***WARNING: This chapter is rated M because it has adult language and sexual themes. If this bothers you, DON'T CONTINUE!***

Cracking Façade

Hatter tossed Rabbit out of his arms as though he weighed not more than a puff of smoke. With a small cry the graying, whimpering mass went tumbling away.

Taking three long strides, Hatter found the patch of mushrooms Alice had violated not so long before. Bending at the waist 'til almost double, he stared at this circle of fungus. Unsurprisingly, it glared back at him. He saw the scarred cap that she'd pinched, and reached towards it. Massive puffs of spores responded. Hatter cocked his head to the side, then reached into his cloak-jacket. After a short while, he pulled out a flask. It read, "Oh, dear gods in Heaven and Below, DON'T DRINK ME!"

The ring of mushrooms trembled in response. He replaced it. The mushrooms sagged in relief. He pulled out a teapot-like thing, inlaid with pearls and onyx, that simply read "Huh?" Nodding in approval, he tipped a few drops between the quavering eyes. Instantly, a cottony, sugar-perfumed puff exuded from whence the spores had previously come. The eyes crossed, then became lidded and lazy. They looked up at the pale, black-etched face before them with confusion and mild approval.

"I think they used to call that 'laudanum,'" Hatter chuckled, then took a snippet next to each of the places that Alice had plucked the largest mushroom. "I only added a bit more spice, really. Enjoy." He tipped his hat at the bewildered, sleepy thing, then marched a few steps in the direction Alice had gone.

"Wh-what are you doing? Where are you going? Those-those things! You can't just leave me here!"

Rabbit was shuddering from head to toe against a tree trunk he'd landed on after his tumble. Hatter glowered at him a moment, then shrugged. "Here. Hide. I'll be back with the girl soon enough." He tossed his cloak over the creature, and instantly it chameleoned itself against the surrounding foliage and the trunk, leaving only a gnarled root where the White Rabbit should have been. Never mind that the root shuddered from time to time. "And don't worry, we shan't be late."

At this he strode to the edge of the clearing, and sampled Wonderland mushrooms for the first time.

….........................

Alice had only just made it to the small rise where the greatest clouds of smoke had been coming from. If anyone in Wonderland could make a smog cloud big enough to intoxicate a full-grown creature into flying off-course, it was Caterpillar. She was completely sure of this.

She felt great tremors in the ground, as though elephants were tromping through the forest, and assumed it was Hatter coming her way. It made sense, being this close to the ground, that he should cause earthquakes. But she was more concerned that he would squish her, so she hurried up the rise under brambles and undergrowth, hoping he wouldn't tromp through those.

At one of the crests of the rise, she saw several shelves of fungus extending from what once must have been a great tree, but was now only a cracked, decaying stump. Poppies grew up all around it and over it, masking the wonder beneath. Bread-and-Butterflies swarmed to and fro, chased by Rocking-Horse flies. The Bread-and-Butterflies were carrying blossoms shaped like vessels that held some sort of liquid. The Rocking-Horse flies were anxiously trying to lap at them whenever the Bread-and-Butterflies landed for a breather. Snap-Dragon-flies were gathered around bubbling pools of some strange, green and amber substance. The pools had great bamboo shoots dipping into them. The other insects seemed to avoid the Snap-Dragon-flies altogether, as their holly wings were quite prickly, and their heads were, of course, raisins burning in brandy. A few enterprising Army Ants, their bodies a swath of military greens or navy blues, lit pieces of the decaying stump from the flames on the heads of these rather lethargic winged creatures, then raced back over the rise.

Alice watched all of this in fascination for a bit, then decided to follow the ants. They seemed a bit more purposeful than the rest of the creatures, who honestly seemed completely out of sorts, either drunk, drugged or otherwise incapacitated.

Alice was almost to the crest of the second rise (which was, truly, just the inner bark that had not decayed as much as the outer bark of the stump), when she saw great, glittering crystals arising from what must have been a dip just beyond where she could see. She hurried up faster, dodging the bottom arcs of Rocking-Horse flies and scraping her stockings on the strange, hard fungus outcroppings.

When she finally reached the top and gazed down, she caught her breath. There, below, was a massive creature, easily dwarfing herself and all the other insects she'd seen.

