Chapter 32: Russia and his big and little sisters Ukraine and Belarus! Ukraine has big boobs that bounce and make funny sounds when she moves. Belarus is scary and wants to rape poor Russia. He is very afraid and hides from her.(Yes, this entire thing is the title of this chapter!)

Days passed inside Kure-Ji-Kira without much of anything. Soon it had been nearly a month and a half. Hidan's days consisted of sitting outside the therapy room door with Mei in his lap stubbornly. Inside the room, unbeknownst to Hidan, Kakuzu and Yamada worked tirelessly to try and solve Kakuzu's problem. The other Akatsuki members were worried about the pair but a few of them had problems of their own.

Kisame could not help but notice Suigetsu's brand new streak of promiscuity. Not that Suigetsu was trying to hide it. Kisame was smart enough to know that the kid was doing it on purpose. If the fleeting glances weren't enough to tip him off, their awkward exchange in the showers the day before made it perfectly clear.

Kisame had been feeling really run down, not just from Suigetsu but from a lot of little things. Itachi's birthday came and went without Itachi there. Kisame got a phone call from his mother the morning of the shower room incident. She didn't know he was in jail. She told him on the phone that she wasn't surprised, and then she hung up. He wondered faintly what she would say if he told her that he had fucked her grandson.

Kisame decided he needed a shower to wash away all his negative emotions. Water always calmed him down. He made his way to the shower room and was unzipping his jumpsuit when he heard loud grunting and yelling. This was not uncommon in the showers so he thought nothing of it. Only when he turned the corner did he see that it was Suigetsu on the floor with some guys dick in his ass. It was not even the same guy Suigetsu had done it with the day before, nor the day before that.

Kisame flinched as he was curious when Suigetsu would run out of guys to screw. There weren't that many in the prison in the first place. Suigetsu instantly noticed him when he came in. He opened purple eyes defiantly then wrapped his arms around his mate and winked, making sure to scream even louder.

Kisame couldn't take it. He walked out of the showers quickly, but not before turning the shower right above them freezing cold. Then, before he could stop himself he muttered towards Suigetsu,

"Don't be a slut."

He didn't say it because he was jealous, like Suigetsu had wanted him to be all along. He said it protectively. He didn't like the idea of his son sleeping with tons of deranged and dirty men. At least, that's what he told himself as he felt anger bubble in his stomach.

After this shower incident, Suigetsu did not give up on making Kisame jealous. He started flaunting his sordid relationships even more publicly. Hour long make-out sessions on the couch, three-or more-somes in the showers, open flirting with absolutely everyone. It was really wearing on Kisame, and not just him. As Suigetsu was dragged out of the room by a thinner guy with dreads Sasuke, Karin and Juugo came up to Kisame.

"Why are you doing this to Suigetsu?" Sasuke sai flatly.

"Kid, don't talk to me." Kisame replied with a sigh.

"Why?" Sasuke insisted. "Because I look like my brother?"

Now Kisame was getting angry.

"You should really shut your mouth about something you don't know shit about."

"Well you don't know shit about caring for someone!" Karin interjected. "Suigetsu really likes you. I mean, duh! He's doing all this to try and get your attention and you know it!"

"Once again, little girl; don't talk about something you don't fully understand."

"What is not to understand?" Juugo asked in an accusatory-free tone.

"It's complicated." Kisame replied.

"Bullshit." Sasuke snapped. "Your being a jerk to him and you need to fix it. Look, however weird he may be, he is our friend."

Kisame suddenly got a flashback to something Itachi had said to him long before. He had been angry that day, Yamada was messing with his head in therapy and making him pissed at himself and depressed at his life. Yamada had especially picked at his strange looks. Itachi had sat him down and said clearly,

"I don't care how weird you look, nor does anyone else. We are your friends. We'd like you even if you were a real shark."

He then gave Kisame a rare Uchiha smile and said,

"Even if your different, I still like you."

Kisame came back to reality and faced the determined kids in front of him. He pulled a hand through his hair and groaned,

"Ok. I will see what I can do about the kid. No promises."

Sasuke simply nodded and walked away but both Karin and Juugo smiled sweetly in thanks.

Kisame knew it was time to tell Suigetsu the truth.


Kisame put it off for a few more days. He didn't want to face it. He didn't want to face anything. Finally one day Yamada came into the common room with his clipboard and read off of it,

"I need to see Karin, Deidara, Kisame, and Suigetsu for a moment in the therapy room. It's not optional."

Kisame groaned but knew he had to go. He was a tiny bit curious anyway. He hadn't seen Kakuzu in weeks and was beginning to worry about his friend. As he walked with the others he saw Suigetsu give him an angry sideways glance and he sighed. Karin cleared her throat, making Kisame's resolve strengthen somewhat.

Kisame approached Yamada as the man tried to ignore Hidan who was determined to continue screaming vulgarities at him until Yamada let him see Kisame, Suigetsu, Deidara, and Karin were all standing in front of the therapy room door Yamada spoke over Hidan's yells,

"Ok! Everyone I mentioned before can please come into the room now!"

