Away From Home
Chapter Twenty-Nine
By Andruindel
lilililili
Two months passed so happily that I could have sworn I was dreaming. Me and L grew closer. Nearly every night I stayed up with L while he worked, although usually he wasn't working on anything important. Since Light gave up the notebook, there were no more leads, and despite how happy we were in our relationship, L got more and more depressed about the case. We spent out nights talking, comparing likes and dislikes. I found out that L wasn't the kind of person to have a favorite animal, or color, or number. His only favorite, that I could see, was strawberry short cake. And, he prefered tea to coffee. I learned more about L in those two months than I had the whole time I'd been with the task force.
It wasn't until two months later that we ended up on the topic of religion.
"I don't understand how you can put such blind faith into a supposed 'god' who supposedly created the world and everything in it, and supposedly loves us all. If there were a loving creator, then there would be no evil in the world, and I would be out of a job."
"You're missing the point, L, it's not about everything being perfect. Has my life been perfect so far?"
"I suppose not, but isn't that proof that your god doesn't exist?"
I sighed, exasperated. This conversation was getting us no where. I couldn't argue with L, even with my knowledge of my own religion. His anylitical mind just wouldn't allow my arguments in. As I was pondering how best to make my next statement, L went on.
"Personally, I think it's just foolishness to believe in a god."
I was stung by that remark. "So you're calling me a fool." I ground out, giving him that look that every man who has known a woman in his life knows and fears.
L considered. "I suppose I am." He said.
I had been expecting an apology. But instead, I got that? Fuming, I stood up and stalked up the stairs to my floor. I left L where he had been, not even staring after me, but looking down at the ground, his eyes blank.
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L sat silently, in his usual position, but backwards in his computer chair. It was more than an hour since Amy-chan had stormed away, upset by his comment. His sense of depression was already deep, thanks to the lack of leads in the case, but now he had his first fight with Amy to worry about. That was why he was less than inclined to listen when Light spoke up.
"Ryuuzaki, I know you're not feeling up to it, but come over here for a second."
Knowing that Light would not summon him for any stupid reason, L slowly stood up, and plodded over.
"Take a look at this. It can't be coincodence."
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I sat in my room for a few hours, cuddling Panda and staring blankly at the floor. L did not come up to apologize. I hadn't really expected him to, but hey, you couldn't blame me for being hopeful. A few tears were still working their way down my cheeks as I perched on the edge of my bed. My first fight with L, and over something so stupid. Why did L have to be so stubborn?
Finally, after I felt ready to face L again, I crept out of my room, down a few flights of stairs, and toward the main work room. I paused at the top of the stairs, where I could hear without being seen. Chief Yagami and Mogi were there, which was odd, because I rarely saw Mogi. I came in right in the middle of a sentence.
"Especially if you've got a family to support." Matsuda said; everyone turned to look at Aizawa.
"If you want my opinion," L started, voicing an opinion most people probably didn't want to hear. (Okay, so I was still a bit upset about our argument earlier). "You'd be better off as police officers." Now, everyone turned to stare at L. "I was.. alone, when I started this case, and although I'm grateful to all of you for staying as long as you have, I know I can do this by myself. I'll be sure to visit you at the department and bring you Kira's head as a reward for all that you've sacrificed." I couldn't be sure, but I thought that may have been a poor attempt at humor.
Before I could rush down the stairs to remind L that he was not alone, Light spoke up. "Ryuuzaki, as long as I'm alive, you won't be working alone. You have my word on that."
"Oh, that's right. I'll have Light here with me until I catch Kira. But as I said, I think the rest of you should remain as police officers."
My heart was beginning to murmur strange things to me.
He doesn't want you to stay.
He doesn't really care about you...
He cares about Light more than he cares about you.
That last, rebellious thought was the last straw. I shoved the thoughts away, and took a few steps nearer the stairs, waiting for a moment when I could interupt the conversation going on below. I knew Matsuda was going to quit his job, because that's just how Matsuda was. He was rash at times, definitely didn't think things through thoroughly, and never seemed to think before he spoke. I saw examples of all three traits as Matsuda claimed he would keep his job, since he would feel like a loser for staying with the police. I saw Aizawa's shoulders slump. I knew exactly how he was feeling. At least, I thought I did.
I didn't get my chance to speak until after Aizawa had stormed out of the building. My heart went out to him, even though he had never really been my favorite task force member. But I could still feel anger budding in my chest when he shouted that he hated L. Instead of letting the anger grow, I squashed it down, and then, taking a deep breath, crept down the stairs. I saw Matsuda's head turn, knew that he was trying to acknowledge me, but my eyes were on L. I had no idea what I was going to say. My feet carried me across the room, until I was standing a few feet behind L. There I stood, silent, for a full thirty seconds, just staring at him. I could feel the tension in the room. L knew I was there.
Finally: "What about me...?"
L did not turn to me. "I give you the same choice I give them. You can remain here, as my girlfriend, or you can go, and we will end our relationship."
I didn't understand. "Ryuuzaki, why...?"
"I know that the thought of Kira using you against me terrifies you. If you were to leave, you would no longer have to fear that. I can't ask you to stay, if it means your constant fear of a highly unlikely situation."
"B-But, Ryuuzaki... You.. You want me to stay, don't you?"
"That doesn't matter. I leave the choice entirely up to you."
What he was saying did make a tiny bit of sense, as much as I hated to admit it. I was terrified that, after Light got his memory of the death note back, he would somehow manage to use me against L. I knew if that were to happen, L would kill himself trying to save me. He had said as much himself. But if I was to leave... I would hurt L just as much. It was selfish to leave, just to keep myself from getting into trouble. But it was selfish to stay, just so I could be near L. My emotions raged within me; one side of me leaned toward leaving, the other yearned to stay. Without realizing it, I was crying.
"L, you know I can't make this decision..."
"I refuse to make it for you."
Suddenly, I turned around, and stalked toward the door. "I need to think. I'll be back."
I closed the door behind me, struggling not to look back at L. As I left the building, I did not hear what happened behind me, in the work room.
"Matsuda," L spoke in a low, sad voice. "Please, follow her. Don't stop her, but keep an eye on her. I don't want anything happening to her."
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-teardrop- Poor Amy is so confused. I loved writing this chapter, because it's an idea I've had in my head for ever.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review!
