Chapter 13: If We Were A Movie
Hidan sighs as he collapses on the couch next to Kakuzu.
"I need to stop doing nails, I think I'm turning into a girl." he looks down at himself as if expecting to sprout breasts.
Kakuzu just laughs at him. Suddenly Yamada's voice comes on over the loudspeakers. He sounds practically giddy as he announces,
"Will Hidan and Kakuzu please report to my office. Now."
Kakuzu and Hidan glance at each questioningly.
"What does he want?" Zetzu asks.
Hidan shrugs. "Who the hell knows. We should prolly go though. Who knows what he'll make us do if we're late."
As they walk towards the office Hidan stretches and says,
"I bet this has something to do with that fucked up porno website Yamada is all nuts about."
Kakuzu looks thoughtful then says, "Have I ever mentioned what an absolutely genius idea the Kure-Ji-Kira website is? The income he gets every minute is astounding. I'm surprised he isn't rich. He probably blows it on scientific equipment and such. Still, he's a lucky bastard."
"You like being watched 24 7 and having people around the country see you, you know, fuck?" Hidan asks.
"No, not me personally. But if I had the chance to start a business like this where I was in charge, I wouldn't hesitate to take it. It's brilliant. There is so much money to be made on the internet."
He seems to forget Hidan is even there as dollar bill signs flash in front of his eyes. Hidan glances at him warily then mutters, "Whatever," before walking into Yamada's unnaturally dark office.
Their prison leader is standing but he motions for them to take a seat and smiles widely saying,
"Congratulations!" he turns his laptop around and shows a screenful of stats that Hidan stares at confusedly but Kakuzu seems to understand right away. He glares at the screen then up at Yamada who ignores it and exclaims,
"You two are my best selling products! Everyone wants to know what's happening with Hidan and Kakuzu! You won a one night, free stay in the red room!"
Hidan interrupts. "Whadda ya mean free? I thought it already was free?"
"No." Kakuzu answers, "It cost for all the rooms. Red, black and white."
Hidan takes a moment then nods. "I get it. That's why we haven't gone back to the black room yet. Cheapskate."
Kakuzu smirks. He then stands up and asks,
"Is that all? Can we go?"
Yamada's smile seems to get slicker as he answers, "Kind of. You may leave Kakuzu but I need to give Hidan here an extra gift for his accomplishments."
Kakuzu's eyes narrow but Hidan doesn't notice anything strange as he is playing with the little kinetic balls on Yamada's desk. Yamada waves as Kakuzu walks out the door giving his superior a warning glance.
Suddenly Hidan realizes he was left alone with Yamada and his eyes widen. He stands up nervously and acts to follow Kakuzu out of the room but Yamada stops him.
"Wait Hidan. I just need to give you one little injection."
"Of what!?" Hidan asks, his voice rising a few levels in pitch.
Yamada pulls out a very long, large needle and Hidan eyes it warily as Yamada mutters,
"Nothing really, you don't really have to worry about it. It won't do anything to you that you will notice."
Hidan still backs into the corner and closes his eyes as Yamada pokes the tip of the needle into his exposed upper stomach. The liquid is cold when it enters his body and Hidan shivers.
Yamada's face is pure delight as he gazes at the liquid draining from the needle into Hidan. When all of it is gone he pulls it out and slap Hidan on the ass saying,
"Alright. We're all done! Now go and enjoy the red room you little lovebirds."
Hidan stares at Yamada like he is insane as he walks toward the door rubbing his stomach. He always knew Yamada was weird but the guy just seemed to keep getting stranger.
Hidan shakes his creepy thoughts from his mind as he walks toward the red room. He steps inside and the door slams and locks after him. In an instant Kakuzu is standing in front of him looking him over like he had just got back from a foreign, disease ridden country.
"What did he do?" he asks harshly.
"He gave me a shot." Hidan answers. "It smarts." he rubs his stomach and Kakuzu grabs his hand away.
