Mirror to Her Soul
Hatter had no words. It was as though they all grew wings and flew South.
"I've seen the Priest's knife...Dr. Aranmula held it to my throat after I murdered his son."
Hell. There wasn't anything that could be said. He hooked a finger onto her chin, and just looked at the scar, then back into her face. She seemed helpless. The self-condemnation on her face warred only with the lingering hatred for her victim. Ah! A few words seemed to have changed their mind, and flown back. "Alice, what are you?" he whispered.
"Alice." The word came from the mirror, which illuminated the corridor with a soft glow.
They both turned to it. Alice's already pale face only blanched further. "Father..."
He was framed in the mirror as though for a portrait, the window of his bedroom visible over his shoulder. Alice realized he must be looking through the hand-mirror. By the shock in his expression, she could tell he'd heard at least the last of her words to Hatter. Her shoulders fell, her head dropped to her chest, and she couldn't look at him anymore.
But Hatter was looking from father to daughter, and back again. Clearly this needed some explaining, but Hatter had a more pressing matters on his tea-plate. The past was just going to have to be the 'elephant in the room' while they dealt with the present.
Eyes gleaming with recently shed tears, wide grin crookedly splitting his face, Hatter boomed, "Fresh subject! Moving on!" He stepped to the center of the mirror, leaving Alice curled on the ground next to him. "Mr. Hervey, so glad you could contact us! I almost feared the doctor's men had come to confiscate all the mirrors. Our passage back to -er, Wonderland - wasn't exactly subtle."
Patrick startled in the wake of Hatter's outburst. He wanted to be indignant, but the black tear-lines stained into the younger man's face, and the tear-soaked shirt made him pause before he retorted. Caught between addressing the girl he thought he'd understood and the madman he was sure he didn't, Mr. Hervey chose the latter.
"They did, actually. I hid the floor mirror before they got here, and this one. But they took the one over the mantle. They had a police officer with them, and insisted that it was an "antique" taken from their premises." He scoffed, unimpressed with the story. "I played dumb, and didn't put up too much of a fuss. They made none-too-subtle threats about making a public scene about how the mirror got here, and who took it." His face got softer. One could imagine that he was thinking about his wife, Faelyn, beating the system that imprisoned her by making off with the mirrors they'd used against her. The madman and the older gentleman shared an unexpected moment of pride in Faelyn's rebellion.
Then the Hatter's face grew more serious, and he tapped his hat rhythmically. "It's a shame they made off with one of the Queen's mirrors. None of us know what she did to them to make them work differently than the other Kannadi, and I'm only hoping that the doctor and the priest don't figure it out. Though, if Alice could stumble through them unwittingly..." They both turned to the girl, who looked for all the world like a caricature of the 7-year-old child that did stumble into wonderland. Her eyes were wide and frightened, her body seeming so much smaller curled around itself.
Alice met Hatter's eyes. She watched as the pride, the happiness she'd sensed in his features as they spoke of her mother, faded. She watched his beautiful, intense eyes fill with disappointment...then disgust.
He put his hand to his face, as though he'd lost all patience. "This simply won't do. I needed Alice: The Alice that would keep her promise to her little brother, and bring him to the world she'd found to have adventures with him. I needed the Alice that shook our little world, and made it richer. I needed the Alice that had been Queen here, if only for a little while. But you? You've talked of nothing but destruction, murder and vengeance. We don't need another Queen of Diamonds. I'm fetching my coat from that jittery Rabbit. Then I'm sending you home." For just a moment, a look of heartbreak played on his features. "Pity I brought you at all."
He turned, and slowly started back up the path.
Alice watched him, then turned to her father. He, too, looked upset, and at a loss for words. He couldn't help her.
Finally, Alice stood. Slowly, she dusted off her skirts, and straightened them. She looked up, into the beloved creases and warm eyes of the only person who loved her.
"I've done wrong by you, Daddy. I made myself believe that you wanted me to keep secrets. That you wanted me to lie, so I wouldn't hurt you. But that's not true. I just didn't want you to stop loving me for the things I did." She looked down, choking on her words.