At first she would have thought it a butterfly, except that two pairs of its wings were delicate crystal, moving to and fro so slowly she never would have noticed that they were wings, had she stayed below the last rise. The last pair were like stained-glass windows, but with scenes and symbols so ominous and arcane, it made her skin crawl. Its body was made of (and she counted) 13 segments, all seeming to function in sinister harmony. The head-wards portion was at the center of the crater in the center of the rotted stump. All about the stump were toadstools of every shape, color and size.

The creature's body wound in a spiral, lower and lower, along a path that disappeared into the ground. It easily had as many legs as a centipede, maybe more. But its head....

Alice recognized Caterpillar. The foremost face on the creature was the same. Sleek and smooth, ebony but seeming carved of porcelain, it stood out from the thorax like a mask. But there were two more faces, one on each side. They, too, seemed carved of ebon porcelain. But one was grotesquely decadent, fascinating in its cruelty, deceit and keen interest in the Green-Eyed-Ladybugs fawning at its base, all lust and intoxication. A Lustful Face. The other side-face Alice could only see the farthest edge. But the eye bugged madly, and cackles of hysteria burst from it without warning. The head was perched against one of its many legs – this one with an appendage hand-shaped – the 'hand' resting in between Caterpillar's face and the Face of Insanity just to its side.

It seemed as though the thing had a headache, but it puffed, from all three mouths, from a massive hookah whose hoses wound down beside it's spiraling body into the depths of the roots of the stump. It seemed as though the entire root structure must be the bowl of the hookah, and the bubbling pools from which the Snap-Dragon flies sipped the 'water-bowls.' The Army Ants continually filled massive collections of coals which ringed the spiral of the creature. One army-ant, much bigger and made entirely of angles, spoke briskly with Cater---er, Butterfly? What was one to call this creature??

"Another victory for the Queen!" the Army Ant General yelled briskly. "Truly, your ways are unorthodox, Omega. But today is a day to rejoice. The Underworld is protected, the Queen escaped to the forest, and the Jabbermen thwarted! Ah, I love the smell of broken bones in the morning!" At this, the strident ant saluted at nothing in particular, pride and eagerness shining from his garnet, spiked features. He stood erect, a statue of a perfect military-ma--erm--ant. But Alice wondered, what was he going on about? What Queen?

Caterpillar (for she had his name stuck in her head as such), merely nodded, cradling his head gingerly, puffing blue smoke from his central face. "Yes, yes. Just keep the coals coming. I've not had so many different drugs in my body since..." and at this he shuddered violently, the crazed face howling "...since a long time, at any rate. Some Fixer-Upper will do the trick, just bring more coals, I tell you. MORE COALS!!!" And at this, he looked up to where the soldier Army Ants were coming over the rise with smoldering bits of the stump. Finally, he spied Alice.

"The Queen has come! Bow now! Bow before the Returned Majesty!" All three faces were crying in unison. "She has come to us! We have won her favor for rescuing her! She will bring about..."

Here he trailed off, his central face examining her more closely. Alice was frozen in fascination and surprise as all the insects, and even (seemingly) the leaves and flowers of the vine of Cat's Claw that trailed over the stump, turned to gaze upon her. Suddenly the General bowed in utter adoration, and the creatures about him quickly followed suit.

But Caterpillar was growing angry. "LEAVE US! The Queen and I must have an audience alone. ALONE, I SAY!" he screamed, as some of the Green-Eyed_Ladybugs clung desparately to different appendages, rubbing themselves wantonly against him, and other insects (which Alice had not previously seen) chirruped as though begging, crawling away from many nooks and crannies of his body. Each let out a puff of smoke, as though they'd been suckling the vapors from his segments.

He sent a tremor like a massive sound-wave down his body, sending everything about him flying, even as they bowed to Alice, and pleaded in insect-voices to Caterpillar. He ignored them all, kicking with his many legs when necessary. The General merely called out to the ants, "Troops, OUT!" and the ants marched out before the first insect on the receiving end of a well-aimed kick from Caterpillar could sail past them.

Alice came up slowly, trying not to see the genuflects from the scattering creatures as she approached the massive Caterpillar. She realized, now, that she could possibly have approached him in her original size, so massive was this 'insect.' Alice was just a bit larger than the other insects, but nowhere near Caterpillar's new, gargantuan mass. She waited until the last of the insects had scampered, frightened and awed, away. Caterpillar scowled at her. "So," and he arched his head until it was millimeters from her own. "It's YOU again," he said, disgusted.

"Am I not a Queen, then?" Alice retorted. She was still shaken – and, honestly, a little heady – from the attention.