Deidara cast a backwards glance at Hidan holding Mei and he frowned.

"I'm not going in without Hidan, un!"

Yamada shrugged his shoulders.

"Fine with me. We didn't really need you anyway."

Deidara gaped as Karin sent him and Hidan a fleeting glance before the door closed behind her. Deidara kicked the wall angrily and Hidan just glared at the closed door and growled,

"Whatever. Thanks for trying I guess."

He lifted Mei off his hip and placed her on the floor. he sat down next to her and faced the closed door, determined to wait until someone came out. Mei crawled around on her stomach in a circle and every few seconds Hidan would glance her way, just to keep an eye out for her.

As soon as he walked into the therapy room, Kisame felt a bit nervous. He, too had some not so great memories in this room. He saw Kakuzu sitting in a chair with wires connected to his skin and another chair with similar wires across from him. Kakuzu lifted his head up at Kisame when he walked in. kisame just shook his head and asked,

"How you doing man?"

"I've been better." Kakuzu replied without humor.

Yamada then spoke up and addressed the others,

"We need you all for a quick test. Kakuzu and I decided on you all specifically."

"What's wrong with him?" Suigetsu asked tactlessly.

"We aren't going to tell you." Yamada replied.

"Frankly, I just don't trust that you won't tell Hidan." Kakuzu added.

"He's really lost without you, you know." Karin muttered.

Kakuzu's expression didn't change. Yamada cleared his throat again as he instructed,

"The test is really very simple. All you have to do is take the top half of your jumpsuit off, get these wires connected to you, and sit there. How about Karin first?"

"I have to take my shirt off?" She asked. Yamada nodded and Karin blushed a little and scowled. "No laughing."

She stripped her jumpsuit to her waist and Suigetsu let out a snort a bit like a cough.

"Woah! Their huge!"

"SHUP UP!" Karin growled. "It's because of the milk for Mei!"

She sat down and let Yamada attach the wires as Suigetsu stood and snickered. Kisame felt his gaze continually shift to Suigetsu's smile. This was the most light-hearted he had seen the boy look in a while. He once again thought of how bad Suigetsu's reaction would be if he knew the truth.

Karin hissed when the cold metal wires touched her skin then she settled down, keeping her face blank. The room was silent as Yamada and Kakuzu held their breathes, seeming to be waiting for something. The others waited as well even if they didn't know what they were waiting for. Finally Kakuzu just shook his head.

"This is pointless. I already told you that."

Yamada just nodded.

"I want to try the other two anyway."

He disconnected Karin from the wires and let her leave. As the door opened and she skipped out, Hidan's voice came booming into the room. He could only scream, "Kaku-" before a guard slammed the door shut and cut him off.

Just this little bit of Hidan's voice set the instruments monitoring Kakuzu beeping for a fraction of a second before he got himself under control. He and Yamada exchanged a glance then Yamada instructed Suigetsu to do what Karin had done. Kisame rolled his eyes when Suigetsu playfully stripped off his jumpsuit and winked. Kakuzu's observant eyes didn't miss how tense Kisame's shoulders had gotten at this little act.

When Suigetsu's test received the same results that Karin's had, he was free to go. The door was opened and Hidan's screamed. Once the door was closed again Kakuzu sighed while Kisame asked,

"Do you really need me to do this test?"

As he ripped off the wires Kakuzu shook his head.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

Kisame sighed and sat down.

"You're my best friend," Kakuzu stated flatly. "I'm trying to look out for you. Suigetsu-"

"Drop it." Kisame growled as he cut his friend off.

He and Kakuzu locked eyes and everything they needed to say was comprehended in that one glance. Kakuzu exhaled thickly.

"How is Hidan?"

"How do you think he is?"

Kakuzu flinched and scowled. Kisame stood, walking to the door.

"I'll tell him you're ok." He said lightly.

"Take care of your own problems first." Kakuzu warned.

Kisame just nodded and left, giving Kakuzu one more chance to hear Hidan's voice for the day.

Kisame headed straight for Suigetsu. It was time.

He found him in the showers, pressed up against a wall by one of his "friends." Kisame approached them unflinchingly and ordered in a stern voice,

"Get off."

The man instantly backed away from Suigetsu and nearly ran out the door. Suigetsu's eyes were fierce as he pulled at his hair and waited for Kisame to speak.

"We need to talk." Kisame said.

"Finally." Suigetsu rolled his eyes.

Kisame ignored this, his expression somewhat pained and saddened by what he was about to do.

"For the record... I did try." Kisame muttered wearily. "I tried to hide the truth from you. I tried to protect you."

Suigetsu's smirking face slowly fell into a worried scowl. Kisame continued,

"I tried to save you. I tried, I really did. Suigetsu..."

He reached out, grasping Suigetsu's shoulders firmly as he stared into his eyes pleadingly.

"I tried... to be a good father."


Well, that sure was dramatic... XD

Heh, heh.. Sorry about the title. I was having a Hetalia moment. I'm sure someone understands...

KeikoPanda102