Enter Jabberman

*Breathe, Alice, Breathe!! *

Alice obeyed the warning in her head as best she could, but it was difficult. Walking at Hatter's side, arm-in-arm with him, was a little more than she'd hoped for when she was young. And a lot more than she'd bargained for now that she was older. He was just so much younger than she remembered. But then, everyone who was an adult was just that when she was little. They either had white hair of old age or they were just "grown-up." Made a good deal more difference, now, though.

He smelled like spiced tea, but also like burnt coffee. His voice was liquid pleasure at times, then it would crack into a high-riotous screech. He was quick and fluid, then slow and gangly.

So many contradictions, and just so fascinating. Attraction really wasn't something Alice had had to deal with. After all, once in Wonderland is enough to make anything, and just about anyone in the mundane world boring. To go through the looking glass, also....

*The 'real' world was my gray clay pit, and I made mud-castles from squalor. *

Alice giggled at her mental images. Hatter watched her with one eye, the other eye trying to watch Rabbit hop down an invisible road.

* And the beautiful prince of Mudland – William. *

Her chest constricted, and she choked a bit. The sting of tears to her eyes was sudden and unexpected. The waterworks hadn't really functioned for many years...

*And my king, my strength, was Father. *

A sigh escaped her, and she brushed some stray hairs from her face, sniffling a bit.

"May I have tickets?" Hatter asked suddenly.

"Do what?" Alice had been able to take her mind off the titillating closeness just long enough...

"I want tickets to the show you're watching. You laugh, you cry, you sigh, all at a swirling path of nothing. And they call me mad..."

Alice chuckled and squeezed his arm, but looked away. *No more tears, * she thought. *Not yet. * So she said nothing.

Hatter was miffed. "Come, now..."

"Is that a tree?" Rabbit interrupted.

And there, swirling with the vortex, was, indeed, a tree. Then a patch of ground. Then boulders, pieces of pathways, a random patch of gray sky with clouds in it. Then there was a nest with a pair of orange and white birds, and as the branch swung lower they could see black-and-white striped eggs inside. They faded in and out, seeming unconcerned by the vortex.

Hatter was tapping his chin. "Do you think we took a wrong turn?" he asked. Rabbit glared at him. Alice watched as a bit of a field of iridescent poppies swung particularly close, and reached out to touch it.

"W-waaaiiii..." Rabbit screamed.

The moment her fingers touched the petals, Alice felt a wrenching from her hand up her arm, then a stretching. The poppies seemed all at once an inch from her face and a mile away. She could see nothing else. She felt a hand clutching her boot, and could hear the distant sound of someone wailing at the top of his lungs.

The stretching sensation was becoming painful, from the tip of the finger brushing the poppy to the tug of the iron grip around her ankle, she felt like she'd turned to taffy.

With a snap rather like elastic, Alice felt herself slam into solid ground. A moment later Hatter collided with her hip, his hand twisting painfully away from her ankle.

And screaming his way on a collision-course with Alice's face was the White Rabbit, his ears caught firmly in Hatter's grip. Alice threw a hand in front of her face just in time. "...aaiiit-oof!"

The three groaned in unison. Alice pushed the furry belly off her face and caught her breath. She looked down at the weight against her legs, and saw a sprawl of crimson tresses on her hip. Hatter's face was planted in the jumble of blue satin skirts and white petticoat that had bunched up around her hip. She propped herself up on an elbow, still lying on her side, trying to take in her surroundings better.

The field of iridescent poppies was breathtaking. Surrounded on all sides by a looming dark forest, with only a gray and sickly green sky above, it was clearly stealing the show of the landscape. The White Rabbit was moaning a foot or two away, still gathering himself. Hatter's black-and-white striped hat lay a few yards away on its side. And Hatter...

...was still lying with his chest upon her legs, face against her hip, arms and legs splayed against the ground. Alice worried for a moment that he was seriously injured...he hadn't moved a bit!

She reached down and slid her fingers into his hair, trying to turn his head to the side and see if he was breathing. At her touch, he rolled his head to the side and grinned lazily up at her. Oh, he looked sooo happy. "You really smell like lavender all over. Did you know?"

