Sorry for the late update, but I've made it up with a HUGE chapter. Just keep this in mind, Gaara is totally diffrent in Naruto II. Maybe not this diffrent, but he's changed. And if you don't like change, don't read it.
Disclaimer: Naruto not mine. Story & Nozomi mine.
Chapter 13
"Reality"
To be truthful, I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to take the chance. What if he was dead? Or if he never forgave me?
How would I live?
But I longed to hear his voice, to see his face. I've waited a year and I can't wait any longer. My body is trembling, from what, beats me. The walls surrounding Suna are large, larger than what I remember. And it's hotter, I'm almost sweating already. The sand around me felt as if it was itching to swallow me whole. I'm afraid and so I run towards the gates. I see a guard on his post twenty feet ahead, I run towards him. He turns and I see he's young. Though not as young as Gaara. His eyes are blue, what a pretty color. From his expression, I could see he was a nice guy. His face is expressionless but contempt. When I stop in front of him, he eyes the Suna headband on my neck and asks me,
"Who are you?"
I hesitate. Should I reveal my name? If Gaara still loathes me, would my name be on the wanted list?
'He tried to kill you.'
I felt a sting in my chest when the Hachimata reminded me of that. It still pained me, even though the physical wounds have healed long ago. They must all think I'm dead, I don't see the danger of revealing my name, unless everyone made a big deal about Gaara killing me. I answered this guard with the calmest expression I could muster.
"My name is Nozomi."
The guard stood silently; contemplating but eventually he gave way and opened the gates for me. The gates were majestic and prodigious. I lifted my head towards the sky to see them end. They almost touched the sky from where I was standing. As the gates revealed the city I had left a year ago, the sting in my chest deepened. I trudged along slowly, breathing in all the scents and memorizing all the sights. It was the same, but so very different. The people have changed and I was more aware of the world around me from combining my senses with the Hachimata's. But the city still stood and the people acted the same. It was around two in the afternoon and everyone was completing their Sunday shopping.
My stomach growled from hunger and I turned into a shop. I bought myself a simple sandwich and I sat on the sidewalk filling my stomach. When my physical needs were satisfied, I walked along the route towards Gaara's home, taking the long way. No one seemed to recognize me, which was extraordinarily good. Seeing a supposedly dead body walking along the streets would cause panic. That was the least I wanted to do.
I walked up to Gaara's home, feeling the pounding of my chest. The sting wasn't there anymore. I brought my hand up to the door, pausing with nervousness.
'If you wait this long, he might die.'
My demon has a wonderful sense of humor.
I knocked on the door softly at first, then harder. No one was answering. Maybe they were on a mission. In that case, I would come back later or tomorrow. I turned back and headed along the streets, I wasn't depressed about their absence. It gave me more time to reminisce. I passed by all the familiarity that I thought I'd forgotten. I kept my ears open for the whispers of the citizens about Gaara.
Strangely enough, no one spoke of him.
Twilight came and the sting awoke. I gripped my chest in an effort to calm the pain. It didn't help much though. I was going to try again. I walked back to their home and they weren't there again. The only person who would know of their location would be the Kazekage but that would be reckless. Would the Kazekage consider me a traitor for not staying in the village? It wasn't my fault anyway. I debated with myself while sitting on their porch. The few bystanders looked at me in a confused way. Was it strange to sit and think on a porch?
I decided that the Kazekage wouldn't be too upset. At least not enough to have me executed. I walked to his office and came upon the secretary, sitting at her desk. She was the same woman that had been here, sitting, a year ago. She smiled at me, not recognizing my face. Have I changed as well?
But in my subconsiousness, I was afraid of what I would find beyond that door. The dream that Itachi had given me left me with a scar. A scar of fear.
"Have you come here in search of the Kazekage?"
No, I came here to see Gaara. I couldn't care less about the Kazekage. A hidden anger had been released when that woman had spoken about the Kazekage. He was filthy, treating his own son that way.
