting sound there is.
After a few minutes, we head back to our bedroom. Our talk has emotionally drained me, but I'm suddenly not tired. I can see that Peeta isn't either. He sits down on the bed and backs up against the wall.
"Peeta?"
"Hmm?"
"It's been a week."
"Yeah, I know, I can't believe they're already a week old."
"No, Peeta. I mean, yeah, they're a week old, but that's not what I'm referring to," I grin. He looks at me, perplexed.
"What are you talking about?"
I'm going to have to spell it out for him. Instead of finding the words, I take action.
I get up on my side of the bed and kneel in front of him on both knees. I reach down, cross my arms, grab the hem of my shirt, and slowly lift it over my head. As I didn't wear a bra to begin with, I'm now half naked.
"Oh," he says wide-eyed.
"Yup," I smirk.
"Are you, um, sure that you're, uh, ready to do this?" He stutters, trying hard to not stare at my chest.
"Peeta, when your wife is stripping in front of you, questions like that should be the last thing on your mind. Now are you going to take my pants off or am I going to have to do that myself?" Now his jaw is hanging open. I roll my eyes playfully.
After a couple seconds, he snaps out of it. He reaches over and grabs me around the waist, bringing me on top of him. Our lips meet, our tongues instantly gaining entrance to one another's mouths. I've missed this. I've missed him. His heat, his touch, his feel. It's only been a week but it feels like a year. Before the birth, we had been having sex almost continuously. Then we went to pure abstinence. It was, well, hell.
I feel his hands run down the side of my body, and I shudder with pleasure. He feels for the waistband of my sweats and starts pulling them down. I help him out, and soon I'm just in my panties. I lift his t-shirt up, and our lips part for just the amount of time it takes to slip it over his head. I reach under me and grasp him through his sweatpants, and he gasps. I giggle.
I lean back and smile at him. I'm slowly running my hand up and down his length, and he's softly moaning.
"Peeta," I whisper. He manages to look me in the eye. "Please take my panties off."
He smiles wide and I feel his hands at my waist, sliding them down. I help him out with the last little bit by sliding off of him quickly. I take the opportunity to rid him of the rest of his clothes.
I swing my leg over him and straddle. I look down at him, his eyes wide, his lips quirked up in a soft smile, and I'm afraid we won't get very far before I'm already coming.
It's almost weird to have sex without the giant baby bump between us, and I realize that we had only really had sex a few times before I got pregnant. But none of that stops us from making love until the sun came up, proving to each other the true depths of our love. Finally, I collapse beside him, kiss him gently, and fall asleep.
We're woken up way too soon by the cries of the twins. Peeta rolls off the bed and starts towards the door to get them.
"Peeta?" I call after him.
He stops to turn to me.
"I certainly don't mind, but I don't think our twins, or Finnick, Annie and Johanna would appreciate seeing you in all your glory," I smirk.
He looks down and realizes he's stark naked and just sighs. I reach across the bed and throw his sweatpants at him. He quickly pulls them on and makes his way to the nursery. I take the time he's gone to pull my panties and sweats on, and find my shirt.
Peeta comes back in a few minutes with both of the babies.
"They just missed mommy and daddy," he grins.
"Bring me my babies," I hold my arms out for them.
Peeta carefully lies down on the bed and we place them between us. We could spend all our days doing this if nobody stopped us. I reach down and trace my finger around Josh's hand, and he grasps onto it.
"He's strong like his daddy," I tell Peeta with a smile.
"Let's hope she's not as stubborn as her mommy," Peeta smirks while motioning to Eve. I scowl at him playfully.
After a while, we decide to get up for the day. We change and feed the twins again, putting them in cute onesies that Effie had made for them. Josh's says "Future Baker" and Eve's says "Future Hunter".
We bring them downstairs, where Finnick, Annie and Johanna are eating breakfast.
"Morning!" Finnick says cheerfully.
In response, Peeta and I yawn.
"Long night?" Annie asks. I just nod.
"The twins woke us up a few times," I tell them.
"That's not all that kept you two up last night," Johanna says with a grin.
I involuntarily blush and try to hide it by looking down at Eve.
"No! You guys didn't!" Annie exclaims.
"Didn't what?" Finnick asks, clueless.
"They bumped uglies," Johanna tells him. "You know, got horizontal. Danced the oldest of dances. They made sweet, sweet music with their bodies. They had sex, Finnick."
"Oh," he nods. "Oh!" he smiles wide. "Nice!"
"Guys, can we please change the subject?" Peeta pleads.
"Sorry, but this is too much fun," Johanna says sarcastically. "Actually, no it's not. Now I'm the only adult in this house not getting any. Not cool, guys."
"I told you, Jo, we'll find you someone at the wedding," I remind her. She just scoffs at me. I laugh.
"I don't think you'd be the best wingman, Katniss," she snorts.
"What? Why not?" I ask, offended.
"I don't know, let's see. Besides the fact that you will have at least one infant with you the entire time? Our taste in men couldn't be any more different, and you like nice guys."
"What's wrong with nice guys?" Peeta asks.
"Nothing, honey," I pat his arm.
Finnick and Annie laugh, Johanna scoffs.
"It works for you, Katniss, because you and Peeta are so different. But you fit together perfectly. I doubt I'll find someone that fits with me," Johanna explains.
"Jo, don't say that," I try to soothe. "There's someone out there, I know it."
"How do you know that, brainless?"
