Away From Home
Chapter sixteen
By Andruindel
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A day or two later, the men, minus Chief Yagami, were all working on the Kira case, and I was sitting silently in my corner. My eyes rested, not on Matsuda, but L. Usually I would have been watching Matsuda, my strange infatuation with the man keeping my attention riveted on him.
However…
For a reason I could not explain, my eyes were on L. And I was openly admiring him. I found myself wondering how no one could have noticed.
Only when L's gaze flickered in my direction did I tear my eyes away from him, blushing a bit. For the last six weeks I'd thought I had a bit of a crush on Matsuda. And I still did. But now…
Did I like L?
I shook my head, clearing away the ridiculous thought. Even if I did like L, there was no way he'd ever be interested in me. He was… I did a quick calculation on my fingers. He was six years older than me! How could someone like him ever be interested in someone like me?
Reassured, but at the same time disappointed, I looked back up. The discussion going on was too… too weird for me to follow. I never did understand what the men were talking about as they worked. Only at fleeting moments, like when they had mentioned Ray Penber, did I know what was going on.
My attention was reverted to the door as Watari stepped in. "Ryuuzaki, something seems to be happening on Sakura TV."
Everyone immediately turned their attention to the TV, as L switched it on. Seeing as everyone else was gathering around the TV, I got up, and followed suite, placing myself behind L, who sat in his chair before the TV.
"In other words, all the reporters and staff here are Kira's hostages…"
I was instantly alert. I had a vague idea of what was going on. Ever since I'd learned that Light and L had played tennis, and since Chief Yagami had collapsed, I'd known, vaguely, where I was time-wise. Now, however, I knew exactly what was going on. This was where Misa came in for the first time.
I felt helpless as I watched the proceedings. I knew what was going on. I knew the innermost workings of Misa's plan, and of Light's. But who could tell how they would react to my knowing what was going on.
All I could do was stand and watch, gripping the back of L's chair hard as I listened to the tape they played. My knees felt weak as Misa predicted the first murder. This was so much different from watching the anime in my own home. I was there, and as far as I was concerned, this was completely real. I felt sick to my stomach suddenly, and moved closer to Matsuda, to grip his arm.
Matsuda glanced down at me, his eyes hard, and serious. But I had focused my eyes on the TV again by now, and I watched, horrified, as the tape continued playing.
Again, the channel was changed, and we saw that Misa's prediction had come true. My stomach churned, but as L spoke, with a hint of sadness in his voice, I looked to him. I couldn't see his face, because his hair was in the way, but he looked completely calm. How could he stay so calm in such a situation?
I jumped as L straightened up, and said to stop the broadcast. I should have known it was coming, but under current circumstances, I was feeling rather faint, and I could hardly be blamed. Matsuda jumped to the phone, and Aizawa reached for his cell phone. But it wasn't going to work. I still remembered that much.
Looking from L, to Matsuda, and then around the room at the others, I shared their hopelessness. What could I do to stop it? Obviously, nothing. But as Ukita swore, and ran for the door, I realized, maybe, even if I couldn't stop anything else from happening, maybe I could keep Ukita safe.
"Wait!" I cried as Ukita opened the door. "You can't go out there!"
But I was too late. I gripped the back of L's chair again, feeling as though my legs were about to collapse underneath me. Everyone was too busy watching the television to notice though.
What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just sit there and watch people die around me. I'd been sent to Death note land with a purpose. I was sure of that now. But so far, all I'd done was fail. Ukita was going to die, and there was nothing I could do about it.
My stomach clenched painfully as my mind turned to L. L was going to die eventually too, unless I could do something to prevent it. I turned my gaze onto him, watching as he bit his thumb nail agitatedly. Although outwardly calm, I knew this turn of events was probably tearing at him worse than it was at me.
By the time I turned my attention back onto the TV, Misa was talking about the new world she wanted to construct, a world that is free from evil.
"Crap…" I whispered to myself. "Complete crap."
"I will create a new world that we can all enjoy." I rolled my eyes at the TV screen, wrapping my arms around myself. "Say goodbye to the world as you know it."
I sighed, surprised at how it came out shuddery. I was feeling unsteady on my feet, and, I realized suddenly, I was shaking. "I already said goodbye to the world I knew…" I muttered to myself, leaning against the couch to steady myself.
Matsuda and Aizawa were still trying frantically to get a hold of someone. They were failing, miserably. But, the three of us were distracted, the two men from the phones, and me from the TV, when, on one of the smaller TVs, the news switched to live, outside Sakura TV. My eyes went wide as I took in the scene.