"Alice..." Patrick started. But Alice didn't let him speak.
"It seemed like every accident in my life was my fault. And maybe it was. But I didn't mean to go to Wonderland." she smiled through the catching in her throat. "At least not the first time." Her smile faded, she continued, "I didn't mean to leave William alone the day he drowned. I didn't mean to go to Kazan. I-I didn't mean to kill that bastard son of Doctor Aranmula that played 'suitor' with imprisoned children. I meant to make him s-stop," She was shaking from rage and shame. But she kept going. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to speak of any of this to him again. "Some of these things I am very sorry for. I always will be. But some I am not sorry for." Her eyes held his. "And never, ever again will I apologize for the things I did as a child."
Her face set into a quiet, determined visage. "I am not the child I was. I am not the woman that my mother was. But I am not going home. I am not giving up on the place that has steered the course of my life. I will stay, whether it will have me or no. And I will help, even if I am not yet so clever as my mother. Goodbye, Father. I hope I will see you again." Alice touched the mirror.
Patrick saw Faelyn in Alice's face as he never had before. "No, child, don't go! You don't have to do this! I can't lose you, too!"
But Alice had turned, and began to walk slowly from the mirror. Every step she took left the shimmer of the mirror fading. She looked down, the cavern floor difficult to navigate with tears in her eyes. She'd not gone far at all through the growing gloom when she ran into Hatter's chest. "Oh!"
She looked up, startled. They gazed at each other a while. She realized he must have stopped to listen. Hatter watched Alice's lovely, pain-tightened face try to hold itself together. He made to say something, but couldn't put the words together. Alice beat him to it.
She looked away, afraid she might see disapproval etched in his face even through the darkness. "You brought me here to help you. To help Wonderland. I'm not what you wanted or expected, nor do I know what you intend me to do, but I'm all you've got. You presume much about me...and I...I guess I don't blame you. But whoever and whatever I am, I shall have to do. Neither of us have anyone else to rely on at the moment. You will NOT be taking me home, Hatter."
She moved around him, careful not to touch him as she moved past.
Mouth a-gawk, Hatter just stood there. All the words he meant to say to her were hanging on his ebony lips. Her footsteps dissipated down the corridor. He really hadn't understood her. He really had presumed so much. Watch a woman grow up for a decade, and you'd think you knew her. But not even her father had guessed at her secrets, and he'd been with her for twice as long. He could see the fading glimmer of the mirror, Patrick's worried face framed. He looked at the man, and, finally, he found words. Words he liked quite well. "Gods help me, I think I love her."
------
Back at the surface, they searched for Caterpillar, but couldn't find him. His broken segments still lay there, but his head and thorax were gone. Alice feared the worst, but dared hope that he had not died. Neither spoke.
Alice made her way out of the decaying stump without a backward glance. She began to carefully taste the second half of mushroom, to make herself grow again. It wasn't quite so awkward this time, and she felt she might be getting the hang of it. She was quite relieved to note that the opium-cloud had dissipated as well.
She glanced towards the stump, and saw Hatter standing full-grown. He was watching her. She was sure he'd managed to get to exactly the right size with no effort. By comparison, she was probably about 2 inches too tall. So be it. She wasn't going to fiddle with it anymore (not with him watching). He was also pretty smug about being so much taller than she. She turned away to grin to herself in triumph...
...and spied the most peculiar thing.. It looked like the White Rabbit, hopping almost towards them, then away, then throwing a cloth over himself and disappearing. But the 'grass' that was hiding him would quiver and tremble, until the pale creature burst forth again, in another random direction.
Alice couldn't help it. She laughed aloud. It felt good, after so much crying. And once she started, it was difficult to stop. Especially when the White Rabbit heard her laughter, ducked for cover, then (apparently) realized who it was. The grass and heather stopped quivering, and the poor thing poked his nose and half an ear out from a nonsensical line in the heather.
The White Rabbit seemed just about ready to come out from cover, when the sound of rending and cracking split the stillness of the meadow. From the corner of her eye, Alice spied the White Rabbit scampering back under cover as she whirled around to face the rotting stump. The Mad Hatter was pulling it apart.