"Here?" he asks and rubs the sensitive area on Hidan's stomach.
"Hey! Yeah!" Hidan growls.
Kakuzu's emerald eyes continues to stare at him nervously but after a while Hidan just ignores him and glances around the room.
He hadn't really been able to appreciate it the last time they were here. His eyes widen as he notices the heart shaped hot tub in the corner of the room. He runs over to it then smiles as he turns to Kakuzu and says,
"Let's get in!"
Kakuzu just stares at him blankly and asks, "Are you sure he didn't do anything else to you?"
"I'm perfectly fine! Damn, lighten up Kakuzu, have some fun!" Hidan growls back. He then gets an idea and smirks making Kakuzu raise an eyebrow. He slowly reaches down and unzips his jumpsuit. He begins sliding one sleeve off his arm sensually.
Kakuzu sees what he is trying to do ad he smirks. He starts to move towards Hidan as the Jashinist licks his lips temptingly when suddenly-
"What's up suckers!?"
Everyone in Akatsuki suddenly busts in the room. First off is Kisame who yelled upon their arrival. He is followed by a smiling Deidara who is dragging a scowling Itachi by the hand into the room. Sasori has a smirk on his face as he walks in calmly. Tobi jumps inside excitedly while Zetzu makes a face when he sees all the red and frillyness inside the room. Last is Konan and Pain who look cheerful but reserved.
Hidan's face goes bright red and he quickly zips up his jumpsuit before anyone could notice. Kakuzu scowls then when he sees the adorable flush painting Hidan's face he growls,
"What are you guys doing here?"
"Chillax Kakuzu. We just thought instead of having some boring old sex we could use the red room to have a house party." Konan answers.
The scowls doesn't fade from his face as he asks, "How'd you get in? I doubt Yamada let you in."
"Nicked the key, un." Deidara says before going over the bar and opening the red fridge.
"You did?" Hidan asks Deidara.
He smiles back. "No, You'll never guess who did, yeah!"
"Who?" Hidan and Kakuzu ask in unison.
"Tobi!" half of them answer at the same time. Everyone turns to face Tobi, staring at him curiously. He waves and laughs nervously. Zetzu chuckles then says,
"Who knew he even had it in him to commit a crime."
Tobi gasps. "Stealing is a crime!?!? No! Tobi is a good boy! He has to go apologize!"
Everyone laughs except for Kakuzu who was contemplating strangling Tobi for depriving him of Hidan for the night. He quickly forgets about it when Pain puts on some music and Hidan starts grinding on him along with the music.
He even laughs the hardest when Deidara, Itachi, Tobi, and Hidan put together organized dances to the songs. Hidan hits Tobi across the back of his head when the childlike man messes up their interpretation of Hare Hare Yukai.
Even Itachi cracks a small smile at this. When he does this it seems as if everyone in the room lightens up and it becomes a real party. At around midnight all the alcohol is gone and mostly everyone is sufficiently hammered. Someone decides to yell out,
"Hey! We should play truth or dare!"
The people who were beginning to get bored perk up instantly and everyone forms a circle. Itachi sighs as he sits next to Konan and Kisame.
"Truth or dare is boring, everyone always cheats," he says. Then his eyes seem to twinkle and he smirks. "We should play double dare or triple truth."
"How do you play that?" Leader-sama asks cautiously.
"You can't back out or lie. Also, you don't get to choose whether you get truth or dare, the person who is making you do it decides."
"That sounds dangerous... We're in!" Zetzu smiles.
Everyone else agree that this version will be more fun and they also decide to play. They are about to start when Itachi interrupts again,
"Wait, before we start we have to decide our 'no zones'."
"What're those?" Kakuzu asks.
"It's like, no one can ask why I killed my family. You get one thing that people can't ask you about." The grim Uchiha explains.
"Ok," Kakuzu says. "Nothing happens to my money."
"No one ask about my feelings." Hidan says, making a disgusted face at 'feelings'.