Alice's heart skipped a few beats, and her face reddened. He was adorable like this. But her upbringing reacted faster than her hormones, and she hooked a boot around his side, hurling him off her with a thrust of her leg.

She lay glaring at him as he tumbled away. He met her gaze when he recovered, still grinning as though his hand had never left the cookie jar.

Then his eyes trailed down, and took in her rumpled skirt, hiked up to her hip, then her black and white striped stockings (that only reached up to mid-thigh), down to her high, black, laced boots. Here his eyes stopped, and he cocked his head to the side. Alice looked down to see what had caught his interest. Ah, yes...

Around her left boot were little chains of all shapes and sizes, with bits of cloth threaded through them so they wouldn't jingle as she walked. At the ends, and attached at the apexes where they dipped from one pinning to the next, were all manner of trinkets. Marbles, little tops, jacks, crude little wooden carvings of animals and chess pieces and even a tiny figurine of a top-hat.

Wrapped about her right boot were about half a dozen black silk ribbons holding in – here Hatter's eyes grew wide – knives. Short daggers. All manner of sharp things that he'd never seen before, and had no name for. "What in Hell..." he whispered.

Alice stood suddenly, and her long skirts fell to her ankles, covering the secrets laced up on her boots. "The left is for William," she said quietly. "The right is for suitors." She spat the word out as though it were poison.

Hatter's jaw was opening and closing, but no sounds were coming out. His hands were working across his chest, as though checking for holes. He had, after all, just been lying on those boots...

Alice stalked stiffly over to where Hatter's top-hat lay among the flowers, and picked it up. She brushed some of the flowers off, but kept one that had a particularly long stem. This she threaded into the checked hat band, then crammed the over-large thing on his head. Then she turned away, feeling edgy and exposed.

"Look! Hatter, Alice...look there!" Rabbit still lay on his back, but now he was pointing into the sky, over the edge of the trees in the forest. And there, far above the tree-line and a good ways off, was something flying in the sky. Alice could make out dark wings...

But it was no bird. The body hung lankly from the wings as they beat, and it was certainly a human shape. Though from this distance it was hard to make out anything more.. All at once it seemed to snap to attention, turn towards them, and start to swoop down.

Hatter hauled himself to his feet and scooped up Rabbit in one of his arms. His other hand he planted into Alice's back, pushing her towards the dark forest.

"What is that thing?" Alice squealed, a prickle running down her spine.

"Less talking, more running for your life!" Hatter responded, pushing her harder. She began to trip on the roots of the trees as they crossed the meadow and under the canopy. Still Hatter pushed her harder, Rabbit whimpering incoherently in his arm.

Finally she stumbled to the ground, and heard the beat of wings. It was still far behind, but getting closer. Hatter hauled her up, pushing her forcefully against a nearby tree. He thrust Rabbit into her arms, and she tried her best to hold onto the large creature. Hatter didn't waste a moment, but chucked his coat, and turned it in-side-out. Then he shook it out, and as the fabric moved it fluttered into a long, dark cloak. This he pulled over his tall hat, and pressed his body against Alice, sandwiching her between himself and the tree, with Rabbit curled between them. His cloak covered them all, though Alice could just peek beyond a fold in the edge of the cloth.

From this vantage, she could make out the edge of the clearing. She doubted a cloak over them would truly hide them, but she didn't have a better idea herself. She watched as the sound of beating wings got louder. But a curious thing was happening in the poppy field. Tiny puffs of smoke were beginning to come from clusters of flowers, and were quickly building into a low smog. A larger accumulation of smoke was coming from a small rise of poppies near the edge of the meadow nearest the trio.

The beating of wings got louder and louder, and then the screeching began. Alice had never heard anything like it in her life. It was the sound of many creatures, and Alice realized that the one she saw in the distance must not have been alone. She wanted to clamp her hands over her ears, but she was cradling Rabbit's overlarge body. He started to wail, so Alice shifted quickly, hiking a heel onto the trunk of the tree, and pressing the inside of her knee to the outside of Hatter's thigh for support. She shifted Rabbit onto her leg, and freed a hand to clamp over his mouth. Not that one could hear much over the sharp cries of the winged creatures.

