For the Potions Master's Amusement
Chapter 77: A Pivotal Moment
Vi ran the cold tap over the face flannel and wrung it out before bending over to solicitously smooth the hair back from Hermione's cheeks and bathe her face. Hermione still crouched on the bathroom floor by the toilet, though her stomach was now empty.
'Better now?' Vi asked, and Hermione pushed herself up on the side of the bathtub until she was standing straight.
'Yes,' she said, gratefully accepting the face flannel and taking another swipe at her face. She had scarcely made it into the Claudius family's rooms before bolting for the bathroom. The notion—the very idea—that the man she loved was now with another woman … maybe two women! It made her, quite literally, physically ill.
'Then let's go into the sitting room, shall we?'
Vi led the way into the main room, where baby Marcus slept in a beribboned bassinette. She sat in an armchair, and Hermione sat on the pouf before her, as if wanting to keep Vi within touching distance.
'Why don't you tell me why you've come?' Vi asked quietly.
Hermione took a shuddering breath. 'I went to Severus tonight and asked him to … to take me back.' She stared down at her hands, clenched into fists so tight her knuckles were white. 'He told me that Hadrian would find me a training Dominant and that—' she turned anguished eyes to Vi's face 'th-that my new D-Dominant could contact him to schedule a t-training session.'
The tears she had suppressed in the immediate aftermath of the professor's departure for his 'previous appointment' began to fall, and before she knew what she was about, her face was buried upon Vi's knees, and Vi was stroking her hair as she cried, murmuring soothing words. Dimly, Hermione was aware of Claudius' voice, and then he had taken the baby into the next room, and Vi and Hermione were alone.
'How did you know to turn up today, I wonder?' Vi said, drying Hermione's face as if she were a child.
'I knew he would be here for the Easter hols,' Hermione said dully, her head beginning to pound as it always did after a bout of tears.
'Because Kelly told you, I suppose,' Vi said mildly, and Hermione bit her lip. Vi smiled at the guilty look on her face. 'I won't tell on her,' she promised. 'I know she meant it for the best.'
'Thanks,' Hermione muttered miserably. The last thing she wanted to do was to get some other submissive in trouble with her Master. Kell had made it clear that Reg had forbidden her to 'interfere'.
'Hermione, I'm very sorry to see you in so much distress.' Vi took her hand. 'It touches me that you came to me. Now, tell me how I can help.'
Hermione clung to Vi's hand as if it were a lifeline. 'Can you help me learn to be a proper submissive? Will you be my mentor?'
Vi studied her soberly. 'Are you sure you wouldn't rather ask t or Kelly?'
Hermione nodded. 'I'm sure. Kell is still learning—it seems as if she has enough to be getting on with. And t is too close to the situation—her husband is Severus' best friend. It would be hard for her to be impartial.'
Vi leaned forward a bit, so that their faces were close, and she spoke softly. 'Why now, Hermione? It's been over a year since you left us. Why have you changed your mind?'
Hermione swallowed. 'I would have come to you and asked you to mentor me regardless of what Severus said to me tonight,' she said. 'It's something we neglected the first time around. To be a good submissive, I should have a submissive mentor to guide and teach me.'
Vi cupped Hermione's face in her palms and pressed their foreheads together. 'And if Master Severus decides he will not accept your submission again? What then?'
Hermione closed her eyes and moved her head gently from side to side. 'I don't know,' she admitted, her voice suddenly hoarse as her throat constricted in fear. 'What was Kell's plan when she began her training, loving Reg as she did?'
Vi sat back again, giving Hermione's cheek a final, loving pat. 'Kell had been sent away twice when she came to us. She believed that all was lost with Reggie when she began her formal training—but she knew that she wanted to be a submissive.'
Hermione wrapped her arms around herself, as if to ward off chill, and stared into Vi's pretty face with bleak eyes. 'I know now that I want to be a submissive,' she said. 'I love Severus Snape, and want to show him that I can be a true submissive, within the boundaries that we agree upon together—but even if he—' Her voice caught as the threatening tears filled her eyes, spilling over onto her cheeks again. Dear God, it was almost too horrible to speak aloud. She finished in a fractured whisper, 'Even if he never takes me back, if I ever have another relationship, I want it to be a D/s one.'