Caterpillar snorted from his central and Lustful façades. The Face of Insanity made no reaction. "No," his Lustful Face responded. "But if I can have no Queen to myself today, I suppose you'll do for now." The Lustful Face was full on her now, his gaze traveling from her boots, to her slim waist, to her flattering bodice, to her heaving, angry chest, to her livid, flushed face. He was breathing hard, and twisting towards her. The Lustful face was licking his lips with a long, sinuous tongue.

Alice recoiled, and a deep snarl grew up within her.

…...............................

"You'll do nicely, then!" It was Mary Elise's cousin. His jaw was broad, his expression dull and bored in it's sexuality. Alice though he'd make a fantastic specimen skull for a biology class. As it was, he was her 'date' for her evening out with her 'friends.' "C'mon, now, luv! Give us something sweet..." She was certain she'd like him better dead. Especially when his hands groped at her body on the ballroom floor. Alice whirled quickly, 'accidently' slamming her knee into his groin as she spun. He crumpled.

It was the last time Alice went to a ball. For months, Mary Elise wouldn't speak to her. Her cousin had wound up in the hospital, and it was widely whispered that he would never have children. Not that it mattered...

....................................

So much younger, but the same...

"Now, little Alice, you must do as you're told," said the 'doctor' in his long coat. He must be related to Doctor Aranmula. His face was so much the same. And his hand on her knee... "You know, you're a bit old for a new patient. But you'll do for now, until we get a few more, eh?" *I'm NINE! * she thought to herself. *I'm not old at all!! * Alice was already so lost. Oh, she just wanted Father to be there. He would take care of these 'doctors.' But she was all alone. She had to take care of them alone.

"Don't be so stiff, eh? Oh, yes. You'll do, you'll do very nicely..." She snatched her boot from under her cot – the only bit of her clothing they'd left with her – and whirled it around, slamming it into his head.

So much blood. She only meant to stop him. And indeed, his hand traveled no further up the thin, scratchy gown they'd given her in place of her proper dress. In fact, he didn't move at all. Alice liked him better this way, his unmoving body slumped over her lap, mouth agape.. She sat prim, and waited for a nurse to arrive to give her 'medicine.' It took an hour. Alice didn't budge. Yes, he was much more manageable this way. She even hummed. So much, much better.

But when the nurse showed, she screamed. And screamed. It must have been that his jaw wasn't sitting quite right, Alice supposed. Or all the blood. Goodness, he bled far too much for a decent man. Not that it mattered...

….............................

Alice cocked her head to the side, then began to laugh. It was a strangled kind of thing, high-pitched and unreal.

"Ah, yes...you'll do nicely..." the Lustful Face smacked more ferociously, hungering after her. The Face of Insanity began muttering. No one was listening to it.

Her body took over. She knelt down, chuckling. The Lustful Face laughed along, enjoying the way her hips curved as she bent. She pulled her skirts up over her right boot, and began untying a ribbon.

But arms were folding around hers, and pinning hers to her back. By the time Alice had a throwing knife in one hand and a long dagger in the other, she found she couldn't use her arms at all. She bucked, but couldn't throw the menace. "Alice, stop!! He's not...he's not a bloody suitor!"

Alice heard Hatter's voice, but distantly. "You must be the favorite of the good Doctor!" Alice screamed, lurching against the iron grip. "I suppose I would do, until you could find something younger!" she spat. She was nearly frothing.

Caterpillar reared up, something in his form trembling when she mentioned 'Doctor.' Something about the seventh segment didn't seem to hold together so well... *Not that it matters... * thought Alice.

"Alice, shut it!" Hatter was holding onto the writhing Alice, but he had no hand to spare to slap over her mouth. Damn and double-damn, if only he had his jacket. He would take his pot of "Huh?" and choke the girl on it.

"NO! I won't do at all, will I! Not for you, not for Doctor Aranmula, not for his son, not for the nurses or the patients! Not for anyone in Kazan! I won't let you near me, I won't be a good girl!" Alice laughed with hysteria and menace. It was clear to Hatter that she wasn't even talking to Caterpillar anymore. She was having a fit. And Hatter knew exactly what she was talking about. Damn...

Caterpillar seemed to know what she was talking about, too. His entire form began to quake. A crack ran down one wing.

