Chapter 25: It Sucks To Be Me
Kakuzu slowly opens his eyes and finds that for once, Hidan is awake before him. He leans over and kisses Hidan's forehead before looking down at what Hidan is staring down at. Mei is breathing easily as Hidan twirls a piece of her frost white hair in between two of his fingers.
"She don't look like I thought she would." He says in an accusatory tone.
Kakuzu looks from him to her and replies, "Me neither. I thought she would look more like you."
"It's weird. Her skins kinda dark, but her hair is even whiter than mine. Her eyes too. They aren't pink, but they aren't green neither."
Kakuzu nods. Hidan sighs, "What are we gonna do?"
"About what?" Kakuzu asks, sliding an arm around Hidan's waist.
Hidan glares, "About this! About feeding her! About raising her! About that new fucking Yamada! About YOU killing the old one! What if they take you away-"
Kakuzu cuts him off with a kiss.
"You don't have to worry about it. I'll handle it."
"But-"
"I'm going to go work on the food thing now. Just stay here and keep both of your heads low."
Hidan pouts but Kakuzu kisses him again, making Hidan moan into his husbands mouth. When they break apart Hidan asks,
"When do you think my stomach will be healed?"
"A few weeks, why?"
Hidan sits up, wraps his arms around Kakuzu's shoulders and starts kissing up his neck as he replies,
"I don't wanna wait that long..."
Kakuzu reluctantly pushes him away, marveling at the fact that when he had first met Hidan, the man had hated sex. As he walks out the door he nods and says firmly,
"Keep her safe."
"Yeah, yeah..." Hidan replies. Then he does pull her closer to him as he falls back to sleep.
As soon as Kakuzu walks out of their room he is accosted by about four Akatsuki members. Deidara is glaring at him while Sasori just looks annoyed. Karin and Sasuke just seem to be watching as Deidara yells,
"Why'd you have to kill him, un!?"
"What does it matter?" Kakuzu asks.
"He's closing all the rooms, the new Yamada. No more red room, no more black room, and no more white room. Do you have any idea what this means?"
Kakuzu glares. "I could care less about any of this pointless bullshit. There are only three things I care about in this entire world. Two of them are in that room, and one of them is going to save all your sorry asses. I'd be nice to me if I were you. Before all of this happened I'd been using Hidan in bets, I've saved up a shit load of money. Yeah, I really, REALLY don't want to use it on this, but apparently I have to."
He stalks away then turns back to Karin,
"By the way I need to talk to you and Konan later, after I figure all this shit out."
Kisame hears Kakuzu's speech and catches up with him as he walks down the hallway.
"Money? You think you can solve all of this with money? What, you gonna pay our bail?" Kisame asks.
Kakuzu growls, "Don't worry about it. I'm gonna make it so it's at least no worse than it was before, that I can promise."
Kisame makes an unconvinced face but Kakuzu pats him on the shoulder and and scowls,
"Trust me. I've got this."
"How much?" Kisame asks. "How much money do you think it's gonna take?"
Kakuzu sighs and his face seems to go pale. "I don't know. A lot. Damn... I don't even want to think about it. It's gonna make me throw up."
Kisame laughs. "I told you from the very start that Hidan was nothing but a hooker and you would lose money in the end."
"You never told me that." Kakuzu says with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, well I thought it."
Kakuzu sighs. "If he is a hooker, he's the best damn one I ever got."
"At least he wants to have sex with you. I bet Suigetsu wouldn't even have sex with me if I paid him! I can't believe that kid. He acts like he hated it even though our first time was great!"
"Hey, I know this is a long shot, but maybe he isn't gay?"
Kisame smiles. "Naw, it's not that. He's just upset cuz he was on the bottom."
Kakuzu glances at his watch. "Well, good luck with that... whatever that is. I've got to go sell my soul or, even worse, my money. If I don't come back in an hour, look after Hidan and Mei for me."
Kisame looks surprised. Hm... he seems serious about all this. Weird coming from him... Kisame then looks around bored. Wonder where Suigetsu wandered off to?
Kakuzu walks down the hall and into an open door. When he walks out about 30 minutes later along with Leader-sama he doesn't very happy. Leader-sama though, looks positively cheerful.
"Glad you're so happy." Kakuzu mutters grouchily.
"Well this isn't ideal," Pein replies. "But it seems this Yamada is actually much more clear headed than the first."
"Yeah... He doesn't smile as much. I'd always found that kind of annoying in the first Yamada."
Suddenly there is loud crying that echoes through the halls. Kakuzu glances around the prison and asks,
"Who's baby is crying?"
