Danke, for reading my story, I have failed men......... I only uploaded one chapter (crying). BUT I WILL REGAIN MY HONOR! BY DOING SUPER AWESOME CHAPTERS THIS WEEK! P.S. I have a surprise for you at chapters 10 and 20. (thanks for the help you know who you are)


Scout excepted the usual blinding lights of the respawn, to awaken him any second now. He soon realized, A. he was awake, and B. he had probably been captured. His hands were tied behind the chair he was sitting in, and the room was pitch black. He couldn't see any source of light anywhere. The room also smelled a lot like grease, and black powder. He heard an argument, from what sounded like the next room..

"WHO TOUCHED MAH SENTRYYYY!!!!" It obviously wasn't the RED Engineer unless this was a joke, a cruel one for that matter. "Scout did you do it?!"

"Hey man I only touched it for a sec. It was blocking the TV." the BLU Scout said.

"I TOLD YA. DON'T. TOUCH. MY. SENTRY." the BLU Engineer said anger filling his voice.

RED Scout heard a shotgun being loaded.

"Woah, pal don't do it. Ah man, come on wait, wait, wait......" BLU Scout said fear rising in his voice.

He heard a shotgun go off, and then the Engineer's evil chuckling. He sat there for a minute, realizing that this team wasn't exactly sane. He tried struggling against his bonds, but realized he was quite royally screwed. The Scout remembered that if he were to be killed, he would simply respawn. He made it his official objective, to piss off the BLU so much that they would kill him. He thought of his brothers, wow if they could only see him now. He remembered when his brothers used to make fun of him. They used to say he couldn't do anything. But now he killed three people and died twice. He hoped his mom wouldn't miss him. He remembered some of his home life

Scout remembered his block in Manhattan, his brothers were always getting into fights. His mom put up with it just because she loved her boys. Scout recalled walking up on his brothers latest quarry.

"HAHA, look at him little bro Jerry, missed another fight, you shoulda seen me I was kickin ass!" his oldest brother Joey said. Joey was a football player, he was quite the muscly guy.

"Well ya....ya..........ya......know one day, I'm gonna beat someone up." Scout remembered when he said that. His brothers had a nickname for him "Ostrich" because he could run fast but he was already hiding.

"Yeah whatever you say 'Ostrich' lets go guys." they ran off leaving him alone.

He looked at their latest victim, a innocent guy, he appeared to be what some would call a nerd.

"Hey, hey.......(whimper) please don't," the guy looked up, "Oh it's just you 'Ostrich go away."

He got up and walked away. Scout remembered feeling sad, even losers weren't afraid of him. He heard a siren and saw a kid running really fast. He jumped over a open manhole, and slid under a safety barrier. He continued to sprint, until he got to where an alley. He ran into it. Scout saw a police man running towards him. To make a long story short, when his mother came and picked him up she had a long talk with him.

"Now honey, you know you can't be doin that, right." Scout's mom had basically always looked the same. She had black hair, a modest face, and always wore plenty of eye shadow. She always wore red, which was one of the reasons Scout joined RED. Most men (and sometimes women) found her extremely attractive. Although she was also intelligent, (that was one of the reasons Spy liked her)

Scout stared sheepishly at the ground, "Ma, I didn't do it, I swear this kid ran past and the cops thought it was me."

Scout's mother frowned, "Hmmmmm, well maybe. But I think you should do something, that'll give you something to do. Then you won't get in fights, maybe football........."

"NO, MOM, I hate football!" then he had an idea, "Hey ma, you think I could do track racing."

His mom frowned for a second, and then agreed. The Scout's training had begun.

He was broken out of his trance by the sound of a door opening.

"Well.......what do we have here, a prisoner." He looked up and saw the Engineer. He could almost here the hate in his voice. He looked for a way to get out, but could find none.

"YO, Engi, I'm gonna beat the.........." when he walked into the room he noticed the helpless RED Scout. "Well, well, this is gonna be fun." he raised his bat over his head. Scout thought it was gonna hurt


Medic was not a happy man. After examining a once dead Heavy. He discovered what seemed to magically keep him alive after being, bludgeoned, exploded, shot, stabbed, chopped, and bonked. It was his extremely large gut. Some smaller bullets could barely even penetrate, to reach his vital organs. Medic was currently looking over his heart, when he realized he was extremely hungry. He put down his bonesaw, and put on a new doctor's coat. He walked out of his room and walked into the mess hall/kitchen. He noticed Heavy staring off into space.

"Heavy, iz somezing wrong?" the Medic asked curious why he was so sad (and SASHA WAS MISSING).