"You can't stand me talking abou that PLACE, can you! Can't hear about the ! Rabbit can't hear about Aranmula! Father can't hear about Kazan! No Kazan for school, no Kazan for Family, no Kazan for Wonderland!! Just Kazan for sick, sick Alice's head! Sick, sick, dirty, filthy, bad, bad Alice! But it's just too much for you nasty FUCKS, isn't it!!!"

Segements in the spiral form cracked every time she said Kazan. The whole thing was writhing, pulling itself apart.

"TELL ME WHY! Why is this Alice's dirty little secret? Why do I have to protect all of YOU from it? I won't! I'll break you all with my words! I'll break you 'til you're broken like me!" Alice was starting to lose steam, and her shoulders were heaving.

Hatter took the opportunity, and tossed her to the ground. He pinned her there, wrapping his long hand over her mouth. "I SAID SHUT IT! You're killing him!" But her eyes were wide and glazed. He may as well have said it to the tree-stump. She was still muttering "break you, break you..." beneath his hand.

The great crystal wings were cracking, now crumbling.

"Easy, Butterfly! Hold yourself together! Here!" At this, Hatter reached for a hookah hose that the Caterpillar had dropped. It was no use. He couldn't hold Alice and still reach it.

Caterpillar's faces were all wailing now. It was a great cacophony. The segments of his body had almost all pulled themselves apart. He only had three segments still connected to his thorax, and it wasn't enough to support the massive stained-glass wings. He toppled with a great crash, shards of glass flying in every direction.

It was all Hatter could do to cover Alice's body with his own, wrapping his arms about her head. Alice seemed to finally realize the danger, and curled into him, burying her face in his shoulder.

The great creature was still. Hatter pulled up from Alice, examining her face. She was lucid. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Back to yourself again?" he asked, brushing the wild strands of dark hair off her face. She nodded, still trembling. She clung to him, obviously bewildered and shaken from her own outburst. She looked over to where Caterpillar lay. The Face of the Insanity was planted in the ground. The central face was facing away from them. But the Lustful Face was aimed skyward, long tongue lolling out, the whole thing lurid and quite dead.

"Oh, oh, Alice. I think you went and killed him."

Alice wasn't thinking, she was just looking hatefully at the dead, awful face. She whispered, "Not that it matters..."

Hatter looked down at her in incredulity and disgust, and rolled away. He stood, and yanked his hat off his head. He looked for all the world as though he meant to beat her thoroughly with it. He spat in disgust, and Alice was a bit surprised he didn't spit on her. He marched towards Caterpillar, thought better, and marched back. On the way, he reached over his shoulder and yanked out a nasty glass shard. He waved the thing at her, emphasizing every other syllable with the bloody point.

"You stay put and shut it, or I swear I'll break every tooth in your mouth. With my boot." Alice's eyes grew wide, but she obeyed.

He tossed the shard aside, and marched back over to the broken body.

Alice watched as he climbed over the massive thing, blood still leaking from his shoulder. When he got to the other side, she could only see his head over the prone form. She had to look past the Lustful Face to watch him, but she swallowed the bile rising in her throat, and lay perfectly still.

"Ah, Jester. I thought I recognized you. Is this where you disappeared to?" Hatter leaned forward, smiling gently and touching the porcelain face.

"~~Ha-hatta? Hatta! Never thought I'd see you again..." The Caterpillar's voice was gravelly and slurred, as though broken with age. *He's alive! * Alice thought.

"You still remember the old Jester, eh? Ah, I was grand back then, wasn't I? I suppose I died..." As the broken creature said this, one more segment on his body cracked and fell to dust.

Hatter panicked. "But you're much lovelier now, aren't you? I always thought you a mess before, with your ridiculous hat! King of the insect forest now, aren't you?" Hatter wiggled his brows at Caterpillar, and the big creature chuckled.

"Ooh, ouch! Hatta, my face is getting crushed. Be a good man and roll me off it, would you?" Hatter nodded, then scowled at Alice. She got the message clear enough: Boot in the face if she breathed a word.

He unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves. His forearms were wiry and solid. His muscles rippled wickedly under the skin. When he heaved to push the giant thing over, the muscles bunching in his shoulders would have split the seams of his shirt, had he left his cuffs buttoned. It occurred to Alice that when this man said he would hurt someone, he wasn't blowing smoke.

The only thing left of the wings were the shattered stained-glass shards at the base, but these were thick and strong. To roll him all the way over, Hatter had to lift most of the creature. It was terrifying to watch. But inch by inch, Hatter lifted the massive thing.