"Stop it! What if he's still near there!" Alice flung herself at Hatter, trying to snatch his arm while checking under her feet before she stepped. Hatter did stop, but gazed at her in confusion. "Alice, Caterpillar's long gone."
Alice wilted. "Oh." She turned away before the tears could spill out. She really had killed him with her words.
Hatter realized what she must think, and caught her arm. His words tumbled out and ran together. "No-no-no! I mean, he's constantly changing form. That's just the way he's always been." Alice looked startled, and he dropped her arm sheepishly. He crouched over the stump, trying to grin at her reassuringly. He looked more like a predator showing teeth over a kill. "I mean, he wouldn't stay in a place that had caused him duress, and certainly wouldn't stay in the form he was in. He'll be alright, Alice." He reached over to pat her shoulder awkwardly, and a little too hard.
"Oof..." Alice coughed, her shoulder falling under a particularly heavy 'pat.' He was certainly VERY strong. Alice smiled humoring-ly at Hatter, but in truth she didn't know what to make of his stranger-than-normal behavior. And she just didn't have the emotional reserves to figure it out. She stepped away but asked, "What are you doing?" She didn't look directly at him.
"Oh! Well, hang on, I'll show you," he said, bending back to the stump. Alice watched his arms tighten. The stump was decaying, yes, but some parts were more in-tact than others, and it was, of course, buried from the roots down. Yet Hatter made quick work, splitting it almost precisely in half. He kept pulling. He seemed to be using the halves of the stump to pry the earth apart. Plants around it came uprooted, wood snapped, and earth gave way. But still he pulled. Alice imagined the corridor they'd just been in, utterly destroyed. She could even see the little glow-bugs scampering about to find solid ground. She shuddered a bit at his raw strength.
When the rift was deep and wide enough, she could make out a branch lying in the soil. But it was remarkably straight, for a branch.
Then Hatter stopped. "Ah-haah!" He lifted the branch out of the earth and twirled it about him like a baton. As soil flew off, it was clear that it was a walking cane. Hatter caught it solidly, then firmly flicked the last clump of dirt off of the hand-rest.
"Ouch!" Whimpered the White Rabbit, who'd made his timid way over to the pair just in time to get a face full of soil.
"Sorry 'bout that," Hatter responded. But his gaze was locked on the cane. Alice saw the late-day gloom reflect off of something in the hand-rest, and gasped.
The top was shaped like a jester's head, with a tri-belled hat and wicked grin. But it was the eyes that startled Alice. They were mirrors.
"You don't mean...those eyes...were we just standing..." Alice couldn't complete a thought.
"...in front of one of the eyes? Yes. We were. This lovely stick belonged to good ol' Jester! I thought he would have abandoned it after...well, he's stronger than he seems." Hatter finished abruptly. Alice eyed the White Rabbit, wondering how much truth he could handle, and what would break him. Best not to ask what all that about Jester meant, so long as the creature was near-by.
Hatter stalked over to the White Rabbit, bent at the waist, and plucked his jacket from the other male's paws. "Thanks for keeping hold of this, but next time I shan't leave it with you. You must simply hold your bones together for the adventure!"
"Where did that...that Jabberman go?" Alice asked quietly, scanning the meadow for the winged creature that had chased them down into the meadow..
"Oh, I've no doubt that the sheer amount of opiates in the air either completely undid his mind, or killed him. Who knows what else Caterpillar had his insects burn to create poison?" Hatter shrugged. "The important thing, now, is to get to the Duchess. We've already lost quite a bit of time..."
The White Rabbit jumped in, as though on cue, pulling out his massive stop-watch. "Oh! Oh dear! We're quite late indeed! Whatever will we tell the Duchess! Mary-Ann!" he yelled, wheeling to Alice. "How could you let us stray so far off schedule? Take us directly to the Duchess, at once!"
Alice sighed long-suffering. She kept forgetting that the White Rabbit often mistook her for his serving-girl. "I'm sure I couldn't get us to the Duchess if I tried. In fact, I'm certain I don't even know where we are."