I forced a smile on my face and replied, "Yes, I have."
She smiled back and I felt an urge to slit her neck. I calmed myself, breathing deeply. Ever since I had merged myself with the Hachimata, I had developed a split personality. There was me, and then there was a vengeful, violent me.
"Well I'm very sorry but the Kazekage is on a diplomatic trip right now."
I sighed, "When will he be back?"
The woman rummaged through her papers and diverted her attention back to me. "Tomorrow."
I smiled and left. It was likely that the Kazekage had taken his children along with him. I walked to a hotel with the sting more painful than ever.
Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow I'll know where Gaara is. I could wait one more day, right?
I slept restlessly, what a surprise.
Morning came slowly but at least it came. I slept around 2 hours, but that was more than enough for me. I would live. I walked out of the hotel and passed the gates on the way to the Kazekage's office. The guards were nervous, they wanted to make the greatest impression on the Kazekage. I scoffed and walked on. I could see the anxiousness in the city. From the whispers of the citizens, I knew they wanted to know whether the negotiation went well.
Everyone's afraid of war.
The people were walking in the opposite direction than me. They were headed towards the gates. I gave up and decided to follow them. What would I do waiting for the Kazekage anyway? I stepped into line as everyone waited on the sidewalks for the arrival of the most important person in the city. Finally, the gates were slowly opening and I saw him, a figure in white robes. He seemed…strangely shorter than what I remembered. Maybe he was shriveling into an old man. Whatever comes up must come down.
He smelled strange also. Not of decaying skin cells but a completely different scent altogether. I peered at him in curiosity. I could see his face, even though he was a good forty feet away. What I saw, made my heart stop. I trembled, unable to comprehend that the dream Itachi gave me came true.
I didn't see Gaara's father in the white robes. I saw two maelstrom eyes of teal.
Faced with the sudden reality, I fled. How did Itachi know Gaara was the Kazekage? When did Gaara become the Kazekage? Had he changed so drastically? Was he no longer the Gaara I knew? Would he have forgotten me? I sat in an alley with my face dug into my arms and knees. I was a coward.
'How long are you going to sit there afraid? You have to face him. Don't embarrass me.'
I knew he spoke the truth. I would have to face him sometime, if I ever was going to tell him about Itachi. I breathed slowly, gathering my courage. Would he be in his…office? Or his home? I stood on my feet and walked to the office, more afraid than I had ever been. The dream kept replaying in my mind. The sting grew more painful. I had relieve myself of this burden quickly, the pain was taking its toll. It was harder to breathe, harder to walk on.
I came upon the secretary walking away from the office. This was the first time I've seen her in public. She was clearly happy to have been relieved of her duties. Her long blonde hair flowed behind her as she walked home. I stopped her and asked about the Kazekage.
"Oh, he's home by now."
I thanked her and walked impatiently to his home. I came upon the door again, seeing the light through the windows. I was certain there was somebody here now. It felt as if I was standing there for an eternity. I was nervous and scared. But, with a trembling fist, I knocked softly.
"I'll get it!" I heard through the door.
I stood rigid as a girl around my age opened the door. She smiled, waiting for me to speak. My throat was tangled as I saw her long black hair reached to her mid-back. Her hair parted at an angle and she was tall than me but a good 3 inches…
"Excuse me, do you need anything?"
I snapped back from my alternate universe. I eyed her and she looked the slightest bit impatient. I better make this quick.
"I'm here to s-see…uh…see…"
She looked at me with clear disdain and muttered, "If you're here to see Kankuro, he has a girlfriend. Me."
The fear and anxiety melted away. I felt as if the last year didn't happen and I was back…home. My eyes lit up with familiarity and a happiness I hadn't felt in more than a year. I laughed. I was laughing and almost giggling as I thought of Kankuro with a girlfriend. The thought buzzed around my head in a quirky frenzy. I must have looked mentally unstable.