Vi produced another handkerchief, her eyes soft with compassion. 'I will be your mentor,' she said. 'What will you do about a training Dominant?'
Hermione shook her head, bringing on more pounding in her temples. 'I c-can't be that way with another man,' she whispered. 'I can't.'
'Not every interaction between a Dom and a sub is sexual, Hermione—you know that, right?'
Hermione hunched a shoulder, as if to protect her face from a blow. 'I don't see how that works,' she said crossly.
Vi tilted her chin so that their eyes met. 'Being submissive to another person is often about self-discipline,' she said earnestly. 'In time, it will become natural, but in the beginning, we must learn to curb our natural rebellious streaks. Serving a Master is about obedience and self-denial. It doesn't mean that we aren't sometimes rewarded, but for a true submissive, the service becomes a source of deep, abiding satisfaction in its own right. Being submissive is about learning to serenely accept the will of another, showing a beautiful, accepting spirit to your Master, so that he knows you revel in his Dominance of you.'
Vi made a fist with one elegantly manicured hand and pressed it gently to Hermione's mid-section.
'When you truly understand the submissive nature—when it clicks for you, deep down in your soul—you will feel it here, and it will be with you always, feeding your spirit and enriching you in all of your life, providing you with a core of serenity which no one, save your Master, can touch.' Her face flushed with a sudden, revealing animation, and her lips parted, as if she could not repress the gasp which rose to in her. 'And when He does, Hermione …'
Vi sat back, a dreamy, content look on her face. Hermione watched her with yearning in her heart. She had gleaned some degree of this attitude from reading the book written by t and her husband-Master, but never had she heard it articulated so beautifully as Vi had just done. Dear Merlin, but she wanted that peace for herself. If she could present Severus with a Hermione who had learned to be a submissive from the inside out, perhaps he would feel differently about being with her again.
Vi spoke again. 'Do you see, then, how there are many interactions you can have with a Dominant which are not at all sexual in nature?'
Hermione nodded. 'Yes, I see what you mean. But how would that Dominant know what progress I was making?'
'In all of D/s, the most important thing is communication, Hermione. You must communicate with your Master daily, and tell him everything which touches you in any way, so that he can direct you. If he knows every incident you encounter, every irritation, every happiness, then day by day, he can more effectively Dominate your life—and having him know every little thing, he can tailor your experiences in such a way that he fills every crease and crevice in your heart, mind and soul, nurturing, protecting, shaping, and leading you.'
Hermione just stared at Vi, breathless with the picture her friend conjured. Oh, sweet Circe how she wanted to have that existence! And already, she could see how she had blocked Severus from knowing her by her stubborn insistence in holding on to her thoughts and feelings—by not trusting him to cherish her inner life as much as he did her outer body. And she could see his mistakes in this part of their relationship as well, how his issues of trust had effectively blocked the development of the emotional bond between them.
'So,' Vi continued, 'the answer to your question is, the submissive in training keeps an extensive journal, chronicling her journey in great detail. She shares the information mandated by her Dominant and adds anything she thinks or feels on a daily basis which has an effect on her spiritual, emotional, or physical being—in short, anything which might affect the quality of her submission.'
Hermione nodded eagerly. 'I've kept a journal before. I can do that!'
Vi smiled at her. 'Of course you can. Do you have someone in mind for a trainer? Someone you mean to ask?'
Hermione bit her lip, then said, 'Would you object if I were to ask Master Claudius?'
Vi studied her for a moment, her expression serious. 'Master and I had an agreement that we would do no training until after Marcus' first birthday, but you are very special to us, Hermione. You have lived here as a member of our family, and neither Master nor I are likely to forget how you fought to defend us the night the Death Eaters invaded.' She gave a decisive nod. 'I have no objection to you asking for his direction in your training, and that way, I will be involved in your training as well as being your mentor. Will that be acceptable to you?'
Hermione nodded happily. 'Yes, please,' she said.