Leader-sama stares at him then says, "As far as I know there is only one couple in here with a newborn child."
Kakuzu takes a moment to think about Peins words then he looks enlightened and runs towards the sound of crying. When he finds Hidan he is with Konan and Karin trying to make Mei stop screaming.
Actually, as Kakuzu gets closer, he notices that Konan is holding Hidan back while Karin tries to stop the screams.
"What's going on?" He asks as he arrives next to them.
Karin lets out an exasperated breath. She hands Mei to him and Konan still works to hold Hidan back.
"Shut her the fuck up! Seriously, I'm gonna strangle her if she doesn't stop screaming!" Hidan yells. Kakuzu turns and glares at him.
"Shut up, Hidan."
Hidan pouts and walks towards Kakuzu.
"She wouldn't be quiet Kuzu..."
"She's a baby. She's not supposed to be quiet. You're going to have to get used to it Hidan. Besides, she's probably just hungry."
"Did you find anything we can feed her?" Hidan asks.
"Well," Kakuzu replies, turning to Konan and Karin. "I've got a plan but I need some help."
Karin and Konan glance at each other nervously as Kakuzu starts explaining. When he is finished he asks,
"Any questions? Volunteers?"
Konan looks thoughtful. "So, it won't even really be our milk? You're going to take some vitamins that Hidan already naturally has in his body and put it in our boobs so they grow the milk he can't?"
"I'm in!" Karin says cheerfully. "Free boobs! Who would say no to that deal?"
Karin laughs. "Yeah, I would like to help too. When should we do it?"
"As soon as possible. I'm sure a newborn baby needs to have some sort of nutrition. I just have to take some of Hidan's blood real quick."
Both girls watch as Kakuzu walks over to Hidan, pulls open his jumpsuit, sticks a needle in his chest, then walks back silently. Hidan yells at him the entire time and Mei just stares at them sleepily.
Kakuzu walks back to the girls and gives half of the vile of blood to Konan and half to Karin.
"Wait about an hour. It should kick in then. Thanks for doing this. I really didn't want to have to force you."
Karin laughs nervously. "Eh... no problem..."
Suddenly Kisame stalks to them looking annoyed.
"Have any of you seen Suigetsu!? I can't find him anywhere and I really didn't think there were that many hiding places in this damn prison!"
All three of them shrug then Hidan walks over holding Mei and says,
"I thought I saw him with Sasuke earlier."
"Where?" Kisame asks.
Hidan looks thoughtful for a moment then says, "I don't remember."
Kisame slaps his hand to his head and Hidan just smiles cheerfully. Kisame walks away looking discouraged. Kakuzu collapses in a chair and Hidan sits lightly on his lap.
"I heard Deidara this morning saying that the new Yamada was gonna close the rooms. That fucking sucks! We only went in the black room once!" Hidan whines.
"He's not closing them." Kakuzu replies. "Deidara's an idiot. This new Yamada really isn't so bad. He even mentioned in passing he might add an outside part to Kure-Ji-Kira. He said he just had to act tough when he first arrived so people would take him seriously.
"We should go to the black room then!" Hidan says loudly.
"No." Kakuzu replies flatly.
"Kakuzu! Why're you so damn mean? Why can't we go!?"
"I don't feel like spending the money."
"But I helped you make all that gambling money the other day! Just use that."
A sick feeling begins sinking into Kakuzu stomach as he says, "I actually had to use all of that this morning..."
"ALL OF IT!? What the fuck did you do!?" Hidan yells.
"I did what I had to do. It hurts... but it had to be done. I'm not spending any money in the next few days though. Like, non at all. And you're helping me earn more as soon as we can get Karin and Konan to take care of Mei."
"Hm? Why can't we take care of her?" Hidan asks, leaning back against Kakuzu and holding up the blanket with their baby in it.
Kakuzu looks at him curiously. "You want to take care of her?"
"Well... I guess... she is ours. We would be bad parent's if we let her go off with some other people... Besides, she's cute... and they might try and steal her away."
Kakuzu laughs. He reaches up and turns Hidan's head so he can kiss the corners of his lips. Hidan smiles as Kakuzu mutters,
"I swear... sometimes you are so cute I bet no one would ever tell you are an evil phycholomaniac."
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Something has recently been brought to my attention that I find VERY disturbing. There is not ONE fanfiction involving romantic relations between Kisame and Suigetsu. I feel that this is an OUTRAGE! They are a terrific pairing and if no one else sees that, they are dumb!
Ehem, anywho... I plan to fix this terrible travesty very soon.
Please review!
KeikoPanda102 !!!
