Chapter 5: A Life I Didn't Want to Lead
Fire and bloodshed, the two descriptions about my life. I couldn't think of anything better to name my pathetic and shameful life. I would live alone and hurt the people around me. That was my destiny, that was why I was born. To be the evil that a hero would vanquish. I curled my hand into a fist and sat up from the ground where I was. I looked around at my destruction. I had injured three genin and Gaara had to control me. I stood up and looked at him. His cold teal eyes bore into mine and I stared back at him with hate. I was angry at life and everyone around me. He didn't back down and neither did I, my fists burst into flames, I wanted to hurt anything that stood in my way.
"What do you think you're doing?" Gaara hissed.
"I'm leaving this despicable place. I can't stand that idiotic blond boy."
I walked and then broke into a run and I passed Gaara, I ran into the forest without looking back. I was angry with everyone who did nothing and knew nothing of me. While passing the trees, I lit the trees and flowers on fire. Their beauty I despised greatly because they didn't blend with my ugly life. I envied them, they had it so simple. When I grew tired, I sat in a tree, hugging my knees and watched my flames grow and burn the forest. I watched my wrath swallow and destroy the beauty around me. And I sat, watching the flames, they were extinguished after a while and I started to stare at the moon that was out tonight. A breeze swept by and I closed my eyes to inhale it. I turned my head and opened my eyes to where I sensed those idiots walking towards me. I could make out each one of them, Gaara, Sasuke and Naruto. I guess that girl might still be unconscious. When Naruto was visible, I could feel my fangs grow out. He ran towards under the tree I was.
"Hey Nozomi! Come down!" He yelled.
I growled at him, bearing my fangs.
He stepped back and was asking Gaara,
"What is she?"
Gaara kept his eyes on me and replied, "She's a demon."
Naruto turned from Gaara and faced me with wide eyes. His eyes held surprise and compassion, as if he knew about me and could possibly sympathize. He walked towards me and looked at me with a hard face.
"I also have a demon inside of me. I know it must be hard but-"
I laughed, "Haha, So you think you know me? Do you know anything about me? Do you think your pathetic words of wisdom and compassion could turn me around and make me a better person?"
Now he shuts up.
I stood up and turned my backs towards them.
"Don't come after me Gaara. I'm better off dead, so leave me be."
And I began to run, run as far as my legs would take me. I felt them running after me, those idiots. I meant it when I warned them. I sped up, trying to lose them. No use, they were fast. I sighed and came upon a clear area of land. I stopped there and waited for them. Gaara was leading them and he walked in front of me.
"You're returning with us, by force or will."
"Why can't I just leave?"
"It's my orders."
I stared at him. I wanted to leave and no one was going to command me. But I couldn't fight him; something inside of me wouldn't allow me to. I turned away and kept running. Whenever I came near, the birds and animals would scamper away for their lives. I knew they were running because of me. I was a demon, a monster. I was a danger to anyone; even Gaara had more control over his demon than I did. Without warning, I tripped and fell to the ground. I looked at what had caused me to fall and I saw sand surrounding me. Gaara's shadow came over me, but I felt no fear. I stood up close to him and our eyes met. Neither of us would back down.
I wanted to lock up all my emotions and hide them forever deep inside my heart. No one cared, it was all because of orders or the responsibility was dropped on them.
"I just want to be left alone! I don't belong with the others!" I screamed at him.
Gaara held his posture and his emotionless face; "I don't belong either."
I just stared at him. How could he be so calm, so kept together, so sane? I knew Gaara wouldn't stop pursuing me, he was stubborn. I sighed and released my anger and hate. Back at the village, Naruto was looking at me with a strange expression. So I walked over to him, ignoring Sasuke's glare.
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I asked, angrily.
"I've never met someone else who has a demon in them like me."
I ignored that boy for the rest of the stay; he bothered me by all means possible. That night, I snuck out of my hotel room ran to the forest so I could sit in a tree and watch the moon. It relaxed me; I didn't feel angry or hurt when I looked at the moon. Gaara and I were going to head back tomorrow from this village, I knew I wasn't welcome anymore. I've injured three genin without a valid reason. I hope I would never see those three again. I never wanted to come to this village again.
Back at Suna…I was locked in jail for assault against those genin. A jonin had arrested me the second I stepped into the village, along the way, I was informed how disappointed the Kazekage had been with me. I had disgraced the village and was being punished for it. I sat in the same damn jail cell twice in a row. They had repaired the damage I had caused but it was the same damp and cold hell. The only small window was taken out and the whole cell was in darkness save for a light in the corner of the room, it didn't light much but I could slightly see my own hands. It was their fault for my rash actions, it controlled me, it made me hurt them. I never wanted to.
But Gaara didn't help either, he didn't stick up for me but just watched them take me away once again. It seems as if he didn't care, which he probably didn't care for me. Why would he? He had no reason, so I couldn't blame him. I looked at my surroundings and breathed in the stench of misery and anger. The cell smelled of traitors, murderers and law-breakers. It smelled of sweat, tears, blood.
But I wish…He cared.
I wish someone cared enough. All I could do now was wait in this cell until I was released. Then I would return to Gaara's home. Maybe the Kazekage wouldn't send me to missions that were outside of the city for other's safety. I was released from my prison that same day. I walked out from the police department building and headed for the Kazekage's home. While I was on the streets, the citizens avoided my eyes and distanced themselves from me. Little children shook and ran to hide themselves behind their parents while their parents and adults ran inside of stores or homes and even, stood, frozen in their place. I walked in and looked at the ground, ashamed. One person though, caught my eye. I saw the twist of long beautiful hair as a woman turned her face from me and headed into a store. I quickened my pace and headed into the shop, after her. At the corner of the shop, I saw the woman with lengthy, black, gorgeous hair, arm in arm with a man.
"Miho?…" I whispered.
I lifted my arm and stretched my hand out to her. Her back was still to me; she still couldn't notice me there.
"Miho…" My whisper became more audible.
As I was about to yell out her name, someone came from behind me and placed their hand on my mouth. Tears were forming on the edges of my eyes as I was taken from the shop to the front of the Kazekage's home in am abrupt, blurry fashion. Kankuro was the one who took me from the store. He opened the door and let me in. I sank to the floor,
"Miho…She, she was there."
"Nozomi, she doesn't want anything to do with you. I'm sorry but she ordered a restraint against you. You are never to speak with her." Kankuro stated.
"But my sister, she…she was my friend. I loved her and she…"
I had to let go. She didn't want me and I had to understand that, but it hurt so much. Miho was so kind to me before and we were there for each other, but now that I need someone to be there for me, she disappears. I stood up and walked into my room. I locked the door and stared out my window. After I watched the sun set in the distance, I heard someone try to open the door. Then I heard the lock open and Gaara walked in.
"We all have a mission tomorrow."
Great, that's all I needed now. Another mission to throw me into jail in.