"What are you laughing at?!"
I made her angry. Controlling myself instantly, I apologized.
"I'm sorry. I'm not looking for Kankuro."
My eyes then diverted to another person who walked next to this girl and placed an arm around her, "What do you want?"
The girl answered him, not even bothering with me, "She says she's not here to see you but I'm suspicious."
Kankuro turned to me and eyed me strangely. As if he was remembering but denying it. I smiled genuinely and repeated the sentence from my dream.
"It's nice to see you again."
"What did you say your name was again?"
He seemed to recognize me.
"I'm…Nozomi."
Kankuro's face froze with surprise. He was debating this to be reality or fiction. I could sense that. His arm dropped from the girl's shoulders and he stepped closer to stare at my face. I stared at him back, into his eyes and I smiled. After I smiled, his barriers fell.
"Nozomi!" He cried out as he embraced me tightly.
I laughed again. He had changed. His face was sharper; he was taller and stronger. But he was still the Kankuro I remembered and he still remembered me. I was so relieved that his memories were intact, I couldn't help but lower my barriers as well. I embraced him back.
"Who is this Kankuro?"
The girl had an edge of jealousy in her voice but then Kankuro released be and turned to her, "She's an old friend."
The girl seemed relieved at this and smiled at me. I felt at home again. Kankuro dragged me by the hand inside. I sucked in the sights of familiarity all around me, nothing had changed. Kankuro ran to the kitchen, hiding me behind him.
Temari had changed a bit too. She was the same height but her face had matured. She seemed to grow into a motherly figure. She turned to her brother in a scowling face, maybe she hadn't changed so much.
"Guess who came back?"
I stepped from behind Kankuro and Temari eyed me, thinking.
Then she asked, "…No…zomi?"
I smiled and she dropped the food she was cooking. Her arms swept around me just as Kankuro's had. I was so happy to see them both. This was nothing like my dream. We pulled away and she held her hand to her mouth.
"I thought…We thought. Gaara had told us…oh Nozomi! You can't imagine what's happened! Gaara…he went back to how he was before. He was so angry."
My expression fell to a sad smile, "How is he?"
She smiled, "Why don't you go and see?"
"I-I'm afraid. Is he still angry at me?"
Temari gazed at me in understanding and she pushed me up the stairs. When I turned to plead with her, she smiled. Defeated, I turned back and walked up the stairs. This was it; I had to face my fear now. It was okay if he was angry, as long as he remembered me. I trudged up the steps, one by one. The floors creaked as I walked to the room where Gaara was. I had waited so long for this, I hope it doesn't go up in flames.
I held my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. I pushed the door noiselessly and slowly. What I saw through the open door wasn't familiar. This room had changed. There was a bed in the far corner, and stacks of papers around and filing cabinets. Then there was a desk with a figure in a plain black shirt and black pants sitting with his back facing me. There was the Kazekage's robe thrown on the bed. A symbol of power, of maturity, of change.
He had changed.
Gaara was doing paperwork, I could hear the pen scratching against paper.
My heart stopped beating when his voice entered my ears.
"I'm not hungry Temari. I have to finish this."
His tone had changed. It was softer, gentler. It was deeper too, had he changed this much without me there to witness it? What should I say? Clearly he hadn't heard the others downstairs, he would know I was here. My heart was flying with joy, the sting left all together. I had waited so long to hear his voice, to speak with him, to see him.
Despite my efforts to stay calm, my voice cracked, "Gaara?"
The scratching from the pen stopped abruptly. He turned to face me. His teal eyes bore into mine, his expression, surprise. He wasn't angry; he wasn't sad or upset. Even the crease in his forehead was gone.
Even I couldn't control myself. The tears began to pour down my face as I saw him. The memories of telling him how I felt about him filled me. They were true, I loved him. How could I have not come sooner? I had missed him.
His face was blank and we stood silently. I was letting the tears run down and he stood. He walked over to me slowly and asked, "Nozomi?"