'Well, I can't speak for Master,' Vi cautioned, 'but you have my blessing to ask him.'
Hermione's lips curved into what she hoped would pass for a smile. 'Thank you, Vi,' she said. 'You're saving my life.'
Vi stood and held a hand down to pull Hermione up into her arms. 'No, you are saving your own life, by asking for help,' she said into the bushy brown hair. 'Now, I'm going to put you to bed in the guest room, and in the morning, you may speak with Master.'
The next morning, Hermione shared breakfast with Vi, Claudius, and baby Marcus at the small formal dining table tucked into an alcove off the main sitting room. Hermione watched the interaction between her host and hostess more closely than she had done before. She saw that Vi anticipated her husband's needs, serving his plate first, preparing his tea just as he liked it, her efforts accepted as his due, but with a deeply felt spoken thanks, accompanied by an intimate smile which caused Hermione's brows to arch. Was there indeed a sexy, Dominant side to this man who had always seemed to her eyes so cold and somewhat disapproving? Vi certainly seemed to feel there was, and Hermione had just caught her first glimpse into the personal lives of Master Claudius and his wife-submissive. It reminded her of something her mother had once said. 'The only people who really know what's going on between a man and woman are the man and woman themselves. It's impossible for an outsider to ever truly know.'
She dipped her head to take a bite of scrambled eggs, realising that her mum was right about that. For hadn't it been true, as well, of herself and Severus? Even his closest friends had been astonished to know he had collared her, and none of her friends had known the depth of the bond between them.
After breakfast, Claudius invited Hermione to join him in his study, a room which reminded Hermione strongly of the Dominant's Study on the ground floor of Roissy House. It was smaller, of course, but had an unmistakeable masculine air, tinged with the smell of the furniture polish the house-elves used to keep the wood gleaming. There was no tobacco smell—apparently Claudius was not a smoker, which fit with Hermione's knowledge of his abstemious character. Gingerly, she sat on the edge of an armchair before his desk, and he sat back, his grey eyes surveying her coolly. His hair was ash blond, silvery at the temples, and he was handsome in an icy, chiselled way, like a piece of marble sculpture. She had at first believed him to be a cold person, but as time had passed, she had begun to see signs of tenderness in his dealings with Kell. In fact, on the Dungeon party night when she had followed Kell and Reg into the dark and touched herself to the sounds of their impassioned lovemaking, she had even felt that he had shown caring for her.
Now, he rested his hands on the arms of his chair and waited for her to speak. Hermione shifted uncomfortably, feeling awkward and embarrassed, but she knew enough about the ways of Dominants to be sure he was fully capable of sitting there in silence for as long as it took for her to get up the nerve to speak her mind.
'Did … did Vi tell you what we talked about last night?' she asked, finally blurting it out with all the finesse of a firstie.
His expression did not change. 'Why don't you tell me?' he suggested.
Hermione blew air out. He wasn't going to make this easy for her—but that wasn't his job, was it?
'I am in need of training, sir,' she said honestly. 'I have some experience as a submissive, but there is much I still need to learn, and I would like to ask you to help me.'
His eyebrows arched. 'You wish to train with us as Kelly did? To live with us and submit sexually?'
'No!' Hermione said hurriedly. 'I'm sorry, sir, I expressed myself poorly.' She took a deep breath. 'Vi said it is possible for a submissive to undergo training that is not primarily sexual in nature. That is the sort of training which I would ask you to provide for me.'
His finely shaped head tilted slightly to one side. 'And what is the putative purpose of this non-sexual training you seek?' he inquired.
Hermione's eyes lowered, and she spoke the next bit to her knees. 'I would like to become a proper submissive for Severus Snape.'
'Hermione, there will be a time for lowered eyes, but not when we are having a discussion about your future,' he said, and she looked up into his stern face. 'If Master Severus wishes for you to have training with me, why did he not approach me himself, as is customary?'
Hermione's hands twisted in her lap. 'I'm telling it badly!' she said, distressed. 'I'm sorry, but you make me nervous.'
He made no response to this.
