Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I own this story.
Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Anyway, something has come up. Someone PMed me to let me know that my other Gaara story, "The Soul That Found It's Missing Piece," was being posted on without my knowing or any credit. If you want to join me in sending hate mail this is the perpetrator's user name, sweetdreams91.
Chapter 14
"Courage"
I really shouldn't expect so much from life. I'd be hurt from the disappointment. But it made me happy, to hope. I could lift my head and face another day, with hope. But hope was the thing that would shatter my universe and destroy me. Of course I couldn't have complete and perfect happiness. This wasn't a dream, after all. This was reality and in reality, nothing was ever happily ever after. I shouldn't expect this to be any different.
I woke up with fear again. I was afraid Itachi would come and kill Gaara. I've already warned Itachi that I would despise him if he did but when did Itachi listen to me? When did he ever consider my opinions? Never. I awoke with sweat, it was cold on my skin. I think I was screaming because my throat hurt and I heard footsteps in the hallway. My door opens while I'm breathing heavily, catching my breath. Gaara rushes over to me, "Are you alright?"
I nod my head and hold my throat. I must have been screaming.
Other than that, the morning was as cheerful as could be. The day was gorgeous, it was windy and sunny. But nonetheless, I wasn't happy. Itachi's face always haunted me whenever I closed my eyes. It was disturbing. "What's the matter?" They all asked. But I shook them off and reassured them that I was fine. I think I'm getting better at this lying thing.
I slowly ate the breakfast that Temari had joyously prepared for me when Gaara walks down the stairs. Instinctively, my eyes dart towards him and I stop eating. He is wearing his Kazekage robes, and he looks like a leader. He seemed so different, I almost can't accept him. But I do, because I love him. Still, he stuns me with his appearance. Gaara walked up to me and tells me that he needs to go to the office but when he returns, he'll take me around the city. I smile, on cue but he sees through it. I almost snap in half of sadness when Gaara returns to the sad gaze that he wore a year ago. I couldn't bring myself to say anything much less comfort him. So, he leaves and I stare after him.
Kankuro and his girlfriend are off somewhere and Temari insists that I accompany her to buy the groceries. I thank her but I suggest that I've wanted to look around. I hadn't been here for awhile. She looks at me in a concerned glare but eventually gives up. I'm glad she did. I can't shrug off the fear, the regret, the remorse. I have to tell him. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't warn him. But I didn't want Gaara to be taken away from me again. I was afraid that once I tell him, he'd go away. And I dreaded that possibility.
Eventually, I showered and changed. The walls were familiar, in a painful way. I thought about what Gaara told me yesterday. "I care for you too." His sweet caring voice echoed in my mind and I already longed for him. I convinced myself that for his arrival, I should at least greet him with a sincere smile. I had a lot of things to be gleeful about. I had returned home with the family I knew and here I was, depressed. No, I wanted to smile for Gaara. So I spent the rest of the afternoon rearranging my room.
It's about two in the afternoon and I hear the door open. I race down the stairs and Gaara walks in. I smile for him, as I promised myself, and this time it was sincere. He smiles back at me, his face almost alien and unfamiliar. I walk up to him and embrace him. He doesn't gasp like before but he stands still for a moment and lightly embraces me back. Of course, my heart is thumping with worry and happiness at the same time, it's quite confusing. I smell the scent of his skin. A sweet, tangent scent. I release him and he stares back at me.
"I promised you that I would take you around today. Where would you like to go?" He asks.
Of course, I haven't the slightest clue what to say. So I grin nervously, "Truthfully, I don't know."
His eyes glint and I'm nervous. Back then, I was always nervous around him. That was his ability, he had this sense of control over me. My heart was thumping happily and I was going to turn when he grabbed my wrist. I lifted my head to face him. His expression was one that he'd never worn before. I couldn't pinpoint it since it looked so strange.
This was Gaara now. The side of his mouth curved upwards and he closed the door. That was when I noticed, there were people staring at me from the street. They looked surprised. Then I swelled with pride. That's right, Gaara cared for me. The grip on my wrist was warm and gentle. Then he dragged up upstairs.
"G-gaara! Where are you taking me?" I laughed.
He headed towards his room and he closed the door behind me. He dug into his closet like a child searching for Christmas present. I could only stand and smile. Then he fond a small box and he handed it to me.
"What is this?" I asked.
He still had his crooked smile on when he said, "It's for you. Open it."
I couldn't stop the heat rise in my ears and cheeks when I blurted out, "Alright."
