Chapter 5:

I followed Giles only to have him tell me that I didn't understand. Which is true I don't understand him. I wanted to understand him and live with him and love him and raise a family together, but that was wishful thinking on my part. I wrote him a letter and packed a bag. I missed the train to London, so here I sit at the inn in town waiting for the morning where I will get on the train to London and take a plane to Rome where I will meet Willow and stay with her until I get back on my feet.

I lay in bed, but I can't sleep, instead I cry for what I cannot have. I wanted a life with Giles and instead I get a life by myself. Then I realize I'm not alone I have my child, our child and I will raise them and love more than I was ever loved as a child growing up. After tossing and turning all night the alarm sounds and I wake up, pack what little of my bag I unpacked go down pay for the room turn in the keys and head towards the station.

I focus on my own thoughts and not what is going on around me. Which is when is literally walk right into Giles. He's carrying a bag and I know that he was trying to come after me. I try to get past him, but he quickly grabs my elbow and turns me to face him.

"You haven't gone yet?"

"I missed the train yesterday."

"Thank god."

"What are you doing here? I told you not to follow me."

"Buffy, I know that yesterday I walked away, but I needed to think, and to process everything. Please lets go talk somewhere and if you don't have to like what I've said I will drive you to London myself."

I see the pleading in his eyes. He has so much that he wants to say and to express to me, but he doesn't know how or where to start. I see the hope in his eyes and I also see the hurt. He's hurting thinking that he may have lost me, lost us. I give in and say yes cause it's the only thing that I can do right now in order not to break down and cry. He takes my bag and leads me back to the car where he places our bags in the trunk and opens the door for me. I get in and then watch as he walks around gets in and starts the car. I know where he is driving, he is taking me home.

Once there he again opens my door, walks me to the door where he opens it and allows me to enter before him. Even though I was here only yesterday, it still feels like I was gone a lot longer than that. I walk into the study and sit down on the couch it is my normal spot when we talk so I take me seat and wait for what is to come.

I watch as he paces the room for a while and every 5th rotation he takes his glasses off and wipes them with his hankerchif. He nervous and so am I but I don't want to be the first one to speak, even though it appears that I will have too. Well I might as well just go all in and lay it on the line, I don't have much left to loose except for well pretty much everything. So here goes nothing.

"I'm really enjoying this talk we're having. Glad to see that we are able to work through our differences and have an adult conversation."

"Why are you leaving?"

"I told you. I can't hurt you anymore and to stay would definitely be hurting you."

"And you think that leaving would be the way to not hurt me. I just found out that you are carrying my child. I'm sorry I was so distant yesterday, but there was a lot that I needed to process."

"Think of how I felt, I've had 3 months to try and process what happened in London. You got it easy you forgot about what happened. You remember bits and pieces while I remember every single detail of that night. The only part of that that even can be processed is how much love there was that night."

"Buffy I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Is that what you think, that you hurt me that night. That you forced yourself upon me because you were drunk." He looks at me and I see that is what he thinks. I walk over and take his hands in mine and force him to look at me. "There was no force of any kind, I wanted it to happen. I was so glad that it did. My only regret is that you forgot."

"I didn't forget."

"What?"

"I didn't forget."