I faced the floor, the tears blurring my vision. I wanted to control myself, I knew I shouldn't be pathetic or weak but I embraced him, crying. Just like the last time, he inhaled sharply.
I stood trembling, allowing myself to feel weak and vulnerable. Quickly, I released him and wiped my face clear, I didn't want him to see me this way. I looked up to him and saw his new face. Just as Kankuro, his face had sharpened but his eyes had softened.
Surprise overcame his face as he spoke, "I thought I…How? Where have you been?"
I smiled, I could leave Itachi's plan out till later.
"You almost…killed me. But this person saved me and they nursed me back to health. I would have come sooner but I…couldn't."
He face withdrew from all expression, "I'm glad."
Again, I couldn't stop myself from crying. He placed a hand on my shoulder and reassured me, "Don't cry."
I turned away from Gaara and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Then Kankuro came bursting in, "Let's celebrate!"
I laughed and then Kankuro's girlfriend and Temari came in. There were arguing about what to do tonight. This night, was surely one to celebrate. Kankuro decided we should go and buy alcohol but of course, Temari completely denied his suggestion. After a couple of arguments, Kankuro agreed to only go and buy some party food excluding his favorite brand of sake.
Once Kankuro left, Gaara turned to me and commented, "You've changed."
I smiled and shook my head, "No, you've changed."
Temari and Kankuro's girlfriend left Gaara and I alone. An awkward silence drifted between us. Gaara was the one who started the conversation.
"You don't have to stand."
He motioned towards his perfectly made bed and I sat on it while he sat on his chair.
"I regret what I did," he started.
I interrupted him before he began a morbid conversation, "It's okay. I'm fine."
I looked at him, in a happier expression and asked him, "Gaara…how did you become Kazekage?"
And he told me his tale. His father is dead. He was found dead in his office one early morning. The city was in chaos. A new leader had to be chosen. The city debated whether to choose the Kazekage's son who was deemed a monster or a weaker leader? The city, in the end, chose Gaara. My Gaara. They trusted him enough to choose him. I watched him as he spoke and I couldn't help but smile. He's matured and grown without me. He even leads a better life now, he did this all without my help. In a year, he's accomplished more than a whole city does in five years and what have I done? I moped everyday but I also trained. I became stronger, so I could defend Gaara. And now I could truly take that to heart. He was the Kazekage now and he needed protection. Instinctively, while he spoke, I reached around my neck and I held the pendant he gave to me.
Gaara paused and looked at my hand.
"You still have it?" He asked.
I looked at my hand, holding the beautiful piece of jewelry. I lifted my face towards his, "Of course."
He then pulled the other half of the gift he'd given me, the key that matched the keyhole in my heart pendant. My heart almost burst with joy, he was wearing it.
"Y-you're wearing it?!" said a little louder than I meant to.
"You don't want me to?" He asked, innocently.
"No, no. I meant to give it to you long ago. I just never…" I looked away, "had the courage."
Before he could comment on that, I added, "You really have changed. You're a completely different person."
"I've been through life changing events."
I didn't have any say in the blood rushing to my cheeks as he gazed at me.
"I'm really glad you're back," He whispered.
"So am I."
"I'm baaack!" Kankuro bellowed from downstairs. Quickly, Gaara and I ran downstairs. Kankuro and his unnamed girlfriend were lagging bags and bags of who-knows-what. Temari organized everything and placed all the food on the table for us to eat. I sat on one of the couches next to Gaara and Kankuro sat on the other in between of his girlfriend and Temari.
Feeling confident, I asked, "Excuse me but I never got your name…"
The girl smiled and replied, "My name is Ryo."
I had more fun than I'd ever have before. Everyone was eating and laughing and talking, admiring my presence. But in a little corner of my mind, I was afraid that I'd wake up. I was afraid that Itachi was watching me sleep and laughing at my pathetic desires. I didn't want this to end. There was never any way to prove whether this was reality or Itachi was messing with my mind. I prayed, I begged that this was real. If this was just another dream, I don't think I'd have the heart to ever walk out into the sunlight again.