Hermione took a deep breath and tried again. 'Perhaps I should tell it from the beginning,' she said tentatively, and she received a brief nod of agreement from him.
'Perhaps you should.'
So she told it all, tracing the history of her relationship with Severus Snape from the night in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place to the previous night. She spoke without interruption for more than half an hour, and at one point, Master Claudius stood and poured a glass of water for her from a silver pitcher on the drinks tray, motioning for her to continue speaking as he did so.
'He has told me that he made mistakes with me,' she said as her tale wound down, 'but I've realised that it's not my place to focus on those things. My responsibility at this point is to become the very best submissive I can be—to change the things I can change and leave the rest to him.'
Master Claudius turned the second armchair before the desk to face her and sat down. 'Thank you for sharing those things with me,' he said with perfect sincerity, and Hermione felt a lurch of thankfulness for his words. 'At this point, I am seriously considering your request, but there are some points I must make clear to you before I decide.'
Hermione took a long drink from her water glass and replaced it on the table beside her chair. 'Yes, sir,' she said, giving him her full attention.
'The first is this,' he said gravely. 'You do understand, do you not, that I cannot guarantee that your training with me will result in your heart's desire? I cannot promise that it will result in Master Severus accepting you as his submissive again.'
Hermione knew this—of course she knew it! —but she had a very difficult time hearing it spoken aloud and agreeing with it. She stared at Master Claudius, feeling the lead weight in her chest where her heart had been.
'We cannot even proceed in our discussion until you acknowledge what I have said, Hermione,' he informed her, and though he spoke with gentleness, there was an implacability about his tone that reminded her achingly of Severus.
'I understand,' she said, forcing the words through her constricted throat. 'I know that what he chooses to do is outside of my control—and yours, too.'
'Good,' he said. 'The second thing you must understand is that if I agree to this arrangement, then I become your Dominant, even if we are not sexually involved with one another. If you agree to submit to me in training, that means that you are not to be with another Dominant in any capacity without my permission, is that clear?'
Hermione's eyes widened at this. So even though she wouldn't be sharing his bed or receiving sexual satisfaction at his hand, Master Claudius would be in charge of her relationships with other men in the D/s world. She hadn't considered that.
'That means that even if Master Severus offers you a session or a night in his bed, you are not to accept him without my permission. Can you agree to that?' He watched her closely, studying her face.
'Yes, I can agree to that,' she said slowly. 'Do you think you would give me permission to go to him, if he asked?'
He gave a shrug. 'It would depend on your progress,' he said. 'If you deserved the reward, then I would likely give my permission.'
Hermione considered this. How would Severus feel if he knew she was training with another Dominant? Well, hadn't he suggested it himself? But how would he feel if she had to seek another Dom's permission to sleep with him? The very notion gave her a shiver, though whether it was of dread or delight, she could not have said.
'A corollary to that rule would be that in your life apart from Roissy House, you will not so much as go out on a vanilla date—much less engage in vanilla sexual intercourse—without my express permission. Can you submit in this, as well?'
Hermione was surprised. She had not realised to what extent Master Claudius would ask her to hand over her will. She would willingly have given this much to Severus, though, so it would be good experience to give it to the man who would agree to mould her into a proper submissive. It wasn't as if she had a social life anyway, was it?
'I can agree to that,' she said. Then, looking down to mask her embarrassment, she asked in a small voice, 'Will you control my orgasms, as well?'
He sat back, his manner seeming somewhat more relaxed as he allowed his Dominant nature to rise to the fore. 'Not for now,' he said. 'For now, you may be in charge of your own sexual satisfaction. As we go forward, I will certainly require you to go through periods of sexual abstinence. Whether I will eventually assume control of when and how you orgasm will depend on how matters progress.'
Hermione nodded, ignoring her flush of discomfiture at this frank sexual conversation with Vi's husband. She was asking him to take responsibility for her training, and he would derive little personal satisfaction from it that she could discern. Severus had told her that it was a matter of satisfaction to a Dominant to have a submissive submit to his will—that the submission was an end in itself—but it was hard for her to comprehend a reward that did not involve sexual pleasure.