"Damn it!" I whispered under my breath. I should have been expecting it.
But things were so much different when I was there, and when it was real. Ukita wasn't just some guy in an anime any more. He was some guy I'd been hanging around with, no matter how distantly, for more than six weeks now.
I stumbled away from the couch, my knees finally giving out on me. No one noticed as I fell to the floor. I was too busy being horrified to care.
"As you can see, someone has collapsed just outside the door." The woman reporter stated. I couldn't see the picture anymore, but I could still hear.
My reaction hadn't been any more shocked than Aizawa's. And Matsuda seemed more traumatized than I was. He was sad that he'd lost both a friend and I co-worker. I was sad simply because Misa had taken an innocent, human life.
I had to move quickly out of the way as Aizawa started for the door. The pure grief in Matsuda's voice had prompted me to move, anyway. But both Aizawa and I froze as L spoke.
"Where are you going?"
"Where do you think? I've gotta go there."
I wanted to cry out, scream at him that if he went there, he'd die too, but L beat me to speaking. "You can't. Please, think about this rationally."
I certainly wasn't thinking rationally. I was hardly thinking at all. I was standing, numb and shocked, staring at L. How could he remain so calm? Matsuda and Aizawa were obviously at a loss of what to do. I felt exactly the same. Their conversation slipped right past me, without my noticing what exactly they were saying.
Pretty much, all I heard were the tones of their voices: L's, calm and thoughtful, Aizawa's, angry and bitter, and Matsuda's, scared, and hopeless.
I snapped out of my shocked state only when Aizawa grabbed L roughly by the shoulder, trying to make the man look at him. But L wouldn't look at him. His face was completely hidden by his hair. And yet…
He wasn't so calm after all. It was all just an act. He had gripped his leg tightly, and was shaking. He too, had been affected by Ukita's death. His words a moment later proved it.
Overcome, and feeling as though the world was going completely insane, I reached for Matsuda's hand. He looked down at me, but I merely rested my head against his shoulder, still gazing silently at L. It was one of those times where I just needed physical contact to reassure myself. I wasn't alone, and that simple touch was enough to confirm that, and set my mind some-what at ease.
"I.. I can't take this any more." I said softly. I squeezed Matsuda's hand tightly before letting go, and starting toward my room.
Before I'd gotten three paces L stopped me. "Amy."
I turned back, now curious despite myself.
"I can not allow you out of my sight. Stay."
Feeling remarkably like a dog, I settled onto the couch, and curled into a ball, my back to the world. I could still hear the TV, despite everything I did to try to prevent it. I heard the reporter claim that two police officers had just collapsed. And then, I heard the startled exclamation that someone had just driven a bus into the building. That would be Chief Yagami…
Still trying to block out the sound, I stayed where I was, closing my eyes tightly. I couldn't understand why L would want me there. I'd been out of his sight, technically, almost all day. Why would he suddenly decide to keep me in sight?
It didn't really make sense.
After what felt a life time, the TV's were turned off. I remained in the same position, although now I opened my eyes. The door opened, and Chief Yagami, accompanied by Watari, arrived. Chief Yagami gave L the videos, and L thanked him. I sighed, and closed my eyes again as the talk fell to whispers. I couldn't hear what was being said, so I didn't bother listening.
What seemed like seconds later, I opened my eyes again. I must have fallen asleep without realizing. The reason I'd woken was clear. Someone had picked me up, and was carrying me to my room. I blinked once, staring up at the man holding me. It was L…
That fact bothered me more than it should have. But at the moment, sleep was all I cared about. I settled back into L's arms, closing my eyes again, barely aware of being set on my bed a minute later.
In fact, I'd been so half asleep; I barely remembered that brief flash of reality the next morning. I had much more important things to think about the next morning, anyway.
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Mwahahahaha! -evil laugh- I've finally updated again! I'm on some-what of a normal updating rate again. Cheers? Andy is sick right now, which really sucks, because it's almost Christmas. But, I took a little time out of my day to worry about all you people who were wondering when I'd be updating. =3 I'm not sure how pleased I am with this chapter. All I know is, I had to watch the episode a million times just to get things right. It was torture. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review! (Don't lose the review button, either.) Merry Christmas to all you out there who celebrate! -waves- And to those who don't, uhm.. Seasons Greetings? Farewell!