Alice saw one swoop low. Too low. When it got too close to the rising smog, it careened off course. Alice could see it's wings, the tangled hair from its head, a long, barbed tail, and feet that ended in talons. It sailed too low and too close to the woods. With a sickening crunch, it crumpled against a tree.

The other screeches grew raucous, then the heavy beat, beat of wings began to drift away. Alice hoped they wanted nothing to do with the noxious air wafting up from the meadow. After a few minutes, it seemed she was right. Hatter relaxed his grip around Alice a bit, and pulled away from the tree slightly. It was then that Alice realized his body was still pressed against hers, with Rabbit wedged between them.

She wriggled away, and looked back where she'd been. She could only see a tree with many, many gnarls at first. Then Hatter pulled his cloak off his hat, and she saw him emerge. Alice gawked. It looked like the tree was splitting open to reveal the man, but half of the "trunk" was only his cloak. She had no idea they'd been concealed so completely.

Hatter winked at her. "Gift from the Black Widow," he said. Alice hadn't met anyone like that in Wonderland, so she only shrugged, gawking a bit as she watched the cloak fade back to black.

"You can put me down, now, I think," Rabbit whispered shakily. Alice readily complied. Her arms ached from carrying him, even for that short time. He was quite large. For a rabbit.

Alice realized it was colder in Wonderland than she remembered. She pulled on her long black coat, shivering.

Hatter was watching the smog. It was finally starting to disperse, but slowly. There would be no going into the meadow to get their bearings again, at least not for a few hours.

"What were those things?" Alice asked quietly.

"Jabbermen. The nastier spawn of the Jabberwocky. But then, you'll have no notion of him. He came after you left Hell," Hatter said matter-of-factly.

"Wonderland." Alice rcorrected "But I know the Jabberwocky. I read a poem about it before I came into Looking-glass Land. I asked Humpty-Dumpty about it."

Hatter frowned at the young girl, curious and troubled.

"But what do they want with us?" she asked.

"Not us, Alice. You, I'm sure. They must've figured out what we've been up to," Hatter responded.

"Who's we? And who's 'they'? And what've you been up to?" It finally occurred to Alice that while she used to be able to come and go from Wonderland fairly easily, it had been something of a production to get Hatter there and back again.

"There's no time!" interrupted the White Rabbit. "We're late already! And with those things," he said, gesturing towards the clearing, "after us, we're doomed for sure if we stay around here! We're lost, I tell you! And we can't even get to the clearing to catch our bearings!" he was fairly wailing now, hopping on his hind legs.

"You recovered quickly, there," Alice commented. But she was already looking to the clearing and the meadow, where the smog was still slowly dissipating.

"I wonder if Caterpillar had anything to do with that..." she mused aloud.

"Who?"

"Caterpillar. He smokes a good deal of hookah. And it looked like those cloud-puffs were coming up from underneath the poppies. Seems like as good a place as any for him to be carrying on these days."

Hatter and Rabbit only looked puzzled at her.

"I shall have to get small again, so I can talk with him. But it would certainly be better if I got small closer to the clearing, so I wouldn't have to travel as far once I'm tiny."

"Alice, as a professional madman, I have to say that you don't sound right in the head," Hatter offered helpfully.

"You've really never met Caterpillar? He's ever so clever. I bet he would know where we are. And if not, maybe he has some friends in that meadow who could tell us." Alice was already walking that direction, taking a small, black lace kerchief from her pocket to cover her nose and mouth in case she got too close to the smog. She watched the ground as she walked, as though searching for something.

"Are you worried you might step on your caterpillar friend? Because if he was here, we probably smushed him when we tromped through here a bit ago..." But Hatter was also looking warily on the ground and the bottom of his shoes, as though worried he'd find the unfortunate bug's remains there. Rabbit saw this and followed suit, checking between his clawed little toes.

"No, no, not at all. Caterpillar's too clever to go and get himself stepped on. I'm looking for a mushroom to eat."

