New pictures in blog.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I also don't own the lyrics of the songs mentioned below.


Here are the eyes that only see you
Here is the mouth that only calls your name
Here is the soul that can not kill
I love you now, do you love me still

'Love Me Still' by Chaka Khan


BellaPOV

Alice hasn't spoken to me at all after our talk in the woods this morning. She was just nodding or shaking her head or shrugging whenever I ask her a question or said something to her. I didn't want this. When I told her we were coming to Forks, it was so that we could be closer. I wanted to show her where I spend my childhood but I didn't expect this to happen.

We were now on the plane back to New York. She was looking anywhere but me. Her hands were lying on her lap. She didn't want to touch me. Before, our skins, wherever it may be, would touch without us even knowing it. It was automatic. But now, Alice made it sure that she kept herself away from me.

Last night was a big misunderstanding. We shouldn't fight over the past. It already happened and it shouldn't be relived. But she obviously thought it was something more. Yeah, I had thought I loved Emily but really, I didn't. And Alice was looking at this the wrong way. I didn't know why she was greatly affected by this. I tell her I took drugs and she didn't even budge. But I tell her all about my past relationship… I don't even know what happened with her. She just detached herself from me.

When I woke up this morning, I thought Alice already left me. The bed was empty. I shot out of bed and searched for her everywhere in the house. The bathroom, every fucking bedroom, living room, the dream room, kitchen, backyard, front porch. No Alice.

I slid my body down to the floor against the closed front door. I closed my eyes and placed my head between my knees getting ready to bawl out. I was shaking terribly. I was sweating even though it was fucking cold. My heart was beating faster than ever before. My mind was shutting down and it was making me dizzy. I can't breathe.

"Ms. Bella?" I heard a soft voice call me. I didn't acknowledge Jenny, our house maid. I heard footsteps clicking on the hardwood floor then someone crouching down beside me. "Are you okay Ms. Bella? What happened?" Jenny asked, concern in her voice.

"Alice! She's gone! She left me!" I didn't mean to shout at her but I had to just let it all out. All the hurt that was slowly building inside of me. But Jenny just gave me a confused look then wiped the tears that I didn't know came out.

Jenny was around my parent's age and had been working for my family ever since I was born. She was like a third mother to me, Aunt Esme being the second. She always comforted me when no one else can.

And now, she was there for me again even though I wasn't a little kid anymore.

"Do you mean Ms. Brandon? I just saw her walk out in her pajamas thirty minutes ago." She told me giving me reassurance that Alice was still here.

She didn't left me.

"Where did she go?" I asked Jenny, standing up and walking to the slipper rack where my slippers were.

"I'm not sure. The forest maybe. She should not be far, don't worry." She gave me a kind and warm smile. I thanked her before she walked back into the kitchen and I out the door.

I followed the trail going to the deepest part of the forest. I found footprints on the trail where it was a bit damp by the melted snow and sure enough, Alice was there, sitting on one of the fallen tree trunks.

"There you are." I started walking towards her but she immediately stood up and walked past me.

"I'm going back to the house and pack my stuff." She said but I grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Wait, stay for a minute." I pleaded with my voice and my eyes. I knew she had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. She hesitated for a moment but then she nodded and followed me back to the trunk and sat down.

The silence between us was making me really nervous. I didn't know what to say.

Wait. Maybe I do.

But I don't know how to say it.

"Bella…" She whispered so softly I almost didn't heard it.

"Alice I don't know if I can do this thing you ask from me. This separate for a while thing. I think it's nonsense." I blurted out fast enough that I had to take a deep breath at the end of my sentence. But it was the truth. I didn't know if I could manage to let Alice go for a little while. Last night, she told me that it was a good idea if we could take time-off from each other when we get back to the city.

"I think it's be-"

"I know. It's best! Right? But do you think it's a good idea? I don't think so Alice. There's no point in us breaking up because of this. Emily is already the past. You are my present and my future." I didn't care if my voice was a little loud and a little harsh as long as I made my point. And also to get her to change her mind about this 'break-up' situation.