"Lost. That's where you are." The liquid-dark voice voice seemed to spill out of the air from just over Alice's shoulder. She turned on her heel, already knowing who she'd see. "Cheshire-Cat!"
-----
Alice was already reaching to touch the striped face of her friend before it fully came into her view. There was only his immense, sharp grin, and nothing else. But she touched where his cheeks should be, just as they appeared. She held his face in her hands, beaming at him, until his entire head came into view. His eyes glowed eerily at her, and her tender fingers were far too close to his long, razor fangs.
But Alice had long ago decided that if the Cheshire-Cat wanted to eat her, he would have done so when she was young and tender. Still, his head and ears were far more ragged than she remembered. Perhaps he was more hungry now... Alice mentally shook off the thought, too happy to let it concern her at the moment.
"Cheshire, I've missed you so! I just knew you'd still be prowling about, no matter how long it took me to come back home!" She'd meant to say 'come back here,' but her joy had gotten the best of her. She didn't realize the slip, but Cheshire's eyes dilated, and Hatter snapped his head from Cheshire to Alice. She didn't seem to notice, and began to scratch along his jaw reassuringly. The impossibly large cat started purring. It wasn't so much audible as it was palpable – it seemed to shake the ground beneath them all.
"My, my, child, but you've grown! Has it been so long since the last time you were lost here? I forget that young girls are like bean-poles. Or, rather, like day old mice. First you're pink and squishy, but before one has even finished an afternoon nap you've grown all your bones and none of your flesh. All that remains is pale skin and fur. One eye closed and opened lazily, almost too slowly to be a wink. Alice arched a brow at him, play glaring. But she went from scratching to petting, and reached her hands to the top of his head, farther away from his teeth. Cheshire chuckled deeply, and Alice grinned sheepishly.
Then the large head turned a bit to gaze at Hatter, and there was tension instantly in the air. Alice didn't know what it was, or why, but she withdrew her hands from the large cat, and looked back and forth between them. The moment passed, and Cheshire looked down to the White Rabbit. "Ah, there you are! My, but you're looking scrumptious today!"
Poor White Rabbit had had too many close calls and life-threatening situations today. A massive cat, with its face so near his own, and with so many, many huge teeth, was the last straw. He fainted dead-away.
"Cheshire-Cat! You mustn't tease him so! You've no idea what he's been through today..." Alice remonstrated.
But the offending feline didn't stop grinning, and had an expression that said he might indeed know what had transpired that day.
Alice quickly knelt next to the White Rabbit, patting his cheeks and trying to rouse him. Hatter reached down to his jacket, and pulled a teapot (somehow completely full) from one of the pockets. This he proceeded to pour on the poor creature's face. Alice jerked back, a little shocked. But the White Rabbit stirred, sputtering a little. While Alice looked after him, Hatter turned his jacket right-side-out and slid it back over his shoulders. "Coming?" he asked.
Alice looked up and saw that the Cheshire-Cat had vanished. Hatter was heading out of the meadow and into a nearby copse. Just beyond him, Alice could make out Cheshire's hovering head, hanging above a rough trail through the woods.
"Honestly, those two!" she hissed, a little indignantly. She righted the White Rabbit as best she could. Truth be told, he looked far better than he had the rest of the day, despite the tea-stains on his face. "What in Heavens does Hatta put in his tea!?" the White Rabbit complained, sneezing the offending stuff out his nose.
Just as they caught up with the other two, Cheshire said, "Don't dawdle. The Duchess has been expecting you. And I'm almost certain you're being watch--" he stopped mid-sentence, looking out into the dense woods off the path. "Stay here," he growled.
And with that the Cheshire-Cat became a flickering ghost streaking through trees, odd parts of his body vanishing and coming back into view. He was nearly impossible to follow. Just when Alice was sure she'd lost sight of him, they heard panicked hissing and spitting. At first, Alice worried that it was Cheshire, but a moment later they heard growls and hisses that sounded like oily thunder, and Alice knew that the latter was her friend. A chill went down her spine. Alice had never heard the Cheshire-Cat fighting—it was a horrendous sound.