….............................

"Alice, what've you got there?" Patrick asked his precious blond child.

"Proof, Father! Oh, daddy, you'll finally believe what I've been telling you! I've got these mushroom pieces from Caterpillar's mushroom! I used them to get bigger and smaller! I'll show you!" Alice made to carefully nibble a piece (she didn't want to get too big or small, she might break something, or wink right out of existence!), but Patrick stopped her.

"Ah, now, dear, that's not necessary! But wherever did you get these from?" he asked, looking at the tiny, strange-coloured morsels. "You say they came from a mushroom of sorts? I'll bet it was a toadstool. You shouldn't eat these, child," he said, sternly. It was clear he was growing concerned for where she'd been. He took them from her hands, and put them in a box on his dresser.

...............

"WHOA! Hold it there! I know we've had a rough trip, but don't go getting suicidal on us! Eat a mushroom indeed!!!!" Rabbit's left eye bugged a bit more so than usual. He raced up to Alice's side and snatched her hand, trying to pull her back.

"What? What are you going on about? I only want to get small! I'm not going to let myself wink out, either. That's why you get both sides of the mushroom"

Hatter was intrigued, and quite impressed. Had no clue what she was going on about. But still, it sounded impressive. It positively sounded like mischief!

…...............

"Mother! Mother, I've lost Kitty and Snowdrop! And Dinah is absolutely frantic! Oh, where could they have gone!" Alice was flying about the house, looking under every nook and cranny.

"Calm down, child, and don't make such a spectacle of yourself." Clarice was quickly tiring of Alice's fancies, especially since her latest bit of nonsense, 'Looking-glass Land.' Wonderland was just silly, but it was looking as though Alice's rantings were only gaining momentum. Marissa had been far more sensible, even at Alice's age.

Clarice stood, and snatched the rambunctious girl as she ran past. "Now, I'm certain they're just playing about. They're still young, you know."

"You don't understand, Mother!" Alice was hesitant to speak of the incident, knowing that her mother didn't care for her talk – well – didn't care for her talk at all, really. It was always, "Be quiet!" or "Seen and not heard, child," or "Less is more when it comes to the nonsense of children." But this was a true disaster! She'd just have to endure Mother's wrath.

"Oh, please don't be angry with me! But I found the box where Father hid my mushroom pieces from the Caterpillar! I meant to show them to William again, but the kittens snatched them! Now I can't find them! They'll be poisoned for sure! They'll get too big or too small! And who knows what Wonderland mushrooms do when they wither!" Alice was talking quickly, all the time trying to tug herself away from Clarice.

Clarice hauled her free hand back, and backhanded the girl senseless before she could utter another word. Alice went sprawling across the living room floor.

"Now, child, you listen to me." her voice was cold and even. "Mr. Hervey may put up with your nonsense, but I will not. You will stop it this instant. You will grow up, and never speak such craziness again. It is unbecoming of an 8-year-old young lady. You will not shame this family any further. Do you understand?"

Alice only gaped. She'd never been struck so hard. She didn't dare cry, she was too shaken up. She nodded once. Clarice turned on her heel, and stalked out of the room. Alice got back on her feet. "Nasty queen," she whispered, and resumed searching for the kittens. Slowly. Quietly. She hardly even sniffled. Hardly.

..................

"Don't just stand there, Hatta, tell her she'll die!" Rabbit was frantic now, yanking on Alice's arm as though he would tear it off.

"Now, now, I've never died from a mushroom. How can I go telling her she will?" Hatter responded. He was beside himself, waiting to see what would happen next.

"That's because you've never eaten one! You, and everyone else here, KNOWS BETTER!!!" Rabbit was losing it quickly, but kept one hand firmly tugging on Alice's wrist, the other wagging a finger at Hatter.

Alice, however, had spotted a little gray lump on the forest floor that looked promising. Peeking down, she saw that it was, indeed, a mushroom, and that its under-ruffles were bright red. While Rabbit was busy having hysterics, she bent down at the waist and pinched off a small piece from the edge. Before she could get a piece from the opposite edge, two lumps on the surface of the mushroom moved. Alice froze.