Deidara nods then says sharply. "No one make me do anything with anyone besides Danna, yeah!"
Sasori smiles slightly then looks thoughtful for a moment.
"Don't ask me how my puppet body works."
"Damn..." Deidara mutters to himself.
Kisame sighs. "Don't make me do embarrassing shark related things..."
Everyone else laughs and he just looks grumpy until Zetzu says, "Don't ask me what I see in Tobi."
Everyone nods though they don't truly understand then they turn to Tobi. They all notice that he is sitting uncharacteristically still and then he speaks in a very serious, dark voice,
"Do not try and make me take off this mask."
The room is silent for a moment as everyone except Zetzu stare at Tobi in shock. After a minute though, he claps his hands and says,
"Tobi is a good boy! Who's next?"
Konan looks down softly then mutters, "Don't ask how I met Pain..."
Pain looks at her sadly then scowls, trying to decide what he should make off limits. He decides.
"Don't ask me about my piercings."
They all nod then Kisame claps his hands and announces,
"Is that everyone? Good, I want to go first."
He turns to Itachi and the Uchiha scowls playfully, fully not expecting Kisame's question.
"Why didn't you kill your brother?"
The temperature of the room seems to drop 15 degrees. Itachi's entire face darkens and the glare he sends at Kisame would make most grown men cry. Kisame, who knew the reaction he would get remains strong and he stares at Itachi with an equally strong glare.
"You already know why." Itachi hisses at him.
"That just means I'll know if you lie." Kisame answers. Then his face lightens and he looks concerned. "You need to say it out loud, Itachi. Please."
A clear look of panic embeds itself on Itachi face. He glances around him nervously then up at the ceiling where he knows there are camera's hiding. He gulps and wraps his arms around his his knees, pulling them to his chest.
Suddenly he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. He looks over at Konan who is smiling at him. She reaches down and holds Itachi's hand in hers, giving it an encouraging squeeze.
"It's ok Itachi... you can tell us." Sasori says.
"Yeah, don't be a pussy." Hidan smirks.
Itachi can't help but feel a little better. He inhales deeply then stands up. He turns toward the other wall and everyone starts calling out encouragements to him.
"You can do it!"
"We won't make fun of you!"
"It's the rules! No lying!"
Itachi suddenly breaks down. He spins around and screams,
"I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!"
He collapses on the ground as a cold silence flows through the room. Kisame rushes over to his uke and holds him up, stroking his hair and telling him it'll be ok. Everyone knows not to speak, Itachi isn't finished yet.
"I- I know it's disgusting but... I can't help it. He always looked up to me and he is so cute. He was so innocent. And I took his innocence away from him, I made his life a curse. I was supposed to kill him but- I just couldn't do it!"
He looks up, no tears falling from his eyes despite the emotions pouring out of his entire body. He stares blankly at them then he mutters,
"I disgust you, don't I? It's incest, I know it is. It's gross. Besides... I know I can never have him. He's my brother. I just want him to be happy. My brother..."
"You're not disgusting..." Sasori mutters.
Itachi stares at him, so does everyone else. He looks up, his face still emotionless.
"I turned my parent's into puppets. I accidentally murdered them, then I- I turned their bodies into puppets that I could control to make them seem alive. It was an illusion... but I wanted them to be a alive so badly... You have nothing to be ashamed of..."
"I sold my mother into slavery for $12." Kakuzu says suddenly. Everyone turns to him.
"Kakuzu!" Hidan yells. "What the fuck!?"
Kakuzu waves at him. "She was a bitch anyways..."
"You wouldn't sell me, would you!?" Hidan asks.
Kakuzu raises an eyebrow. "Depends on the price."
"Y- you bastard! What the fuck!?"
Kakuzu just laughs and so does everyone else. Konan grabs a hold of Itachi's hand again and smiles kindly.
"We don't think any differently of you, Itachi. In fact you probably fit in even more with this lot." she jerks her head towards Hidan and Kakuzu who are rolling on the floor wrestling as the others cheer them on.
