Chapter 18: Bad Boy
Kakuzu pauses from reading his book to glance at a fidgeting Hidan. HIdan himself doesn't notice his glance and just continues his annoyed movements and angry glares. His eyes fall down to his protruding stomach and he makes a disgusted face. He jerks his head up and stares around the room as if looking for something. The wide pink orbs narrow in a twisted smile when they rest on another prisoner who is sitting across the room sipping something out of a metal flask.
"Don't even think about it." Kakuzu growls in a low tone.
Hidan shoots a glare at him and replies, "One sip won't hurt!"
"Three words. FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME."
"So? The baby'll die. No big deal." Hidan shrugs.
"Wrong." Kakuzu says sternly. "The baby won't die. It'll be born with a birth defect. It's chances of having a functioning brain are already slim enough with having you as it's mother. No drugs, or alcohol. That's final."
Hidan groans and slumps back in his chair. He glares at his stomach and mutters, "You better fuckin' be worth it." Then he looks up and says loudly,
"Kakuzu! I'm hungry. Get me food!"
Kakuzu doesn't even look up from his book as he reply's, "Get it yourself."
Hidan fumes.
"Jackass!" he yells as he walks to the snack bar.
When he returns Kakuzu doesn't look up from his book. Hidan glares at him then Kakuzu says flatly,
"We're getting married tomorrow."
Hidan stops licking the popsicle he had just gotten and stares at Kakuzu blankly.
"Fine." he says after a minute.
"Hm," Kakuzu mutters as he turns the page of his book. "That's it? No, 'JASHIN FUCKING DAMMIT NO WAY WAY IN HELL AM I MARRYING YOU BASTARD,' or something like that?"
Hidan smirks.
"I'm saving that for the vows."
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"Why are we getting married again?" Hidan asks only moments before they have to walk in front of all their friends to make a lifelong commitment to each other.
"You love me, remember." Kakuzu smirks.
"Pfft! Yeah right." Hidan replies as he smoothes back his hair in a mirror.
Suddenly Kakuzu grabs Hidan around the waist. He pulls the shorter man to him and presses his lips against a warm, slightly surprised mouth. Hidan closes his eyes and leans into the kiss. They share each others warmth for a few moments before Kakuzu places a hand on Hidan's protruding stomach and pushes him away.
"This is why." he says as he rubs the unborn child inside Hidan. Hidan pushes away from him and rolls his eyes.
"That's the only reason? Let's just get rid of it then we won't have to deal with any of this shit."
Kakuzu frowns. "Believe it or not moron, I want this kid now. So stop trying to kill it, or I might kill you. Also, I just meant that this wasn't the way I wanted to be married. If you tried using your brain for half a second you might remember that I asked you to marry me before Yamada ever injected you. I had a plan where we would escape from here then get married but obviously the plan had to be altered when you got pregnant. We're getting married now."
Kakuzu is about to walk out of the small room they are in but Hidan halts and goes,
"Stop! I just thought of something!"
"What now?" Kakuzu asks, annoyed.
"How the fuck are we getting married!? We're both guys! I don't care if I'm preggers I still got a dick!"
"We're in Massachusetts."
Hidan is silent after Kakuzu states this information flatly. Then he looks utterly bemused and he yells,
"Since when!?!?!?!"
Kakuzu just stares at him. "Hidan... you've been here for nearly a year and you never even knew what state you were in?"
"When Yamada came and got me got I was in some cheapo prison in Alabama. I swear I don't remember the car ride being that long!" Hidan is now tripping out like crazy trying desperately to remember the day he got sent to Kure-Ji-Kira.
"He probably knocked you out for the plane ride." Kakuzu shrugs.
"I don't remember that shit at all."
"What does it matter?" Kakuzu asks as he pushes Hidan towards the common room where they are holding the wedding.
"I guess it doesn't but... wait! You never answered the question! How are we getting married if we're two men!?"
"I did answer the question dumbass. Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts."
"Wow." Hidan says, surprised. "Cool."
"Hm." Kakuzu hums as he pushes Hidan towards the open door. "You should really watch the news more."
"But it's booooring!" Hidan whines.
"To you, I bet it is. Why don't you just watch the comedy central news? The daily show, colbert report?"
"Comedy central has news shows?" Hidan asks.
Kakuzu just laughs. "Idiot." he mutters as he walks with Hidan into the common room.
Everyone in the prison is there and all of Akatsuki is sitting near the front. When Hidan and Kakuzu walk in, half of them start cheering and catcalling. Hidan just flicks them off as he walk towards the alter where a cheerful looking priests is standing next to an equally cheerful looking Yamada.
When they step up in front of everyone Hidan instantly turns around and announces to the audience,
"Just so everyone knows I'm only marrying this bastard cuz he knocked me up!"
The crowd laughs when Kakuzu smacks the back of Hidan's head and growls, "Was that necessary?"
Hidan just smiles at him and Kakuzu rolls his eyes back. They turn to the very shocked priest who looks down at Hidan's stomach then at Yamada and asks,
"I thought you said this was a gay marriage?"