The lumps peeled back to reveal eyes peering groggily up at her, grumpy and a bit disdainful. Suddenly they swiveled over to the edge where she'd taken a piece, and then back at her, completely indignant. Alice meant to apologize, but the eyes closed, and then the two lumps were on the move. They went across the surface, over the edge, and down the stem.

Alice was intrigued. She saw them re-emerge on another mushroom in the circle that the mushroom colony had formed. The eyes were positively fuming, and the little mushroom let out a furious puff of spores. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't suppress a giggle. If anything, this made the little eyes angrier. She looked down at the original mushroom again, and saw that the edge was already mending itself. Whispering a quick ,"Sorry!" to the eyes, she pinched off a piece from the other side of the mushroom.

…...............

Alice was exhausted. She had been searching day and night for the kittens for three days. William was trying to help, but he couldn't move far on his crutches, and it seemed to be getting harder and harder for him. She avoided Father as much as she could. It would only be a matter of time before he discovered the kittens were gone. Somehow Alice had to find them, and fix them from whatever the mushrooms did to them, before Father found out. Clarice was all but fuming at her lately, and Alice felt it must be all her own fault. She didn't want to upset Father that badly, too. She just couldn't.

It was very, very late. She wasn't even supposed to be up. She'd crept as quietly as she could, but fear of getting caught was making her already tired limbs even more tense. She trudged quietly back up to her room, whimpering in frustration.

She set her little candle down, and turned to take off her robe and slippers. But something VERY large was moving in front of her floor mirror...

Alice backed herself against her bed, unable to see exactly what it was. But some part of her mind was guessing...

Then it let out a snarling cry. It was like a meow, but so strangled and tortured it was only barely recognizable. Alice began to quake, tears already rolling down her cheek. "Kitty?"

The dark shape paced a few more times in front of the mirror. It seemed to be limping. Finally, it approached Alice. The young girl started to moan quietly.

There, in front of her, was a massive, deformed black cat. It's eyes seemed to be sliding from its' face. It's front paws were far too small, the back ones massive. The cat was having to almost drag them. It mewed piteously when it finally recognized Alice. It hopped the last few feet to reach her, then buried its' head in her chest. It was quaking, terrified. Alice thought it must be in pain, too, the way it held itself. Her heart was breaking.

"No, no Kitty. Oh, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Kitty. Oh, Kitty...oh Kitty...oh little Kitty..." she kept repeating, over and over. She rocked, she pet it's misshapen head. Finally she looked up at her floor-length mirror.

"Kitty, you can't stay here. The mushroom poisoned you...it was too old, it was in the wrong world. You need to get to Wonderland or Looking-glass Land. I'm sure you'll be better off there. I think..." here she choked a bit, "I think Daddy and Mother will only believe you a stray. They'll take you away, sweetheart. I think they'll..."

She couldn't say it. She scampered over to her mirror on her knees, still cradling the big black cat-thing's head, pulling it's body along. It had been several months since she'd been on the other side of the mirror, but she believed she could get back, if she just let her mind drift that way. She daren't before, she'd gotten in so much trouble for the whole situation. And besides that, she couldn't figure out how to take William. And she'd promised.

She heard a clomping in the hall. It was either a very sleepy Father, or William. She had to act quickly. She gently pressed her beloved kitten against the mirror. "Please, please take Kitty. Please. I'll do anything. Just take her. Take care of her. Please. She can't stay here."

Nothing happened. Alice grew frantic. "PLEASE! I'll – I'll wait! I'll stay away for years and years if you just take her! You can take all my trips from now until...Until I'm grown and gone from school!" she was thinking fast, of any bargain. "You can have them, just take her! And here, you can have my thimble, too!" she grabbed the thimble that the Dodo bird had given back to her. She kissed her kitten's head, pleading and pleading with the mirror. Finally two things happened at once. First, the mirror glowed green. Then, her bedroom door handle began to giggle.

"Oh, is it a sacrifice?" a voice came from the mirror. It was a woman's voice, and sleepy. But even then, it sounded wicked.