Itachi looks up with wide eyes then he shakes his head and sits up. His face goes back to it's blank look but he continues holding onto both Kisame's and Konan's hands.
"Isn't it my turn now?" he asks.
Hidan and Kakuzu stop fighting and the others straighten back into a circle. Itachi smirks and glances at Hidan.
"Is it just my imagination, or did you call me a pussy earlier?"
Hidan eyes widen and he shifts his position, looking nervous.
"I dare Hidan to give Kakuzu a lap dance!"
"EHHHH!? Hidan growls.
Itachi winks at Kakuzu who smiles back thankfully. Deidara and Zetzu pester Hidan as he blushes and try's to get out of it.
"You have to do it." Itachi says firmly. Deidara gets up suddenly and drags the chair over to their circle. Kakuzu sits in it then fixes Hidan with a smoldering gaze. Hidan glares at Deidara but stands up shakily.
He starts to dance around Kakuzu while blushing madly. The others try to stifle their laughter. Even though he was embarrassed, Kakuzu had to admit he still looked hot. Kakuzu's smirk is wide as he reaches out to grab Hidan's ass. Hidan smacks his hand and glares at him. Kakuzu's eyes narrow dangerously and Hidan gulps.
"This is the worst lap dance I've ever had. I definitely don't think you're getting paid."
He reaches out and grabs Hidan's jumpsuit. Hidan yelps as Kakuzu pulls him onto his lap so Hidan is straddling him. He smirks as he commands,
"Dance..."
Hidan's face is bright red but he starts moving his hips. He try's to ignore the others who are rolling around on the floor laughing like there's no tomorrow. Deidara and Zetzu were holding each with tears rolling down their faces they were laughing so hard.
Itachi was smiling and seemed to enjoy the punishment he had thought up for Hidan. Even though he didn't really resent Hidan for calling him a pussy. He probably needed it. When Hidan finally looses his restraint and yells,
"Am I done yet!?"
Itachi smirks and nods saying, "Yeah, I guess. And now it's your turn. You can't choose me."
Hidan face falls but his gaze finds Deidara easily and he remembers that the bomber had been kind enough to bring the chair for Kakuzu to sit in. Deidara's eyes widen and it is Hidan turn to smirk.
"I dare Konan to give Deidara a makeover!"
Deidara exclaims, "Can he do that, un!?"
Itachi is laughing as he nods. Konan smiles and drags a screaming Deidara to the bathroom. She closes the door but then opens it and says,
"Since it's my turn next I'm just gonna go now." She looks at Kakuzu and says, "Kakuzu, I dare you to sew Deidara a dress out of the bed sheets."
Kakuzu is taken aback. "What makes you think I can sew?"
She just raises an eyebrow at him and he sighs. "Fine, fine..."
She smiles and goes back in the bathroom and closes the door. Kakuzu grabs the sheet and pulls a sewing kit out of his back pocket. Hidan's mouth falls open.
"You can sew? What a loser! Damn, can you make tea too, Mrs. Kuzu!?"
Kakuzu just smacks him across the back of his head and bites off a bit of string as he says,
"My family made me work in a tailoring factory starting when I was three. They said I had to earn my keep. It's a useful skill. So, shut up, dumb-ass."
While he is working he realizes it is now his turn and he glances at Sasori. After a minute he smiles and asks,
"Truth. Have you ever been an uke, Sasori?"
Sasori makes a face and answers, "Yes. Orochimaru, remember. Ick."
Everyone laughs then Sasori turns to Tobi and asks,
"Is Tobi your real name?"
They are quiet as they wait to see what Tobi's reaction will be. After a minute he waves his hand and says,
"Naw."
Everyone waits for more but soon realize there is no more to come and Itachi says,
"Tobi... you have to pick someone now."
"Oh!" Tobi says. "Tobi is a good boy! I pick Zetzu-chan!"
Before he can ask his question, though, Konan pokes her head out and calls to Kakuzu.