"What's wrong Nozomi?" Gaara asked.
He was so different. Was he really there? Was this really him? I must have had a sad expression because the rest turn towards me as well, worry plastered on their faces.
"Nothing's wrong! Really, I'm really glad to see you all again," I plastered a big fake smile on, "I'm just really surprised. I'm not used to all this commotion."
The others accepted my excuse and continued on.
After a few hours, Temari took me up to my room and I contained my surprise that they had left my room exactly as it was. Nothing had changed, they had taken care of all my possessions.
I turned to Temari, "Thank you so much. This was really too much. How did you know I was going to come back?"
She frowned, "We didn't."
I turned my back towards her and opened my drawers, they contained that dress I wore for my birthday long ago. Temari left me to shower and change into fresh clothes that she lent me. After I changed, I bent down and rummaged through the pockets of my dirty clothes. I pulled out all the kunai and shuriken I had on me all day. I always had them handy but I didn't feel the need for them any longer. I placed them in a drawer and closed it.
I looked out the window and wondered if Gaara still didn't sleep. He couldn't have changed that much. I decided to figure out for myself and I climbed up to the roof effortlessly. The blowing wind felt good on my face and I walked towards the long figure, surprisingly Gaara didn't have his gourd the whole time I've seen him today. I walked along and sat next to him. His interest captured by the moon, his gaze, he looked as if he hadn't changed at all.
"Nozomi, where were you?" He asked, emotionless.
I stared at him, he didn't even look at me.
"I was with…someone named Itachi. He took very good care of me. I owe him so much. He also trained me, so that I could become strong, his strength…was extraordinary."
"I've been thinking a lot about the last thing you said to me, a year ago."
I looked away, towards the ground below.
He continued, "And I decided, that I would never let anything horrible happen to you again. My father, before he died, told me what he had said to you."
I felt relieved, I wasn't ready to be heartbroken again so quickly.
He turned to me and I faced him, his cold eyes had en edge of warmth, of feeling. I felt exposed when he stared at me, that much hadn't changed.
"Where would you like to go tomorrow?"
The beating of my heart drowned out my thinking this had to be a dream.
"I-I don't know. Anywhere is fine." I answered nervously.
He seemed contempt with my answer but started a different subject, "Have you been out of control lately?"
I knew exactly what he meant. Of course, he was the Kazekage. He couldn't have a monster walking around the streets murdering others.
"Itachi, he taught me to control the demon. You could say we even get along. I've never had an outburst that wasn't under my control since I left Suna."
"Under your control?" He asked.
"I can allow some of the Hachimata's chakra blend with mine, for fighting."
I allowed my eyes to divert their attention to the chain around his neck. I wonder how long he's been wearing it? Deep in my heart, I wondered how he felt about me. I couldn't get my hopes up, but what damage could a little wishful thinking cause?
"So what was thins Itachi like?" He asked.
"He was kind but strict and he didn't…approve of my arrival here. He tried to stop me but I ran away."
"Will he come for you?"
"No, I hope not. I told him that I cared for you…too deeply to stay away. I had to know how you were doing even if you still hated me."
"I'm not angry anymore. I understand now. I missed you Nozomi."
I missed you too. I missed you so much. I couldn't stop my tears for weeks, I couldn't smile anymore. I want to tell you those words that I had the courage for a year back but I can't now. I couldn't possibly except you to harbor the same feelings for me. You have more responsibilities, I can't drag you down.
"I-I missed you too." I coughed out, holding back my pathetic tears.
He then turned to me, seriously, "Don't take me for a fool. I know what you're thinking."
I tried too hard, a tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away.
"I care for you too."
I bit my tongue so hard, I bled. I felt the pain, the taste of the salty, metallic, crimson liquid. This was reality.