"Kitty is NOT a sacrifice!" Alice whispered angrily, still holding up her kitten, but starting to falter. A black-nailed feminine hand came from the other side of the mirror. It was bedecked with jewels. It grasped Kitty.

"No, this beast isn't a sacrifice. But your time is. And now your time is mine," the voice responded with obvious pleasure.

"You MUST care for her!" Alice pleaded, as the hand began to pull Kitty through the mirror.

"No creature in all these lands will receive finer things. And now, goodbye, child."

Her bedroom door turned, finally, and William and Father both collapsed into her room. William just caught the glow in the mirror. Patrick caught nothing.

Alice turned slowly to her family, tears staining her face all the way to her nightgown. "Oh, Father. The kittens have run away," she lied.

.....

Alice stopped struggling with Rabbit for a minute, gulping. No, the mushrooms in Wonderland weren't like the spoiled ones in her own world. She knew this. She shook her head, resolving to focus on what was happening before her.

Now she needed both hands to test the mushroom pieces, but Rabbit wasn't letting go, and her wrist was starting to bruise from the pressure of his fingers. *Those are some big hands for a rabbit, * she thought to herself, noticing that they were human-like.

"Rabbit, what's the matter with your hands?" she asked. Rabbit stopped his tirade long enough to look down at his own grip. He gasped, releasing her wrist. Instantly his hand began to shrink back into the proper size and shape for his rabbit body.

Alice was confused at the spectacle, but decided to take the opportunity to make a mad dash for the edge of the clearing. She was tired of carrying, arguing with, and being dragged about by the White Rabbit. She was going to have a chat with Caterpillar, and Mr. Uppity-Hoppity wasn't going to impede her any further. Handkerchief over her nostrils and mouth, she finally reached a space near the edge, but not quite into the smog yet. The smog seemed to not dare go into the forest, for which Alice was thankful. Whatever happened to that...that Jabberman, she didn't want to suffer it, too.

She turned, expecting to have to fend off Rabbit, but she saw him and Hatter wrestling back and forth after her, Hatter trying to hold the smaller man back, laughing gleefully at the game. Rabbit was absolutely losing his mind trying to get at her. For all the world, it looked to Alice as though they were playing leap-frog. The last vestiges of her awful memories vanished as she chuckled to herself, then pulled the kerchief from her face. She examined the two pieces, taking one in each hand. She licked the one in her left hand first. She began stretching slowly skyward. The leap-frogging men stopped, staring a-gog.

She shook her head, then licked the second piece. Slowly, slowly she shrank. She kept licking the piece in her right hand whenever her progress slowed. When she felt about the right side, she licked them both at the same time. She felt a strange lurching sensation in her belly, as though it were getting pissed at the whole process. But she stopped shrinking, and didn't grow anymore.

The Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit clung unwittingly to each other (as they had stopped mid-wrestle) and let their jaws hang a bit longer.

Hatter finally shook himself out of his stupor, "Well I'll be Damned."

-

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A.N. Whew! Took me long enough! I'm cutting this chapter off here to get it out to you guys. I'm also dropping this story from 'M' rating to a 'T' rating until things get more compromising. Then I'll change it back. As it is, I feel like it's false advertising to put an 'M' on the story I've got so far. Hee hee...

Also, if you wanna check out a face-portrait of the Mad Hatter, here's a link:

http://

leiladragon . deviantart

.com/art/Mad-Hatter-113550741

Hmm... the site won't let me just put the link up. Tell you what, visit my profile page, it's up there. I've had him in my head for years now, and from time to time I put his face to paper.

Captain Gonzo, you went and used the classic line before I could! Shame on you! Reviewing chapter by chapter, I see you're up to Chapter 2. Anxious to see how you like the rest!

Voldemortperfumes, I look forward to keeping you happy with more chapters. Yes, LOTS of emotion, both my own and my characters'.

stemilie69, I'm flattered! Hope I keep it that way!

I'm having a lot of fun finally doing this! Why did I put this story off for so long? Mad ramblings, ah well. 'Til next chapter!