The fight ended as abruptly as it started. And though they could all hear scampering in the distance, they could no longer see even the faintest outlines. Then there was silence. Alice, straining her eyes and itching to snatch a blade from her boot, caught only a vague misshapen shadow streaking off in the far distance. But it was just a flicker, then it was gone. They waited in tense silence, the seconds stretching to minutes. They hardly dared breathe.
"If you're not too busy, perhaps we should move along..."
They all whirled at the sound of the Cat's voice, but Hatter was, by far, the fastest. He had turned, thrust Alice behind him, and held his cane defensively in front of the White Rabbit. The Cheshire-Cat and the Hatter were nose to nose, and the tension this time was palpable.
Hatter turned back to the path. It was as though the moment never happened. "By all means, Cat, lead on." He flicked the cane onto his shoulder, gesturing with his other hand. The Cheshire-Cat slinked his massive body (that never came into full sight...just a paw here, his tail there, now a shoulder) past the Mad Hatter with surprising grace. Alice was sure, if she ever saw a panther or a tiger, that it would walk just so.
She looked once more between the Hatter and the Cat, then hurried to catch up with Cheshire.
"What was that thing, Cheshire?" she asked.
"I don't actually know," he responded, flicking his ears in agitation. "But I've encountered it before. I'm sure it's a spy. It's a dark, cruelly wrought wretch of a creature. It doesn't speak, that I can tell. It's not strong, but it is amazingly quick."
Alice tried to imagine something faster than Cheshire's lightning-fast form racing through the woods, and the thought frightened her. She was glad to hear that it wasn't strong, but compared to Cheshire, she imagined that not many things in Wonderland were strong. Except Hatter.
She sneaked a look back at him, and could barely make out his features in the dark woods, with such a gloomy sky overhead. But his eyes were lidded, his pale face standing out against the black lines around his eyes, dripping down his cheek, and accenting his lips. His mouth was almost grinning, but this time it looked more like a snarl. He had each hand hooked around the cane, which rested across his shoulders. The White Rabbit sometimes hopped, sometimes walked beside him.
When Hatter caught her eye, he winked at her. Alice whirled back around. She couldn't tell if he was teasing or being kind, but it made her belly tighten. She decided to keep questioning the large, dangerous cat. Between the two, he seemed the safer choice.
"You say you don't know who that...creature...might be spying for. Other than the Queen of Hearts, who would want spies?"
The big cat chuckled. It was a low, slow thing, and strange...he still sounded like a deep-throated cat, and Alice had never heard a cat laugh. It seemed that when he raced through the forest, he used up all his speed, and all else was done slowly and luxuriously. The laugh shook his shoulders (when they appeared), and Alice realized that his shoulders were higher than her waist. "Well, I wouldn't mind having a few spies to nose about in the Queen of Hearts' business. The Duchess used to do well, but she's fallen out of favor, rather publicly, with the Queen and her Court. Primarily because of him." he crooned, nodding his head towards the two males walking several steps behind Alice. She wanted to believe he might be talking about the White Rabbit, but the tone of the cat's voice made it clear he was talking about the madman. Alice wondered at this, but did not want to ask. It already seemed as though the two of them were going to fight outright, and she wanted to avoid watching two such powerful beings clash.
"But, truly, there are many denizens of this place that have their own plots, and would readily use a spy. The Queen of Hearts, to be sure, and her pet Queen of Diamonds have a whole pack of them," he said, growling just a bit. His ears flicked back, and Alice did not like what he seemed to be implying. "Then there's the Red Queen, who went missing after she fed the White Queen a poison." Alice choked a little at this, but didn't interrupt.
"Then there's the Black Widow, whom I've heard of, but not seen. Few people have." He stopped here, seemingly thinking this through. Alice thought about Hatter's coat. A gift from the Black Widow, he'd said. Alice said nothing.
"And all those parties don't even take into account all the smaller alliances and enemies, what with the Suit of Clubs and Suit of Spades in civil strife over the rule of the Queen of Hearts. It also doesn't take into account the invading...things. Like the Jabbermen."
Alice snapped to attention at this, peering hard at the feline. "What about the Jabbermen? And what do you mean, they're invading?"