Another thing occurred to Alice. Hatter could have ripped her arms off to keep her from hurting Caterpillar. But he'd been gentle enough to barely bruise her, despite the way she thrashed. Even when he tossed her to the ground, she'd felt none of the strength she now saw. He was protecting her. A lump caught in Alice's throat, and she suddenly felt ashamed.

With a lurch and a groan, the body slammed down on the other side, and Alice could hear the splintering of the Lustful Face. Caterpillar seemed not to notice. He looked curiously over at Alice, but seemed not to recognize her. The Face of Insanity, though, looked sideways to lock gazes with her. There was a crack running the length of it, and the mouth couldn't move. But the wide, staring eyes blinked slowly at her, peering into her soul through her irises. She was completely transfixed.

Hatter grabbed the hose that was still giving off little puffs of blue smoke, and dragged it to Caterpillar's mouth. He sucked on it gratefully, eyes rolling back in his head with relief. Blowing massive billows of blue rings at her, he asked, "Who...are...you?"

Alice didn't look to Hatter for approval. She gazed intently into Caterpillar's face and answered clearly and quietly, "I am Alice."

Caterpillar smiled slowly, the ebony planes less of a porcelain mask, and more of a warm, dark face.

Alice smiled back. She didn't realize she'd been crying.

Hatter began to walk towards Alice to help her up, when a voice over the rise yelled, "Halt! Stay away from the Queen! Troops, the Omega has fallen! Seize the murderer!"

It was the General. Ants began pouring over the rise from every direction. Hatter cursed, then scooped Alice up. There was nowhere to go but down. He dashed past the broken segments of Caterpillar's body, and down the spiral corridor into the heart of the decaying stump.

The General joined the tide of Army Ants, yelling, "Don't let him take the Queen! SEIZE HIM!"

…..............................................

A/N before the A/N: The following author's note was written last night when I was VERY drunk. Red wine is a fantastic muse. I didn't finish writing or editing the chapter last night, so I did it sober. You're welcome, because the 'stupids' were pretty bad.

I'm leaving the note up because my drunk self amuses me, but it's a long note, and completely unnecessary. The important thing is, I wish I'd been able to update sooner, and I'm VERY happy with the reviews you keep sending me. You're my heroes!

A/N: Okay, I'm a hookah bowl and a half into this chapter, and I've had...well...a lot of booze to help me finish it out ~~gods I hope I finish this chapter tonight, so I can review it tonight for the stupids. I make stupids all over my writing sometimes~~. No, no, I'm not tipsy. I'm DRUNK. Whee!

I listen to Gnarls Barkley when I write my chapters.

I'm not British, so writing in a voice that puts my readers – even remotely – in a mood of the original Alice novels, is somewhat difficult. I'm from Texas. We say "y'all" around here, and commonly resort to Tex-Mex come-backs when insulted (I grew up next to the border, and currently work with a kitchen full of Spanish-speakers). But I was brought up in household where "Bloody Hell!" and "Blighter" was just as common.

My mother lived quite a while in England, and it left an impression. I have an accent that is – well – embarrassing when I'm drunk. I'm a bit lost between worlds. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass, and What She Found There were a gift to me on my 11th birthday. From my grandmother. Who collected silver spoons as she traveled about the world when she was young (as all proper little ladies do). Which I had to polish well into my teens. Is any of this world-traveling wealth still hanging about in my family tree? No. Not at all. I work in a wonderful Japanese restaurant, and it makes me happy. I design landscapes about the town, because it also makes me happy (and because I know a bit about the subject). But really, that only brings me to the Now.

I am going to Argentina soon. I don't think I believed it 'til just now. My mate has lured me into thinking I can make it abroad. I not only believe him, I would even go without him if he changed his mind at this point, so intent am I at making it down there. I think he'd be proud if he knew.

Argentina will be the background to a way of life, where I eat, sleep, drink and live an adventure that I have to write about, and write during, in order to have money for food and rent. I'm not anywhere close to a professional writer, but I'll get there. Necessity is the mother not only of invention, but also of success. Knowing that I won't have food or shelter without forcing myself to get better at writing is certainly a motivator!

This Author's Note is longer, but now you have a background to the story unfolding

So: Write. Read. Fanfiction? Sure. Original fiction? Get there! Thanks, all of my readers, all my reviewers. I swear I would not have written this much without you.

Snapps