As I type this the song "Show Me Love" by t.A.T.u is playing on my laptop. It's oddly fitting... The first verse is my favorite.
/This was an accident, not the kind where sirens sound. Never even noticed we're suddenly crumbling. Tell me how you've never felt, delicate or innocent. Do you still have doubts that us having faith makes any sense? Tell me nothing ever counts, lashing out or breaking down. Still somebody loses 'cause there's no way to turn around. Staring at your photograph everything now in the past. Never felt so lonely. I Wish that you could show me love./
These lovely words repeat in my ears as I think of... well... you should know who by now.
I haven't even spoken to him since the day he stormed out of my house.
He's probably very mad at me, I know, but I'm not sorry. When I walked out of his house, it was because I couldn't wait for him forever to decide who he wanted to be with. I'm still not sure why he walked out of my house, though.
He has no reason to be upset, does he?
He brought this all upon himself.
Yet, I can't help but feel sorry for him.
I can't help but want to hold him and apologize.
I've been missing those nights that I spent in his arms. What we would do before that, didn't matter as much as the time when we would lie awake together, holding each other and placing small kisses on the others lips or cheeks or eyes. When we did this, I would think that I had truly found love.
But as soon as we departed, I would feel alone again. I would feel insecure and nervous, afraid that maybe tonight would be the night he stopped asking me to come to him. The last night that he would ever come to see me.
I hate that feeling of loneliness.
Of helplessness.
And it was always his fault.
There is something that I keep doing and I really wish I wouldn't do it. I keep looking at the phone hanging on my wall. I keep checking my cellphone. I keep waiting for him to call me again. But his calls never come.
Sometimes I think that perhaps /I/ should call him... but would he answer? I'm not sure.
Damn it.
I guess I'll wait it out for another day... then I'll have to call him. I'll /have/ to.
I want to hear his voice.
I want my phone to ring, telling me that he's calling.
I want to hear him tell me he still cares about me.