And maybe—just maybe—that was a big part of her problem.
'When we are in company with others of our community, you will wear my training collar, and you will follow the rules I set for you,' he said. 'On party weekends, we will discuss beforehand what you will be permitted to do and what decisions you will be permitted to make on your own behalf, without checking in with me. There will be times when Violet will provide your instruction, but as you have already sought her out as a mentor, I do not think you will have any difficulty with that.'
He sat forward, his gaze intense. 'Are these conditions all acceptable to you, Hermione?'
'Yes, sir,' she said, her voice stronger now.
'Good.' He twisted to retrieve a brown leather book from his desktop and put it in her hands, beginning to summarise the contents of its front page as she began to read it. 'You will spend your weekends in residence with us, unless you have previous permission to be elsewhere. You will keep a daily diary in this journal, of which I own the twin, in which you will record your meals, your hours of sleep, and any occurrence of masturbation. You will also write a minimum of one thousand words daily about your thoughts and emotions, as well as anything of significance that happens in your work day or in your interactions with other people. If I have comments or suggestions, I will write them here. Do you understand?'
Hermione nodded, and he stood abruptly, walking behind his desk. He opened a drawer and withdrew from it a red patent leather collar, just like the one Kell had worn for everyday wear. 'When you are in Roissy House or otherwise in my presence, you will wear this collar. For party weekends, we'll see about providing something more appropriate for dress-wear.'
He stopped speaking, and Hermione caught her breath. Don't let him change his mind! she prayed. Submitting to Master Claudius wasn't her first choice, but she would do it if it would prepare her to be the submissive Severus Snape wanted her to be. Please don't let him change his mind!
Claudius looked into her eyes, and for the first time, Hermione felt the full force of his Dominance. She responded instinctively, giving him her full attention, waiting to hear what he would say.
'Are you ready to accept my training collar and the privileges and restrictions that come with it?' he asked her gravely.
'Yes, sir, I am,' she answered, meaning it.
He stepped around the desk, and she rose too, as if drawn to him. 'Then you may kneel for me,' he said.
Kneel for him? Kneel for someone other than Severus?
You'll do it if you want him back, the voice in her mind advised, and Hermione knew it was true. She knelt, leaving the journal on the seat of her chair as she did so.
She assumed the submissive's pose as well as she could fully clothed, and after a moment, she felt fingers on the hair at her nape. She began to raise her hands to help, but something told her not to do it—he would ask if he required her assistance. At last, her hair was gathered in a clump at the back of her head, and Master Claudius placed the collar about her neck, fastening it with sure hands. She tried not to think of the night her first collar had been given to her—no, dwelling in the past would not get her where she wanted to go, and she wouldn't give in to the temptation to dwell in those bittersweet memories! Then the collar was in place, and she was aware of her new Dominant straightening himself.
'You will always wear your hair up when you are with me,' he said crisply. 'I find it bothersome. Do you understand?'
'Yes, sir,' she said clearly.
'When you come to stay with us, you will wear skirts at all times,' he continued. 'You will not wear knickers. I will not personally check for your compliance, but I may have Violet do so at random intervals. Do you understand these instructions?'
'Yes, sir,' she repeated, knowing this was a common requirement for a submissive in training and struggling to push thoughts of Severus Snape from her mind.
'Then you may rise and look at me, Hermione.'
She did so, finding that in these conditions, in his element, the physical beauty of Master Claudius' face was melting, and she responded to it as a bedazzled woman, with a shy smile.
'Would you like to seal our bargain with a hug, or would you prefer not?' he asked quietly.
'I would like the hug, sir, thank you,' she said promptly, and she was immediately enveloped in the protective arms of the man in whose keeping she had just placed all of her hopes and dreams. He was much the same height as the professor, though he was broader and heavier, and she automatically catalogued these facts even as she surrendered to the feelings of safety evoked by the warmth of his embrace.
'Good girl,' Master Claudius murmured into her ear, and Hermione rested her cheek for a moment on his chest, acknowledging this turning point in her life.
A/N: Look for the professor to return in the next chapter! Happy Easter/Passover to those who celebrate!