"Nothing Doktor, it's just (sniff) Sasha is gone...." Heavy seemed to be extremely sad.

Medic also noticed that Heavy's monstrous plate of food was untouched.

"You know Heavy, you should really eat it iz vital for your survival."

Heavy simply sighed. Medic decided to make Beef Stroganov, something that Heavy always talked about. He said his mother made it for him. When the dish was completed he handed it to Heavy who simply looked at it and sighed.

"Dumpkoph, why are you not eating, zis is good food, Ja!"

"No thank you doktor, I can not eat since (sniff) Sasha is gone!" Medic noticed a tear come down Heavy's cheek.

Then Medic remembered, the most sacred of ALL German recipes, something that only kept people alive, but was delicious at the same time. Medic remembered making it for the German soldiers. If only Hitler had authorized it. (the recipe is super classified so look away)

Medic gathered the necessary ingredients. Ham, baloney, cheddar cheese, mustard,mayonnaise, two pieces of sour-dough bread, lettuce, tomato, and the most super secret/important ingredient. Olive on a stick. After preparing the sandwich, he handed it to Heavy. Heavy looked at it, and sniffed it.

"Doktor, what iz this?" Heavy asked curious.

"Zis iz the most special creation ever!" Medic said with a smirk knowing that Heavy would believe anything.

Heavy slowly pulled the Sandvich towards his mouth and took a small bite. He chewed for a second. Medic almost here the Hallelujah music playing. Heavy's eyes widened.

"AH, THIS IS SO DELICIOUS!!!" he gave Medic a hug, and ran off yelling "I HAVE NEW WEAPON!"

Medic realized this would only be a short term solution. He soon would remember Sasha was gone, and then return to his normal self. Medic remembered he was supposed to do a liver biopsy on Demoman. Medic was not looking forward to this, he was ordered by the voice that ordered him around. He thought for a minute, and then decided to go do an autopsy of Spy, maybe he could figure out how he managed to look like so many different people, after all a flimsy mask, didn't disguise a person or did it.


Demoman or Tabish Root to his friends looked outside the bus window. He was on his way to meet the BLU Soldier at a nearby bar. When he had first seen his close friend on the battlefield. He was stunned for a few seconds. And so was the Soldier, of course they both knew that they didn't have much of a choice, it was his job after all. They had been friends since college, Demoman had met him at a fight between Soldier and a group of men. After seeing him fight Demoman was impressed by his skills. After they left college Demoman went home to his mom, and Soldier went off to fight in WWI. Soldier had a habit of bragging about how many Krauts he had killed. They were no longer supposed to be friends after all, they killed each other all day long. He had bribed the bus driver to take him, and wanted to see his friend with out having to kill him. When they arrived Demoman hopped off the bus and walked into the bar. He sat there for a few minutes until Soldier came up.

"Heh, well look what we have here, a Scottish black man." the Demoman turned around to see the BLU Soldier with his hand out stretched.

"Oih, I didn't know they let ya out of the asylum." the Demoman returned. They both let out a hearty laugh. They shook hands and each ordered something to drink. Soldier being more of a being more of a classic man, ordered some whiskey, Tabish however ordered his typical scrumpy.

"So Tabish.........sorry about blowing you up back there." the Soldier said. He hadn't wanted to kill him, but his entire team was counting on him.

"No, hard feelings, OK lad." Soldier nodded, they talked for a little bit about there lives, caught up on each others teams.

"So, did I tell you about, our Engineer. Wow he sure is a crazy redneck, he is a twisted son of a bitch too. He said if he gets alone with anyone of you he's gonna have some fun." the Soldier said.

"HAHA, gonna have some fun, Ohahohoaha, that lads funny, I didn't no he was like that, aahahhah" the Demoman broke down laughing.

"EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP THIS IS A ROBBERY!" the Demoman suddenly stopped laughing to see two masked men, with pistols in their hands. Soldier began laughing and everyone stared at him, after all they were being robbed. Tabish soon joined in.

"Hey, hey what do we have here some.....jokers!" one of the men said. Obviously nervous most people don't laughed when they're being robbed.

"Hey, you SHUT THE HELL UP!" the second robber said.

The Soldier and Demoman suddenly stopped laughing. The Demoman reached into his pocket and pulled out a handmade bomb. Soldier pulled out a shotgun.

The two robbers peed themselves


Demoman:Ahhhahahahhah, that was a good one eh Spy.

Spy:They obviously lack refinement, they could have simply stolen the money.

Medic:Speaking of which wasn't it random that they robbed you like that?

Demoman: Anyhow, reviews are appreciated and bombers are welcome! HA

Spy:I believe the term is flamer