I walked over to his bed and sat down with the gift on my lap. I glanced at him and he was waiting patiently. I lifted the white lid and inhaled a breath that sounded like a squeak. I lifted the teal dress that was in the box…the same strapless, gorgeous dress that I had worn on my birthday that I had celebrated with Gaara, Temari and Kankuro. Tears pooled around the edges of my eyes and I placed the box and dress on Gaara's bed. Then I jumped up and threw myself into Gaara.
He had kept it, he had kept a memory of my in his room. I felt him stagger back as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my back.
I could barely cry out, "Thank you. Thank you so much! I can't believe you kept it! I…"
Should I say it? I bit my lip and stopped blabbing. I released him but I still had my arms around his neck.
"Thank you so much," and I kissed him on the cheek. If you could that a kiss anyway. I only softly brushed my lips against his cheek, giving him the lightest kiss imaginable. Then I released him and ran over to pick up the dress once more. I held it against my body and asked, "Do you think it still fits?"
I faced him to hear his answer but his face was frozen into a surprised expression. He snapped out of his reverie and answered, "Of course." Delighted, I retreated back to my room to shower again and change. I decided to fix myself so that I'd look my best. At 4:00, I was done. I came out and walked towards Gaara's room. His door was closed but I opened it slowly and saw him at his desk with his back to me. Instead of the robes, he had a on a long-sleeved red shirt with black pants. I crept over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Immediately, he turned and gazed at me.
He had the same look as the last time I wore this dress. He stood and said, "Let's go."
As I climbed down the stairs, I spotted Kankuro and Temari on the couch. Their eyes went to me and Temari stood.
"Beautiful," She whispered.
"Whoa," Kankuro said.
I smiled and walked over to them with Gaara behind me.
"We're going out," was all he said as he went to open the door.
Of course, Temari and Kankuro couldn't pass up on the opportunity to tease him.
"Make sure to bring her back with some chastity left," hollered Kankuro.
I blushed and shook my head while I walked out the door.
"Are you hungry?" Gaara asked. I hadn't eaten so we left in the direction of the restaurants. We stopped by a fancy place and sat down to eat. Of course all the waiters were almost running to make sure the food was placed in front of the Kazekage in record breaking time. While we ate, I couldn't help but glance at the boy that was sitting in front of me.
After we finished, Gaara led me out and we walked in the already dark streets. The sun had set only a while ago. There weren't many pedestrians on the streets and I walked alongside of Gaara, having no idea where we were heading. Our arms brushed each other's as we walked and I bit down on my lip as I gathered up the courage to find his hand and hold it. The heat on my face was almost as hot as the heat of the sun.
Fool! I shouldn't push him on like this. This is too bold. And I need to stop with the blushing! What am I? A 7 year old on a date?
As I held his hand, he in turn, gripped mine. I could have fainted but I didn't want to waste my time with Gaara. We walked on in silence. Once we reached the house, instead of opening the door, Gaara turned to me.
"Will you watch the moon with me?"
I smiled, "Of course."
So we climbed onto the roof and faced the moon. We sat next to each other and I began to fiddle with my necklace.
"You really like it that much?" He asked.
Without facing him, I closed my eyes and almost whispered, "Yes."
And then it all happened so quickly. I faced Gaara and laid my head on his shoulder. Then I knew I had to. I had to tell him. My gut was full of fluttering butterflies and I had to tell him. I just hoped that after I said this, it wouldn't end horribly as it had last time.
"Gaara…I…"
I lifted my head and he turned to me. I estimated that there was a foot between us, only twelve inches of space. And the Hachimata, who had been so quiet, informed me of my nightmare and now I had to say it.
"I love you."
I said it without enthusiasm, without remorse, without stuttering.
He looked at me and nodded, because he had known all along. And as I closed the gap between us, I knew that this peaceful time was going to end. As I was so close that I instinctively closed my eyes and I could smell him and feel his breath on me, I knew I should be panicking. This was not a time to fool around. This was not a time to be selfish. But I couldn't help it.
I wanted to be selfish for just one night. One more minute because I may not ever get this chance again. And so, when our lips met and I felt his heat and I heard the humming in my ears, I didn't feel guilty.
As he kissed me back and my heart pounded and the blood coursed through my veins, I was not nervous. I knew I had only one more thing to do. As I enjoyed this moment, a new courage flared inside of me. As much as I wanted more, our lips parted but I did not smile. I couldn't smile even if my eyes were shining and so were his.
And the Hachimata whispered it in my mind again, agitated. Even he felt uncomfortable.
"Itachi and his troupe are approaching."