Cheshire looked at her askance, and was silent once again, padding noiselessly down the trail. When he spoke it was a quiet, silky, low rumble that even Rabbit with his comical ears would never hear. Alice was amazed that she could hear so well, but it seemed that the sound was directed exactly to her ears. The sensation was unsettling.
"They started pouring in after your time here. What they're after, I can't say. It's apparent that they're interested in the denziens of this place, but once a creature is caught they're not seen again. The part that baffles me, (and not much baffles me, I assure you) is that they used to come and go freely. But shortly after the Duchess sent Hatter and the White Rabbit to fetch you, they seem to be trapped here.. And they're not just snatching up random victims anymore. They're searching for something, and they're restless,"
Alice's mind was turning, and it was taking her to conclusions she'd rather not consider. But the sequence of events, the timing, the Black Widow... it was too much to put together. And she was quickly angering at the thought of her beloved, secret world subject to a tyrannical queen and kidnapping monsters. She was starting to tremble. But she needed to drink in all of this information, she knew, and so she set her thoughts aside. She concentrated on watching her boots tread the ever-darkening path, and listened to the Cheshire's slow, melodic cadence.
"I've been tracking the Jabbermen to the mirrors that they use to come and go, than now no longer work for them. Crude things, these kannadi, nothing like the brilliant works in the Duchess' home. They were set up, I imagine, for quick transport. They're all over, from the land of the chess board to the sea, to the Queen's court, and beyond. And, Alice, I think you should know, I don't believe that those winged beast-men are patients, as the rest of us once were."
Alice watched him carefully, confused. The Cheshire-Cat was no longer in human form. Hatter had warned her that when the body of a creature in Wonderland died, their soul alone remained, here in Wonderland, and often in a non-human state. The soul was too fragile for the reality of their human death, and so became an animal, or something else, to protect the soul. But here was Cheshire, talking freely not only of humanity, but of Kazan. But she waited a little longer, and listened. She never imagined Wonderland to be even more confusing than the world she wandered as a child.
"I am quite certain, in fact, that the Jabbermen are the orderlies from the asylum. And that they had help getting here. And all of this, in some way, has to do with you." At this, he fixed his eye on her, piercing with its yellow glow. He never slowed his pace, but Alice felt as though the moment were caught, and hung in stillness between the two of them.
"And this means that I can help?" she finally responded. She felt unexpectedly eager, as though she had so much to correct, both in her life beyond wonderland and the scant hours that she'd passed, making a mess of things on this side of the mirror. She never heard a hint of accusation in his voice, and so it never occurred to her that he thought her involved in some malevolent way. She only considered that he must need her to help.
Cheshire's grin widened, and he chuckled.
"So like Faelyn. No wonder Hatter went back to the World to find you," Cheshire whispered, back in his near-inaudible fashion. He flashed a look back at the madman in question, and Alice turned, too. Hatter was watching them carefully now. Alice realized that all he could have heard was her offer for help, and the Cheshire-Cat's chuckle. She nodded at the outline of his lank form in the darkness, blushing a little. Then she whipped forward again, a little too quickly.
She didn't know why they must keep this conversation secret from Hatter, but she didn't feel like arguing the point with Cheshire. And she still wasn't up to facing Hatter much, anyway. Oh, how he must hate her! All the things she'd done wrong, her selfishness with her own pain, when her friends in Wonderland were suffering so much! She felt ashamed, and her cheeks burned deeper. She was glad for the deep shadow of this forest, even while it unsettled her.
But she had the feeling that the Cheshire-Cat noticed all of this, and perhaps even saw the shame glowing on her cheeks. "We needn't speak anymore now. We'll speak more with the Duchess. Concentrate on the road, I'm sure it's dark for you. And, Alice..." here he lidded his gaze, measuring his words. "Don't ever, ever trust the Mad Hatter."
….................................
A/N: I thought that between writer's block and packing up my life to move to a foreign country, I'd never get the next chapter out. But the encouraging reviews and new followers to this story were too inspiring! Thanks for hanging in here! More antics to come...