Yamada nods. "It is." he then quickly explains the drug he had invented to the shocked priest and asks with a smile. "I thought you were an open-minded man, Mr. Brown?"
"I am!" Mr. Brown says as a hand goes up to rub his bald head. "But this is just unbelievable! Can you imagine what the gay community will be like when this gets out-"
"And that is exactly why we had you sign that little confidentiality form before all this, remember?"
Mr. Brown's eyes widen and then he nods jerkily and stares at Hidan and Kakuzu as Yamada steps back and lets the ceremony begin.
"We are gathered here today to commemorate the joining of these two people in the company of their friends and god-"
"Oh hell no!" Hidan yells.
Kakuzu puts his head in his hand as Hidan begins yelling and screaming at poor Mr. Brown for not being a Jashin believer. Basically, that goes on for about 20 minutes until Yamada finally calms Hidan down. At this point the priest is nearly in tears and keep eyeing the door as if he will make a run for it.
He skips everything usually said in a wedding and rushes through even the most important part,
"Do-you-take-this-man-to-be-your-husband?"
"Yes." Kakuzu says, smiling, despite all the insanity of his wedding day. He figures he couldn't have asked for anything better when marrying Hidan.
Mr. Brown nods. He turns nervously to Hidan and asks, cringing, "Do-you-take-this-"
"Hell yeah I do!"
And he thrusts himself onto Kakuzu before the minister can even begin to tell him to "kiss the erm, guy who receives."
Kakuzu wraps his arms around Hidan as the younger man seems determined to conjoin his entire body around Kakuzu. He even jumps up and makes Kakuzu grab his ass just so he can stay up. Kakuzu laughs into the kiss. Hidan just bites his lower lip then slides his tongue inside the warm cavern. He is just getting a good taste of Kakuzu when he feels someone tug on the back of his jumpsuit and pull him away. Kakuzu smiles and waves at him as he struggles to get away from Deidara, Tobi, and Konan while they pull him away from the alter telling him,
"We need to get you ready for the after party!!!"
"No one said shit about an after party." Hidan says after they throw him softly into a small room and begin taking his clothes off. Deidara even raises an eyebrow and says sharply,
"You know, un... you kinda have a seme body too, yeah?" He then pats Hidan's stomach and laughs. "Except for this part!"
Hidan glares as Deidara giggles and Konan rolls her eyes at them. Hidan then glances down at his finger. The middles ring finger has a small silver band around it that twinkles in the fluorescent light. Kakuzu had actually taken Hidan's preferences into account when buying it. It was his Jashin symbol with one miniscule diamond in the center of the triangle. Hidan knew it was cheap, probably the cheapest sold, he wouldn't even be surprised if Kakuzu had stolen it or gotten someone to steal it for him. But, he knew it was real, 100% real. Real silver and real diamond. He didn't know how he knew, Kakuzu hadn't told him, nor was he someone who was informed in the ways of jewelry. He just knew.
This thought makes him smile goofily. He reaches up and kisses the ring then finds himself subconsciously rubbing his stomach for the first time. He doesn't even notice what he is doing but then stops when Tobi slides something up his leg.
"Oi, oi what the hell is that!?" he cries.
Tobi laughs and says gleefully, "It's you're garter belt Hidan! A wedding tradition!"
Hidan just blushes and glares as Tobi pushes it farther up his leg.
"And don't forget to toss the bouquet un!"
"This whole thing is fuckin' pussy ass chicken shit." Hidan spits as he walks into the red room where Kakuzu and all of Akatsuki would be hanging out for the night.
Yamada had given them the room for the night purposely so Hidan and Kakuzu wouldn't even be tempted to have sex and possibly screw up his entire experiment. Hidan didn't mind, he found the whole wedding thing tiring.
He grumbled the entire time he had to throw the bouquet and cut the cake and dance to some dumbass slow song while the others just took pictures and laughed. He kept trying to crawl over to the bed and climb into it's soft warmth but Kakuzu stopped him every time he would attempt.
The party was just getting started and was going well. Konan was trying to make Pein give a speech and he was looking determinedly cross about it. No one even noticed that Kisame sat alone, his dark haired inamorata was no where to be found.
Around eleven Yamada enters the room looking solemn. Kisame instantly stands when Yamada looks down and says in a grim voice, completely draining the room of cheer,
"Itachi Uchiha is dead."
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Sasuke: No seriously, I killed him.
KeikoPanda102: *gasp!* Why!? Oh my god you are such a DOUCHEBAG!
Sasuke: Whatever. You don't know what I've been through...
KeikoPanda102: What!? tell me what the hell you've been through you asshole! Everyone loves you for no reason! Everyone thinks you're a genius even though you are just plain stupid! And you know what, you don't deserve Naruto!!! That's right, I said it! *stabs Sasuke*
*Sasuke dies*
KeikoPanda102: Ehem... sorry about that. Had to um, handle a little... something. anyways... yeah, Itachi's dead. It's sad. Get over it. LOL, i love how like, no one cared when Orochimaru died... XD
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KeikoPanda102