"Easy. A year ago I thought I'd be alone forever. Then I volunteer for my sister and suddenly I get thrown into the Hunger Games with who? My soul mate. Peeta's and my love was doomed, Jo, we were never supposed to make it this far. If we can, so can you."
"That actually….makes a lot of sense," she admits quietly.
I have a triumphant smirk on my face and she glares at me.
"Doesn't mean I'm letting you try to hook me up with anyone," she points at me accusingly.
"Fine, fine. Just keep an open mind," I appease. She reluctantly nods.
We spend the day at the house, fawning over the twins. It's just a week until Finnick and Annie's wedding, and everything has started arriving. It's not a very big affair, but it's still going to be a fairly traditional wedding. Peeta is baking the cake for them, obviously.
Peeta's dad and brothers came around a few days ago to meet the twins. I swear I saw tears in all three of their eyes. His mother didn't even attempt to show up. She knows I'd never let her near my children, especially after the things she said about them last time she was here.
Peeta and I have discovered the hard way that having kids is much harder than anyone tells you. We're always exhausted, get almost no time to ourselves, find ourselves elbow deep in poop and vomit every other hour, and I'm scared our eardrums will soon burst from the screaming and crying. Yet I know that neither of us would trade this last week for all the money in the world. I don't think the smile has left either of our faces. They just make us so happy, it's indescribable. Yesterday, Peeta and I spent two hours just staring at them. They weren't even awake. I don't think we said a single word. We didn't have to.
Their first baths were, well, adventures. There was more water outside than in by the time we were done. That didn't stop us from laughing pretty much the entire time though. According to Peeta, Eve inherited my scowl and pout, and is already putting it to good use. I can already tell she has Peeta wrapped around her finger.
It's only roughly three weeks until the Quarter Quell. Three weeks until our lives, and Panem, change forever. We've had videoconferences with Plutarch almost every night, going over details and battle plans. After we evacuate from the Capitol, the Victors will join the other District 13 hovercrafts at the Arena and help evacuate Tributes. Plutarch thinks it will help for us to be seen there, but we also happen to be some of the best warriors in the world. I tried picking up my bow yesterday, and surprised myself when I could actually shoot. So I will slowly start shooting every day, so that by the time we go to the Capitol, I will hopefully be in my old form.
By eight in the evening, Josh and Eve are down for the count. Peeta and I collapse on our bed in a heap, too tired to even change. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me close to him. He buries his face into my hair and I sigh deeply.
"Was that a good sigh or a bad sigh?" He whispers.
"I'm not honestly sure," I whisper back. He chuckles.
"It'll get easier, Kat," he tells me.
"I know. That's not it. Peeta, how are we going to fight in a Rebellion with two infants?"
"I've been thinking about that. On one hand, there's always Prim and your mom who can help us out with taking care of them. On the other, they're our kids, Katniss. I want us to raise them. If we're off fighting a war, there's a good chance we'd never make it home to them."
"What are you saying?"
He sighs.
"I just think we should figure out how you and I can help the war effort without getting in the line of fire," he says warily, unsure of my reaction. "I know you want to fight, Katniss. It's in you. You've always been ready to stand up to injustice. But things are different now. There's two people who depends on us for everything."
I think about it for a moment. He's right, I do want to fight. I feel the urge to grab a weapon and stand on the front line. To parachute into the Capitol and hunt down Snow with my bow. But then I think about the twins. Their smiling faces. I think about them growing up orphans, never having met their parents. Never knowing who we were as people, what we looked like, what our voices sounded like. I know that Peeta is right. We can't be on the front line. We have to survive, for them.
"You're right," I say simply.
"About which part?"
"Well, all of it really," I explain. "I do want to fight. Or, at least I did. But you're absolutely right, Peeta. The twins depend on us, and if there's anything I want in this world, it's to see them grow up with you. So, I think we should do exactly what you suggested. Find a way to help without direct risk to our lives."
"Really?" He asks.
I nod.
"I can't pretend they don't exist. I can't be selfish anymore. We're a family now. We have to make decisions with all four of us in mind. Peeta, I want to grow old with you. I want to have more children with you. I want to see our children grow up, and eventually our grandchildren. We can't do any of that if we're dead."
"So what should we do?" He asks.
"I thought you had it figured out?" I grin.
"What? No I was just thinking out loud. But if anyone can figure this out, it's us," he says with determination.
"I have faith in us, Peeta Mellark. We will survive this, and we will be a family."
I lean over and kiss him. He smiles against my lips.
"I seriously don't deserve you," he whispers.
"Join the club," I smile.
A/N: Shorter chapter, I know, but I wanted to get one out tonight. Mostly fluff, but some hints about the Quell and Rebellion. Next chapter will most likely have Finnick and Annie's wedding, but I'm not sure yet how much I will go into detail.
It was suggested in the reviews that after the Quell, I end this story, then begin a sequel for the Rebellion. Honestly, when I wrote the first chapter of this story, I had no idea it would ever get this long or big. It was just a stupid idea that I had so I wrote it down, then every chapter I wrote I got more and more reviews. I think that's a wise idea, though. This story is already over 100K words, and I have a ton of ideas for the Rebellion and post-war.
I've truly been overwhelmed with the reception that this story, and my writing, have been receiving. I want to thank everyone who reviews. It feels great to read that my writing is appreciated, that I brighten people's days, and that my story is fun to read. That's all I aim for. So, please, keep 'em coming. Let me know what you want to see, and I'll try to make it happen.
Keep reviewing and reading. Ciao.