"AHHHHH!!! You never listen to me!" She stood up from the trunk then yelled at me. Her face was turning white and for a while I shut my mouth up and looked at her with big eyes. Alice was always calm and seeing her like this scared me. "It's always you who makes the damn decision. I never get any say. Like right now! I don't wanna fight but you're making it very hard to do so. All I'm asking is to have a little time for ourselves. I'm not breaking up with you." She stopped yelling, her chin shivering from the coldness of the weather. I could already notice the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. She slumped back down and held her head with both of her hands.

I wanted to touch her, to hold her in my arms. But I'm scared. What if she didn't want me to and I'll just upset her even more if I touched her. Instead, I kept my hands to myself and hear her cry. It was hurting me to see her in pain.

I let her go this time when she stood up and went back to the house.

I don't know what to fucking do. If I go along with this separation, I will break down. I don't know what will happen to my life anymore. But if I push through with what I want, Alice will be upset with me and be miserable.

This is so hard.

I trailed back to the house then went upstairs to my room. Alice was there already packing her things for our afternoon flight. She didn't look at me when I entered my room. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Some tears were still slowly coming down from her eyes, her cheeks.

She was moving around the room, getting her stuff then stuffing them to her suitcase.

"Alice…" I called to her when she was going to the bathroom for a shower.

"Leave me alone." She snapped. And that was it. She didn't talk to me anymore.

We left Forks with a bad situation.

We left Forks with an unsolved problem.

And now she's not talking to me. I looked at her beside me as she stared outside the plane window looking at the clouds.

"You're still not gonna talk to me?"

Alice sighed and finally looked at me. Her eyes were dull and red. She seemed paler than her usual color. This was not my cheerful Alice.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, baby." I cupped her cheeks and pulled her closer to me. I wiped the tears that were starting to fall again. "Please don't cry."

My mind was battling if I should tell her or not. That I will go with whatever she wanted with our relationship. I wanted her to be happy. Even if it means I won't be.

"If you really want to have a break, then I'm not going to stop you anymore." Alice looked at me then cried harder.

"Thank you." She whispered. "It's not that I don't want to be with you. I love you Bella but we are going so fast. I think we should take a deep breath and move a step backward." Alice told me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I'm going to miss this. Our touches everywhere.

When we land in New York, it was already dark outside. Alice and I went to the carousel and waited for our suitcases. Thank God there were no paparazzi tonight or else I would really lose my cool.

"Alice!" I heard someone shout. Both of us turned and looked at the person. Emmett. With none other than Rosalie Hale. I mean Brandon.

"Hey Em!" She ran to her brother and hugged him then turned to Rosalie and hugged her as well. When we got our bags, Alice went home with them. I was left in the airport to wait for my ride. I called Leah to hurry and come pick me up.

Someone noticed me and as if bad luck was on my side, it was a fucking paparazzi. Of course he had friends too. They went a little crazy with their cameras flashing in front of my face. They asked me where Alice where. I didn't answer they're damn questions and just waited for Leah to arrive. When I saw Leah, I ran to her and told her to take me out of here. She brought me home to my apartment.

My lonely apartment.

I was already used to Alice sleeping in my apartment that I didn't want to sleep in my bed alone.

I wanted her here with me.

Already a week has passed and the gossips hadn't stop pouring. Our 'separation' got out and they haven't stopped talking about us, saying that Alice just used my fame or some shit like that.

It was not true. Alice loved me. And I loved Alice.

Two more days went by and our pictures went out to the market. Our first photo shoot together. When I looked at the magazine, the pictures that we picked from the three scenes were there. Alice looked so sexy and gorgeous. With simple clothes, she also looked so beautiful. Nothing could beat her lovely physique.

Two weeks since we arrived from Forks, I had the Cosmo photo shoot. It wasn't the same that I had with Alice. This time I did it alone. No partner. And for that, I was thankful. They gave me three outfits for three different scenes.