"How's that dress coming?"
He tosses it to her and says, "It's done. Just in time."
She smiles and says, "Good! Now all I have to do it make him put it on." She closes the door and Tobi says,
"How come Zetzu didn't want anyone to ask why he likes Tobi?"
Zetzu shrugs. "It's embarrassing. I'll tell you later."
Everyone looks at Itachi who shrugs and says, "He did answer the question..."
"Just Leader-sama now." Kisame says and glances at Zetzu who looks thoughtful when coming up with a question. Finally he asks,
"How did you meet Yamada?"
Pain rolls his eyes. "Mutual friend. Orochimaru. They were a lot closer then I ever was to either of them. He just lets me have special privileges because I kind of keep control of the other prisoners here."
Everyone nods at the perfectly acceptable answer. Suddenly there is a loud crash and the bathroom door bursts open. Konan pushes a scowling, makeup covered, dress wearing Deidara out of the small room.
Everyone is silent as they stare at Deidara. Then finally Hidan bursts out laughing as he says,
"Dude! I thought you looked like a fucking chick before! That's just scary!"
Konan had taken his hair down from the ponytail and let it flow down his back. She had put the perfect amount of shimmering pink lipgloss on his mouth and had made his eyes pop even more by adding black eyeliner and eyeshadow. If his face weren't enough, Deidara's exposed skin was perfectly smooth and curved in just the right places. The dress Kakuzu had made was a form fitting ball gown that was cut so it showed off the legs, back, and hips.
"You really made that?" Hidan asks Kakuzu. Kakuzu just looks down at him and smirks.
Deidara was blushing so much there wasn't very much need for the blush Konan had put on. He was glaring at her intensely until Sasori stands up out of the blue. Everyone turns to him.
His red bangs cover his eyes and he doesn't say anything as he walks towards Deidara. He grabs Deidara possessively by the wrist and yanks him into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them. It only takes a minute for Deidara's screams of,
"DANNA! YES, HARDER, UN! YEAH!" to make everyone in the room a little awkward. Leader-sama clears his throat and mutters,
"Who wants to get in the hot tub?"
Everyone agrees instantly and they pile in. No one finds it odd that Konan could sit in a hot tub, completely naked, surrounded by seven high class, male criminals and none of them would touch her. Everyone simply acted as if it was completely normal.
Each time Deidara's screams got louder, Konan's smile got wider, as if she was extremely excited that she was the one who had dolled Deidara up to make them have that sex. Hidan glances at her then asks,
"So how does it feel to be the worlds greatest faghag?"
She turns her smile to him and answers, "Great!"
Everyone laughs and Kakuzu turns up the music to drown out Deidara's voice.
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Yamada sits in his office with his mouth hanging open. He could not believe what had just happened.
He spent all this time and effort for nothing. NOTHING!
He had injected Hidan and even set them up in the red room and then their idiot friends had to come in and ruin it. He hadn't panicked then, he figured they might still do it, even if the others were there. They hadn't.
Now the warm water of the hot tub was relaxing them and making them tired. He was sure the others would stay the night in the room, giving Hidan and Kakuzu zero alone time.
Yamada sighs and pulls out his phone. He dials 2 on speed dial and it picks up almost immediately.
"Seiji?"
"Orochimaru?" Yamada begins in a tense voice. "How long does the chemical last once injected, if not activated?"
"One week..." Orochimaru answers slowly.
Yamada breathes out. "Good. Thank you."
"Is everything ok, Seiji?"
"It'll be fine, I'l make sure of it." Yamada says then he closes the phone, hanging up.
One week... yes, that should be good. There is no good reason for them not to do it.
He nods. This was going to work. Besides... their little game of truth or dare had been very illuminating...
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Whoo! What a bloody great chapter, eh? Well, I liked it... XD
You should um... REVIEW... and tell me if you liked. I mean, i've had enough people alert this story, you guys should at least review too....
please?
KeikoPanda102 will give you cookies... ^_^