For the first set, we shot the pictures at night with the moon shining down on us. I wore a black dress with black heels and posed in front of a white convertible 1983 Porsche.

The second set was a challenge for me. I had to work with beds again. But this time, I had more clothes on. I wore a grey skirt with grey corset top and finished it off with also grey heels. Last time I had beds in my photo shoot, I was with Alice. I was happy that time. Being able to kiss her and touch her in front of the camera. Claiming her as mine.

Today was way different. I had to look miserable, laying on the bed in my full clothes, waiting for someone. My make-up was crap. My lips were bare, my eyes were black. Black eyeliner, heavy mascara and soft black eyeshadow. I look pained. Just like what I'm feeling.

The last set was somewhat easy. They had me wear a white shirt with 'Beatles' inside a heart as the design, black leather pants and Vans sneakers. A yellow Gibson Reverse Flying V Electric Guitar was my prop. I stood in front of a white wall and just had to look like I was playing the guitar. I had fun with that shoot.

After that day, I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I haven't talked to Alice since that night in the airport. I knew she was staying in her brother's house and that she turned down a photo shoot offer for her. I found this out in one of the gossip shows and had to call Leah to confirm this. I didn't had the guts to ask Alice myself so I made my assistant do it. When Leah called me back, she was sure that the gossip was definitely true. Alice's rep chatted with Leah and told her that she hasn't accepted any offers and just moped around his brother's house for almost two weeks already.

Three weeks. Three fucking long weeks. I don't know what Alice is doing with her life any more. All my information was coming from the TV. They showed a picture of her outside her brother's house in sweatpants and a shirt.

Alice never wore sweatpants.

She looked okay but I wanted to see her eyes but it was covered with big sunglasses. Her eyes were the window to her soul. It could tell me if she was really okay or not.

"You have got to stop with that shit Bella. You're gonna kill yourself." Edward told me like he was my fucking father. I ignored him and continued inhaling the nicotine from my cigarette.

Edward just got back from Texas and invited me to have drinks tonight with him after a successful tour. My whole family went to his first concert here in the city but without me. I was too down to go that time and hadn't supported my brother.

"Any news from Alice? Have you guys talked already?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"Not yet. She told me this was temporary. That we aren't really broken up but I don't know man. It's literally killing me." I held up my cigarette and once again out it in my mouth. Edward gave me a disgusted look as I gave him the finger.

Don't piss me off tonight, Edward. I'm not in the mood.

As I was chugging down the content of my beer, my phone rang.

It was Alice's ringtone.

My eyes went wide then quickly answered the phone. "ALICE!" I shouted so loudly but got really disappointed at what I heard next.

"It's not Alice. It's me, Rosalie." Her voice was in a whisper. Like she was afraid to talk to me. I didn't say anything, waiting for her to tell my why she called and used Alice's cell. "I'm in the hospital right now." At this, I sat straighter.

"Is Alice okay?" I asked frantically.

"That's why I'm calling. She's in the ER right now." I didn't let her continue talking anymore. I told her I would be there in less than five minutes. Good thing the bar was kind of close to the hospital where Alice was.

Surely, I was there in no time. I dragged my feet to meet my fate. I ran so fast that I didn't have time to breath. I just wanted to know how she is.

I was scared. Frightened of what I will know. Why is she here? What happened to her? Is she here because of me? I had so many questions in my head; I had to know the answers.

Every step that takes me closer to her, the haunting never stops. There were so many what ifs forming in my head. The darkness of the abyss was slowly swallowing me. I was suffocating and I can't break free through this prison I am in.

I had to know the answers.

When I reached the waiting area outside the Emergency Room, I had to breathe evenly before facing her family. Emmett, a very pregnant Rosalie and a tall, blonde guy was there, holding each other, comforting each other.

"Em" I called her brother in a whisper.

"Bella" He stood up then walked over to me. He looked at me straight in the eyes then just broke down in front of me. He hugged me and kept whispering to me how blind he was. That he was a bad big brother. An irresponsible person that had to take care of his sister.

What the hell happened?

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